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PositiveAura
Stranger

Registered: 03/18/12
Posts: 113
Last seen: 10 years, 1 month
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Big Dilemma for me
#19293999 - 12/18/13 04:14 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Hello everybody. This is long, so any tl:dr you aren't going to find it. Either help me or don't So I am moving out to Colorado in 3 days for 6 months to see if I like it. I already visited it and I like the fresh mountain air, places to ride my mountain bike and I also hike a lot. My brother got transferred there to work and he is living there right now. I have the chance to go and live there in an apartment with him for a little to see if I like it.
Here is my predicament. My mom and dad do not speak, get along with each other and my dad is a giant douchebag. He is so immature and my mom does not trust him. I have stayed here to protect her and make sure she is safe because I don't trust him at all. I think he is a narcissist and really doesn't give a hoot what happens to my mom or I. I don't want to leave her, but she keeps telling me she will be fine.
I think moving would be good for me to finally get out there and see other things and I'm trying to look at it in a positive way but if something happens to my mom I will never forgive myself for leaving her. She is completely stressed out and seems like she is depressed. She is from Germany, came here in her early 20's, and has NO family here for support besides my brother and I. My dad doesn't do shit for her and honestly, he can go to hell, I don't care about him for what he has done to my mom and I. He thinks he does no wrong, is godlike and never listens and throws tantrums and gives us the silent treatment. Going on 8 years now. I can't take it anymore but I have learned to ignore him. It is my mom I am worried about. I tell her time and time again. "If you are not ready for me to go and you don't trust him, I WILL stay in this with you to make sure you get through it so later on you can leave him."
My mom and I are VERY close and I have been nowhere except this house for 25 years of my life. I was born just down the road and grew up here. I had a GREAT childhood fortunately. All the things my mom did for me, sometimes my dad, he didn't get bad till when I was around 13 or 14. But my mom has really stuck it out for me ya know? She is really a great mom and I wouldn't trade her for anything. I just don't trust the situation. I mean, here I am LEAVING for another state 1000 miles away in 3 days!! :O and I'm sitting here not looking to the future, not looking how I can better myself with this move, I am more worried about her than ANYTHING in the world right now. I care for her and love her very much and don't want anything to happen to her.
Why? Why is it so hard? Why do I keep having to TELL myself I'm "ok" with it when underlying I am not really ok with it that's why I keep questioning if she will be alright? I haven't been anywhere that far from this house my whole life except for vacation when I KNOW I'm coming back and these walls have what kept me safe all these years growing up. I have great memories here! I also understand it is me not being able to let go that fast. I realize that. I just don't see the reason to move to another place when you know everything around you. When you know everybody around your town and them to you for the past decade of your life even more! Why am I struggling with this!! Help me
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tealeaf
Just Touch It


Registered: 09/21/06
Posts: 2,907
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obviously stay in contact with your Ma and if they get divorced, you should pose the idea of her moving out there and finding her own place near your brother and you. you need to live your life and shouldn't be finding yourself wrapping up your entire life in figuring out other people's bullshit. if you have that much fear of your father hurting your mom they should definitely not still be together (obviously my own opinion).
your Ma should have friends or should at least make some so that they can help her out physically/mentally (due to proximity) with stuff she needs. id call her once a day an text her occasionally through out the day if you feel it warranted.
major props for showing this much love for you family!
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PositiveAura
Stranger

Registered: 03/18/12
Posts: 113
Last seen: 10 years, 1 month
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Re: Big Dilemma for me [Re: tealeaf]
#19295711 - 12/18/13 11:21 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Thanks a lot tealeaf! I am always there for her and will call/text her once a day. I will make that my priority. Thank you for taking the time to read that. I really appreciate it. I agree that I shouldn't get up in other people's bullshit but it's not just "some people" it is my mom. Her and I talk and she says she feels bad about me staying around just for her so I don't go off and find myself.
We are very solid in our relationship and talk to each other all the time. She does have some friends around here she can go talk to and they said the door is open if anything ever happens. I hope they do get divorced because that is already WAY overdo! She is a strong German women that can stick up for herself very well. I get that from her
Anyway, thank you much again for your sympathy and talking to me about it. I really appreciate it. I will always make sure she is alright. She is a nice person who just needs positive people around her to be GREAT!
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