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Offlinest1llnox
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The idea of sobriety literally scares me
    #19221821 - 12/03/13 12:05 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

OKAY, just to validate my fear that I've made myself into a :tard:, I just accidentally posted this to the News Service :facepalm:


And I can't figure out if I'm being irrational or not. Here's the sitch...

Knowledge/learning pretty much defines (or at least defined) who I am (/was) and, obviously, the brain is the catalyst for this. I've also wanted to be a college professor since I was 16 years old and of course, I'll need my brain for this endeavor.


And I AM FUCKING TERRIFIED I BROKE IT. :tinfoil:

And if I become sober, I'M GOING TO FIND OUT.



See where I'm coming from here? Anyone else feel like this, and how'd it turn out?




When I was addicted to K2 I went to AA a lot trying to get or stay off it, and that was encouraging because people told me they could see me becoming progressively less spacey and then much sharper just over the course of 5 days.

And when I went to rehab (and was sober besides cigarettes), I stayed 14 days and toward the end of it I was like scary sharp.

It's just... what if that doesn't happen this time???


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:

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Offlinemylfgur
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox] * 1
    #19221850 - 12/03/13 12:10 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

There's only one way to know: try it.

Sobriety is just as easy as getting high, and they both have their benefits and downfalls. But it totally also depends on which drugs you were abusing.


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Offlinest1llnox
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: mylfgur]
    #19221866 - 12/03/13 12:15 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

mylfgur said:
There's only one way to know: try it.

Sobriety is just as easy as getting high, and they both have their benefits and downfalls. But it totally also depends on which drugs you were abusing.




Yeah man... I know that's basically the only way to find out; the issue is that I don't want to know. Err, I guess I only want to know if it's what I want to find out.


And I think I'm still going to use MJ so I can hide behind that and rationalize that any deficits are acute secondary to weed... :shrug:



Really all I'm worried about is DXM and alcohol. While neither is quite like huffing gasoline, those are both pretty hard and dirty drugs.



Man I'm getting heartburn thinking about this. I'm sure it'll be fine... it always is, but then again my hands shake a little and tremble slightly during fine motor movements and I'm scared I'll find out that this is permanent.


And then Adderall... IDK if I should take it or not but that's a whole nother beast.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:

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OfflineChuckfinely
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19221899 - 12/03/13 12:23 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

st1llnox said:

And then Adderall... IDK if I should take it or not but that's a whole nother beast.





I've always been anti-adderol. May as well just do some meth :shrug:

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Offlineg00ru
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: Chuckfinely]
    #19221919 - 12/03/13 12:28 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

you should go ahead and get sober, believe me even if you did break your own brain it'll be a damn site less broken once all those foreign chemicals are gone from it.

some shit might take longer to fix, even still i would imagine 6 months sober from everything would be enough to reverse most of the chemical changes from substance dependency


--------------------
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InvisibleEverlong
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19221923 - 12/03/13 12:29 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

hey guies i'm not going to sober up because what if i'm a tard when i do?!

You should be realizing you are a tard when you are fucked up, you smell me?

EDIT: But yeah, go ahead and continue to abuse drugs I'm sure that will make you more intelligent.

Is this thread for real?

:wtfsonic:


--------------------

Edited by Everlong (12/03/13 12:29 PM)

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Offlinest1llnox
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: Everlong]
    #19222003 - 12/03/13 12:43 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Everlong said:
hey guies i'm not going to sober up because what if i'm a tard when i do?!

You should be realizing you are a tard when you are fucked up, you smell me?

EDIT: But yeah, go ahead and continue to abuse drugs I'm sure that will make you more intelligent.

Is this thread for real?

:wtfsonic:




...except that I'm quitting everything, hence being so anxious about this. The jury is still out on MJ though, as well as my prescribed Adderall (which I don't abuse or really like).

I could definitely go temporarily full-tard on weed but I think it's mostly safe; I'd just be worried it might tempt me towards alcohol.

I like you Everlong, but please try not to necessarily assume the worst and dumbest when you see my name next to something; I've noticed that trend (although I have been a drunk-and-dexed-up flailing idiot around here since summer so you're not necessarily unjustified :wink:).


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:

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Offlinemylfgur
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: Everlong]
    #19222012 - 12/03/13 12:44 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Everlong said:
hey guies i'm not going to sober up because what if i'm a tard when i do?!

You should be realizing you are a tard when you are fucked up, you smell me?

EDIT: But yeah, go ahead and continue to abuse drugs I'm sure that will make you more intelligent.

Is this thread for real?

:wtfsonic:






"Quitting everything" doesn't mean everything if you're still smoking pot. I don't care what you think about its safety, that's still a bogus statement.


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InvisibleEverlong
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19222028 - 12/03/13 12:46 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

st1llnox said:
Quote:

Everlong said:
hey guies i'm not going to sober up because what if i'm a tard when i do?!

You should be realizing you are a tard when you are fucked up, you smell me?

EDIT: But yeah, go ahead and continue to abuse drugs I'm sure that will make you more intelligent.

Is this thread for real?

:wtfsonic:




...except that I'm quitting everything, hence being so anxious about this. The jury is still out on MJ though, as well as my prescribed Adderall (which I don't abuse or really like).

I could definitely go temporarily full-tard on weed but I think it's mostly safe; I'd just be worried it might tempt me towards alcohol.

I like you Everlong, but please try not to necessarily assume the worst and dumbest when you see my name next to something; I've noticed that trend (although I have been a drunk-and-dexed-up flailing idiot around here since summer so you're not necessarily unjustified :wink:).



Correct me if I'm wrong but your first post in this thread is you suggesting that you might not quit drugs because your intelligence might drop off (BECAUSE you abused drugs to begin with).

That's how I read it. If I was wrong, I'm sorry.


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Offlinest1llnox
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: mylfgur]
    #19222069 - 12/03/13 12:53 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

mylfgur said:
Quote:

Everlong said:
hey guies i'm not going to sober up because what if i'm a tard when i do?!

You should be realizing you are a tard when you are fucked up, you smell me?

EDIT: But yeah, go ahead and continue to abuse drugs I'm sure that will make you more intelligent.

Is this thread for real?

:wtfsonic:






"Quitting everything" doesn't mean everything if you're still smoking pot. I don't care what you think about its safety, that's still a bogus statement.





I really hate to admit this, but yeah... you're both right.


I'll have to brood on this a little, but if I really did quit *everything* and could keep it up a couple of months, I bet you my parents would replace my old car by March.

Heh, if I had a bottle of Ambien I wouldn't even think about weed, but nor would I be sober.

Quote:

Correct me if I'm wrong but your first post in this thread is you suggesting that you might not quit drugs because your intelligence might drop off (BECAUSE you abused drugs to begin with).

That's how I read it. If I was wrong, I'm sorry.




I've been having a weird day and am hungover so I probably just communicated poorly. You got most of the theme, but it's more:

-I have endeavored to sober up for a bit
-Because of my sobriety, part or all of my impaired cognitive ability will return
-Now, anticipating this, I'm worried I'm going to find out I'm not as smart as I was


Definitely not going to keep up the drinking and whatnot just to mask any potential damage (while doing more, of course) and I definitely don't think my intelligence would drop off if I quit; in fact, my motivation to quit is to try to get that back as well as help my body become healthier in general.


Sorry I wasn't more clear but no worries. :highfive:


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:

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Offlinest1llnox
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19222106 - 12/03/13 12:59 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

High on toilet said:
Dude I have been sober for what feels like a couple months and I feel great.
I cant wait to get high though :pipesmoke:




Dude congrats! I was getting kind of worried about you with how things were going, plus the last time I talked to you you'd just scored percocet, which can be tricky heh.


Getting high tomorrow is going to be awesome because I haven't toked in a few days. Part of me thinks I should cancel that order, but I think I'm going to go with what alkies call "marijuana maintenance"... just with very little weed. But then again, if I quit everything I might get a car so... :strokebeard:



Quote:

High on toilet said:
My buddy had a ROAR pretty damn similar to the one in your sig and it would sneak the fattest hits on you.




Haha did it have a beaker bottom or was it just the straight tube? I don't like it as much without the basin, but no matter: the police stole that bong. :megacrankey:

And a shit ton of weed. It was a fake roor though, luckily :sadyes:


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:

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InvisibleEverlong
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19222129 - 12/03/13 01:02 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

I was just trying to argue that masking your dip in intelligence, by abusing the same substances that caused it, would only lead to more damage.

The brain can recover from a lot of shit thrown at it, homie. I would suggest smoking a little pot every now and then if you had to but it seems you have an addictive personality.

I can't talk shit, every substance I get I will turn into a glutton over until it's gone, mainly marijuana. I'll buy an eighth of some killer bud and smoke it in 24 hours. But I can also go weeks without it if I'm too broke to afford it.

My biggest sin is Gluttony. :uhoh:


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InvisibleInto The Woods
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19222135 - 12/03/13 01:03 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

LOL @ the news service thing. Honest mistake or subconscious display of ego/self importance :lol:

In all seriousness though,

I'm sure your brain is fine. At worst, it might take some time for your brain chemistry to balance out but the sooner you take that step towards sobriety, the sooner your brain will be back to normal.

Rome wasn't built in a day.

St1llnox's brain didn't recuperate in a day.

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InvisibledeCypher
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: Everlong] * 1
    #19222145 - 12/03/13 01:04 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

OP, I think you should try to permanently forget about whether or not your broke your brain by submerging your neurons in a heavy, constant dose of hardcore downers.  Benzos work well for this purpose; maybe throw in some heroin on occasion to ensure you'll never want to leave that warm, fuzzy place of sweet sweet amnesiac oblivion.

Who needs brain cells when you can forget about everything via blissful euphoria?  :satansmoking:


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We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

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OfflineThe Vapor
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: deCypher]
    #19222152 - 12/03/13 01:06 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

You got this stillnox, just stop the drugs, get some exercise (at least go for a walk or skateboard), eat well.

It'll all be good, don't panic.

:thumbup:


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InvisibleSet
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19222185 - 12/03/13 01:12 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

The idea of sobriety literally scares me



I hear that.

I've given sobriety a shot.  Been to a lot of AA.


I just don't see complete sobriety ever being a realistic solution for me.

I don't even know how to do that.  What do sober adults do at night when they get together?  Nothing?  Board Games?

The only sober people I know also happen to be the most boring people I know.  Wonder if that's a coincidence.  :rolleyes:


--------------------
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Invisiblethizzlemaniac
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19222218 - 12/03/13 01:19 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

I'm already sweating and going through withdrawals a bit, r u in this with me or not?!

I was an all day drinker before today  :superscream:

I'm using weed to help tho, but my tolerance doesn't really allow it to do much.

Are you in J-Dog?


--------------------
Hi how are you? How high are you?



:aum:

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Offlinest1llnox
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: The Vapor]
    #19222219 - 12/03/13 01:20 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Everlong said:
I was just trying to argue that masking your dip in intelligence, by abusing the same substances that caused it, would only lead to more damage.

The brain can recover from a lot of shit thrown at it, homie. I would suggest smoking a little pot every now and then if you had to but it seems you have an addictive personality.

I can't talk shit, every substance I get I will turn into a glutton over until it's gone, mainly marijuana. I'll buy an eighth of some killer bud and smoke it in 24 hours. But I can also go weeks without it if I'm too broke to afford it.

My biggest sin is Gluttony. :uhoh:




I totally agree with you that it would damage and totally pull a self-fulfilling prophecy on me.

Neuroplasticity is going to be my new homeboy for a while and I'm going to hit the books hard. I also just remembered I need to cancel my Lumosity subscription.

I have an addictive personality but selectively for some reason; (most) opiates, (most) benzos, and stimulants (though I've only had Adderall, Dexedrine, and Concerta) don't phase me but DXM, alcohol, and ESPECIALLY K2 (I really am boggled how I'm still alive heh) are super addicting to me.

Also, every once in a while I just want to feel different and will use something idiotic like DPH to get high during drug famines.


Weed's kind of in the middle addiction-wise. I will make a game out of trying to see how long I can get this 8th I'm getting tomorrow to last. I think I'm going to shoot for like 3 times a week tops plus social smoking, but either way I should have some (and even set a little reserve aside and hide it somewhere) in case I need to feel fucked up so that I won't wander to worse things.

Bored sobriety and a lack of weed is how I got into DXM in the first place, actually :themoreyouknow:

I appreciate all the advice brodawg! :highfive:

Quote:

Into The Woods said:
LOL @ the news service thing. Honest mistake or subconscious display of ego/self importance :lol:

In all seriousness though,

I'm sure your brain is fine. At worst, it might take some time for your brain chemistry to balance out but the sooner you take that step towards sobriety, the sooner your brain will be back to normal.

Rome wasn't built in a day.

St1llnox's brain didn't recuperate in a day.




Lol... I think the ego thing's a bit more controlled. I'm pretty sure doing all that DXM was really pushing things over the edge.

Honestly the fact that I have a tremor/tremble in my hands and my fingers during fine motor movements scares me almost as much and I'm scared of this not going away either but who knows... I've put my body through a lot and have barely even started letting it come up for air.


Quote:

The Vapor said:
You got this stillnox, just stop the drugs, get some exercise (at least go for a walk or skateboard), eat well.

It'll all be good, don't panic.

:thumbup:




Thanks and good advice. I started running again almost daily (but < 1 mile) a week ago when I quit smoking and I'm getting there with the nutrition. I appreciate the reassurance (and you reminded me that I miss skateboarding... need to get going on that again too now that my leg isn't broken from it haha).


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:

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Invisiblethizzlemaniac
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: Set]
    #19222229 - 12/03/13 01:22 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Set said:
Quote:

The idea of sobriety literally scares me



I hear that.

I've given sobriety a shot.  Been to a lot of AA.


I just don't see complete sobriety ever being a realistic solution for me.

I don't even know how to do that.  What do sober adults do at night when they get together?  Nothing?  Board Games?

The only sober people I know also happen to be the most boring people I know.  Wonder if that's a coincidence.  :rolleyes:




I feel exactly the same way.  Most married adults go to work, then come home and watch TV.  I don't want that to be me.  Sobriety is boring as fuck and I've been busy being not sober for so long.  My year probation was just long and depressing, nothing good really came from being sober that long :shrug:


--------------------
Hi how are you? How high are you?



:aum:

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Offlinest1llnox
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: thizzlemaniac]
    #19222243 - 12/03/13 01:25 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

thizzlemaniac said:
I'm already sweating and going through withdrawals a bit, r u in this with me or not?!

I was an all day drinker before today  :superscream:

I'm using weed to help tho, but my tolerance doesn't really allow it to do much.

Are you in J-Dog?




Today was going to be my final day of drinking, but I'll do it early and save myself one more hangover tomorrow.


I AM IN IT TO WIN IT WITH THIZZ-NIT!!!

I am deeply concerned about your W/D though; nurses have told me that withdrawal can be fatal after as little as 2 weeks of continuous drinking and the last thing I want is for you to have a seizure or worse.

Though not great to keep around for we-the-drunks, I'd say if there were ever a time to have a few benzos on hand, it would be the next few days.


DUDE WE CAN FUCKING DO THIS THOUGH. I'm getting weed tomorrow too and that'll help with the sleep issue. Tonight's going to be rough though... I've drank myself to sleep most nights and I think it's been a month or more since I've fallen asleep naturally.

Maybe I'll just pull an all-nighter...

DUDE WE SERIOUSLY HAVE GOT THIS THOUGH :nodofunderstanding:


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:

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Invisiblethizzlemaniac
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19222249 - 12/03/13 01:27 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

As much as I love post-whoring from time to time I'm gonna pm you because we got shit goin in 2 or 3 threads :lol:


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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19222250 - 12/03/13 01:27 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

FYI

The worst withdrawal symptoms occur on the 3rd day of cessation of drinking.  Though could be as early as the 2nd day.


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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19222253 - 12/03/13 01:28 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

st1llnox said:
I have an addictive personality but selectively for some reason; (most) opiates, (most) benzos, and stimulants (though I've only had Adderall, Dexedrine, and Concerta) don't phase me but DXM, alcohol, and ESPECIALLY K2 (I really am boggled how I'm still alive heh) are super addicting to me.

Also, every once in a while I just want to feel different and will use something idiotic like DPH to get high during drug famines.





I'm not much different, except it's only marijuana and synthetic noids when I did those for two or three years.

I've told you before, my tolerance would get to the point that I was smoking a gram of jwh-018 (chemical, not plant matter with chemical applied) a day, and I wouldn't even get high from regular ol' marijuana. That's part of the reason I quit buying the stuff (Plus my states always adding more of them to the banned list).

Alcohol I will abuse, but only for a night or two and then I have no problem dropping it for a week or two. I'll buy a fifth and swear to myself I will hold on to it, but find myself hours later taking the last shot and wondering where it went. :facepalm: :lol:

I wish you the best. :thumbup:


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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: Set]
    #19222255 - 12/03/13 01:28 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

I have been worried about seizures and stuff but I think if I drink water and green tea like a mofo, and smoke herb all day for the next week I'll survive


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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: thizzlemaniac]
    #19222256 - 12/03/13 01:28 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

YOU CAN DO IT!




(:

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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19222265 - 12/03/13 01:31 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

I just don't see complete sobriety ever being a realistic solution for me.

I don't even know how to do that.  What do sober adults do at night when they get together?  Nothing?  Board Games?

The only sober people I know also happen to be the most boring people I know.  Wonder if that's a coincidence.  :rolleyes:





Yeah, and some of the most staunch ANTI drug (as opposed to merely sober) people tend to be kind of dumb or ignorant. Not always though, and not all of them are boring but that is definitely a trend with/for sober peeps.



My ex-boyfriends parents would go to work every day and then come home and sit in front of a TV for a few hours eating salty food and then go to bed.

I'm not saying drugs are the only answer or are the singular difference between us and that, but they sure help plus I have a huge aversion to blandness anyway. Back at college, I was always the one who got our group to go out and actually have fun and do shit like skateboard or go to the mall when otherwise they seemed content to play video games all the time.


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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19222268 - 12/03/13 01:32 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

We are doing it, but if he wants to start tomorrow I'll let it slide


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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19222269 - 12/03/13 01:32 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

You could trip acid every day for a year while smoking a bowl of salvia for dinner weed for breakfast, and snorting M before bed... take a year off and bounce completely back from it (aside from likely having no friends, accomplishments, or motivation)


The brain is resilient as FUCK.


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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19222274 - 12/03/13 01:33 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

You could always buy a horse.


You think I'm kidding, but I'm not.

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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: thizzlemaniac]
    #19222275 - 12/03/13 01:33 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

thizzlemaniac said:
I have been worried about seizures and stuff but I think if I drink water and green tea like a mofo, and smoke herb all day for the next week I'll survive



Those measures won't significantly affect GABA.  The brain of the chronic drinker doesn't produce as much GABA as it should (or isn't as receptive to GABA, I forget), that's what creates the seizures in acute withdrawal.


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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: ModestMouse]
    #19222304 - 12/03/13 01:41 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Aaaaah so many replies during mine.

Everlong, synth noids are just evil IMO and I will literally never touch them again. I am 8 months clean off that shit. Wouldn't smoke it again for a million dollars.

During my final (fingers crossed) stint in a psych ward, they had a craft/activity room and I made my best friend a tile art square with a fish swimming away from a hook to commemorate me quitting.

It took totaling a car and going to jail for a few hours to get me off the shit though. If that hadn't happened, who knows?


Quote:

Set said:
FYI

The worst withdrawal symptoms occur on the 3rd day of cessation of drinking.  Though could be as early as the 2nd day.




Good info and thanks for sharing it with us. I'll have weed by then although I don't know what and how much to expect in terms of W/D. I have just been using it so often and so much... we'll see :shrug:. It's Thiz I'm concerned for right now in that regard.

Quote:

High on toilet said:
Do it dude.
The outcome will be far greater now then putting this off and missing out on opportunities.like you were saying a car?  :cool:





Dude so true... after this 8th, MAYBE I'll just try out total sobriety.

Also, when my MFLB is fixed and if I can muster some discipline, I could conceivably be a vape-stoner at home without anyone knowing.

It would feel manipulative to me to just quit everything, then get a car, then start back up.

Quote:

Set said:
Quote:

thizzlemaniac said:
I have been worried about seizures and stuff but I think if I drink water and green tea like a mofo, and smoke herb all day for the next week I'll survive



Those measures won't significantly affect GABA.  The brain of the chronic drinker doesn't produce as much GABA as it should (or isn't as receptive to GABA, I forget), that's what creates the seizures in acute withdrawal.




The pharmacokinetics of weed if I recall correctly have it binding to CB1/2 which in turn releases GABA which stimulates endorphin release and for certain seizures, high CBD strains are being used as anticonvulsants so this is definitely better than nothing but as a daily drinker (which frankly I might have been too--I tend to rationalize), a little GABA splash downstream might not cut it.

I bet you it's both with both downregulation issues and potential damage to the sites. IDK if it's a GABA agonist or if it binds at the benzo sites to merely potentiate GABA.

Quote:

ModestMouse said:
You could trip acid every day for a year while smoking a bowl of salvia for dinner weed for breakfast, and snorting M before bed... take a year off and bounce completely back from it (aside from likely having no friends, accomplishments, or motivation)


The brain is resilient as FUCK.





Thanks for that dude :highfive:. I think you're right and it'll be fine.

I could always experiment with lithium or *racetams to nudge things back toward "smart" but I think just letting things settle would be the best thing for now.


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st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:

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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19222328 - 12/03/13 01:46 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

:hug:

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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: Set] * 1
    #19222350 - 12/03/13 01:52 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Set said:
Quote:

The idea of sobriety literally scares me



I hear that.

I've given sobriety a shot.  Been to a lot of AA.


I just don't see complete sobriety ever being a realistic solution for me.

I don't even know how to do that.  What do sober adults do at night when they get together?  Nothing?  Board Games?

The only sober people I know also happen to be the most boring people I know.  Wonder if that's a coincidence.  :rolleyes:



Lmao....man, you remind me of myself, once upon a time....couldn't stand the thought of going anywhere without drinking or drugging involved.Seemed senseless....problem is, the shit takes a toll and we usually don't see it until things are really fucked.
When I say fucked, I mean losing everything and everyone around you and knowing loneliness like you never imagined.
My deal was alcohol, but the only drugs I take any chance on today are mushies and LSD and then...just rarely. I have lost that luxury that others can afford...so, to me , the choice was to live or to die a slow agonizing death.
And the fun thing....I have more fun today than I ever did at the end of my drinking....I won't say ever, because that just isn't true....I've had some amazing times drinking in early days...just not at the end.The end was drinking to oblivion when I swore to myself that I wouldn't....Anyway, that was almost 15 years ago. Unless you think that buying a house on the water and going boating/ fishing/ or jet skiing anytime I want to during the summer/ fall. I can drive to any concert anywhere without worrying about getting back home safely...I love music and have been to 10 times the amount of shows than I did before I stopped. ....Never been to jail sober either.:sunny::peace:M


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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: Thayendanegea]
    #19222377 - 12/03/13 01:58 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

You are using drugs to mask some other insecurity you have about life. Find what it is, and deal with it. That is what scares you not sobriety. Dealing with it

Edited by Magicman69 (12/03/13 01:59 PM)

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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: Magicman69]
    #19222392 - 12/03/13 02:02 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Haha great reply.

Quote:

And the fun thing....I have more fun today than I ever did at the end of my drinking....I won't say ever, because that just isn't true....I've had some amazing times drinking in early days...just not at the end.




This is exactly how I'm starting to feel. At first, it was new and was an objective in itself and it evolved nicely to become a social accent or garnish (albeit sometimes a central one, in the case of most parties).

Now, though I'm largely using it to cope with boredom, it's just made me and everything more boring (save for the occasional blacked out night where I terrorize people or whatever).



Glad you're doing well! Did psychedelics influence or play any sort of role in this transition?

Quote:

Magicman69 said:
You are using drugs to mask some other insecurity you have about life. Find what it is, and deal with it. That is what scares you not sobriety. Dealing with it




Hmm I didn't even think about this but it's probably deeper than *just* boredom. Thanks for pointing this out... I think this will be good as well as maybe trying to configure my life to crowd out susceptible possible scenarios. Then again, I drank at home before me and my best friend met up to go play pool at a bar (:facepalm:) so I think you're right that I need to change the inside, not the outside.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:

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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19222396 - 12/03/13 02:02 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

I just remembered I know where to get Xanax.  I've never liked it much but it could come in handy.

I have a lot of things I'm dealing with (running from) I'll deal with them when the time comes, but for now I'm choosing to stop drinking because as of right now it's only making things worse.


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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: thizzlemaniac]
    #19222421 - 12/03/13 02:11 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

I hate Xanax... it's just way too strong and doesn't taste good like temazepam or klonnies. But, defs better than a seizure.


And I'm totally on the same page, very much running from crap. Remember that semi-/informal research gig I was so excited about? Haven't talked to the guy in over a month. I'm terrified to because maybe he won't want to work with me now, so I don't contact him and the longer time span's only increasing the likelihood of the bad outcome.

For now though, bye bye alcohol. It really is just making things worse.

I'm curious if I'll look like a British mother in 30 days too :zomgzomgzomg:


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:

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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19222449 - 12/03/13 02:18 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

the main thing that sux the most about sobriety is feeling like theres no fun to be had without the use of drugs, i've used pills/weed/alcohol/speed. The only one i used all the time was weed im now 27 i've been smoking since 14 yrs old and the longest i've gone without getting high was probably 2 weeks and said fuck it, As for the rest of the drugs i mentioned i would use randomly but i was always around it cause all my friends were junkies, and now days i try to stay away from junkies but that would mean to not hang out with any of my friends at all


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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: flipsidetrue]
    #19222544 - 12/03/13 02:44 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Meanwhile I'm here typing and sipping away on my 9th glass of wine at 8:43 in the morning.


:feelsbadman:


You guys are starting to get to me

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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: Into The Woods]
    #19222556 - 12/03/13 02:46 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

IMO sobriety is probably one of the best things you could do. I'm jealous of people that have it without even trying.


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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: Patlal]
    #19222576 - 12/03/13 02:51 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Into The Woods said:
Meanwhile I'm here typing and sipping away on my 9th glass of wine at 8:43 in the morning.


:feelsbadman:


You guys are starting to get to me




You could hoppity hop hop hop aboard the sober (bunny?) train!

I'm up to 18 hours :datass:



Quote:

Patlal said:
IMO sobriety is probably one of the best things you could do. I'm jealous of people that have it without even trying.




Isn't it weird how to them, drugs represent a deliberate diversion from their natural state?


Honestly, I've been "accidentally sober" TONS but that was when I was at school, had my own life, was busy and doing stuff, etc.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:

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InvisibleInto The Woods
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19222600 - 12/03/13 02:54 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Isn't that what keeps sober people sober in the first place? :lol:

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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: Into The Woods]
    #19222635 - 12/03/13 03:04 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Into The Woods said:
Isn't that what keeps sober people sober in the first place? :lol:




Ignorance is bliss man. I know a shit ton of people at my University who have never touched a single mind altering substance, not even alcohol, and are perfectly content with spending their Friday nights watching Anime and playing video-games. I read a study once that if you don't end up smoking pot (or doing recreational drugs) before you're 20, you'll probably stay straightedge for life because the brain matures at that age and is less likely to make decisions that society considers risky.

I'm not necessarily happy that I smoke pot because it's something I have to constantly hide from my parents, it makes me feel hazy the next day, and so forth. I mean, it hasn't wrecked my academic career or made me lose any friends, but you get the point. However, since I've tried pot and got a taste of what being high is about, I find it really hard to live without it. I was extremely straight edge up until grade 11 and I never found constant sobriety difficult or boring to cope with.

Contrast is the only reason I smoke weed and do other drugs. I can come home on a friday night and either do fun shit (hang out with friends, listen to music, get food, watch TV, long board, etc) sober or high. The choice is mine. Sadly, these activities feel 100000x better when I'm baked and thus it's extremely difficult for me to not smoke up.... Not to mention, weed is dirt cheap and basically available on my street anytime of day. It's very tempting to not light a bowl when you know it'll make your food incredible and music orgasmic...


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Edited by Alexestalex (12/03/13 03:11 PM)

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InvisibleInto The Woods
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: Alexestalex]
    #19222898 - 12/03/13 03:47 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Well, sure. I don't get high any more and I don't drink EVERY day. I only trip 6-10 times per year at average.

Interesting about that study.

But to be sober all your life. :archiebunker:

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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: Into The Woods]
    #19223369 - 12/03/13 06:00 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

The fact that no one responded to my well thought-out post made me drink a forty straight to the dome.

YOU GUYS ARE COUNTERPRODUCTIVE TO MY SOBRIETY  :hissyfit:


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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: deCypher]
    #19223583 - 12/03/13 06:44 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

I thought you were trolling, although you had startling foresight with that... I did realize on the way home that I think much of what's keeping me doing this crap is that when the ash settles, I don't like what I'm left with/seeing.

Oh, and the soul-crushing guilt.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:

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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: deCypher]
    #19223587 - 12/03/13 06:45 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

We are still smoking and using benzos

I actually just got home from getting my xanax, I'm feelin good :smirk:


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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19223612 - 12/03/13 06:51 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

It just takes time.

I might have missed how old you said you were, but your frontal lobe continues developing into your twenties... which is coincidentally responsible for much of your intelligent decision making.

In other words, wait.  Pray.  Don't associate with friends who do drugs, it'll make it that much easier.  Send all your current drugs that you have in your possession to me.  :grin:

JK, but seriously.  Sobriety is scary.  When I get completely sober I'll post to this thread and let you know how I did it.  :smirk:


--------------------
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

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Offlinest1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask
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Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: deCypher]
    #19223645 - 12/03/13 06:57 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

thizzlemaniac said:
We are still smoking and using benzos

I actually just got home from getting my xanax, I'm feelin good :smirk:





We are really rocking a shifty flavor of sobriety, aren't we?

I was figuring on benzos only if/for withdrawal as they're much too similar to alcohol and may negate whatever it was we were trying to accomplish here. I've heard many people in AA say that much of their early 'sober' time did them no good because they were on Xanax or Valium or Jankazepam.


Quote:

deCypher said:
It just takes time.

I might have missed how old you said you were, but your frontal lobe continues developing into your twenties... which is coincidentally responsible for much of your intelligent decision making.

In other words, wait.  Pray.  Don't associate with friends who do drugs, it'll make it that much easier.  Send all your current drugs that you have in your possession to me.  :grin:

JK, but seriously.  Sobriety is scary.  When I get completely sober I'll post to this thread and let you know how I did it.  :smirk:





I'm 23 (did you not see my "St1llnox turns 23 today!" post from when I turned 23 which was less than a year ago? JK I'm heckling you).

I've heard that but I'm not super concerned at this point.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:

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Offlinest1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask
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Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
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Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19223651 - 12/03/13 07:00 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Quote:

Quote:

thizzlemaniac said:
We are still smoking and using benzos

I actually just got home from getting my xanax, I'm feelin good :smirk:




We are really rocking a shifty flavor of sobriety, aren't we?





Oh and we both forgot: I'm on speed. :shrug:


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:

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OfflineWhitewater
Male


Registered: 11/02/09
Posts: 500
Loc: Midwest
Last seen: 6 years, 1 month
Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19223858 - 12/03/13 07:39 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Stick with it, you guys are gonna feel awesome.

Alcohol's effect lasts longer than just the drunk and hangover.

If you add a decent diet and moderate exercise you'll wake up one day like "damn... I feel awesome"

:thumbup:


--------------------

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Offlinest1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask
Male User Gallery


Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816 Flag
Last seen: 5 years, 5 months
Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: Whitewater]
    #19223889 - 12/03/13 07:43 PM (10 years, 6 months ago)

Dude I can't wait and thanks for encouraging us.

I had no idea alcohol withdrawal is delayed either.


I successfully started the exercise thing a week ago when I quit smoking and have run 0.5-1 mile(s) every day. The food's getting there, and on top of quitting smoking I'm optimistic.




It's just that now I can't run from what I've done and how things have gone/turned out and I suspect as more of the ash settles and things become even more clear, I'm going to have a somewhat serious breakdown soon and I've been like crying sporadically today and yesterday about some things I've done to my family (but I'm not going to go back to drinking).


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:

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