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Anonymous #1

Girl troubles...
    #19281806 - 12/15/13 11:32 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

So my girlfriend of 2 years and some months.
Is flirting with another guy on fb. When I caught her I asked her to block him but she refuses saying they are just friends.
The worst part is she says its my fault but this has happened since we first started dating. Way before we had any problems.
First it was an ex. She would block him then go behind my back and un block him and so on till she blocked him for good. Now there is this new asshole.

What do you guys think should I suck it up and just end it or should I keep fighting to keep her by my side.
I personally believe I shouldn't have to even worry about this BUT I love her more than anything and really wanna be with her.
Ps since we live together and neither of us has a place to go. If we end it we will still have to live together.
Also I would like to add she has never actually cheated on me just what I consider is "close enough".


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Anonymous #2

Re: Girl troubles... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19281946 - 12/16/13 12:21 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Eh, the best thing you can do right now is work for yourself probably. Make plans with friends, slowly become less codependent, even if you're not that codependent to start with. It kind of sucks that you live together and she is obviously not shooting you straight, regardless if whether she has cheated on you or not.

Don't try to paint a fuzzy version of reality that she thinks she can fall into anytime things get rough by being an overly forgiving and understanding person. You need to make her realize that actions have consequences.


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OfflineManianFHS
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Re: Girl troubles... [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #19282107 - 12/16/13 01:23 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

ive been burned by something very similar. doesnt mean youre bound to get fucked in the end, but dont be surprised if it does happen.


--------------------
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."


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Anonymous #1

Re: Girl troubles... [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #19282114 - 12/16/13 01:26 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I agree and its soo fuckin hard because she depends on me for everything. She uses my phone to get on the internet. Smokes my bud and cigs. Its my bed we sleep on my tv we watch movies on.

I try to prove my point that her actions have consequences. I did stuff like locked my phone so she can only use it when I'm around cus obviously my trust has been broken.

She tried to break up with me and I begged her to stay and work things out. Sadly a few days later she was still talking to him so I told her to choose.

I told her if I had to share her I wasn't sharing anything else so I would cut her off. I own the only bed, tv, everything except for one blanket and one pillow. I told her if she didn't stop I would take everything and move into the spare room. Then she calls me controlling and makes it so I'm to blame.
Here I am few days later. Things are definitely a little better. I'm still wondering what I should do because she is still talking to him although they are talking friendly it still bothers me. Am I wrong, crazy, should I have left her the first time this shit happened, should I leave her now, work things out, idek. I know 2 things I love her and don't wanna live without her BUT she is driving me crazy with this shit


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OfflineManianFHS
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Re: Girl troubles... [Re: Anonymous #1] * 2
    #19282134 - 12/16/13 01:35 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

well youre asking so ill tell you:

break up with her. shes most likely into this other guy, and there is nothing you can do about it. at the VERY least, there is nothing you can do about her wanting to break up with you. just because you got her to stay, it doesnt mean she wants to. why keep someone when theyre obviously not in it the way you are.

maybe you love her to death or whatever, but the reality of the situation doesnt seem to support the way you feel. sorry to say, but thats the impression im getting. remember ive had this shit happen to me, and it ended badly. looking back, I would have much rather just cut her loose the moment i noticed her engaged in a text-relationship with the guy. life is pretty good single anyways man. dont fear it. embrace it knowing youll eventually find another girl who wont fuck around on you. break it off, then wipe your hands clean, lick your wounds, and move on with your life to better things.


--------------------
notapillow said: "you are going about this endeavor all wrong. clear your mind of useless fear and concern. buy the ticket, take the ride, and all that.... "

ChrisWho said: "It's all about the journey, not the destination."


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Anonymous #3

Re: Girl troubles... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19282162 - 12/16/13 01:45 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

In my opinion, she tried to break up with you, she is ready to get fucked by another guy. She probably wants to hook up with the guy she is messaging. If you go on like it never happened she will still do it behind your back first chance she gets.

I feel like i see a correlation between this kind of thing happening and the mentality of the male providing/owning everything. Sometimes the male is too controlling and doesnt let the female have her own life, other times maybe she is just lazy. But females should have a life too they should not be "owned" by there partner essentially. They should do the same normal things, hang out with friends on the weekends, get a day off to do whatever they want not decided by there male partner every now and then, They should be able to provide atleast some things for themselves.

If you provide them everything and dont let them make there own decisions and have some responsibility, they lack meaning in there life and  will become bored and unhappy very fast.

Who knows if that is relevant to your situation, But it sounds to me like unless you guys have a serious talk about your future and soon, It is too late. Begging her to stay with you and getting into arguements is going to lead to disaster real quick.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Girl troubles... [Re: ManianFH]
    #19282165 - 12/16/13 01:47 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Thanks dude and don't apologize that's why I posted here to get other peoples views good or bad rude or nice. I appreciate the wisdom and I agree I just can't bring myself to do it so I'm gonna have to wait till it falls apart and I guess I will just work on preparing myself for the pain.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Girl troubles... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19282193 - 12/16/13 01:57 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

As for her actually coming in contact with this dude. That is impossible as he lives a few states away. Lol if he lived anywhere near me I would already be in jail for beating his ass. Also she said she "loved" him after like 3 days of talking and I guess she has known him for a few years prior to us being together.

Now she says she doesn't really care about him anymore and she thinks she still loves me but its hard for me to believe anything she says right now.

Also I do encourage her to go out with friends (which she doesn't have many because she moved with me to my home state and hasn't really made to many friends yet.)
Also I wasn't paranoid and controlling until this shit started happening that's when I turned into this "asshole".


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Anonymous #3

Re: Girl troubles... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19282216 - 12/16/13 02:08 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

The fact that she told him she loved him is a very bad sign, especially after 3 days.

She doesnt have to love another guy to cheat on you with him. The fact that she said that seems to suggest to me that she has emotionally moved on past you already and isnt looking for just a hook up.

The fact that she said she "thinks" she still loves you is also a huge red flag.  If she did still love you, she wouldnt tell you she thinks she does she would tell you she did. She might be trying to stall time while still living you without completely hurting your feelings by telling you the truth. She probably doesnt want to have to stay with you after breaking your heart and having you go through a huge episode. She could have easily done this as a scape goat due to your begging her to work things out.

These are just my assumptions on the situation, In the end you are the only one who has to truly evaluate the situation and decide on what to do from there.


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Anonymous #1

Re: Girl troubles... [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #19282283 - 12/16/13 02:52 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

She didn't tell HIM that. Its what she told me when she tried to break up with me. I still think its total bullshit but what I think doesn't matter.
Yea the stalling for time thing is what I'm thinking too. And she does say she loves me all the time now, but to some of her friends I see her saying she doesn't know or being very vague.

I appreciate all your input its nice being able to talk this out and hear a neutral parties opinion.


Edited by Anonymous (12/16/13 02:57 AM)


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Anonymous #3

Re: Girl troubles... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19282309 - 12/16/13 03:07 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Sorry to hear that man.. If she said that to you than she was surely trying to use it to hurt you even if it is true or not. She might have just said it in the heat of the argument to try to hurt you with there being no truth behind it.

There is obviously something about the relationship that she is not satisfied about. If you want any chance for the relationship to work out in the future than begging her to stay and ignoring the problem is not the way to do it.

You need to sit down with her and have a serious talk about your relationship, where you both see yourself in the future, and what is making her unhappy with her situation. This is the only way I see to get this settled and have it work out for both of you. If you both cannot have a serious talk like that after 2 years being together, Than you might want to re evaluate the situation yourself and ask yourself if she is right for you.

Stay strong man, And if things dont work out in the end try to look at some of the positive side of things. Think of it as a new beginning instead of an end. Look at it as an opportunity to live the single life for a while and maybe you will find somebody who is your true soul mate (if you believe in that kind of thing)


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Anonymous #1

Re: Girl troubles... [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #19282332 - 12/16/13 03:24 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Yea again I agree with everything you said. And we did sit down and talk and she told me why she was unhappy. I'm currently trying to do my part to make her happy but I just feel like she isn't trying mostly because she still talks to him which is probably me being paranoid.

I mostly just wanted to make sure there wasn't an idea I missed and that I'm not crazy or an idiot for staying with her. 

I mean she immediately turned to another man rather then TELL me she was unhappy. I should have seen that she was unhappy but she should have Talked to me first ya know? And like I said earlier she blames me for being unhappy and that's why she did it this time but this has been going on since we started dating before we had ANY problems at all. That's the part that gets me and when I ask her why she keeps doing this she says "I can't stop" then when I press her for more details she turns to the "you made me unhappy bs."

Also 1 of the problems is my temper up until recently I had no health insurance so I couldn't get the medication I needed. I thought if she couldn't bear with me till I got the help I needed that maybe she wasn't the right person for me.


Edited by Anonymous (12/16/13 03:29 AM)


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Anonymous #3

Re: Girl troubles... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19282345 - 12/16/13 03:37 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

It is not you being paranoid, her still talking to him after you made it clear she had to choose is incredibly insensitive to your feelings and she knows this.

If she cannot stop talking to him for long enough to try to work things out with you than she probably is not interested in fixing things.

Im sorry to say this man but it sounds like the relationship is screwed. The sooner you allow it to end in the long run will be less pain for you. Dont allow yourself to use the fact that you provide her with everything as a reason to feel bad about breaking up. She obviously does not care about that and all it is is an excuse to make you feel better about staying with her.

Be strong, and best of luck to you. If you can make things work out between you two that would be great, But dont hang on to a failing relationship by a thread for as long as you can, that will just prolong your pain and suffering.


Edited by Anonymous (12/16/13 03:39 AM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: Girl troubles... [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #19282412 - 12/16/13 04:27 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Ok thank you very much for all of the advice and everything else. I'm gonna try my best to make it clear what I want and what I want her to do if we can't make a compromise that makes everyone happy I will probably end it. Like you said holding onto a dead/dying relationship is only gonna cause more pain.

I hope someone in the future can see this thread and not make the same mistakes I have. Although since I've pretty much done everything that was suggested. I don't see where I went wrong but w.e.

Thanks again for everything


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InvisibleShroomismM
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Re: Girl troubles... [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #19282432 - 12/16/13 04:41 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Is flirting with another guy on fb. When I caught her I asked her to block him but she refuses saying they are just friends.

The worst part is she says its my fault but this has happened since we first started dating. Way before we had any problems.
First it was an ex. She would block him then go behind my back and un block him and so on till she blocked him for good. Now there is this new asshole.




Quote:

Anonymous said:
She tried to break up with me and I begged her to stay and work things out. Sadly a few days later she was still talking to him so I told her to choose.





Quote:

Anonymous said:
Also she said she "loved" him after like 3 days of talking and I guess she has known him for a few years prior to us being together.




It's over man. Break up with her.


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Invisibletrekie
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Re: Girl troubles... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19282626 - 12/16/13 06:53 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

DSHSB then send her out for some cigs. While she is out change the lock. Put a not on the door with a bus ticket to other dudes place. Give her back the pillow and blanket .


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I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.



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InvisibleZombi3
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Re: Girl troubles... [Re: trekie]
    #19282661 - 12/16/13 07:18 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I was in a similar situation, she did all the same things you have listed, eventually she went behind my back and slept with him and his best friend, we eventually worked things out and a long time passed, then she started talking to him again which I flipped out about, so she went and slept with him again. Needless to say I havent talked to her in a long time and dont plan on ever speaking with her again. Fuck the bitch, think for yourself dude.


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OfflineHeroMike
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Re: Girl troubles... [Re: Zombi3]
    #19282686 - 12/16/13 07:40 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Just kick the cunt to the curb .

I love my woman too , but we have a mutual agreement .

You ever cheat on me I'll fucking kill you, this goes both ways.

Theres alot to be said about respect in a relationship , we respect eachother it sounds like you two don't .


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OfflineBassfreak
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Re: Girl troubles... [Re: HeroMike]
    #19282811 - 12/16/13 08:34 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

if i were you id just completely stop talking to her. if she still loves you she will come back

otherwise just get over her. if she knows this bothers you and she apparently loves you then she should stop


and before u break up with her u gotta hate fuck her. borderline rape shit. then be done


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Anonymous #2

Re: Girl troubles... [Re: Bassfreak]
    #19285761 - 12/16/13 08:09 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Bassfreak said:
if i were you id just completely stop talking to her. if she still loves you she will come back

otherwise just get over her. if she knows this bothers you and she apparently loves you then she should stop


and before u break up with her u gotta hate fuck her. borderline rape shit. then be done



Yea man, that borderline rape fuck. That's what I did too.


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