I am in an extremely brutal and rough situation. I have been battling with these demons such as anxiety, pain and depression for quite sometime. I am a 29 year old male. I live alone, I am depressed and in constant life destroying pain that's making my entire life miserable. The only thing that ever helped with the pain were opiates such as heroin, percocet and oxycontin. Let me be clear though this isn't how to get drugs. I want to find a solution to the pain so that this brutaliing, agonizing terror of my life will stop.
I smoke weed when I can afford it and it and painkillers are the only thing that helps with my pain. Also shrooms help but I can't always get the spores.
I feel like I am going no where in life, I have no one to love, no job, just feel as if I am kind of wasting away my entire life. I have a nice place to stay and a roof over my head but ultimately I am dissatisfied where I am at in my life and I need help, I need to be guided to a true direction that will fulfill my wishes.
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[gradient:#1D8C7C,#]“We do not see things as they are, we see them as we are.”[/gradient] —Old Talmudic saying
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Well honestly dude you need to stop doing drugs to cope with the pain. I know its easier said than done as i was in your shoes but am pulling myself out of it.
You need to understand that your depression is NOT your problem. It may perpetuate your problem some, but the pain of depression is there to let you know your not living right man. And your brain is telling you your not living right because of your anxieties and your not doing what you truely want to do in life because your fears are getting the better of you. I say this from experience.
So your first step is to get off the drugs. What your doing is exactly like breaking a leg and just taking painkillers to cover up the pain. Its exactly that, and in reality your still walking on that broken leg, making things worse.
As hard as it is, you need to stop using drugs to cope. This is your first battle, because until you face the pain in the raw your not going to know exactly whats wrong and your not going to know how to deal with the situation properly. You might think you feel better but its the drugs making you feel ok.
As far as anxiety, im afraid the only way out is through my dude. You need to face your fears head on over and over and over again. It will hurt the first bunch of times, then itll get easier. Soon you'll have conquered that one fear and you'll realize you can do that with ANY fear. Again, easier said than done but im speaking from experience thats its the only method guranteed to work.
I know it all seems so hard and shitty to have to go through with something. You might feel like i do; a weak fucking person. Maybe we are weak, right now, but this is quite literally your rite of passage in a way. If you can pull through this you'll be stronger than most and will have learned skills that'll get you through any situation, like how to remain center and calm when everyone around you (including your mind) is bugging the fuck out.
Who we are is nothing but a bundle of thoughts and habits we've picked up along the way, any one of them can be changed with the right pressures.
Learn how to meditate too. Its a good drug replacement if you can stick with it and make it a habit. Its easier than you think, just sit in a comfortable sitting position ( not too comfy where youll fall asleep) and focus on an object. I like to use my breath. Just watch andremain aware of your breath. Whenever a thought pops in your head (there will be many) simply note it, let it go and return your attention to the breath. When you stop getting swept up in your thoughts your mind calms after a while. When you dont have a constant barrage of thoughts telling you that you suck you feel better, and now you can pull something thats been bothering you into your mind and meditate on that in a more objective, less emotional way.
Good luck man there is a way out!! Its a long journey but one that will make you stronger than most by the end!
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