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sanchothestoner
Satan's Grandson



Registered: 12/06/11
Posts: 15,623
Loc: Bucketheadland
Last seen: 6 years, 8 months
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: Patlal]
#19235721 - 12/06/13 09:59 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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OP, I don't think you're being unreasonable or anything. I'd definitely get annoyed if I were in your shoes. My girlfriend and I have different ways of expressing our love for each other. Like, we both get each other gifts every once in a while. But I tend to also express myself more to her through music or words. She does more so physical things, like give me a ride home from school even though it's like 45 minutes or more out of her way and physically stimulate me. I don't just mean sexual acts, but she's super cuddley, is always squeezing me, holds my hand, massages me, etc....
Do you guys have a dynamic like that? Perhaps you are the gift giver, but does he show his affection for you in other ways? I'd say to die down on the gift giving, maybe talk to him about it if it's bugging you?
-------------------- I fucking hate you... God damn, I love you... But we both know if we stick together, we'll just tear ourselves apart You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are grey You are my heroin, but there's an abscess... God damn, I miss the vein!
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lifeiswhatyoumake
Sake Psychic sig


Registered: 09/30/11
Posts: 16,857
Last seen: 4 hours, 49 minutes
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan]
#19235826 - 12/06/13 10:35 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Ignore #3, he's too immature to talk about this stuff without hiding behind the anonymous feature.
OP, I think you should talk to your boyfriend about how you feel. Keeping these feelings inside is not smart.
-------------------- Check out my new psytrance track "Sake Psychic": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1xyEPGfiDrA ;
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Shins
Fun guy



Registered: 09/15/04
Posts: 16,337
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan]
#19236701 - 12/06/13 01:52 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Yeah you're being selfish and needy, and annoying.
I'd hate to see how you deal with real problems.
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Shins
Fun guy



Registered: 09/15/04
Posts: 16,337
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: Shins]
#19236731 - 12/06/13 01:59 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I hate when bitches think you owe them something for doing something you didn't ask for.
like they'll do your laundry you were about to do or something without you asking then later they somehow hold it against you.
bitch I never asked you to do it so piss off with the tit for tat bullshit.
thats how i feel, its one oc my biggest relationship pet peeves.
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Shins
Fun guy



Registered: 09/15/04
Posts: 16,337
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: Shins] 1
#19236748 - 12/06/13 02:03 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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He tells you he loves you all the time but you're butthurt because he doesn't buy you more things.
fucking women these days I tell you.
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shpngld
veteran lurker


Registered: 11/05/08
Posts: 88
Loc: London, UK
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan]
#19237170 - 12/06/13 03:48 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I agree with shins's opinions but you don't need totake my input as truth...anyway,best of all to you
-------------------- As above, so below. As within, so without. As we think, so we are. As we are, so we see. Enjoy yourself, its later than you think.- chinese proverb ----------------- Shroomery is closest to my anahata chakra, than everything/anything/anyone else thedeadwalkk said: Shroomery, you're the best; If you had a dick, I would deepthroat that shit and finger your butthole at the same time.
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HappyHooligan
Tree hugger


Registered: 11/06/13
Posts: 483
Loc: America
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: Shins]
#19237831 - 12/06/13 06:18 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Shins said: Yeah you're being selfish and needy, and annoying.
I'd hate to see how you deal with real problems.
 Dude, go fucking annoy somebody else. You don't know me, my boyfriend, or our relationship. We have a fucking AWESOME relationship by the fucking way and I never said it was a huge problem, it was just something that I had on my mind. I hate when dumbass judgmental people really think they just fucking KNOW me by reading ONE of my post that I made. Thanks for your opinions, I will be happy to ignore them.
-------------------- Do you trust the government? You may be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.
 
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HappyHooligan
Tree hugger


Registered: 11/06/13
Posts: 483
Loc: America
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: shpngld]
#19237846 - 12/06/13 06:22 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
shpngld said: I agree with shins's opinions but you don't need totake my input as truth...anyway,best of all to you
Thanks, we are doing great by the way, always have been, this post was just something I had on my mind... like three days ago lol
-------------------- Do you trust the government? You may be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.
 
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Crystal G



Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 30 days
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan]
#19239053 - 12/06/13 11:40 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
HappyHooligan said: lol yeah it does sound petty, that's why I don't even think it's worth bringing up in a conversation with him. And a lot of people will probably say "just buy him less stuff", but that's just how I am. I like to spoil the ones I love. He tells me all day that he loves me & enjoys spending time with me, and if that's all he ever does for the rest of my life... I'll still be happy, BUT if he could just get us matching t-shirts or send me a bouquet of flowers, it would be a bonus.

Just so you know. One of my favorite TV crime-documentary shows is "Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry?" and I have noticed every single guy on that show who ended up being a criminal, manipulator, liar, thief, or asshole always gave flowers and love notes to their girlfriends and wives in the beginning. Makes me wonder if there's a certain profile of a guy who showers a woman with gifts, as an attempt to manipulate her and eventually control her.
I never had a boyfriend buy me shit all the time either. I have actually never gotten jewelry or flowers from a boyfriend, but all the boys I was in long-term relationships with were moral, genuine, and decent people. But I'm not like most people, in the sense that I do not desire many material things beyond the basics. I am the opposite of you, I would rather have experiences, such as trying out new restaurants or traveling to another country, rather than owning nice things.
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HappyHooligan
Tree hugger


Registered: 11/06/13
Posts: 483
Loc: America
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: Crystal G]
#19239307 - 12/07/13 01:14 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Crystal G said:
Quote:
HappyHooligan said: lol yeah it does sound petty, that's why I don't even think it's worth bringing up in a conversation with him. And a lot of people will probably say "just buy him less stuff", but that's just how I am. I like to spoil the ones I love. He tells me all day that he loves me & enjoys spending time with me, and if that's all he ever does for the rest of my life... I'll still be happy, BUT if he could just get us matching t-shirts or send me a bouquet of flowers, it would be a bonus.

Just so you know. One of my favorite TV crime-documentary shows is "Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry?" and I have noticed every single guy on that show who ended up being a criminal, manipulator, liar, thief, or asshole always gave flowers and love notes to their girlfriends and wives in the beginning. Makes me wonder if there's a certain profile of a guy who showers a woman with gifts, as an attempt to manipulate her and eventually control her.
I never had a boyfriend buy me shit all the time either. I have actually never gotten jewelry or flowers from a boyfriend, but all the boys I was in long-term relationships with were moral, genuine, and decent people. But I'm not like most people, in the sense that I do not desire many material things beyond the basics. I am the opposite of you, I would rather have experiences, such as trying out new restaurants or traveling to another country, rather than owning nice things.
thanks you for your comment, but again, I am in a great relationship, I love him & he loves me. this post really wasn't a big deal. it was just something I thought about & thought id make a post about it. Everyone is quick to call me materialistic, selfish, dumb... but fail to realize, its just one post, you guys don't even know me
-------------------- Do you trust the government? You may be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.
 
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Sagescruffy
CH



Registered: 10/30/09
Posts: 2,011
Loc: PNW
Last seen: 7 months, 5 days
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan]
#19239510 - 12/07/13 03:55 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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It's not a genuine gift if you want something in return. A lot of the examples you have listed seem manipulative and somewhat codependent.
-------------------- Love.  
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Into The Woods
Quarantine King


Registered: 04/20/13
Posts: 10,864
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan]
#19239595 - 12/07/13 05:35 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I don't think you're being the least bit unreasonable.
He really could make a bit more of an effort.
"Flowers die?"
So does romance, apparently
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,691
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan]
#19239634 - 12/07/13 06:06 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I know it's been three days and this apparently isn't a real issue...but still, I get the impression that there is an issue (however minor) underlying this. And I think this is it:
Quote:
HappyHooligan said: I shouldn't expect my boyfriend to be sentimental & sweet?
To be honest: no. Or rather: yes, you can expect someone to be sentimental and sweet, but (1) not everybody is, so you may be disappointed if they turn out not to be these things and (2) even if they are, they may show it in different ways.
You say you've been together for ages, so I take it that by now, he knows you and you know him really really well. I also assume that you have figured out if he is sufficiently sentimental and sweet - presumably he is, given the fact that you're still together.
So the subject of the gifts should really be a minor one. If it's really just about wanting the odd gift in return for the ones you shower him with, then just say so! Just tell him you'd like the occasional heart-shaped chocolate on your pillow, the 8 red roses to commemorate how long you've been together, or the 'I love you' pencil. Giving gifts apparently isn't in his DNA (same for many guys!) and it's kind of mean to expect he's going to do that on his own initiative if he doesn't get told that, yes, he may consider it a waste of money, but you'd still really appreciate it.
Hence, my advice would be to just let him know, kindly, that you want that little gift once in a while. Secondly: cherish the things he does give to you - material or immaterial. Perhaps his way of showing his love for you is his commitment to you while he could be banging other ladies. Sounds pretty blunt, I know, but for a (young) man, things like these can be quite the sacrifice, while you may view them as just a matter of course. Thirdly, ask him how he feels about the gifts you give him - for all you know, it might actually make him slightly uncomfortable. Or maybe not, but it's still good to know what the effect is on him. And finally: give gifts because of the pleasure of giving, and not because you expect anything in return.
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JacksonMetaller
Stranger

Registered: 03/13/11
Posts: 13,361
Last seen: 1 year, 2 months
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: koraks]
#19239782 - 12/07/13 07:50 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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As a guy, buying presents for a girl is a major pain in the ass and i personally think the memories of going out and doing things together are in many cases worth more than physical presents, especially when you don't know how much your S/O is actually going to appreciate them
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HappyHooligan
Tree hugger


Registered: 11/06/13
Posts: 483
Loc: America
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: Into The Woods]
#19240861 - 12/07/13 01:06 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Into The Woods said: I don't think you're being the least bit unreasonable.
He really could make a bit more of an effort.
"Flowers die?"
So does romance, apparently
That's what I mean! People are telling me that I am expecting too much, but he is my boyfriend, he is sentimental with his buddies, but not me? He'll say things like *that's me & blah blah's spot on the couch* *we can't eat here, me & blah blah come here & its like our bro-time place*& im like what the fuck... you don't have memories like that with me. My boyfriend is not gay or bi, btw lol
-------------------- Do you trust the government? You may be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.
 
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,691
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan]
#19240879 - 12/07/13 01:12 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
HappyHooligan said: im like what the fuck... you don't have memories like that with me.
If he does, and he's extremely likely to, then he might very well not share them with you.
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HappyHooligan
Tree hugger


Registered: 11/06/13
Posts: 483
Loc: America
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: koraks]
#19240967 - 12/07/13 01:30 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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You guys are blowing my 10 min paranoid thought way out of context. I am schizophrenic, I worry about any and everything... for a few mins, and then it doesn't bother me anymore. That is one of the main reasons I LOVE my boyfriend to death, from day one he never judged me & is always understanding when I start freaking out over minor stuff. I mean I have thought about this topic a few times in my head, but when I am clear headed I know it's honestly not an issue. My boyfriend does love my gifts btw, & he is usually the one to ask me to get him stuff. That's why I sometimes think it's unfair that he doesn't think it unfair when he tells me no. but again, if I keep thinking about this I start making a big deal out of nothing. He does a lot for me, & I am always grateful
-------------------- Do you trust the government? You may be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.
 
Edited by HappyHooligan (12/07/13 01:32 PM)
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Shins
Fun guy



Registered: 09/15/04
Posts: 16,337
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan]
#19240978 - 12/07/13 01:32 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
HappyHooligan said:
Quote:
Shins said: Yeah you're being selfish and needy, and annoying.
I'd hate to see how you deal with real problems.
 Dude, go fucking annoy somebody else. You don't know me, my boyfriend, or our relationship. We have a fucking AWESOME relationship by the fucking way and I never said it was a huge problem, it was just something that I had on my mind. I hate when dumbass judgmental people really think they just fucking KNOW me by reading ONE of my post that I made. Thanks for your opinions, I will be happy to ignore them.
Ge over yourself. You made a post asking for opinions and thats exactly what you got.
you dont like my opinion fine its your loss to not consider you might be the one doing something wrong.
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HappyHooligan
Tree hugger


Registered: 11/06/13
Posts: 483
Loc: America
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: Shins]
#19240984 - 12/07/13 01:34 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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okay thanks again, bye.
-------------------- Do you trust the government? You may be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.
 
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HappyHooligan
Tree hugger


Registered: 11/06/13
Posts: 483
Loc: America
Last seen: 6 years, 10 months
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: Shins]
#19241021 - 12/07/13 01:46 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Really I do consider maybe I am in the wrong, or it's me not him, and I have NO problem with people telling me that... It just grins my gear when people walk in my thread acting like they KNOW me, ya know? I am a very complicated person, with many mental disorders so I have a lot of thoughts that I later don't feel anymore or later change... okay, so don't think I am some closed mind jerk...
-------------------- Do you trust the government? You may be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.
 
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