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Anonymous #1
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how do you know when your "in love"
#19263278 - 12/11/13 10:31 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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For 3 months now I have thought about this girl every single day. I cant sleep late at night because my mind races with her. I see her in my dreams sometimes, I think about her every morning and throughout the day.
When I ask myself “am I in love with her” My mind instantly wants to jump to say “No” But I sometimes wonder if I would even recognize love if I felt it. I am relatively young (21) and I feel like I love all my friends and family but am unsure that I have ever experienced what it is like to be “in love”.
Another thing that makes me say no is certain circumstances with our relationship. I have been friends with her for years. She has a boyfriend and they both recently decided to become swingers. Ive been hooking up with her for about once a month since then. He knows and is OK with that. He is also one of my oldest friends. The last thing I would EVER want to do is get between them in any way or trouble there relationship.
Every once in a while the thought crosses my mind that maybe they wont be together forever and maybe theres a chance far down the road that I could be with her, and I feel INCREDIBLY guilty when I have thoughts like this, but I cannot control them! Last time that they broke up she was flirty with me and I told her I didn’t think I would ever do anything with her if he was not OK with it.
I have been talking to multiple chicks to try and take my mind off her lately, and honestly I don’t feel the slightest connection with them. I have never met another girl with a personality like hers.
I often wish that things were back to how they were a few months ago. Wanting to see her has caused me many feels of guilt and loneliness. I hate to admit it but when I hang out with them both I often feel jealousy when he touches and kisses her in front of me and I know I cannot.
Well there you have it. The whole situation makes me feel like shit. Im still not sure if I am in love with her or not. My mind jumps to “no” but I certainly have never felt this way about anybody before, even my past girlfriends.
I have told myself a couple times to break off the FWB thing and try to be just friends again with her. I never have the balls to go through with it. I usually end up justifying it im my mind by telling myself that theres no harm in a little casual sex since I have no intention of hurting their relationships, But I think there is certainly some mental damage being done to me.
I know that the easiest obvious solution would be to cut contact, but the easiest solution is not always the best one. These are some of my closest friends and I do not want to cut contact with them that may cause even more depression and mental stress.
I have no idea what kind of replys to expect, but if you feel like you can relate or have anything encouraging to share please do… Yes I know Im an idiot, you guys told me three months ago not to do it and I did not listen. I regret it but its done now.
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kneesocks
Divineress



Registered: 12/25/11
Posts: 870
Loc: Puget Sound/PNW
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
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Re: how do you know when your "in love" [Re: Anonymous #1]
#19263949 - 12/12/13 01:18 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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For one thing you wouldn't even have to ask
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Anonymous #1
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Re: how do you know when your "in love" [Re: kneesocks]
#19263996 - 12/12/13 01:32 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Sorry for being so ignorant that i do have to ask.
I mean i thought i loved my last ex girlfriend, At this point I know she was wrong for me and i feel way more connected with this girl than i ever was to my ex, so what do i know?
I mean, if its supposed to be so obvious even to somebody who might have never experienced the real thing, then where is the line that separates being in love and just thinking about somebody 24/ 7?
I mean if somebody tried to describe "being in love" i feel like it would pretty much sum things up. thinking about somebody nonstop, caring for them and wanting the best for them no matter what. I mean i dont want to be in love with her but i dont know how else to explain the feelings that i have for her.
I dont think its quite as simple as you think it is where everybody will just instinctual know what being in love is like.
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empty space
the void

Registered: 12/19/12
Posts: 1,120
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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Re: how do you know when your "in love" [Re: Anonymous #1] 1
#19264982 - 12/12/13 09:34 AM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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You will not know what love is until you are in love, but once you are in love you will know. So if you dont know, you most likely are not in love!
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Microppose
Things Maker



Registered: 11/30/10
Posts: 849
Loc: Amongst you...
Last seen: 3 hours, 25 minutes
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Re: how do you know when your "in love" [Re: kneesocks]
#19270472 - 12/13/13 12:05 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
kneesocks said: For one thing you wouldn't even have to ask
Right, it would be self-evident.
I would recommend trying to find someone else though. It seems to me that your jealousy and your slight looping of thought revolving her could make your relationship with your friend rather complicated in the future if you're feeling jealousy toward him at this stage. You have to learn that she isn't yours, and it isn't your place nor privilege to feel jealousy over her.
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Thayendanegea
quiet walker



Registered: 02/20/12
Posts: 7,596
Loc: 7 Lodges Nation
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Re: how do you know when your "in love" [Re: Microppose]
#19270740 - 12/13/13 01:21 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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I think.....if you are asking....then you are...no doubt, in love.
-------------------- Look Deep Into Nature,and Then You Will Understand Everything Better. Albert Einstein
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
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Re: how do you know when your "in love" [Re: Anonymous #1]
#19271003 - 12/13/13 02:20 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: For 3 months now I have thought about this girl every single day. I cant sleep late at night because my mind races with her. I see her in my dreams sometimes, I think about her every morning and throughout the day.
In any case, you're so obsessed that you might as well call it being in love, if it isn't just that.
Dude, if you really like the girl and she likes you AND she has the opportunity to mess around, then just go for it. Odds are that this whole swingers business is just an attempt to mask the crumbling of her present relationship anyway, and if the two of you like together, then you might as well go for it in any case. Or regret it ever after, but I certainly wouldn't choose that route.
Take it not from me, but from a man wiser and more experienced than me.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: how do you know when your "in love" [Re: koraks]
#19271033 - 12/13/13 02:25 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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let all thoughts cease, just experience
then you will know
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TheWiz
Happy Little Shroom



Registered: 11/21/11
Posts: 191
Loc: Southern IL
Last seen: 3 years, 4 months
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Re: how do you know when your "in love" [Re: Anonymous #2]
#19271072 - 12/13/13 02:33 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Does being with her make you happy?
Quite frankly, you sound like an anxious mess. If she's making you feel this way well... I'm no authority on love, but I tend not to avoid such people.
-------------------- I'd hit it.
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