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Invisibledionysiandame
Mischievous Maenad
Female

Registered: 08/27/13
Posts: 324
Loc: Samothrace
Any Other Polyamorists?
    #19278583 - 12/15/13 10:20 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

I did a search and I noticed that there are a few poly threads but most of them are quite old and I think this board tends to be a tempermental about bumping old as St.Joseph's balls threads.

So with that in mind, I'm just wondering if there are any other polyamorists on this forum. How long have you been poly? What brought you to it? Do you find yourself happier in this kind of relationship over all?

I guess I'll start by saying I knew I was better of poly when I got fed up with being expected to be one person's "everything" both emotionally and sexually. I liked the idea of having another woman who I could talk to about my husband's needs and how best to meet them without feeling the pressure of me having to "do it all." Sounds strange but there it is. His girlfriend has been a life saver when my communication style doesn't quite reach him and she's able to bridge that gap or when I'm down for the count due to illness and she can run to the grocer's for me.

In other words...I can't imagine how I stayed in monogamous relationships as long as I did and I know now why I was so miserable doing so.

I'd be interested in hearing other poly perspectives.


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He (Dionysos) keeps me with all of his other pretty things for I am just another pretty thing in a long list of acquisitions. :psychsplit:
Yes! And their brains are releasing adrenaline, dopamine, even dimethyltryptamine from the pineal gland! This has serious educational value! Thanatophobia and this N.D.E. is giving us euphoric altered awareness! Don't you see, Princess? We were all born to die! – Finn the Human
Pay me what you owe me. Don't act like you forgot. BBHMM.


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Offlinefruitrollup
Stranger

Registered: 08/22/13
Posts: 53
Last seen: 3 years, 3 months
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: dionysiandame]
    #19278667 - 12/15/13 10:37 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Hey, Im not sure if I am in a poly relationship but I am certainly not one for monogamy. I have a partner and we are open. I have not found that one person who fulfills all of my needs so I look for a bit here, a bit there. Mostly right now I am just focusing on healing and loving myself, my partner has been away for awhile on another continent and I haven't been actively searching for another partner.

I realized that I was very unhappy in monogamous relationships, I felt tied down and owned. I need that freedom of choice, and with freedom I am happier in the relationship.

It also helps that I am not a jealous person.

Im kind of disappointed that I don't feel comfortable enough with my parents to tell them about this choice. They have old fashioned values.

Have you told anyone in your family?


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Invisibledionysiandame
Mischievous Maenad
Female

Registered: 08/27/13
Posts: 324
Loc: Samothrace
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: fruitrollup]
    #19278776 - 12/15/13 11:05 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

I made the mistake of telling my mother (before we stopped speaking) and she made a point to tell the entire family but I really don't care. Most of my cousins have nothing but illegitmate bastards and debt to their name so if my rather boring love life is their gossip so be it. :rolleyes:

I agree with you. I think not being the "jealous type" helps immensely. I always chat and joke with the hubbie's girlfriends.

I guess I don't think "love" is a finite resource?

As of now I'm just dating a little here and there. I have so many projects I don't have a lot of time to devote to it.

What's the worse you think could happen if you tell your family? And is telling them something you feel you have to do eventually?


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He (Dionysos) keeps me with all of his other pretty things for I am just another pretty thing in a long list of acquisitions. :psychsplit:
Yes! And their brains are releasing adrenaline, dopamine, even dimethyltryptamine from the pineal gland! This has serious educational value! Thanatophobia and this N.D.E. is giving us euphoric altered awareness! Don't you see, Princess? We were all born to die! – Finn the Human
Pay me what you owe me. Don't act like you forgot. BBHMM.


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,691
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: dionysiandame]
    #19278910 - 12/15/13 11:30 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

I'm not sure if I would be able to function in a poly situation. But the thought has crossed my mind, sure. Problem is, there are more forms between life-long monogamy and actual polyamory. Serial monogamy, plain old cheating, fooling around/dating lots of people...and variations on these themes. To add complexity, people tend to go through phases. I have by now given up trying to fit into any square, triangular or round hole. Like everyone, I'll have to make it up as I go along.

But OP, do tell: you are actually poly? How many partners are in your poly family? Are there clear primaries and secondaries? Do you share a household? If not, how often do you see each other? I'm curious as to how you do things, what works and what doesn't; what problems your arrangement has solved (apart from getting groceries deliveries when you're ill) and what new ones it has created.


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OfflineTheWiz
Happy Little Shroom
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Registered: 11/21/11
Posts: 191
Loc: Southern IL
Last seen: 3 years, 4 months
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: koraks]
    #19279057 - 12/15/13 12:04 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

I live with a girl.  We fuck each other.  We fuck other people, sometimes together, sometimes separately.

Before someone asks, "Aren't you worried that she'll leave you for some other dude!?"

No.  One of the reasons we love each other is because we accept this aspect of each other.  She would not love someone that expects her to leave everyone she loves for him, and me the same.

Love is not a finite resource.

Also, group sex is the shit.


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I'd hit it.


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Offlinesukhavati12
Level 50 Mushroom Shaman
Male User Gallery


Registered: 07/03/13
Posts: 184
Last seen: 3 years, 7 months
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: TheWiz]
    #19280515 - 12/15/13 06:07 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Why in 2013 people want to have monogamous relationships is a mystery to me.

I have so much love to give; why would I restrict it to one person?


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,691
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: sukhavati12]
    #19282252 - 12/16/13 02:31 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Even in 2013, jealousy plays a role...


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Invisiblepwnasaurus
Stranger
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 12,317
Loc: Canada Flag
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: sukhavati12] * 2
    #19282734 - 12/16/13 08:06 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

sukhavati12 said:
Why in 2013 people want to have monogamous relationships is a mystery to me.



Why in 2013 you would still assume that everyone has the same wants and desires as you is a mystery to me.


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Invisibledionysiandame
Mischievous Maenad
Female

Registered: 08/27/13
Posts: 324
Loc: Samothrace
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: koraks]
    #19284287 - 12/16/13 02:40 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

koraks said:

But OP, do tell: you are actually poly? How many partners are in your poly family? Are there clear primaries and secondaries? Do you share a household? If not, how often do you see each other? I'm curious as to how you do things, what works and what doesn't; what problems your arrangement has solved (apart from getting groceries deliveries when you're ill) and what new ones it has created.




I am poly and as of now there are only three people in our family. My husband, myself, and his secondary partner. We do not share a household. He actually travels between two homes, seeing both of us as equally as possible during the month. Sometimes a little more or less depending on the emotional needs of the other.

I tend to need alone time a lot more often than she does.

When we first started out there were a few hiccups in the road, especially when it came to him figuring out what to do when one of us needed him emotionally/mentally/physically while the other had pre-planned time, but she and I have actually learned to talk to each other during these times so we've become girlfriends (platonic) and confidantes while working to maintain some form of balance.

Communication can sometimes be an issue and I know, in a small way, she does have certain feelings about not being the primary partner, but I constantly try to reassure her that this isn't something that I will just "call off." Not only would that be hideously cruel (as they are emotionally invested in each other) but it would also be hypocritical of me to do so.


--------------------
He (Dionysos) keeps me with all of his other pretty things for I am just another pretty thing in a long list of acquisitions. :psychsplit:
Yes! And their brains are releasing adrenaline, dopamine, even dimethyltryptamine from the pineal gland! This has serious educational value! Thanatophobia and this N.D.E. is giving us euphoric altered awareness! Don't you see, Princess? We were all born to die! – Finn the Human
Pay me what you owe me. Don't act like you forgot. BBHMM.


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Offlinesukhavati12
Level 50 Mushroom Shaman
Male User Gallery


Registered: 07/03/13
Posts: 184
Last seen: 3 years, 7 months
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: pwnasaurus]
    #19285933 - 12/16/13 08:48 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

pwnasaurus said:
Quote:

sukhavati12 said:
Why in 2013 people want to have monogamous relationships is a mystery to me.



Why in 2013 you would still assume that everyone has the same wants and desires as you is a mystery to me.




Because I'm a slut?


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Invisiblepwnasaurus
Stranger
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 12,317
Loc: Canada Flag
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: sukhavati12] * 1
    #19285951 - 12/16/13 08:53 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Being a "slut" doesn't preclude you from thinking logically.


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Offlinebrianstequila
Sir John Falstaff
Male


Registered: 05/20/13
Posts: 526
Last seen: 3 years, 4 months
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: sukhavati12]
    #19285962 - 12/16/13 08:57 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Me and my wife have done it but we are really just swingers now. I had a relationship with her best friend and she had one with some guy she worked with. Im not against it now but we both hit our 30's and we are just into eachother. Trust is a big thing and jealousy just cant be present at all. Its not hard if you have that state of mind but I have seen it fuck peoples relationship up.


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Every citizen should be a soldier. This was the case with the Greeks and Romans, and must be that of every free state.
Thomas Jefferson

Not My trade list i aint got shit anymore
:drunkdriver:http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/19161913:drunkdriver:


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Offlinesukhavati12
Level 50 Mushroom Shaman
Male User Gallery


Registered: 07/03/13
Posts: 184
Last seen: 3 years, 7 months
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: pwnasaurus]
    #19286048 - 12/16/13 09:23 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Also, polyamory and group marriages have been more common than monogamy during the history of our species. Maybe monogamy and monogamous marriages are just recent social constructs that--evidenced by widespread divorce and infidelity--aren't working out so well.

There's a good argument for humans not being naturally monogamous. Just because it works for a few species doesn't mean it should for ours. Are you familiar with the Coolidge effect? In most mammals (including humans) males and to a lesser extent females gain renewed interest in sex when introduced to new partners. Maybe this is why many couples in long term relationships eventually lose interest in each other.

Look at our closest living relatives, chimps and bonobos; they all screw each other, just like us, only they don't keep it a secret. Jealousy doesn't change biology.


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OfflineTheWiz
Happy Little Shroom
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Registered: 11/21/11
Posts: 191
Loc: Southern IL
Last seen: 3 years, 4 months
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: pwnasaurus]
    #19292455 - 12/18/13 09:08 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

pwnasaurus said:
Being a "slut" doesn't preclude you from thinking logically.



Perhaps being a slut is the most logical way of thinking.


--------------------
I'd hit it.


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InvisibleRepertoire89
Cat
Male


Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: dionysiandame]
    #19293921 - 12/18/13 03:57 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

I'm non-monogamous, it started out for me because I develop feelings for multiple women and can't choose. Over time it became apparent that there was no 'one' for me


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Invisibledionysiandame
Mischievous Maenad
Female

Registered: 08/27/13
Posts: 324
Loc: Samothrace
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: Repertoire89]
    #19301480 - 12/20/13 05:48 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Repertoire89 said:
I'm non-monogamous, it started out for me because I develop feelings for multiple women and can't choose. Over time it became apparent that there was no 'one' for me




I actually think this is more "natural" than the monogamy we have been conditioned to believe is the one-true-way. Especially if we consider the concept of marriage, for many cultures, was more about ensuring paternity than "love", "faithfulness" or any other such romantic notions.


--------------------
He (Dionysos) keeps me with all of his other pretty things for I am just another pretty thing in a long list of acquisitions. :psychsplit:
Yes! And their brains are releasing adrenaline, dopamine, even dimethyltryptamine from the pineal gland! This has serious educational value! Thanatophobia and this N.D.E. is giving us euphoric altered awareness! Don't you see, Princess? We were all born to die! – Finn the Human
Pay me what you owe me. Don't act like you forgot. BBHMM.


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InvisibleRepertoire89
Cat
Male


Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: dionysiandame]
    #19302407 - 12/20/13 11:21 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Its a given in my mind that monogamy is unnatural and psychologically damaging


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InvisibledeCypher
 User Gallery


Registered: 02/10/08
Posts: 56,232
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: Repertoire89]
    #19303557 - 12/20/13 03:43 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Repertoire89 said:
Its a given in my mind that monogamy is unnatural and psychologically damaging




For some people, sure.  Plenty of people out there who have healthy, satisfying monogamous relationships however.


--------------------
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.


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Invisibledemiu5
humans, lol
 User Gallery

Registered: 08/18/05
Posts: 43,948
Loc: the popcorn stadium Flag
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: sukhavati12]
    #19303688 - 12/20/13 04:11 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

sukhavati12 said:
Why in 2013 people want to have monogamous relationships is a mystery to me.

I have so much love to give; why would I restrict it to one person?





there are reasons

not being much of a social person, not having time to devote to more than one person (if even one), not risking sharing viruses, the ever-present jealousy/ownership factor pervading our culture...i'm sure other people have other reasons beyond cultural conditioning


some rough anthropology/biology:

Q: Are gibbons the only primate that forms monogamous relationships?

A: Gibbons are the only ape that is monogamous, but several monkey species form pair bonds too. Marmosets, a small, South American monkey, are another example. They also show little sexual dimorphism.

monogamy IS found outside of human culture, but most sexual choice is related to population levels/density and resource availability


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Invisibledeadwk
00101011


Registered: 06/17/09
Posts: 8,890
Loc: Canada, eh? Flag
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: demiu5] * 2
    #19303706 - 12/20/13 04:14 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

My god nearly every polyamorist on this board is self righteous as fuck. They act as if every person who believes in monogamy is socially inferior and that polyamorists are better and more evolved than people who believe in monogamy.


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