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InvisibleFrozenHappiness
Professional Cereal Box

Registered: 03/01/01
Posts: 5,330
Loc: Nagoon Lagoon
Stepping into the Void
    #19255418 - 12/10/13 01:25 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

There have been three times that I have stepped into the Void that I am willing to share.
I don't know If I will post them all in this thread, or if I will start a seperate thread for each, but I feel the need to write them out.

I am betting each report will be tl;dr for many of you, and that is OK.

This is the story of when I first crossed the threshold:

This trip happened about 15 years ago when I was 15 years old; it was my first heavy trip, and it was my first foray into the Void. It was late summer, and I was staying at my mom's house way out in the country side. I had dabbled quite a bit with the fungus over the summer by eating progressively larger and larger doses each time I tripped.
This time I ate 4 grams.

I had been planning on going on this trip for about a week, and I was very excited.  When it was almost  dark outside and I knew my mom would be going to bed soon, I ate the first 2g and made tea out of the other 2g. I logged on to #shroomery IRC, and put some Pink Floyd on the speakers. I sipped my tea and waited for the evening to manifest wonderment and bewilderment.

My mom went to bed around 9PM-- about this time I began to first feel the effects. I was fidgety, slightly queasy, anxious. I downed the rest of the tea in my cup in one big swallow, and ate the slimy mush that was on the bottom. Prepared for blast-off!

Around 10PM it began getting hard to focus on chat, so I turned on cthugha (anybody remember this program?) and began to groove on the Pink Floyd. I turned off all the lights in the house and lit every candle we had to improve the ambiance.

[10:30-11PM]As things began getting more and more intense, the music went from sounding incredible to sounding completely foreign and alien, and the artificial light from the computer monitor began making me feel sick, so I had to turn both off.

[11PM+]I wrapped myself in blanket and wandered the downstairs of the house. I explored my tactile senses. I ran my hands and fingers over everything. I pet the dog for awhile, he definitely knew something was up. I spent time in front of the mirror watching my face distort. I mesmerized myself in front of candle flames. I got the feeling that I wasn't even there. I kept thinking that this is what our house looked like when nobody was home.

I melted into the couch with the dog, who was WAAYYY more mellow then he usually was, and I closed my eyes to watch the CEV's. The dog began to lick himself, making wet bizarre gushy sounds that made my brain feel like it was liquefying. I opened my eyes and was ready to tell him to cut it out when I realized he was just laying there. He must have just licked his chops, and my brain kept replying the sound over and over. Maybe my brain really was liquefying?

I Rolled and crawled on the floor. I removed all cushions and pillows from couch, played with them giggling, and I threw them about the living room. I lost time lost space for a bit.

I came to, and went outside for cigarette. It was cold outside, there was heavy dew on the ground that sparked in the starlight. The sky was amazing, I could see forever into outer space. I looked straight across the galaxy. All the stars were as bright as spotlights. There was a sliver of moon in the sky. The shadow of the Earth on the moon was very apparent, this was the first time in my life I actually noticed it.

I went back inside and wrapped up in more blankets. The intensity of experience increased 10 fold. My thoughts were being sung to me by a chorus of tiny people inside my head. It was obnoxious and beautiful at the same time.

For some reason I put my tongue on the wall in the kitchen and dragged it along the wall from the kitchen to the living room savoring the different textures my tongue encountered.

I began loosing visual contact with reality.  The experience was becoming so intense I had to lay down on the floor and close my eyes. I began to merge with the floor, and all the blankets that I was wrapped in. I became a lump of inanimate matter. I transcended matter and became a mote of consciousness.
I went into the void. There was no longer any visuals, I was surrounded by nothingness, but this nothingness was filled with a presence of some kind. I got the sense of rapid flowing movement. All of my thoughts were happening without words. I became conceptual knowledge. I unraveled to the point where there was no “I” anymore. I wasn't anything. I was everything. I wasn't anything. Eternity is indescribable: it is both forever happening and already happened.

[2ish AM] I began coming down. I was squeezed out of the void and back into my body. My mind was blown, and I laid on the floor in quiet contemplation of this baffling experience. It was much like post-coital reverie. Eventually I got back on #shroomery and chatted a bit on the rest of the come down. I kept thinking that the house was a complete mess, and as soon as I was able to concentrate I had to clean everything up. When I finally came down enough to go to bed I looked at the "wreckage" I had caused and realized all I had to do was put the cushions and pillows back on the couch.


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InvisibleFrozenHappiness
Professional Cereal Box

Registered: 03/01/01
Posts: 5,330
Loc: Nagoon Lagoon
Re: Stepping into the Void [Re: FrozenHappiness]
    #19255845 - 12/10/13 03:09 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

This was the second time I went into the void, and it takes place a year after my first time. This may be the most bizarre trip I have ever experienced.

It was late spring or early summer, and I was 16.
Some friends of mine were planning on having a party down by the DNR's turtle hatchery, which was this out of the way place about a mile away from my dad's house, where I was staying that summer. I was anticipating a trip for some time now, and I figured I would dose around sunset and walk over to the turtle hatchery to see what was up.

I was excited and impatient to trip, but I left my scale at my mom's house, so I eyeballed a dose before the sun went down. I wanted to have the quintessential mushroom experience, so I eyeballed a 5g dose. Later I found out that I actually took 6g.

So I stuff all the mushrooms in my mouth at once, chew 'em up real good and chase them down with a few big gulps of orange juice. While I wait for the sun to set I sit in the loft of our well-house and smoke a bowl.

I end up getting really baked from the weed, and as the sun is sinking below the trees on the horizon I decide to head out. So I start walking down the dirt roads that lead to the turtle hatchery. I am so high that I can't distinguish between the come up effects of the mushrooms and the effects of the weed. All I know is that somewhere on the walk I tell myself that I am on my way to the turtle factory. I stop and laugh hysterically at this, and I picture this assembly line of robots manufacturing turtles.

The turtle hatchery is kind of at the end of this road because the bridge is out, and the county is to poor to replace it. When I arrive it is already dark, there are a few cars parked, and my friends are on the other side of the river drinking beer around a bonfire. I cross the river on the narrow I-bean that serves as a foot bridge between one side of the river and the other. This is when I first begin to notice the mushroom's effects. The I-beam appears to sway back and forth unpredictably as I cross it, even though I know it is solid an unyielding.

Everybody is talking and laughing around the fire, and the mushroom's effects begin to rapidly intensify. I am hardly saying anything. I just wander circles around the fire, grinning, fidgeting. Someone offers me a beer, and I try to drink it, but it doesn't taste good to me, so I put it down. I am tripping harder and harder each moment that passes. The fire is mesmerizing and hypnotic. I see fire people dancing on the coals, faces flicker in and out of the flames. Then it hits me all at once:

The world begins to shimmer, like looking through rising heat almost.
Different things are shimmering at different rates and intensity depending on their distance from me.
I stop and stare, and focus closer.

I realize the world is shimmering because everything is painted on the backs of butterfly wings, and at that instant the butterflies decided to start flapping their wings. And then the butterflies begin to fly away, one by one at first, then all of them go in a sudden rush.

As they leave they take the pieces of the world that are painted on their wings with them.
They are all gone. The world is gone.
I am in the Void.

It is vast emptiness,​ but again there is that feeling of vast presence too. I'm not standing on anything. So I must be falling, but there is no direction. I am falling in all directions at once. So, I am not moving at all.

Time is meaningless. I am surrounded by true nothingness, but this nothingness is true every-thingness too, the paradox of it all --- it gives me a headache and makes me queasy to this day when I try to define it in words ---

Suddenly I am back, I don't know how long I had been standing there. Everything around me is animated by the trip, very visual. I sink to my knees in confusion and wonderment, trying to figure out what had just happened to me. It is hard to concentrate on it though.

Everybody decides that they want to leave, and go party somewhere else.

I say I need to head home, and a friend offers me a ride.

None of my friends had any interest in psychedelics, but they could tell I was fucked up on something.

I crawl across the foot bridge on my hands and knees this time, it was warping and swaying too much for me to walk across it.

I get into the back seat of friend's car and stretch out. It has a manual transmission, super loud exhaust, and a bunch of neon lights glowing under its dashboard. His car is some kind of terrible fantastical machine that ended up moving me through multiple dimensions.

I experienced what it is like to be in three places at once.

I had my eyes closed. I am in the void, but this time I managed to bring my body in with me. I am very aware of my body. The void was made out of innumerable rotating hyper-tetrahedrons. They were all rotating in opposite directions and at right angles to everything. Their motion was impossible, but there I was witnessing it.

Every time my friend shifted gears or accelerated the care something very strange happened to me. The changing vibrations were dissolving my body, starting at my bellybutton and moving outward. When I was dissolved right up to the tips of my fingers, toes, and top of my head, what is left of my body was turned inside out starting at my belly button. Then I was turned right-side in again, and my body was un-dissolved.

At the same time, the changing vibrations were also launching me out of the machine at different velocities tangential to our line of motion.

So there I was, on the most bizarre car ride of my life, being flung from the car, while laying in the back seat of the car not leaving the car, while floating in the Void surrounded by rotating hyper-tetrahedrons having my body dissolved and turned inside out repeatedly. The intensity of the experience was overwhelming, unpleasant, fascinating.

At one point on the ride home my friend remarked that I really was quiet, and wanted to know if I was OK.
I said, “Yes, everything is just....” and I trailed off.

"Yes, everything is just..." began echoing in my head, repeating, and distorting untill it was unrecognizable noise.

The car ride felt like hours, but my house was only a mile a way. I must have been in the car 5 minutes tops.

The terrible machine finally landed in my driveway and I spilled out of it and crawled onto the grass. I don't even think I said goodbye, or thanked my friend for the ride. I was in the throes of the psychedelic experience. I somehow made it into the house. I laid on the couch and hid beneath some blankets. Again I was overtaken by the experience, I no longer existed, and I existed as everything simultaneously. Again time became meaningless. Eventually I came back down to 3 dimensional space and was able to go to my room an lay in my bed. Sleep was elusive as I tried to comprehend the places that I had traveled to that night. I stayed up well past sunrise trying to understand the strangeness I experienced.


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InvisibleFrozenHappiness
Professional Cereal Box

Registered: 03/01/01
Posts: 5,330
Loc: Nagoon Lagoon
Re: Stepping into the Void [Re: FrozenHappiness]
    #19256431 - 12/10/13 05:15 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

One of the first things I did when I got out of the service was get the mushroom factory up and running again. This was one of the first trips I went on after getting out of the military. It takes place 6 or 7 years after the butterfly experience.

My sister D and I decided to be spontaneous and go for an evening mushroom trip wandering around the village where we grew up. We ate three grams each of B+, packed some snacks, some water and fruit, and drove into town 1.5 miles away. We parked at the fairgrounds because there are enough lights to see what you are doing, but there is also enough darkness for things to get interesting.

Both of us had Shpongle loaded into our portable music devices for the inevitable moment when we decided to go our separate ways. This trip was to be an easy ridiculous pleasurable time, we weren't searching for anything profound just a good ol' fashioned weird time.

So we spend the come-up playing on the playground. Swinging on the swings, sliding on the slide. Monkeying on the monkey bars. Being loud and weird and ridiculous. Being uproarious with laughter. 

We explored the shadows. Scratched large pictures in the dirt of the baseball diamond, smoked weed in the dugout. All the while typical trip stuff was going on. As we firmly settled into trip space we decided to go out separate ways and explore.

She went one way and I went another. I decided to visit some of my favorite places from my early childhood, I waxed reminiscent and nostalgic in these places. I traveled places where I never went when I was a kid --- places that were new and places that scared me a little when I was younger, like the old burnt-out saw mill. I listened to Shpongle and danced in the empty streets.

When things began getting intense. I lounged on the porch of the restaurant and smoked cigarettes. I stared at the building across the street. The building stood out in clear detail, but it warped and twisted like I was viewing it through some clear quivering jello. D came and joined me and we sat in silence more or less. Once in a while one of us would remark that we were tripping face.

We went our separate ways again. I headed back up to the fairgrounds to get some water. Once my thirst was satiated I felt this strong pull from the darkness of the baseball field. I followed the pull. I stepped out onto the baseball diamond, and walked away from the lights behind me. I slowly, nervously walked towards the outfield. I felt fear. I felt the urge to turn around and go back to the car and stay out of the shadows until the trip was over. Instead I turned my music off and I pressed forward. Somewhere in the shadows of the outfield is where it happened.

Eyes!

Eyes were everywhere. The world was made out of eyes. Much like the butterfly experience, only it was eyes. Everything was eyes, and they were all looking at me. Looking into me. Judging me, probing me, weighing me. I felt so small and inconsequential and humbled. I had no secret that I could hide. I understood that if I didn't want to be seen then I shouldn't have come. I was given a chance to turn around and walk away.

I sank to my knees in the moist grass, and bowed real low with my forehead to the ground. Everything dissolved and I found myself in that strange familiar place. The place of dark emptiness, that is filled with presence. The place that dissolves the chatter of the mind and suspends or obliterates the ego.

I don't know how long I was in there, but when I came out of it my knees were stiff, and I got really light-headed when I stood up. I was still tripping really hard, but it was like tripping wasn't all that different from my normal consciousness. 

The rest of the trip was pretty uneventful. I spent most of my time wandering around reflecting on what I had experienced with the eyes.  I grooved on the beauty of the world.  At one point near the end I ran into a friend of mine who had been drinking at the bar. He noticed me from the window while I was trying (unsuccessfully) to purchase a sprite from a vending machine.  He ran out to me, stole my dollar, stuffed it in his mouth, chewed it up, and spit it out at me. The whole display kinda freaked me out. Then he said that he saw D trippin' out skipping through the street earlier so he knew I had to be frying around here somewhere.

Not too long after that D and I went home followed by my drunk friend. We hung-out for a while that evening, and smoked weed, and shared our experiences. Then my drunk friend got the great idea of having me try to pierce his nipples while I was still under the influence of the fungus. I tried, but I was still way too sensitive. I would get the needle halfway through, and then I would have to stop because the entire situation would just weirded me out. The poor idiot had me try twice on each nipple before I told him it wasn't gonna happen.

Anyway, this time that I unexpectedly fell into the Void permanently changed the way I trip. Its weird, and hard to describe. I cant quite put the feeling into words, but now when I trip I always get this sense that the hallucinogenic mindset isn't that different from my normal consciousness.


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