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OfflineHappyHooligan
Tree hugger


Registered: 11/06/13
Posts: 483
Loc: America Flag
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough?
    #19223003 - 12/03/13 04:18 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

First off, my boyfriend & I were high school sweethearts, we go to the same college, are madly in love, great sex life, no SERIOUS problems, okay?

Now, I am the super giving type & really sentimental. I'm always getting him gifts, buying him things when he says he wants it, and I'm not cheap people, I'm talking fancy stuff okay....and yes, he always acknowledges that & I know he appreciates it. BUT the issue is, he has never given me a gift... 

Yeah, he takes me out to eat on dates, and a lot of cases when we go out to eat he pays for me, but mostly we split the bill.

For our one year anniversary, I got him 6 things of cologne, 6 body washes, and 6 lotions that he said he wanted a while ago. Made a card, wrote a thoughtful poem on it. I bought a bunch of Godiva chocolate (it's fucking delicious and expensive) bought a basket and made him a huge fabulous homemade gift basket thingy.

Now he took me out to Texas de' Brazil... very fancy restaurant in my downtown area. If you never heard of it, it is super nice & you have to dress all nice and shit... I loved it.
 
Fast forward to now, he still to this day uses my gifts every morning & I have already long forgotten what the steaks at Texas de' Brazil taste like.


Am I being selfish, or needy? Be honest, I'm not here for people just to agree with me!

And I'm not asking that he buys me fancy stuff, that just what iiii  do. I just want a flower, a pencil that says "love ya", a damn t-shirt, something romantic & thoughtful!!


--------------------
Do you trust the government?

You may be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.
:takingnotes::takingnotes::takingnotes:    :stoned2:    :facepalm3:


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InvisibleHerbJunkette
Stranger
Female


Registered: 10/11/13
Posts: 91
Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan]
    #19223015 - 12/03/13 04:23 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

A meal is thoughtful, have you ever paid for the steak dinner?


--------------------
The world doesn't belong to us, we belong to it.
Always have, Always will.
We belong to the world.
We belong to the community of life on this planet-
It doesn't belong to us.
We got confused about that, now it's time to set the record straight.
*Daniel Quinn*


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OfflineDirtyTomFlint
( ಥـْـِـِـِـْಥ)
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Registered: 11/26/13
Posts: 1,879
Loc: United Kingdom Flag
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HerbJunkette]
    #19223041 - 12/03/13 04:29 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I think he should be doing more, you're not being unreasonable.


--------------------




Know Your Body, Know Your Mind, Know Your Substance, Know Your Source


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OfflineHappyHooligan
Tree hugger


Registered: 11/06/13
Posts: 483
Loc: America Flag
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HerbJunkette]
    #19223086 - 12/03/13 04:41 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I don't mean to sound so bitter, ya know? I appreciate him paying for food... but it's like, that's it. We spend a lot of time at his house anyways, so that's kinda out the window. He could say "man, I really want that new Xbox game, but I don't get paid until next week" BOOM, I buy it. I say "babe let's take pictures in the photobooth" He'll say "I'm not paying 5 dollars for that shit" 

:utterconfusion:  :singletear:


--------------------
Do you trust the government?

You may be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.
:takingnotes::takingnotes::takingnotes:    :stoned2:    :facepalm3:


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InvisibleHerbJunkette
Stranger
Female


Registered: 10/11/13
Posts: 91
Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan]
    #19223129 - 12/03/13 04:55 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I apologize for my biased opinion.  Me and my boyfriend are too poor to get each other things so we just appreciate what we can give.


--------------------
The world doesn't belong to us, we belong to it.
Always have, Always will.
We belong to the world.
We belong to the community of life on this planet-
It doesn't belong to us.
We got confused about that, now it's time to set the record straight.
*Daniel Quinn*


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Anonymous #1

Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HerbJunkette]
    #19223200 - 12/03/13 05:14 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Op thats not unreasonable.  I have been in the same situation.  And eventually quit being so thoughtful so I don't expect the same.  But that's not who I am.  I like to be thoughtful and do extra, but I like to be appreciated for it.  Somewhat. By what you are saying, you want more than he is giving you.  If you talk to him and he does not make an effort... Call me the ghost of Christmas future.  He won't change an you will continue to be unhappy.  Or if your not that way will become unhappy.  Then If you have a child it will become even more difficult to pack up and call it quits because you have a human being that is half of both of you.  That's tricky. I'm in a boat where looking back it was all there, all the things your saying and if I didn't like it then I should have left.  But I feel in to deep with a child and all.  So i feel kinda stuck.  he says we're not stuck but i don't want to be a single mom.  and date.  But at the same time it sounds exciting to find someone who makes me feel what i deserve to feel like. But hey I don't know your story.  So take it with a grain of salt.  May not be right advice for you.  It's the advice if I had a time machine I would tell myself that.


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InvisibleFruitOfLife
Professional Package Handler


Registered: 05/21/12
Posts: 4,832
Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #19223241 - 12/03/13 05:26 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Girl I'l take you out for a fancy McDonalds happy meal and let YOU have the toy  :heytherebadboy:


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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19223264 - 12/03/13 05:32 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

From my understanding, the only reason that you feel unappreciated is because you go beyond and out of your way to do nice things for him, and he doesn't reciprocate.

so, my suggestion to you is, stop going out of your way to be romantic to him. Mirror however he acts towards you.


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OfflineHappyHooligan
Tree hugger


Registered: 11/06/13
Posts: 483
Loc: America Flag
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HerbJunkette]
    #19223745 - 12/03/13 07:16 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

HerbJunkette said:
Me and my boyfriend are too poor to get each other things so we just appreciate what we can give.




Again, it's not about the money. & I do appreciate everything my boyfriend does for me, but I know I'd go to the ends of the earth to see him smile, and he... well if I'm upset, all he says is "Is it my fault...oh it's not??" *goes on with his day* And again, that sounds pretty harsh, but my examples are coming from rare occasions.


--------------------
Do you trust the government?

You may be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.
:takingnotes::takingnotes::takingnotes:    :stoned2:    :facepalm3:


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OfflineGorlax
Male


Registered: 05/06/08
Posts: 6,695
Last seen: 16 days, 11 hours
Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan]
    #19223768 - 12/03/13 07:23 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Maybe he just isn't into buying gifts for people? Kind of sounds like my friend, him and his girlfriend eat out EVERYDAY, pretty sure they split the bill. He buys her shit but only on special occasions, say valentines day, Christmas.

Honestly you might just be buying him too much shit and he is just used to it. If you want shit in return stop buying him stuff and see how he reacts...

Now that I type this...This is pretty petty shit. It's not like he went out and fucked some other girl.. At least he bought you a nice dinner :shrug:


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OfflineHappyHooligan
Tree hugger


Registered: 11/06/13
Posts: 483
Loc: America Flag
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: Gorlax]
    #19223838 - 12/03/13 07:36 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

lol yeah it does sound petty, that's why I don't even think it's worth bringing up in a conversation with him. And a lot of people will probably say "just buy him less stuff", but that's just how I am. I like to spoil the ones I love. He tells me all day that he loves me & enjoys spending time with me, and if that's all he ever does for the rest of my life... I'll still be happy, BUT if he could just get us matching t-shirts or send me a bouquet of flowers, it would be a bonus.

:guiltyascharged:


--------------------
Do you trust the government?

You may be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.
:takingnotes::takingnotes::takingnotes:    :stoned2:    :facepalm3:


Edited by HappyHooligan (12/03/13 07:38 PM)


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Anonymous #2

Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan]
    #19223940 - 12/03/13 07:51 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

You sound like my girlfriend.

She buys me things that I don't want sometimes.

I appreciate that she thinks of me but I simply don't want these things, just little things that serve no purpose but to gather dust or take up space somewhere I'll never look again.

I've told her to stop buying me things though so most times she doesn't anymore.

I take her out for meals and get her flowers sometimes, not only on special occasions but I'm not a rich man.

If you feel this way you should stop buying things for him and see how that works out.


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InvisibleHerbJunkette
Stranger
Female


Registered: 10/11/13
Posts: 91
Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #19224447 - 12/03/13 09:26 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

If buying gifts is your way expressing love, then that's your deal. But you can't expect it in return.


--------------------
The world doesn't belong to us, we belong to it.
Always have, Always will.
We belong to the world.
We belong to the community of life on this planet-
It doesn't belong to us.
We got confused about that, now it's time to set the record straight.
*Daniel Quinn*


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OfflineHappyHooligan
Tree hugger


Registered: 11/06/13
Posts: 483
Loc: America Flag
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HerbJunkette]
    #19224483 - 12/03/13 09:42 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I shouldn't expect my boyfriend to be sentimental & sweet?
:utterconfusion:

He'll spend money on himself or buy his buddy something cause they're "more like brothers & have a close bond"

But when I, his girlfriend, ask him to buy me flowers... "babe, the flowers are just gonna die anyways"

No, I think I have the right to at least WANT a gift lol


--------------------
Do you trust the government?

You may be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.
:takingnotes::takingnotes::takingnotes:    :stoned2:    :facepalm3:


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Anonymous #3

Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HerbJunkette]
    #19224484 - 12/03/13 09:42 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

What are you taking about? You've been trying to lose those pounds since he took you out!


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OfflineHappyHooligan
Tree hugger


Registered: 11/06/13
Posts: 483
Loc: America Flag
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #19224489 - 12/03/13 09:44 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

What? lol


--------------------
Do you trust the government?

You may be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.
:takingnotes::takingnotes::takingnotes:    :stoned2:    :facepalm3:


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Anonymous #3

Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan]
    #19224549 - 12/03/13 09:53 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

HappyHooligan said:
What? lol




I'm just sayin, maybe those steaks aren't as long gone as you think they are. you are what you eat.


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OfflineHappyHooligan
Tree hugger


Registered: 11/06/13
Posts: 483
Loc: America Flag
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #19224583 - 12/03/13 10:03 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I'm stupid, I literally didn't get what you were saying at first. But oh lol yeah, I'm sure I gained three pounds in like 15 mins


--------------------
Do you trust the government?

You may be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.
:takingnotes::takingnotes::takingnotes:    :stoned2:    :facepalm3:


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Anonymous #3

Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan]
    #19224648 - 12/03/13 10:18 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

HappyHooligan said:
I'm stupid, I literally didn't get what you were saying at first. But oh lol yeah, I'm sure I gained three pounds in like 15 mins




I'm not saying you're fat or anything, but when you look in the mirror and see something you're not happy with, you can think "aww  thanks babe."


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OfflinePatlal
You ask too many questions
Male User Gallery


Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,797
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #19225670 - 12/04/13 08:15 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Im not really a gift buyer myself, it makes me feel as if im trying to buy her love or something

Does that make me unromantic? Maybe

Happiness doesnt come in a cardboard box in a gift basket


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Offlinesanchothestoner
Satan's Grandson
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 12/06/11
Posts: 15,623
Loc: Bucketheadland
Last seen: 6 years, 7 months
Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: Patlal]
    #19235721 - 12/06/13 09:59 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

OP, I don't think you're being unreasonable or anything.  I'd definitely get annoyed if I were in your shoes.  My girlfriend and I have different ways of expressing our love for each other.  Like, we both get each other gifts every once in a while.  But I tend to also express myself more to her through music or words.  She does more so physical things, like give me a ride home from school even though it's like 45 minutes or more out of her way and physically stimulate me.  I don't just mean sexual acts, but she's super cuddley, is always squeezing me, holds my hand, massages me, etc....

Do you guys have a dynamic like that? Perhaps you are the gift giver, but does he show his affection for you in other ways? I'd say to die down on the gift giving, maybe talk to him about it if it's bugging you?


--------------------
I fucking hate you... God damn, I love you...
But we both know if we stick together, we'll just tear ourselves apart
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are grey
You are my heroin, but there's an abscess... God damn, I miss the vein!


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Offlinelifeiswhatyoumake
Trance in my sig n blood
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan]
    #19235826 - 12/06/13 10:35 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Ignore #3, he's too immature to talk about this stuff without hiding behind the anonymous feature.

OP, I think you should talk to your boyfriend about how you feel.
Keeping these feelings inside is not smart.


--------------------
:rave::rave::rave: I dropped a trance track "Peace Love & Trance": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4uQBM-mRYU ; :raver2::raver2::raver2::raveface:


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InvisibleShins
Fun guy
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan]
    #19236701 - 12/06/13 01:52 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Yeah you're being selfish and needy, and annoying.

I'd hate to see how you deal with real problems.


--------------------
http://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/


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InvisibleShins
Fun guy
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: Shins]
    #19236731 - 12/06/13 01:59 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I hate when bitches think you owe them something for doing something you didn't ask for.

like they'll do your laundry you were about to do or something without you asking then later they somehow hold it against you.

bitch I never asked you to do it so piss off with the tit for tat bullshit.


thats how i feel, its one oc my biggest relationship pet peeves.


--------------------
http://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/


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InvisibleShins
Fun guy
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: Shins] * 1
    #19236748 - 12/06/13 02:03 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

He tells you he loves you all the time but you're butthurt because he doesn't buy you more things.

fucking women these days I tell you.


--------------------
http://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/


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Offlineshpngld
veteran lurker
Male

Registered: 11/05/08
Posts: 88
Loc: London, UK Flag
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan]
    #19237170 - 12/06/13 03:48 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I agree with shins's opinions but you don't need totake my input as truth...anyway,best of all to you


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As above, so below. As within, so without. As we think, so we are. As we are, so we see.

Enjoy yourself, its later than you think.- chinese proverb
-----------------
Shroomery is closest to my anahata chakra, than everything/anything/anyone else

thedeadwalkk said:
Shroomery, you're the best; If you had a dick, I would deepthroat that shit and finger your butthole at the same time.


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OfflineHappyHooligan
Tree hugger


Registered: 11/06/13
Posts: 483
Loc: America Flag
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: Shins]
    #19237831 - 12/06/13 06:18 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Shins said:
Yeah you're being selfish and needy, and annoying.

I'd hate to see how you deal with real problems.





:ifindthisboring:
Dude, go fucking annoy somebody else. You don't know me, my boyfriend, or our relationship. We have a fucking AWESOME relationship by the fucking way and I never said it was a huge problem, it was just something that I had on my mind. I hate when dumbass judgmental people really think they just fucking KNOW me by reading ONE of my post that I made. Thanks for your opinions, I will be happy to ignore them.


--------------------
Do you trust the government?

You may be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.
:takingnotes::takingnotes::takingnotes:    :stoned2:    :facepalm3:


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OfflineHappyHooligan
Tree hugger


Registered: 11/06/13
Posts: 483
Loc: America Flag
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: shpngld]
    #19237846 - 12/06/13 06:22 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

shpngld said:
I agree with shins's opinions but you don't need totake my input as truth...anyway,best of all to you




Thanks, we are doing great by the way, always have been, this post was just something I had on my mind... like three days ago lol


--------------------
Do you trust the government?

You may be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.
:takingnotes::takingnotes::takingnotes:    :stoned2:    :facepalm3:


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OfflineCrystal G
I'm a teapot


Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan]
    #19239053 - 12/06/13 11:40 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

HappyHooligan said:
lol yeah it does sound petty, that's why I don't even think it's worth bringing up in a conversation with him. And a lot of people will probably say "just buy him less stuff", but that's just how I am. I like to spoil the ones I love. He tells me all day that he loves me & enjoys spending time with me, and if that's all he ever does for the rest of my life... I'll still be happy, BUT if he could just get us matching t-shirts or send me a bouquet of flowers, it would be a bonus.

:guiltyascharged:




Just so you know. One of my favorite TV crime-documentary shows is "Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry?" and I have noticed every single guy on that show who ended up being a criminal, manipulator, liar, thief, or asshole always gave flowers and love notes to their girlfriends and wives in the beginning. Makes me wonder if there's a certain profile of a guy who showers a woman with gifts, as an attempt to manipulate her and eventually control her.

I never had a boyfriend buy me shit all the time either. I have actually never gotten jewelry or flowers from a boyfriend, but all the boys I was in long-term relationships with were moral, genuine, and decent people. But I'm not like most people, in the sense that I do not desire many material things beyond the basics. I am the opposite of you, I would rather have experiences, such as trying out new restaurants or traveling to another country, rather than owning nice things.


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OfflineHappyHooligan
Tree hugger


Registered: 11/06/13
Posts: 483
Loc: America Flag
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: Crystal G]
    #19239307 - 12/07/13 01:14 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Crystal G said:
Quote:

HappyHooligan said:
lol yeah it does sound petty, that's why I don't even think it's worth bringing up in a conversation with him. And a lot of people will probably say "just buy him less stuff", but that's just how I am. I like to spoil the ones I love. He tells me all day that he loves me & enjoys spending time with me, and if that's all he ever does for the rest of my life... I'll still be happy, BUT if he could just get us matching t-shirts or send me a bouquet of flowers, it would be a bonus.

:guiltyascharged:




Just so you know. One of my favorite TV crime-documentary shows is "Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry?" and I have noticed every single guy on that show who ended up being a criminal, manipulator, liar, thief, or asshole always gave flowers and love notes to their girlfriends and wives in the beginning. Makes me wonder if there's a certain profile of a guy who showers a woman with gifts, as an attempt to manipulate her and eventually control her.

I never had a boyfriend buy me shit all the time either. I have actually never gotten jewelry or flowers from a boyfriend, but all the boys I was in long-term relationships with were moral, genuine, and decent people. But I'm not like most people, in the sense that I do not desire many material things beyond the basics. I am the opposite of you, I would rather have experiences, such as trying out new restaurants or traveling to another country, rather than owning nice things.




thanks you for your comment, but again, I am in a great relationship, I love him & he loves me. this post really wasn't a big deal. it was just something I thought about & thought id make a post about it. Everyone is quick to call me materialistic, selfish, dumb... but fail to realize, its just one post, you guys don't even know me


--------------------
Do you trust the government?

You may be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.
:takingnotes::takingnotes::takingnotes:    :stoned2:    :facepalm3:


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OfflineSagescruffy
CH
Male


Registered: 10/30/09
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Loc: PNW
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan]
    #19239510 - 12/07/13 03:55 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

It's not a genuine gift if you want something in return. A lot of the examples you have listed seem manipulative and somewhat codependent.


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Love.


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InvisibleInto The Woods
Quarantine King
Male

Registered: 04/20/13
Posts: 10,864
Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan]
    #19239595 - 12/07/13 05:35 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I don't think you're being the least bit unreasonable.

He really could make a bit more of an effort.

"Flowers die?"

So does romance, apparently


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan]
    #19239634 - 12/07/13 06:06 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I know it's been three days and this apparently isn't a real issue...but still, I get the impression that there is an issue (however minor) underlying this. And I think this is it:
Quote:

HappyHooligan said:
I shouldn't expect my boyfriend to be sentimental & sweet?




To be honest: no. Or rather: yes, you can expect someone to be sentimental and sweet, but (1) not everybody is, so you may be disappointed if they turn out not to be these things and (2) even if they are, they may show it in different ways.

You say you've been together for ages, so I take it that by now, he knows you and you know him really really well. I also assume that you have figured out if he is sufficiently sentimental and sweet - presumably he is, given the fact that you're still together.

So the subject of the gifts should really be a minor one. If it's really just about wanting the odd gift in return for the ones you shower him with, then just say so! Just tell him you'd like the occasional heart-shaped chocolate on your pillow, the 8 red roses to commemorate how long you've been together, or the 'I love you' pencil. Giving gifts apparently isn't in his DNA (same for many guys!) and it's kind of mean to expect he's going to do that on his own initiative if he doesn't get told that, yes, he may consider it a waste of money, but you'd still really appreciate it.

Hence, my advice would be to just let him know, kindly, that you want that little gift once in a while. Secondly: cherish the things he does give to you - material or immaterial. Perhaps his way of showing his love for you is his commitment to you while he could be banging other ladies. Sounds pretty blunt, I know, but for a (young) man, things like these can be quite the sacrifice, while you may view them as just a matter of course. Thirdly, ask him how he feels about the gifts you give him - for all you know, it might actually make him slightly uncomfortable. Or maybe not, but it's still good to know what the effect is on him. And finally: give gifts because of the pleasure of giving, and not because you expect anything in return.


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OfflineJacksonMetaller
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: koraks]
    #19239782 - 12/07/13 07:50 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

As a guy, buying presents for a girl is a major pain in the ass and i personally think the memories of going out and doing things together are in many cases worth more than physical presents, especially when you don't know how much your S/O is actually going to appreciate them


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OfflineHappyHooligan
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Registered: 11/06/13
Posts: 483
Loc: America Flag
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: Into The Woods]
    #19240861 - 12/07/13 01:06 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

Into The Woods said:
I don't think you're being the least bit unreasonable.

He really could make a bit more of an effort.

"Flowers die?"

So does romance, apparently





That's what I mean! People are telling me that I am expecting too much, but he is my boyfriend, he is sentimental with his buddies, but not me? He'll say things like *that's me & blah blah's spot on the couch* *we can't eat here, me & blah blah come here & its like our bro-time place*& im like what the fuck... you don't have memories like that with me. My boyfriend is not gay or bi, btw lol


--------------------
Do you trust the government?

You may be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.
:takingnotes::takingnotes::takingnotes:    :stoned2:    :facepalm3:


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan]
    #19240879 - 12/07/13 01:12 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

HappyHooligan said:
im like what the fuck... you don't have memories like that with me.



If he does, and he's extremely likely to, then he might very well not share them with you.


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OfflineHappyHooligan
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Registered: 11/06/13
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: koraks]
    #19240967 - 12/07/13 01:30 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

You guys are blowing my 10 min paranoid thought way out of context. I am schizophrenic, I worry about any and everything... for a few mins, and then it doesn't bother me anymore. That is one of the main reasons I LOVE my boyfriend to death, from day one he never judged me & is always understanding when I start freaking out over minor stuff. I mean I have thought about this topic a few times in my head, but when I am clear headed I know it's honestly not an issue. My boyfriend does love my gifts btw, & he is usually the one to ask me to get him stuff. That's why I sometimes think it's unfair that he doesn't think it unfair when he tells me no. but again, if I keep thinking about this I start making a big deal out of nothing. He does a lot for me, & I am always grateful


--------------------
Do you trust the government?

You may be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.
:takingnotes::takingnotes::takingnotes:    :stoned2:    :facepalm3:


Edited by HappyHooligan (12/07/13 01:32 PM)


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InvisibleShins
Fun guy
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Registered: 09/15/04
Posts: 16,337
Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan]
    #19240978 - 12/07/13 01:32 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

HappyHooligan said:
Quote:

Shins said:
Yeah you're being selfish and needy, and annoying.

I'd hate to see how you deal with real problems.





:ifindthisboring:
Dude, go fucking annoy somebody else. You don't know me, my boyfriend, or our relationship. We have a fucking AWESOME relationship by the fucking way and I never said it was a huge problem, it was just something that I had on my mind. I hate when dumbass judgmental people really think they just fucking KNOW me by reading ONE of my post that I made. Thanks for your opinions, I will be happy to ignore them.




Ge over yourself.  You made a post asking for opinions and thats exactly what you got.

you dont like my opinion fine its your loss to not consider you might be the one doing something wrong.


--------------------
http://yourlogicalfallacyis.com/


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OfflineHappyHooligan
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: Shins]
    #19240984 - 12/07/13 01:34 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

okay thanks again, bye.


--------------------
Do you trust the government?

You may be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.
:takingnotes::takingnotes::takingnotes:    :stoned2:    :facepalm3:


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OfflineHappyHooligan
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Posts: 483
Loc: America Flag
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: Shins]
    #19241021 - 12/07/13 01:46 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Really I do consider maybe I am in the wrong, or it's me not him, and I have NO problem with people telling me that... It just grins my gear when people walk in my thread acting like they KNOW me, ya know? I am a very complicated person, with many mental disorders so I have a lot of thoughts that I later don't feel anymore or later change... okay, so don't think I am some closed mind jerk...


--------------------
Do you trust the government?

You may be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.
:takingnotes::takingnotes::takingnotes:    :stoned2:    :facepalm3:


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Offlinesanchothestoner
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan]
    #19241097 - 12/07/13 02:05 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

So your boyfriend asks you for gifts, you get them, and you ask for something in return and he'll say no? I gotta be honest, that sounds like it sucks.... It also sounds like he might be taking advantage of you.  I don't know your relationship, so I can't say for sure. 

I actually have a friend who's also schizophrenic and has the same sort of relationship you are describing.  She goes out of her way for her bf, and he doesn't acknowledge all the love she gives him.  I know that they have strong feelings for each other, but that doesn't mean one is taking advantage of the other.


--------------------
I fucking hate you... God damn, I love you...
But we both know if we stick together, we'll just tear ourselves apart
You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are grey
You are my heroin, but there's an abscess... God damn, I miss the vein!


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OfflineCrystal G
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan]
    #19242839 - 12/07/13 10:15 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

HappyHooligan said:
Quote:

Crystal G said:
Quote:

HappyHooligan said:
lol yeah it does sound petty, that's why I don't even think it's worth bringing up in a conversation with him. And a lot of people will probably say "just buy him less stuff", but that's just how I am. I like to spoil the ones I love. He tells me all day that he loves me & enjoys spending time with me, and if that's all he ever does for the rest of my life... I'll still be happy, BUT if he could just get us matching t-shirts or send me a bouquet of flowers, it would be a bonus.

:guiltyascharged:




Just so you know. One of my favorite TV crime-documentary shows is "Who the (Bleep) Did I Marry?" and I have noticed every single guy on that show who ended up being a criminal, manipulator, liar, thief, or asshole always gave flowers and love notes to their girlfriends and wives in the beginning. Makes me wonder if there's a certain profile of a guy who showers a woman with gifts, as an attempt to manipulate her and eventually control her.

I never had a boyfriend buy me shit all the time either. I have actually never gotten jewelry or flowers from a boyfriend, but all the boys I was in long-term relationships with were moral, genuine, and decent people. But I'm not like most people, in the sense that I do not desire many material things beyond the basics. I am the opposite of you, I would rather have experiences, such as trying out new restaurants or traveling to another country, rather than owning nice things.




thanks you for your comment, but again, I am in a great relationship, I love him & he loves me. this post really wasn't a big deal. it was just something I thought about & thought id make a post about it. Everyone is quick to call me materialistic, selfish, dumb... but fail to realize, its just one post, you guys don't even know me




I don't think that you are materialistic, or dumb, or selfish... I do however, think that you have too idealistic expectations for a relationship. There's nothing wrong with being romantic every now and then, but if you expect and give romance 24/7 then it loses its meaning.

You might also have "savior" type complex in personality, where you go above and beyond to try to exceed the expectations of your partner, and then get sensitive when the other person doesn't reciprocate. This is common among people who desire to be "saviors" or "hero's," of some sort. Often this type of person feels like they are the only one contributing to the relationship, and that they are doing all the work while their partner does nothing. They then feel frustrated over it, and are inclined to take out their frustrations in a passive-aggressive sort of way.

So my suggestion is, simply stop buying him things. The only reason that you think he's not doing enough is because you are doing it. Does that make sense?


Edited by Crystal G (12/07/13 10:46 PM)


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan] * 1
    #19243701 - 12/08/13 04:46 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Wow. You're terrified. Terrified that if you signal something might be wrong, that other people could possibly acknowledge that yes, something might be going on. You come here asking sharing something you're struggling with, however insignificant and mundane it may be, and when people actually respond to it and share what they think may be going on, you immediately retract and try to deny anything is the matter.

Instead of denying something's amiss, you could also acknowledge that there may be a problem (after all, you indicated a couple of times it's something you do think about), at the same time realizing that it may be relatively easy to work around or deal with.

Or keep alternating between signaling it and then denying it, and maintain the status quo of being stuck in the pattern you're obviously in.

It's all up to you.


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Offlinelifeiswhatyoumake
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: koraks]
    #19244673 - 12/08/13 12:07 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Koraks has a good point.
Happyhooligan, as I said earlier in the thread and I hope you took seriously: talk to your boyfriend about how you feel.
In relationships honesty is one of the most important things.
Just talk to him.


--------------------
:rave::rave::rave: I dropped a trance track "Peace Love & Trance": https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4uQBM-mRYU ; :raver2::raver2::raver2::raveface:


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OfflineHappyHooligan
Tree hugger


Registered: 11/06/13
Posts: 483
Loc: America Flag
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Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: koraks] * 1
    #19246395 - 12/08/13 06:05 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

koraks said:
Wow. You're terrified. Terrified that if you signal something might be wrong, that other people could possibly acknowledge that yes, something might be going on.





I am not terrified about YOU GUYS knowing something is wrong, I didn't want my boyfriend to think something was wrong. We really do have a great relationship, and I didn't want him to think less of me or that I couldn't appreciate what he does for me. & YES everyone, I finally just talked to him about everything, & the only thing he had a problem with, is that I didn't come to him sooner. I told him how I really felt & it was just a huge relief. Thanks for everyone's opinion, I took them ALL into consideration before I talked to him. 
:greatjob:


--------------------
Do you trust the government?

You may be suffering from Stockholm Syndrome.
:takingnotes::takingnotes::takingnotes:    :stoned2:    :facepalm3:


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
Re: Am I being kinda selfish or is he not romantic enough? [Re: HappyHooligan] * 1
    #19248385 - 12/09/13 01:32 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

HappyHooligan said:
I am not terrified about YOU GUYS knowing something is wrong



That's not what I meant. I meant that you seemed terrified of admitting to yourself that it's something that bugged you. People on a forum are just a mirror; they reflect what you feed them. But great to hear you talked it over with the bf and that it's all working out :thumbup:


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