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Invisibledionysiandame
Mischievous Maenad
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Registered: 08/27/13
Posts: 324
Loc: Samothrace
Any Other Polyamorists?
    #19278583 - 12/15/13 10:20 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I did a search and I noticed that there are a few poly threads but most of them are quite old and I think this board tends to be a tempermental about bumping old as St.Joseph's balls threads.

So with that in mind, I'm just wondering if there are any other polyamorists on this forum. How long have you been poly? What brought you to it? Do you find yourself happier in this kind of relationship over all?

I guess I'll start by saying I knew I was better of poly when I got fed up with being expected to be one person's "everything" both emotionally and sexually. I liked the idea of having another woman who I could talk to about my husband's needs and how best to meet them without feeling the pressure of me having to "do it all." Sounds strange but there it is. His girlfriend has been a life saver when my communication style doesn't quite reach him and she's able to bridge that gap or when I'm down for the count due to illness and she can run to the grocer's for me.

In other words...I can't imagine how I stayed in monogamous relationships as long as I did and I know now why I was so miserable doing so.

I'd be interested in hearing other poly perspectives.


--------------------
He (Dionysos) keeps me with all of his other pretty things for I am just another pretty thing in a long list of acquisitions. :psychsplit:
Yes! And their brains are releasing adrenaline, dopamine, even dimethyltryptamine from the pineal gland! This has serious educational value! Thanatophobia and this N.D.E. is giving us euphoric altered awareness! Don't you see, Princess? We were all born to die! – Finn the Human
Pay me what you owe me. Don't act like you forgot. BBHMM.


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Offlinefruitrollup
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Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: dionysiandame]
    #19278667 - 12/15/13 10:37 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Hey, Im not sure if I am in a poly relationship but I am certainly not one for monogamy. I have a partner and we are open. I have not found that one person who fulfills all of my needs so I look for a bit here, a bit there. Mostly right now I am just focusing on healing and loving myself, my partner has been away for awhile on another continent and I haven't been actively searching for another partner.

I realized that I was very unhappy in monogamous relationships, I felt tied down and owned. I need that freedom of choice, and with freedom I am happier in the relationship.

It also helps that I am not a jealous person.

Im kind of disappointed that I don't feel comfortable enough with my parents to tell them about this choice. They have old fashioned values.

Have you told anyone in your family?


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Invisibledionysiandame
Mischievous Maenad
Female

Registered: 08/27/13
Posts: 324
Loc: Samothrace
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: fruitrollup]
    #19278776 - 12/15/13 11:05 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I made the mistake of telling my mother (before we stopped speaking) and she made a point to tell the entire family but I really don't care. Most of my cousins have nothing but illegitmate bastards and debt to their name so if my rather boring love life is their gossip so be it. :rolleyes:

I agree with you. I think not being the "jealous type" helps immensely. I always chat and joke with the hubbie's girlfriends.

I guess I don't think "love" is a finite resource?

As of now I'm just dating a little here and there. I have so many projects I don't have a lot of time to devote to it.

What's the worse you think could happen if you tell your family? And is telling them something you feel you have to do eventually?


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He (Dionysos) keeps me with all of his other pretty things for I am just another pretty thing in a long list of acquisitions. :psychsplit:
Yes! And their brains are releasing adrenaline, dopamine, even dimethyltryptamine from the pineal gland! This has serious educational value! Thanatophobia and this N.D.E. is giving us euphoric altered awareness! Don't you see, Princess? We were all born to die! – Finn the Human
Pay me what you owe me. Don't act like you forgot. BBHMM.


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: dionysiandame]
    #19278910 - 12/15/13 11:30 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I'm not sure if I would be able to function in a poly situation. But the thought has crossed my mind, sure. Problem is, there are more forms between life-long monogamy and actual polyamory. Serial monogamy, plain old cheating, fooling around/dating lots of people...and variations on these themes. To add complexity, people tend to go through phases. I have by now given up trying to fit into any square, triangular or round hole. Like everyone, I'll have to make it up as I go along.

But OP, do tell: you are actually poly? How many partners are in your poly family? Are there clear primaries and secondaries? Do you share a household? If not, how often do you see each other? I'm curious as to how you do things, what works and what doesn't; what problems your arrangement has solved (apart from getting groceries deliveries when you're ill) and what new ones it has created.


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OfflineTheWiz
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Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: koraks]
    #19279057 - 12/15/13 12:04 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I live with a girl.  We fuck each other.  We fuck other people, sometimes together, sometimes separately.

Before someone asks, "Aren't you worried that she'll leave you for some other dude!?"

No.  One of the reasons we love each other is because we accept this aspect of each other.  She would not love someone that expects her to leave everyone she loves for him, and me the same.

Love is not a finite resource.

Also, group sex is the shit.


--------------------
I'd hit it.


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Offlinesukhavati12
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Registered: 07/03/13
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Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: TheWiz]
    #19280515 - 12/15/13 06:07 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Why in 2013 people want to have monogamous relationships is a mystery to me.

I have so much love to give; why would I restrict it to one person?


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: sukhavati12]
    #19282252 - 12/16/13 02:31 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Even in 2013, jealousy plays a role...


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Invisiblepwnasaurus
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Registered: 07/16/08
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Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: sukhavati12] * 2
    #19282734 - 12/16/13 08:06 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

sukhavati12 said:
Why in 2013 people want to have monogamous relationships is a mystery to me.



Why in 2013 you would still assume that everyone has the same wants and desires as you is a mystery to me.


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Invisibledionysiandame
Mischievous Maenad
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Registered: 08/27/13
Posts: 324
Loc: Samothrace
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: koraks]
    #19284287 - 12/16/13 02:40 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

koraks said:

But OP, do tell: you are actually poly? How many partners are in your poly family? Are there clear primaries and secondaries? Do you share a household? If not, how often do you see each other? I'm curious as to how you do things, what works and what doesn't; what problems your arrangement has solved (apart from getting groceries deliveries when you're ill) and what new ones it has created.




I am poly and as of now there are only three people in our family. My husband, myself, and his secondary partner. We do not share a household. He actually travels between two homes, seeing both of us as equally as possible during the month. Sometimes a little more or less depending on the emotional needs of the other.

I tend to need alone time a lot more often than she does.

When we first started out there were a few hiccups in the road, especially when it came to him figuring out what to do when one of us needed him emotionally/mentally/physically while the other had pre-planned time, but she and I have actually learned to talk to each other during these times so we've become girlfriends (platonic) and confidantes while working to maintain some form of balance.

Communication can sometimes be an issue and I know, in a small way, she does have certain feelings about not being the primary partner, but I constantly try to reassure her that this isn't something that I will just "call off." Not only would that be hideously cruel (as they are emotionally invested in each other) but it would also be hypocritical of me to do so.


--------------------
He (Dionysos) keeps me with all of his other pretty things for I am just another pretty thing in a long list of acquisitions. :psychsplit:
Yes! And their brains are releasing adrenaline, dopamine, even dimethyltryptamine from the pineal gland! This has serious educational value! Thanatophobia and this N.D.E. is giving us euphoric altered awareness! Don't you see, Princess? We were all born to die! – Finn the Human
Pay me what you owe me. Don't act like you forgot. BBHMM.


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Offlinesukhavati12
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Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: pwnasaurus]
    #19285933 - 12/16/13 08:48 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

pwnasaurus said:
Quote:

sukhavati12 said:
Why in 2013 people want to have monogamous relationships is a mystery to me.



Why in 2013 you would still assume that everyone has the same wants and desires as you is a mystery to me.




Because I'm a slut?


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Invisiblepwnasaurus
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Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: sukhavati12] * 1
    #19285951 - 12/16/13 08:53 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Being a "slut" doesn't preclude you from thinking logically.


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Offlinebrianstequila
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Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: sukhavati12]
    #19285962 - 12/16/13 08:57 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Me and my wife have done it but we are really just swingers now. I had a relationship with her best friend and she had one with some guy she worked with. Im not against it now but we both hit our 30's and we are just into eachother. Trust is a big thing and jealousy just cant be present at all. Its not hard if you have that state of mind but I have seen it fuck peoples relationship up.


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Every citizen should be a soldier. This was the case with the Greeks and Romans, and must be that of every free state.
Thomas Jefferson

Not My trade list i aint got shit anymore
:drunkdriver:http://www.shroomery.org/forums/showflat.php/Number/19161913:drunkdriver:


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Offlinesukhavati12
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Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: pwnasaurus]
    #19286048 - 12/16/13 09:23 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Also, polyamory and group marriages have been more common than monogamy during the history of our species. Maybe monogamy and monogamous marriages are just recent social constructs that--evidenced by widespread divorce and infidelity--aren't working out so well.

There's a good argument for humans not being naturally monogamous. Just because it works for a few species doesn't mean it should for ours. Are you familiar with the Coolidge effect? In most mammals (including humans) males and to a lesser extent females gain renewed interest in sex when introduced to new partners. Maybe this is why many couples in long term relationships eventually lose interest in each other.

Look at our closest living relatives, chimps and bonobos; they all screw each other, just like us, only they don't keep it a secret. Jealousy doesn't change biology.


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OfflineTheWiz
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Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: pwnasaurus]
    #19292455 - 12/18/13 09:08 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

pwnasaurus said:
Being a "slut" doesn't preclude you from thinking logically.



Perhaps being a slut is the most logical way of thinking.


--------------------
I'd hit it.


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: dionysiandame]
    #19293921 - 12/18/13 03:57 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I'm non-monogamous, it started out for me because I develop feelings for multiple women and can't choose. Over time it became apparent that there was no 'one' for me


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Invisibledionysiandame
Mischievous Maenad
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Registered: 08/27/13
Posts: 324
Loc: Samothrace
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: Repertoire89]
    #19301480 - 12/20/13 05:48 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Repertoire89 said:
I'm non-monogamous, it started out for me because I develop feelings for multiple women and can't choose. Over time it became apparent that there was no 'one' for me




I actually think this is more "natural" than the monogamy we have been conditioned to believe is the one-true-way. Especially if we consider the concept of marriage, for many cultures, was more about ensuring paternity than "love", "faithfulness" or any other such romantic notions.


--------------------
He (Dionysos) keeps me with all of his other pretty things for I am just another pretty thing in a long list of acquisitions. :psychsplit:
Yes! And their brains are releasing adrenaline, dopamine, even dimethyltryptamine from the pineal gland! This has serious educational value! Thanatophobia and this N.D.E. is giving us euphoric altered awareness! Don't you see, Princess? We were all born to die! – Finn the Human
Pay me what you owe me. Don't act like you forgot. BBHMM.


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: dionysiandame]
    #19302407 - 12/20/13 11:21 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Its a given in my mind that monogamy is unnatural and psychologically damaging


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InvisibledeCypher
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Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: Repertoire89]
    #19303557 - 12/20/13 03:43 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Repertoire89 said:
Its a given in my mind that monogamy is unnatural and psychologically damaging




For some people, sure.  Plenty of people out there who have healthy, satisfying monogamous relationships however.


--------------------
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.


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Invisibledemiu5
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Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: sukhavati12]
    #19303688 - 12/20/13 04:11 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

sukhavati12 said:
Why in 2013 people want to have monogamous relationships is a mystery to me.

I have so much love to give; why would I restrict it to one person?





there are reasons

not being much of a social person, not having time to devote to more than one person (if even one), not risking sharing viruses, the ever-present jealousy/ownership factor pervading our culture...i'm sure other people have other reasons beyond cultural conditioning


some rough anthropology/biology:

Q: Are gibbons the only primate that forms monogamous relationships?

A: Gibbons are the only ape that is monogamous, but several monkey species form pair bonds too. Marmosets, a small, South American monkey, are another example. They also show little sexual dimorphism.

monogamy IS found outside of human culture, but most sexual choice is related to population levels/density and resource availability


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Invisibledeadwk
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Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: demiu5] * 2
    #19303706 - 12/20/13 04:14 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

My god nearly every polyamorist on this board is self righteous as fuck. They act as if every person who believes in monogamy is socially inferior and that polyamorists are better and more evolved than people who believe in monogamy.


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Invisiblelarry.fisherman
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Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: deadwk]
    #19303758 - 12/20/13 04:26 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I don't feel like a polyamorist would have the same connection with their partner than a monogamous relationship would have. As a monogamous person, I also feel that it's a cop out for not having to be completely emotionally available to someone. Monogamy relates to the heart of compassion. Pain is central to the experience of positive change. Monogamy is love. Polyamory is lust. I'm not being black and white on this before I get complaints, I'm just stating how I feel, as someone who knows what it's like to love someone enough to want to do anything for them, even give them my body. Love is dedication, and dedication in polyamory is marginal at best.

People should just do what makes them happy.


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Invisibledionysiandame
Mischievous Maenad
Female

Registered: 08/27/13
Posts: 324
Loc: Samothrace
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: larry.fisherman]
    #19303806 - 12/20/13 04:38 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

XLCaps said:
I don't feel like a polyamorist would have the same connection with their partner than a monogamous relationship would have. As a monogamous person, I also feel that it's a cop out for not having to be completely emotionally available to someone. Monogamy relates to the heart of compassion. Pain is central to the experience of positive change. Monogamy is love. Polyamory is lust. I'm not being black and white on this before I get complaints, I'm just stating how I feel, as someone who knows what it's like to love someone enough to want to do anything for them, even give them my body. Love is dedication, and dedication in polyamory is marginal at best.

People should just do what makes them happy.




I would never begrudge any human being a right to their opinions and observations. I mean hell, observations is a rather large part of the scientific method so it can't be that weak-sauce can it? LOL!

I'll agree with you though in that there are some polyamorists I've met who don't really attempt to fulfill the needs of their partners. I've encountered a fair few who equate sexual excitement with the kind of spiritual revelation one would find amongst converts or new non-smokers but, on the flip side, some poly individuals (myself included) tend to be very picky about who they enter into relationships with because you're not just attending to the emotional/mental/and physical needs of one individual but two or even more. It's one thing to date a bit, or have a bit of NSA sexual exploration and quite another to tend to the desires of another person aside from your "primary" partner.

But on the other hand, I do not think "pain" is nearly as paramount to the human experience as some people like to think it is. That's a philosophy I have never ascribed to. Have my husband and I had little tiffs? Sure! I am allergic to putting the toilet paper on the roll and he leaves his clothes in the middle of a freshly mopped bedroom floor (hardwood FTW) but if there was pain involved in our union I wouldn't do it (and neither would he).Tt makes me wonder just how much of the whole Romanticist notion of love has been absorbed by mainstream society that "pain" is considered something to justify whether a relationship is "real" or not. That just makes no sense to me. Would you keep placing a hand in a fire as it burns you?

This isn't Guinevere and Lancelot.

Why would you accept something similar from something, someone, sentient and capable of knowing right from wrong?

Hair shirts don't make one monk any better than the other and martyrdom does not always make the saint.


--------------------
He (Dionysos) keeps me with all of his other pretty things for I am just another pretty thing in a long list of acquisitions. :psychsplit:
Yes! And their brains are releasing adrenaline, dopamine, even dimethyltryptamine from the pineal gland! This has serious educational value! Thanatophobia and this N.D.E. is giving us euphoric altered awareness! Don't you see, Princess? We were all born to die! – Finn the Human
Pay me what you owe me. Don't act like you forgot. BBHMM.


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Invisiblelarry.fisherman
shoulda died already
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Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: dionysiandame]
    #19303846 - 12/20/13 04:48 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Perhaps I shouldn't have used the word pain. I don't find my relationship painful. I more meant the things you endure together.

And you can't have compassion without the need for it.

I agree that there are certain things about a monogamous relationship that can look unappealing, anyone can admit that. But all those things I've found are cured with a little compassion, and dedication. I don't look poorly upon anyone not choosing to be monogamous, but I myself and truly happy being just that, and part of me thinks it's sad that some people can't feel exactly the way I feel. Not because I feel I'm right, but because I'm happy, in my own way.


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: deadwk]
    #19304053 - 12/20/13 05:34 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

deCypher said:
Quote:

Repertoire89 said:
Its a given in my mind that monogamy is unnatural and psychologically damaging




For some people, sure.  Plenty of people out there who have healthy, satisfying monogamous relationships however.




Maybe, that seems far from the norm however. Divorce rates in a non-stigmatized country reflect that to a limited degree



Quote:

thedeadwalkk said:
My god nearly every polyamorist on this board is self righteous as fuck. They act as if every person who believes in monogamy is socially inferior and that polyamorists are better and more evolved than people who believe in monogamy.




:werd: and all monogamists act like non-monogamous people are diseased creepers too right?


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: larry.fisherman]
    #19304076 - 12/20/13 05:38 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

XLCaps said:
I don't feel like a polyamorist would have the same connection with their partner than a monogamous relationship would have. As a monogamous person, I also feel that it's a cop out for not having to be completely emotionally available to someone. Monogamy relates to the heart of compassion. Pain is central to the experience of positive change. Monogamy is love. Polyamory is lust. I'm not being black and white on this before I get complaints, I'm just stating how I feel, as someone who knows what it's like to love someone enough to want to do anything for them, even give them my body. Love is dedication, and dedication in polyamory is marginal at best.

People should just do what makes them happy.




I view monogamy as an emotional cop-out, a statistically nonviable crutch.

"Monogamy is love. Polyamory is lust." That sounds like a mantra, there are plenty of alternative lifestyles to yours.


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Invisiblelarry.fisherman
shoulda died already
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Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: Repertoire89]
    #19304125 - 12/20/13 05:46 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Polyamory bases the relationship off of lust. its the centerpiece of the whole thing. its people's true don't deny it. I'm not saying there isn't a connection but you're together becausw you let eachother fuck other people. Monogamy is dedication to loving who the other person is. if you can think of a more direct simplification as equal to mine of polyamory please be my guest.


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Invisibledeadwk
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Posts: 8,890
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Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: larry.fisherman]
    #19304141 - 12/20/13 05:50 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

@Repetoire: Uhm what? Not at all; I'm merely saying that the polyamorists I've seen post on the shroomery who advocate polyamorists act as if they are some superior, and more evolved species of humans than people who believe in monogamy. It happens in every single thread that gets made about polyamory or monogamy.


I'm not saying this applies to all people who believe in polyamory, but on the shroomery, it holds true for a very great portion of posters who believe in polyamory. But in reality, everyone is equal and no ones belief makes them more superior than the other.


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Invisiblepwnasaurus
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Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: larry.fisherman]
    #19304178 - 12/20/13 05:57 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

XLCaps said:
Polyamory bases the relationship off of lust. its the centerpiece of the whole thing. its people's true don't deny it. I'm not saying there isn't a connection but you're together becausw you let eachother fuck other people.



:lolwut:

Ridiculous generalization dude.  Who are you to say polyamorists cannot truly love multiple partners?


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: deadwk]
    #19304209 - 12/20/13 06:01 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

thedeadwalkk said:
@Repetoire: Uhm what? Not at all; I'm merely saying that the polyamorists I've seen post on the shroomery who advocate polyamorists act as if they are some superior, and more evolved species of humans than people who believe in monogamy. It happens in every single thread that gets made about polyamory or monogamy.

I'm not saying this applies to all people who believe in polyamory, but on the shroomery, it holds true for a very great portion of posters who believe in polyamory. But in reality, everyone is equal and no ones belief makes them more superior than the other.




I don't know who's going around advocating their superiority based around sexual preferences, personally I just view monogamy as going against the psychological grain.

Many in the monogamous community like to wave a self-righteous puritanical flag in everyone's face, and as most people are for better or worse culturally engrained into monogamy I make a point of advocating non-monogamy.


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: larry.fisherman]
    #19304242 - 12/20/13 06:06 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

XLCaps said:
Polyamory bases the relationship off of lust. its the centerpiece of the whole thing. its people's true don't deny it. I'm not saying there isn't a connection but you're together becausw you let eachother fuck other people. Monogamy is dedication to loving who the other person is. if you can think of a more direct simplification as equal to mine of polyamory please be my guest.




When one has met the fourth 'one and only', what then? The far majority of monogamous people don't marry the first person they 'fall in love with'.

That sort of love doesn't interest me, my love is empathy and there is plenty of that in me to go around.


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Invisibledeadwk
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Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: Repertoire89]
    #19304247 - 12/20/13 06:06 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

I don't know who's going around advocating their superiority based around sexual preferences, personally I just view monogamy as going against the psychological grain.




It doesn't have to be advocating, but you basically just proved my point. Time after time, people are saying that the ones who believe in monogamy are going against the natural flow, and are just brain washed by what society believes in.

It's quite hilarious.

Quote:


Many in the monogamous community like to wave a self-righteous puritanical flag in everyone's face, and as most people are for better or worse culturally engrained into monogamy I make a point of advocating non-monogamy.




"culturally engrained into monogamy"

Yup here we go again, all us people who believe in monogamy are just so brainwashed and worse off.

:doublefacepalm:


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: deadwk]
    #19304272 - 12/20/13 06:10 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

thedeadwalkk said:
Quote:

I don't know who's going around advocating their superiority based around sexual preferences, personally I just view monogamy as going against the psychological grain.




It doesn't have to be advocating, but you basically just proved my point. Time after time, people are saying that the ones who believe in monogamy are going against the natural flow, and are just brain washed by what society believes in.

It's quite hilarious.

Quote:


Many in the monogamous community like to wave a self-righteous puritanical flag in everyone's face, and as most people are for better or worse culturally engrained into monogamy I make a point of advocating non-monogamy.




"culturally engrained into monogamy"

Yup here we go again, all us people who believe in monogamy are just so brainwashed and worse off.

:doublefacepalm:




Your argument doesn't seem to address the actual idea at hand, whether or not monogamy is psychologically damaging.

The fact that you have to take the very idea as a personalism and threat makes me wonder.


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Invisibledeadwk
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Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: Repertoire89]
    #19304294 - 12/20/13 06:13 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Makes you wonder about what?

I fail to see any evidence that shows monogamy is psychologically damaging, I'm more than happy to be presented with this factual evidence. The only evidence I've seen, is anecdotal evidence which can't be relied on to prove something.

Personally, I think both have an equal chance of being psychologically damaging. With polyamory, there are multiple people involved. If one doesn't balance time equally with all people involved, than one person may begin to feel emotionally unsatisfied. With monogamy, the same thing can happen.

Ultimately it's whatever works best for the individual.


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Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: deadwk]
    #19304380 - 12/20/13 06:26 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

thedeadwalkk said:
Makes you wonder about what?

I fail to see any evidence that shows monogamy is psychologically damaging, I'm more than happy to be presented with this factual evidence. The only evidence I've seen, is anecdotal evidence which can't be relied on to prove something.

Personally, I think both have an equal chance of being psychologically damaging. With polyamory, there are multiple people involved. If one doesn't balance time equally with all people involved, than one person may begin to feel emotionally unsatisfied. With monogamy, the same thing can happen.

Ultimately it's whatever works best for the individual.




41% of marriages involve infidelity
roughly 55% of people have cheated
while roughly 70% would cheat if the opportunity arrived

This is a statistically significant issue.

(not to mention again: divorce rates & the number of relationships monogamous people participate in)


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Invisibledeadwk
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Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: Repertoire89]
    #19304420 - 12/20/13 06:36 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Okay, those facts are cool. Got anything to back that up like a research document, Or is that just your own personally gathered statistics?

So those stats automatically equate that the problem is with monogamy? Did you ever think that maybe the problem was with the people who they were partened up with, and the way they dealt with all the problems that arose? Or did you automatically just start thinking that the problem is with monogamy?


It is entirely wrong to automatically conclude that because relationships, and marriages fail due to infidelity that manogamy is the problem. That is a huge jump to make, with no basis to support the jump. In fact, all I think those statistics mean is that the way people in those relationships dealt with the problems was terrible, or that they didn't deal with the problem at all.


Edited by deadwk (12/20/13 06:39 PM)


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Re: Any Other Polyamorists? [Re: deadwk]
    #19304587 - 12/20/13 07:10 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

thedeadwalkk said:
Okay, those facts are cool. Got anything to back that up like a research document, Or is that just your own personally gathered statistics?

So those stats automatically equate that the problem is with monogamy? Did you ever think that maybe the problem was with the people who they were partened up with, and the way they dealt with all the problems that arose? Or did you automatically just start thinking that the problem is with monogamy?


It is entirely wrong to automatically conclude that because relationships, and marriages fail due to infidelity that manogamy is the problem. That is a huge jump to make, with no basis to support the jump. In fact, all I think those statistics mean is that the way people in those relationships dealt with the problems was terrible, or that they didn't deal with the problem at all.




You make a lot of assumptions concerning the content of arguments you haven't heard and people you haven't met, if I were to confront each assumption in these posts it would take longer than I care to write this.

I'll have to get back to you on sources, spent the last half hour trying to find two different articles and have to get on with my night.


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