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sanchothestoner
Satan's Grandson



Registered: 12/06/11
Posts: 15,623
Loc: Bucketheadland
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan]
#19241097 - 12/07/13 02:05 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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So your boyfriend asks you for gifts, you get them, and you ask for something in return and he'll say no? I gotta be honest, that sounds like it sucks.... It also sounds like he might be taking advantage of you. I don't know your relationship, so I can't say for sure.
I actually have a friend who's also schizophrenic and has the same sort of relationship you are describing. She goes out of her way for her bf, and he doesn't acknowledge all the love she gives him. I know that they have strong feelings for each other, but that doesn't mean one is taking advantage of the other.
-------------------- I fucking hate you... God damn, I love you... But we both know if we stick together, we'll just tear ourselves apart You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are grey You are my heroin, but there's an abscess... God damn, I miss the vein!
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Crystal G



Registered: 06/05/07
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Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 30 days
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan]
#19242839 - 12/07/13 10:15 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
HappyHooligan said:
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Crystal G said:
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HappyHooligan said: lol yeah it does sound petty, that's why I don't even think it's worth bringing up in a conversation with him. And a lot of people will probably say "just buy him less stuff", but that's just how I am. I like to spoil the ones I love. He tells me all day that he loves me & enjoys spending time with me, and if that's all he ever does for the rest of my life... I'll still be happy, BUT if he could just get us matching t-shirts or send me a bouquet of flowers, it would be a bonus.

Just so you know. One of my favorite TV crime-documentary shows is "Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry?" and I have noticed every single guy on that show who ended up being a criminal, manipulator, liar, thief, or asshole always gave flowers and love notes to their girlfriends and wives in the beginning. Makes me wonder if there's a certain profile of a guy who showers a woman with gifts, as an attempt to manipulate her and eventually control her.
I never had a boyfriend buy me shit all the time either. I have actually never gotten jewelry or flowers from a boyfriend, but all the boys I was in long-term relationships with were moral, genuine, and decent people. But I'm not like most people, in the sense that I do not desire many material things beyond the basics. I am the opposite of you, I would rather have experiences, such as trying out new restaurants or traveling to another country, rather than owning nice things.
thanks you for your comment, but again, I am in a great relationship, I love him & he loves me. this post really wasn't a big deal. it was just something I thought about & thought id make a post about it. Everyone is quick to call me materialistic, selfish, dumb... but fail to realize, its just one post, you guys don't even know me
I don't think that you are materialistic, or dumb, or selfish... I do however, think that you have too idealistic expectations for a relationship. There's nothing wrong with being romantic every now and then, but if you expect and give romance 24/7 then it loses its meaning.
You might also have "savior" type complex in personality, where you go above and beyond to try to exceed the expectations of your partner, and then get sensitive when the other person doesn't reciprocate. This is common among people who desire to be "saviors" or "hero's," of some sort. Often this type of person feels like they are the only one contributing to the relationship, and that they are doing all the work while their partner does nothing. They then feel frustrated over it, and are inclined to take out their frustrations in a passive-aggressive sort of way.
So my suggestion is, simply stop buying him things. The only reason that you think he's not doing enough is because you are doing it. Does that make sense?
Edited by Crystal G (12/07/13 10:46 PM)
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,691
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan] 1
#19243701 - 12/08/13 04:46 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Wow. You're terrified. Terrified that if you signal something might be wrong, that other people could possibly acknowledge that yes, something might be going on. You come here asking sharing something you're struggling with, however insignificant and mundane it may be, and when people actually respond to it and share what they think may be going on, you immediately retract and try to deny anything is the matter.
Instead of denying something's amiss, you could also acknowledge that there may be a problem (after all, you indicated a couple of times it's something you do think about), at the same time realizing that it may be relatively easy to work around or deal with.
Or keep alternating between signaling it and then denying it, and maintain the status quo of being stuck in the pattern you're obviously in.
It's all up to you.
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lifeiswhatyoumake
Sake Psychic sig


Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 16,857
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: koraks]
#19244673 - 12/08/13 12:07 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Koraks has a good point. Happyhooligan, as I said earlier in the thread and I hope you took seriously: talk to your boyfriend about how you feel. In relationships honesty is one of the most important things. Just talk to him.
-------------------- Check out my new psytrance track "Sake Psychic": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xyEPGfiDrA ;
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HappyHooligan
Tree hugger


Registered: 11/06/13
Posts: 483
Loc: America
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: koraks] 1
#19246395 - 12/08/13 06:05 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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koraks said: Wow. You're terrified. Terrified that if you signal something might be wrong, that other people could possibly acknowledge that yes, something might be going on.
I am not terrified about YOU GUYS knowing something is wrong, I didn't want my boyfriend to think something was wrong. We really do have a great relationship, and I didn't want him to think less of me or that I couldn't appreciate what he does for me. & YES everyone, I finally just talked to him about everything, & the only thing he had a problem with, is that I didn't come to him sooner. I told him how I really felt & it was just a huge relief. Thanks for everyone's opinion, I took them ALL into consideration before I talked to him.
-------------------- Do you trust the government? You may be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.
 
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,691
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan] 1
#19248385 - 12/09/13 01:32 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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HappyHooligan said: I am not terrified about YOU GUYS knowing something is wrong
That's not what I meant. I meant that you seemed terrified of admitting to yourself that it's something that bugged you. People on a forum are just a mirror; they reflect what you feed them. But great to hear you talked it over with the bf and that it's all working out
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