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Rhizohunter
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Ever had a bout of schizophrenia?
#19239125 - 12/06/13 11:56 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I'm still trying to understand how what happened to me was just psychosis. The delusions were more realistic than anything I have ever experienced in real life. If people weren't reading my mind than they were good at saying things very closely related to that that were on my mind. The television was very good at telling me things too...
Somehow I ended up at the first church of science, which teaches about Mary Baker Eddy, and she had some pretty crazy views of the spirit world. I felt a desire to go to this church and speak of me being god for whatever reason. When I went in this church they had very strange body language as if it was important I stayed. I stayed for a service and they read from the book of enoch, which is something that had been on my mind a lot.
I was on a spiritual mission and the numbers and letters would guide me to where I needed to go. It was as if my mind would only see numbers and letters in certain patterns. I saw meaning to everything that was around me. Soon I started to ask questions and everywhere I looked I would find answers, but the answers were not what I expected. It was leading me on a scavenger hunt to finding the meaning to existence.
I can't even begin to describe all the delusions I had. It was as if everything was connected and there was going to be a giant finale, but the finale never came and I just got crazier and crazier.
Anyone else tripped themselves out to the point of creating an alternate universe?
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g00ru
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Re: Ever had a bout of schizophrenia? [Re: Rhizohunter]
#19239230 - 12/07/13 12:37 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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so you were in a state of deep interconnectedness. its easy to make many connections in this state, and your emotions get involved, some of it is true and some of it isn't. just learn from it and go on your way
-------------------- check out my music! drowse in prison and your waking will be but loss
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Rhizohunter
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Re: Ever had a bout of schizophrenia? [Re: g00ru]
#19239248 - 12/07/13 12:44 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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interconnectedness sounds like a good word to describe it, shit just got really weird.
I'd like to describe some of the delusions, but I'm not even able to bring up some of the things because they don't make sense. Every delusion was related to another one, and it turned into one long clusterfuck of an alternate reality that I created in my mind.
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tito123


Registered: 01/23/10
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Re: Ever had a bout of schizophrenia? [Re: g00ru] 1
#19239252 - 12/07/13 12:46 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
g00ru said: so you were in a state of deep interconnectedness. its easy to make many connections in this state, and your emotions get involved, some of it is true and some of it isn't. just learn from it and go on your way 
This sounds like hippie jive.
I talked to a homeless guy a while ago and he told me he left California to come to my state to teach about god and because god wanted him here.
He kept rambling about the colors of shirts people were wearing and how that related to the color of the cars an number of people in them an that god was trying to tell him something. He said he was sick if all the bullshit and that he didn't know what to do so he was gonna walk around in front of that coffee hop until go top him what to do.
Don't be that guy.
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g00ru
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Re: Ever had a bout of schizophrenia? [Re: tito123]
#19239256 - 12/07/13 12:47 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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maybe i shouldn't have put the peace sign
-------------------- check out my music! drowse in prison and your waking will be but loss
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OliverJames
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Re: Ever had a bout of schizophrenia? [Re: Rhizohunter]
#19239257 - 12/07/13 12:48 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Yes I've most definitely experienced something like this. When I took 5g of shrooms, before my ego was completely shattered, I had developed this entire theory involving two people I know and Jim Carey, I doubt it was as elaborate as your experience, but in my mind, the theory was very legitimate and solid. I tried explaining it to my two friends with me, and I actually tried to leave the beach to prevent the theory from coming to fruition, but they wouldn't let me leave. But ya, mushrooms in particular give me such a mindfuck, if I don't stay centered, I start to completely lose all sanity
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Konyap

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Re: Ever had a bout of schizophrenia? [Re: OliverJames]
#19239268 - 12/07/13 12:52 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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yeah but I wouldn't call them delusions
more like self fufilling prophecies and stuff
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Rhizohunter
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Re: Ever had a bout of schizophrenia? [Re: Konyap]
#19239281 - 12/07/13 12:58 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Illyabo said: yeah but I wouldn't call them delusions
more like self fufilling prophecies and stuff
I was fulfilling prophecies alright. I had people calling me god and whatnot on top of it. There were a lot of people who were kind of losing their mind around me.
I suppose I tripped too many people out this summer. I was making connections that they would start seeing too. Things like this did not help with my mental process because it just made me believe it even more.
Me and my friend found the grave of Mary and Joseph and the 12 desciples and shit. In reality they were probably just grave stones of random people, but to us it was like finding the holy grail. Me and one friend especially went deep into another realm.
That's when I started doing the DXM and shit got scary.
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OliverJames
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Re: Ever had a bout of schizophrenia? [Re: Rhizohunter]
#19239336 - 12/07/13 01:35 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Haha shit yea thats more intense than what I've experienced. What were you tripping on? DXM? I've yet to try DXM, I don't really plan to but there is a part of me thats interested. I've seen people take high doses of DXM and sit there with me in the room and literally not know I was there, like even if I moved in front of their view they wouldnt know. That sort of frightens me to be honest
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Rhizohunter
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Re: Ever had a bout of schizophrenia? [Re: OliverJames]
#19239347 - 12/07/13 01:48 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I was growing large amount of mushrooms and had DMT on hand through most of it. The cocaine definitely played a part in the psychosis. I started counting baggies in my apartment after a month of use and it looks like I had spent around a grand in blow.
The doctors say that I triggered an underlying illness. The psychosis started to get pretty intense where I started covering mirrors with garbage bags and performing "magic" with cards. I thought I was a modern day wizard with my tarot cards. The mirrors were a gateway to the other realm and I didn't want the demons coming in. I had performed a ritual in a mirror with a potion I concocted out of 5 or 6 different drugs. I saw satan in that mirror that night after heavily hitting the DMT.
When I would hang out with friends they would play music and I thought they were playing the music to directly speak to me. Like they were playing the songs to communicate with me in my mind. A song would start talking about something and I would hear their voice in my head along with the music.
I believed that mushrooms were the fruit of knowledge they speak of in the bible, so I was eating more than I should have been. Even after I would take week long breaks off the psychedelics, craziness would still occur, which is why I wasn't thinking it was just the drugs. I believed there were other forces at work.
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berdinwall
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Re: Ever had a bout of schizophrenia? [Re: Rhizohunter]
#19239354 - 12/07/13 01:58 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Sounds like you have somewhat of a strong christian background? Ive seen a couple of different people that were raised going to church every week had an odd impact later on especially when they decided to dabble in psychedelics or even just weed.
can you tell us about any particular events that were strangly in synch? and kind of added up?
--------------------
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Rhizohunter
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Re: Ever had a bout of schizophrenia? [Re: berdinwall]
#19239364 - 12/07/13 02:07 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Yeah, my dad is a pastor, so I grew up as a pastors kid. My knowledge on religion is pretty vast and even though I hadn't studied it in a very long time I knew more than most about the stories.
Lets just say that I was able to relate everything in revelations in the bible to my life. Every word of the book had meaning to me because I was able to relate it to myself. My name being David didn't help, and I started to connect other people around me as being characters in the bible. I didn't see them as unique individuals anymore, but I saw them as characters in a modern day enactment. It was like I was reading the bible and the story was coming to life around me.
Everyone was spiritual beings and they did not realize who they truly were.
I was just the profit giving the answers that no one wanted to here. A lot of people saw me go off the deep end this year. No one is gonna hear the majority of it. I scared a lot of people with the end of times.
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lot_justice
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Re: Ever had a bout of schizophrenia? [Re: Rhizohunter] 1
#19239371 - 12/07/13 02:09 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I'm not entirely sure you're doing yourself justice by referring to most of these things as "delusions" (unless this is a therapeutic tool for you by which to remain distant from lapsing back into things)
You should read the Don Juan books. It sounds like what you experienced was a random shift of your assemblage point. I'd argue that it wasn't so much that you were deluded, but that you were a vulnerable new individual experiencing the Spirit (when in such states, the high degree of synchronicity that suddenly manifests in the expierencer's life causes them to grasp at rational conclusions. When so much stuff is seemingly centered on you, all of sudden, and is contrary to most rationality in normal reality, it's common for the person to think that they may in fact be God or divine; you were just a confused child first perceiving a new world while still grasping on to the mainstay of our society: rational explanations)
All of this being said, when the Spirit overtakes you and you can no longer be functionable in the normal world, that's a very sad situation. I'm glad that your post seems to insinuate that now you are back and working well :]
Edited by lot_justice (12/07/13 02:11 AM)
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pirate-blues



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Re: Ever had a bout of schizophrenia? [Re: berdinwall]
#19239374 - 12/07/13 02:16 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I've taken too many stimulants and stayed up too many days and have had drug psychosis, triggered by anxiety, depression, and the environment I was in.
It was horrible. At one point I found out my neighbor and his friends were able to see into my bedroom via his fire-escape - and heard them narrating and video taping me changing one time(the first warm day of spring, that year, so idk if that was the first time or he had been watching me for a while) They did not realize I could hear them, as my windows were shut, and I had blinds - but I lived in an attic bedroom of a very old house that was poorly insulated with strangely shaped windows(hence, the blinds did not fit so well, and on at the right angle they could see me, and I could hear everyyyything). When it was happening I wasn't even sure if it was real or not, I was so damaged already. When I finally realized that it was real, I just turned off all the lights, and sat inside my closet and cried. It was kind of a breaking point due to other issues.
And I have hallucinated visuals due to too many stimulants and days awake in the past....I cannot imagine the pain of something like schizophrenia. But I can appreciate how awful it is to hear voices and wonder if they are real or inside your head and be horribly paranoid that everyone is trying to hurt you in some way due to my own poor judgement and mistakes.
It took a long time for the residual anxiety from those experiences to go away, and I advise anyone who feels their mental health is compromised(anxiety, depression, or in more severe cases, psychosis) to stop all drugs IMMEDIATELY and strongly re-evaluate how they're using drugs. And I wish everyone who is genuinely dealing with mental illness(as opposed to drug psychosis, like I had, multiple times) the best of luck, and would advise them to be strong.
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Rhizohunter
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Re: Ever had a bout of schizophrenia? [Re: lot_justice]
#19239378 - 12/07/13 02:20 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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You make more sense than doctors
I feel like I opened myself up to a higher form of conscious thought. I saw and viewed reality differently and took on the "god" persona. It was like my mind was wiped clean and I was starting new in a brand new world.
powerful stuff
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lot_justice
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Re: Ever had a bout of schizophrenia? [Re: Rhizohunter]
#19239383 - 12/07/13 02:25 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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It is powerful stuff (I'm coming out of my nonfunctional period this summer). Once through the dark tunnel, the experience feels like a gift
Fortunately mine wasn't completely random. Some people purposely shifted my assemblage point and shit got really weird for a few months.
I've mellowed out, but I'm still very much a "shaman in training"; trying to strike the perfect balance of being a highly functionable being in everyday life, while still holding communion with spirits and experiencing all sorts of stuff that should make my brain break
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akira_akuma
Φύσις κρύπτεσθαι ὕψιστος φιλεῖ


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Re: Ever had a bout of schizophrenia? [Re: Rhizohunter]
#19239384 - 12/07/13 02:25 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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NOT the way of the world though.
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Icyus
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Re: Ever had a bout of schizophrenia? [Re: lot_justice]
#19239387 - 12/07/13 02:28 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Well.. no dellutions, as of now..the general population should be locked up before me, but I have had both flashbacks and hallusinations.. I think I have had independent hallutinations too.. without ingesting anything in perticuliar.. I have a kind of thing about seeing the faces of people I do no like at all as rotting sculls if I stare at them for too long, but not always..just once in a while.
I do not really know what possible gain this may have for me though, except becoming openminded enough to have a conversation with a corpse without being judgemental and all.. IT's like one really notices if the anger, or resentment may be misplaced.. that if one is more disturbed by them looking as a corpse than they're actions or very being they have really no bisneuss wasting love and energy, filling the void with hate towards this individual..
what are your interpretations?
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akira_akuma
Φύσις κρύπτεσθαι ὕψιστος φιλεῖ


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Re: Ever had a bout of schizophrenia? [Re: Icyus]
#19239395 - 12/07/13 02:31 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Rhizohunter
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Re: Ever had a bout of schizophrenia? [Re: lot_justice]
#19239401 - 12/07/13 02:33 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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My experience has definitely given me a broadened perspective on reality. The synchrocity was ridiculous for me. Everything would line up so fuckin beautifully.
I would think something and then something would happen. I forgot to mention that I was in jail for most of this. The voices would tell me when the food cart was coming and "bam" there it was. It doesn't make sense because I could have never known when it would be there and there it was.
It was like I was communicating with something out of this world. "hear comes the tray" I look over and "bam" it's poppin through my door.
I would also hear a voice in my head to say "look up" and someone would walk right by my door at that exact moment.
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