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Seriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh



Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,471
Last seen: 17 hours, 22 minutes
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The ghost of ex-girlfriends past
#19222034 - 12/03/13 12:47 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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So this morning I had a very peculiar dream and saw and talked to someone that both terrified me, made me sad and excited me. See it all started about 5 or 6 years ago. I was 14 or so and way advanced in the respects that I wanted a serious committed relationship. Long story short I find this girl that wants the same thing, I get in the only long term relationship I have ever had and at the end of two years she says that she was faking her love to me the past year and I went on a furious drug binge had a mental breakdown and had to drop out of public school.
It was bad and to this day the relationship affects me with women. So years ago I made it a point to forget EVERYTHING about her and essentially make her dead to me. Which I did for 4 years and suddenly this morning I had an extremely vivid dream that was very symbolic of our relationship which I thought was weird. However at the end of the dream I was frantically trying to get off campus at my old highschool because I narrowly missed getting caught with drugs but couldn't find the parking lot and asked the first person I saw where the exit was and it was HER.
In my dream I was so frightened I jumped back(as if I saw a ghost) and said "faith!?" and as if we were back in school she said "Of course who else were you expecting". I was bewildered because my dreams are never that clear, I started to ask how to get out of there but I was only able to stay there and talk to her. At that point I was so terrified I woke up with an ice cold sweat over my entire body and my heart beating out of my chest
So, I just went on facebook looked her up and apologized for blaming her all these years for what happened. When I know realize I turned into a different person. I started doing a lot of drugs, selling a lot , I stopped going to church with her, I was getting paranoid and lot's of other things that she didn't fall in love with.
-------------------- R.I.P Zombi3, Blue Helix Modest Mouse Zappa Slothie That Kid With The face ShLong Le Canard split_by_nine & Big Worm Forever Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many
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larry.fisherman
shoulda died already



Registered: 11/03/12
Posts: 36,294
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See this is what I love about tripping/higher conciousness(dreams count). That's exactly why I started and will always love being more. I don't know what else to say, except for respect, for getting to know yourself.
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Rafiikii


Registered: 11/17/10
Posts: 2,891
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interesting, I personally wouldn't have contacted her but hey to each his own and sometimes you gotta do what u got to do
i had a dream regarding my ex a few days ago, u know those dreams where everything seems fairly normal and could be believed to be waking reality.
yea, one of those..we were back together or some dumb shit just talking on a couch, and i asked here if she loved me...
and she was like No!
hahahahah, in a strange way it was nice
-------------------- "You didn’t come into this world. You came out of it, like a wave from the ocean. You are no stranger here."  
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Seriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh



Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,471
Last seen: 17 hours, 22 minutes
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I didn't want to contact her either but I was literally having chest pains thinking about it. Plus I realized this is not the first time I have had this dream just the first time I confirmed it was her. It's been haunting me for years. I don't want to get back together with her I just want to be casual friends instead of her haunting me in my dreams .
But I suppose so, I guess this can be a good learning experience for me. Scared the shit out of me and I'm still a little low key tense from it. I have had ego deaths easier to deal with then this dream.
Hope I did the right thing by apologizing, it was as much for me at it was for her though. For years I haven't owned up to the fact that I was the reason that relationship got fucked up not her. Honestly that's a little harder to deal with then my original notion of her being the one that fucked things up.
-------------------- R.I.P Zombi3, Blue Helix Modest Mouse Zappa Slothie That Kid With The face ShLong Le Canard split_by_nine & Big Worm Forever Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many
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Sheekle
FREE BURKE



Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
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Quote:
Seriously_trippin said: at the end of two years she says that she was faking her love to me the past year and I went on a furious drug binge had a mental breakdown and had to drop out of public school.
So, I just went on facebook looked her up and apologized for blaming her all these years for what happened.
"Faking her love for you" isn't her fault?
-------------------- "Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods "I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago "you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard "The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist "Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft "or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16
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Seriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh



Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,471
Last seen: 17 hours, 22 minutes
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Re: The ghost of ex-girlfriends past [Re: Sheekle]
#19222435 - 12/03/13 02:14 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Wow I was not expecting this but she sent this message back!(the only part I will change is my name
"Hello S! I'm glad to hear from you! Even today I find my self a little worried about you from time to time. Thank you, I was always scared to ask how you were because I thought I did something, though I can't remember now. I don't remember anything you ever did to me, but I'm sorry for anything I ever did. I hope you are doing better than when we last spoke; i just remember you so unhappy and not being able to help you. I'm glad to see Shiloh is still doing good! (Yes I just now did a miny facebook stalk, don't judge ;p
Apparently I haven't been the only one thinking about what happened all these years. I laughed with relief when I saw this:)Quote:
Sheekle said:
Quote:
Seriously_trippin said: at the end of two years she says that she was faking her love to me the past year and I went on a furious drug binge had a mental breakdown and had to drop out of public school.
So, I just went on facebook looked her up and apologized for blaming her all these years for what happened.
"Faking her love for you" isn't her fault?
NO IT WOULD SEEM THAT WAY RIGHT? but believe it or not it wasn't because I was suuuper controlling at the time and she probably couldn't have broken up with me if she wanted to after the first year. Also as soon as she saw my secret life of drugs and money the love started to fade because I was pretending to be the perfect guy to hide all these things. It was MY FAULT for trying to be a good little church boy on the outside to her when in my off time I led a drug and money fueled life style.
Plus we were 14 and it's hard to explain a situation like that at that age especially if one of the people in the relationship doesn't realize it was happening
-------------------- R.I.P Zombi3, Blue Helix Modest Mouse Zappa Slothie That Kid With The face ShLong Le Canard split_by_nine & Big Worm Forever Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many
Edited by Seriously_trippin (12/03/13 02:16 PM)
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dontknow
It's all in the reflex


Registered: 07/05/13
Posts: 3,889
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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Quote:
Seriously_trippin said: So this morning I had a very peculiar dream and saw and talked to someone that both terrified me, made me sad and excited me. See it all started about 5 or 6 years ago. I was 14 or so and way advanced in the respects that I wanted a serious committed relationship. Long story short I find this girl that wants the same thing, I get in the only long term relationship I have ever had and at the end of two years she says that she was faking her love to me the past year and I went on a furious drug binge had a mental breakdown and had to drop out of public school.
It was bad and to this day the relationship affects me with women. So years ago I made it a point to forget EVERYTHING about her and essentially make her dead to me. Which I did for 4 years and suddenly this morning I had an extremely vivid dream that was very symbolic of our relationship which I thought was weird. However at the end of the dream I was frantically trying to get off campus at my old highschool because I narrowly missed getting caught with drugs but couldn't find the parking lot and asked the first person I saw where the exit was and it was HER.
In my dream I was so frightened I jumped back(as if I saw a ghost) and said "faith!?" and as if we were back in school she said "Of course who else were you expecting". I was bewildered because my dreams are never that clear, I started to ask how to get out of there but I was only able to stay there and talk to her. At that point I was so terrified I woke up with an ice cold sweat over my entire body and my heart beating out of my chest
So, I just went on facebook looked her up and apologized for blaming her all these years for what happened. When I know realize I turned into a different person. I started doing a lot of drugs, selling a lot , I stopped going to church with her, I was getting paranoid and lot's of other things that she didn't fall in love with.
You were 14, just accept that it's over and move on. A relationship at 14 cannot be as serious as you'd have yourself believe. Becoming a hardcore drug user in your teens will mess you up, those are critical years. If you're not already, stop taking any and all drugs, at least until you get into a good mental state and work passed this. Good luck
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The discerning heart seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly. -Proverbs 15:14
“Imagination is everything. It is the preview of Life’s coming attractions.” Albert Einstein
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Seriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh



Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,471
Last seen: 17 hours, 22 minutes
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Re: The ghost of ex-girlfriends past [Re: dontknow]
#19222857 - 12/03/13 03:40 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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You don't understand I moved on a while ago but for years I blamed her for what happened to me talked bad about her and stopped talking to her and now I feel guilty for blaming her so much. I am now realizing that we were just young kids and getting into drugs was just an unfortunately timed event that couldn't be involved in the relationship. I think by having this nightmarish experience and talking to her on the web it has finally let me let go of this underlying guilt I have had for years.
-------------------- R.I.P Zombi3, Blue Helix Modest Mouse Zappa Slothie That Kid With The face ShLong Le Canard split_by_nine & Big Worm Forever Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many
Edited by Seriously_trippin (12/03/13 03:42 PM)
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TrentBoyett
Aspiring Mycologist



Registered: 11/29/12
Posts: 16,000
Loc: Kazakhstan
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She's a crazy church-goer? Church people are some of the craziest people I know.
If I was you I would've left it where it was at...
Now you're gonna have to deal with resurfaced feelings and shit.
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Sheekle
FREE BURKE



Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
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Well that's good you eventually dealt with things accordingly and got to let go of your hidden guilt
-------------------- "Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods "I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago "you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard "The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist "Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft "or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16
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dontknow
It's all in the reflex


Registered: 07/05/13
Posts: 3,889
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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Quote:
Seriously_trippin said: You don't understand I moved on a while ago but for years I blamed her for what happened to me talked bad about her and stopped talking to her and now I feel guilty for blaming her so much. I am now realizing that we were just young kids and getting into drugs was just an unfortunately timed event that couldn't be involved in the relationship. I think by having this nightmarish experience and talking to her on the web it has finally let me let go of this underlying guilt I have had for years.
Oh I see. I did something similar to my first serious girlfriend in high school.
A nice gesture and an apology is really all you can do. It's good that you got this off your chest, now all that's left to do is leave it in the past and move on
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The discerning heart seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly. -Proverbs 15:14
“Imagination is everything. It is the preview of Life’s coming attractions.” Albert Einstein
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Seriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh



Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,471
Last seen: 17 hours, 22 minutes
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Re: The ghost of ex-girlfriends past [Re: TrentBoyett]
#19222926 - 12/03/13 03:56 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Yeah it sure took me long enough to properly deal with it, I really feel a huge weight off my chest and i'm a bit more peaceful right now
Hell no mjm, We aren't right for each other I know that now but I would like to be friends with her because before we went out we were best friend. Also she has a bf which I respect and am not trying to fuck up.
-------------------- R.I.P Zombi3, Blue Helix Modest Mouse Zappa Slothie That Kid With The face ShLong Le Canard split_by_nine & Big Worm Forever Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many
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TrentBoyett
Aspiring Mycologist



Registered: 11/29/12
Posts: 16,000
Loc: Kazakhstan
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That's what you say now... let me know how you feel when you see her and she starts rubbing your junk under the table while her BF is right next to her.
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Seriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh



Registered: 07/12/13
Posts: 14,471
Last seen: 17 hours, 22 minutes
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Re: The ghost of ex-girlfriends past [Re: TrentBoyett]
#19222970 - 12/03/13 04:08 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
mjmihalov said: That's what you say now... let me know how you feel when you see her and she starts rubbing your junk under the table while her BF is right next to her.
if she's that type then I don't think she is though, that would surprise the hell out of me. I'm not going to TRY and steal her from him though because we have WAY different life styles.
-------------------- R.I.P Zombi3, Blue Helix Modest Mouse Zappa Slothie That Kid With The face ShLong Le Canard split_by_nine & Big Worm Forever Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many
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andrewmurray86
Θεολογος




Registered: 02/05/13
Posts: 1,120
Loc: Hunter Valley, NSW
Last seen: 6 years, 1 month
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Re: The ghost of ex-girlfriends past [Re: TrentBoyett]
#19222975 - 12/03/13 04:09 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
mjmihalov said: That's what you say now... let me know how you feel when you see her and she starts rubbing your junk under the table while her BF is right next to her.
This reminds me of Wedding Crashers.
"..It feels so good when he jokes."
edit: moar lols
Edited by andrewmurray86 (12/03/13 04:10 PM)
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