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Offlinest1llnox
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The idea of sobriety literally scares me
    #19221821 - 12/03/13 12:05 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

OKAY, just to validate my fear that I've made myself into a :tard:, I just accidentally posted this to the News Service :facepalm:


And I can't figure out if I'm being irrational or not. Here's the sitch...

Knowledge/learning pretty much defines (or at least defined) who I am (/was) and, obviously, the brain is the catalyst for this. I've also wanted to be a college professor since I was 16 years old and of course, I'll need my brain for this endeavor.


And I AM FUCKING TERRIFIED I BROKE IT. :tinfoil:

And if I become sober, I'M GOING TO FIND OUT.



See where I'm coming from here? Anyone else feel like this, and how'd it turn out?




When I was addicted to K2 I went to AA a lot trying to get or stay off it, and that was encouraging because people told me they could see me becoming progressively less spacey and then much sharper just over the course of 5 days.

And when I went to rehab (and was sober besides cigarettes), I stayed 14 days and toward the end of it I was like scary sharp.

It's just... what if that doesn't happen this time???


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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Offlinemylfgur
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox] * 1
    #19221850 - 12/03/13 12:10 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

There's only one way to know: try it.

Sobriety is just as easy as getting high, and they both have their benefits and downfalls. But it totally also depends on which drugs you were abusing.


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Offlinest1llnox
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: mylfgur]
    #19221866 - 12/03/13 12:15 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

mylfgur said:
There's only one way to know: try it.

Sobriety is just as easy as getting high, and they both have their benefits and downfalls. But it totally also depends on which drugs you were abusing.




Yeah man... I know that's basically the only way to find out; the issue is that I don't want to know. Err, I guess I only want to know if it's what I want to find out.


And I think I'm still going to use MJ so I can hide behind that and rationalize that any deficits are acute secondary to weed... :shrug:



Really all I'm worried about is DXM and alcohol. While neither is quite like huffing gasoline, those are both pretty hard and dirty drugs.



Man I'm getting heartburn thinking about this. I'm sure it'll be fine... it always is, but then again my hands shake a little and tremble slightly during fine motor movements and I'm scared I'll find out that this is permanent.


And then Adderall... IDK if I should take it or not but that's a whole nother beast.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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OfflineChuckfinely
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19221899 - 12/03/13 12:23 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

st1llnox said:

And then Adderall... IDK if I should take it or not but that's a whole nother beast.





I've always been anti-adderol. May as well just do some meth :shrug:


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Offlineg00ru
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: Chuckfinely]
    #19221919 - 12/03/13 12:28 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

you should go ahead and get sober, believe me even if you did break your own brain it'll be a damn site less broken once all those foreign chemicals are gone from it.

some shit might take longer to fix, even still i would imagine 6 months sober from everything would be enough to reverse most of the chemical changes from substance dependency


--------------------
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InvisibleEverlong
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19221923 - 12/03/13 12:29 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

hey guies i'm not going to sober up because what if i'm a tard when i do?!

You should be realizing you are a tard when you are fucked up, you smell me?

EDIT: But yeah, go ahead and continue to abuse drugs I'm sure that will make you more intelligent.

Is this thread for real?

:wtfsonic:


--------------------


Edited by Everlong (12/03/13 12:29 PM)


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Offlinest1llnox
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: Everlong]
    #19222003 - 12/03/13 12:43 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Everlong said:
hey guies i'm not going to sober up because what if i'm a tard when i do?!

You should be realizing you are a tard when you are fucked up, you smell me?

EDIT: But yeah, go ahead and continue to abuse drugs I'm sure that will make you more intelligent.

Is this thread for real?

:wtfsonic:




...except that I'm quitting everything, hence being so anxious about this. The jury is still out on MJ though, as well as my prescribed Adderall (which I don't abuse or really like).

I could definitely go temporarily full-tard on weed but I think it's mostly safe; I'd just be worried it might tempt me towards alcohol.

I like you Everlong, but please try not to necessarily assume the worst and dumbest when you see my name next to something; I've noticed that trend (although I have been a drunk-and-dexed-up flailing idiot around here since summer so you're not necessarily unjustified :wink:).


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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Offlinemylfgur
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: Everlong]
    #19222012 - 12/03/13 12:44 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Everlong said:
hey guies i'm not going to sober up because what if i'm a tard when i do?!

You should be realizing you are a tard when you are fucked up, you smell me?

EDIT: But yeah, go ahead and continue to abuse drugs I'm sure that will make you more intelligent.

Is this thread for real?

:wtfsonic:






"Quitting everything" doesn't mean everything if you're still smoking pot. I don't care what you think about its safety, that's still a bogus statement.


--------------------


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InvisibleEverlong
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19222028 - 12/03/13 12:46 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

st1llnox said:
Quote:

Everlong said:
hey guies i'm not going to sober up because what if i'm a tard when i do?!

You should be realizing you are a tard when you are fucked up, you smell me?

EDIT: But yeah, go ahead and continue to abuse drugs I'm sure that will make you more intelligent.

Is this thread for real?

:wtfsonic:




...except that I'm quitting everything, hence being so anxious about this. The jury is still out on MJ though, as well as my prescribed Adderall (which I don't abuse or really like).

I could definitely go temporarily full-tard on weed but I think it's mostly safe; I'd just be worried it might tempt me towards alcohol.

I like you Everlong, but please try not to necessarily assume the worst and dumbest when you see my name next to something; I've noticed that trend (although I have been a drunk-and-dexed-up flailing idiot around here since summer so you're not necessarily unjustified :wink:).



Correct me if I'm wrong but your first post in this thread is you suggesting that you might not quit drugs because your intelligence might drop off (BECAUSE you abused drugs to begin with).

That's how I read it. If I was wrong, I'm sorry.


--------------------


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Offlinest1llnox
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: mylfgur]
    #19222069 - 12/03/13 12:53 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

mylfgur said:
Quote:

Everlong said:
hey guies i'm not going to sober up because what if i'm a tard when i do?!

You should be realizing you are a tard when you are fucked up, you smell me?

EDIT: But yeah, go ahead and continue to abuse drugs I'm sure that will make you more intelligent.

Is this thread for real?

:wtfsonic:






"Quitting everything" doesn't mean everything if you're still smoking pot. I don't care what you think about its safety, that's still a bogus statement.





I really hate to admit this, but yeah... you're both right.


I'll have to brood on this a little, but if I really did quit *everything* and could keep it up a couple of months, I bet you my parents would replace my old car by March.

Heh, if I had a bottle of Ambien I wouldn't even think about weed, but nor would I be sober.

Quote:

Correct me if I'm wrong but your first post in this thread is you suggesting that you might not quit drugs because your intelligence might drop off (BECAUSE you abused drugs to begin with).

That's how I read it. If I was wrong, I'm sorry.




I've been having a weird day and am hungover so I probably just communicated poorly. You got most of the theme, but it's more:

-I have endeavored to sober up for a bit
-Because of my sobriety, part or all of my impaired cognitive ability will return
-Now, anticipating this, I'm worried I'm going to find out I'm not as smart as I was


Definitely not going to keep up the drinking and whatnot just to mask any potential damage (while doing more, of course) and I definitely don't think my intelligence would drop off if I quit; in fact, my motivation to quit is to try to get that back as well as help my body become healthier in general.


Sorry I wasn't more clear but no worries. :highfive:


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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Offlinest1llnox
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19222106 - 12/03/13 12:59 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

High on toilet said:
Dude I have been sober for what feels like a couple months and I feel great.
I cant wait to get high though :pipesmoke:




Dude congrats! I was getting kind of worried about you with how things were going, plus the last time I talked to you you'd just scored percocet, which can be tricky heh.


Getting high tomorrow is going to be awesome because I haven't toked in a few days. Part of me thinks I should cancel that order, but I think I'm going to go with what alkies call "marijuana maintenance"... just with very little weed. But then again, if I quit everything I might get a car so... :strokebeard:



Quote:

High on toilet said:
My buddy had a ROAR pretty damn similar to the one in your sig and it would sneak the fattest hits on you.




Haha did it have a beaker bottom or was it just the straight tube? I don't like it as much without the basin, but no matter: the police stole that bong. :megacrankey:

And a shit ton of weed. It was a fake roor though, luckily :sadyes:


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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InvisibleEverlong
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19222129 - 12/03/13 01:02 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

I was just trying to argue that masking your dip in intelligence, by abusing the same substances that caused it, would only lead to more damage.

The brain can recover from a lot of shit thrown at it, homie. I would suggest smoking a little pot every now and then if you had to but it seems you have an addictive personality.

I can't talk shit, every substance I get I will turn into a glutton over until it's gone, mainly marijuana. I'll buy an eighth of some killer bud and smoke it in 24 hours. But I can also go weeks without it if I'm too broke to afford it.

My biggest sin is Gluttony. :uhoh:


--------------------


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InvisibleInto The Woods
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19222135 - 12/03/13 01:03 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

LOL @ the news service thing. Honest mistake or subconscious display of ego/self importance :lol:

In all seriousness though,

I'm sure your brain is fine. At worst, it might take some time for your brain chemistry to balance out but the sooner you take that step towards sobriety, the sooner your brain will be back to normal.

Rome wasn't built in a day.

St1llnox's brain didn't recuperate in a day.


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InvisibledeCypher
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: Everlong] * 1
    #19222145 - 12/03/13 01:04 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

OP, I think you should try to permanently forget about whether or not your broke your brain by submerging your neurons in a heavy, constant dose of hardcore downers.  Benzos work well for this purpose; maybe throw in some heroin on occasion to ensure you'll never want to leave that warm, fuzzy place of sweet sweet amnesiac oblivion.

Who needs brain cells when you can forget about everything via blissful euphoria?  :satansmoking:


--------------------
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.


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OfflineThe Vapor
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: deCypher]
    #19222152 - 12/03/13 01:06 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

You got this stillnox, just stop the drugs, get some exercise (at least go for a walk or skateboard), eat well.

It'll all be good, don't panic.

:thumbup:


--------------------


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InvisibleSet
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19222185 - 12/03/13 01:12 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

The idea of sobriety literally scares me



I hear that.

I've given sobriety a shot.  Been to a lot of AA.


I just don't see complete sobriety ever being a realistic solution for me.

I don't even know how to do that.  What do sober adults do at night when they get together?  Nothing?  Board Games?

The only sober people I know also happen to be the most boring people I know.  Wonder if that's a coincidence.  :rolleyes:


--------------------
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Invisiblethizzlemaniac
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: st1llnox]
    #19222218 - 12/03/13 01:19 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

I'm already sweating and going through withdrawals a bit, r u in this with me or not?!

I was an all day drinker before today  :superscream:

I'm using weed to help tho, but my tolerance doesn't really allow it to do much.

Are you in J-Dog?


--------------------
Hi how are you? How high are you?



:aum:


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Offlinest1llnox
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: The Vapor]
    #19222219 - 12/03/13 01:20 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Everlong said:
I was just trying to argue that masking your dip in intelligence, by abusing the same substances that caused it, would only lead to more damage.

The brain can recover from a lot of shit thrown at it, homie. I would suggest smoking a little pot every now and then if you had to but it seems you have an addictive personality.

I can't talk shit, every substance I get I will turn into a glutton over until it's gone, mainly marijuana. I'll buy an eighth of some killer bud and smoke it in 24 hours. But I can also go weeks without it if I'm too broke to afford it.

My biggest sin is Gluttony. :uhoh:




I totally agree with you that it would damage and totally pull a self-fulfilling prophecy on me.

Neuroplasticity is going to be my new homeboy for a while and I'm going to hit the books hard. I also just remembered I need to cancel my Lumosity subscription.

I have an addictive personality but selectively for some reason; (most) opiates, (most) benzos, and stimulants (though I've only had Adderall, Dexedrine, and Concerta) don't phase me but DXM, alcohol, and ESPECIALLY K2 (I really am boggled how I'm still alive heh) are super addicting to me.

Also, every once in a while I just want to feel different and will use something idiotic like DPH to get high during drug famines.


Weed's kind of in the middle addiction-wise. I will make a game out of trying to see how long I can get this 8th I'm getting tomorrow to last. I think I'm going to shoot for like 3 times a week tops plus social smoking, but either way I should have some (and even set a little reserve aside and hide it somewhere) in case I need to feel fucked up so that I won't wander to worse things.

Bored sobriety and a lack of weed is how I got into DXM in the first place, actually :themoreyouknow:

I appreciate all the advice brodawg! :highfive:

Quote:

Into The Woods said:
LOL @ the news service thing. Honest mistake or subconscious display of ego/self importance :lol:

In all seriousness though,

I'm sure your brain is fine. At worst, it might take some time for your brain chemistry to balance out but the sooner you take that step towards sobriety, the sooner your brain will be back to normal.

Rome wasn't built in a day.

St1llnox's brain didn't recuperate in a day.




Lol... I think the ego thing's a bit more controlled. I'm pretty sure doing all that DXM was really pushing things over the edge.

Honestly the fact that I have a tremor/tremble in my hands and my fingers during fine motor movements scares me almost as much and I'm scared of this not going away either but who knows... I've put my body through a lot and have barely even started letting it come up for air.


Quote:

The Vapor said:
You got this stillnox, just stop the drugs, get some exercise (at least go for a walk or skateboard), eat well.

It'll all be good, don't panic.

:thumbup:




Thanks and good advice. I started running again almost daily (but < 1 mile) a week ago when I quit smoking and I'm getting there with the nutrition. I appreciate the reassurance (and you reminded me that I miss skateboarding... need to get going on that again too now that my leg isn't broken from it haha).


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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Invisiblethizzlemaniac
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: Set]
    #19222229 - 12/03/13 01:22 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Set said:
Quote:

The idea of sobriety literally scares me



I hear that.

I've given sobriety a shot.  Been to a lot of AA.


I just don't see complete sobriety ever being a realistic solution for me.

I don't even know how to do that.  What do sober adults do at night when they get together?  Nothing?  Board Games?

The only sober people I know also happen to be the most boring people I know.  Wonder if that's a coincidence.  :rolleyes:




I feel exactly the same way.  Most married adults go to work, then come home and watch TV.  I don't want that to be me.  Sobriety is boring as fuck and I've been busy being not sober for so long.  My year probation was just long and depressing, nothing good really came from being sober that long :shrug:


--------------------
Hi how are you? How high are you?



:aum:


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Offlinest1llnox
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Re: The idea of sobriety literally scares me [Re: thizzlemaniac]
    #19222243 - 12/03/13 01:25 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

thizzlemaniac said:
I'm already sweating and going through withdrawals a bit, r u in this with me or not?!

I was an all day drinker before today  :superscream:

I'm using weed to help tho, but my tolerance doesn't really allow it to do much.

Are you in J-Dog?




Today was going to be my final day of drinking, but I'll do it early and save myself one more hangover tomorrow.


I AM IN IT TO WIN IT WITH THIZZ-NIT!!!

I am deeply concerned about your W/D though; nurses have told me that withdrawal can be fatal after as little as 2 weeks of continuous drinking and the last thing I want is for you to have a seizure or worse.

Though not great to keep around for we-the-drunks, I'd say if there were ever a time to have a few benzos on hand, it would be the next few days.


DUDE WE CAN FUCKING DO THIS THOUGH. I'm getting weed tomorrow too and that'll help with the sleep issue. Tonight's going to be rough though... I've drank myself to sleep most nights and I think it's been a month or more since I've fallen asleep naturally.

Maybe I'll just pull an all-nighter...

DUDE WE SERIOUSLY HAVE GOT THIS THOUGH :nodofunderstanding:


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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