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InvisibleMagicman69
All About the Benjamins
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Registered: 05/29/13
Posts: 6,876
Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: Patlal]
    #19218294 - 12/02/13 05:16 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

My joke. I entered this in a contest and it was the funniest, but OP never paid out any winnings. I hate when people do contests then don't send. ANYWAYS,


A husband and wife are in a serious car crash, the wife get ejected through the windshield and is rushed to the hospital. The man suffers minor injuries and follows wife to the Emergency room.

When he gets there the doctor comes out to greet him. The man says "is my wife ok?" The doctor says "I have some good news, and some bad news"

The husband says give me the bad news first. The doctor says "Your wife is completely paralyzed and brain dead. She has no use of any extremities and will need 24\7 care. You will have to feed her, wipe her ass, and take her anywhere she needs to go"

The man says "that's awful, Tell me the good news?" The doctor said "Just kidding, shes dead."


Edited by Magicman69 (12/02/13 05:37 PM)


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OfflinePsilosopherr
A psilly goose
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Registered: 02/15/12
Posts: 12,278
Last seen: 2 months, 3 days
Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: Magicman69]
    #19218318 - 12/02/13 05:22 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Magicman69 said:
My joke. I entered this in a contest and it was the funniest, but OP never paid out any winnings. I hate win people do contests then don't send. ANYWAYS,


A husband and wife are in a serious car crash, the wife get ejected through the windshield and is rushed to the hospital. The man suffers minor injuries and follows wife to the Emergency room.

When he gets there the doctor comes out to greet him. The man says "is my wife ok?" The doctor says "I have some good news, and some bad news"

The husband says give me the bad news first. The doctor says "Your wife is completely paralyzed and brain dead. She has no use of any extremities and will need 24\7 care. You will have to feed her, wipe her ass, and take her anywhere she needs to go"

The man says "that's awful, Tell me the good news?" The doctor said "Just kidding, shes dead."



duuude whats that from? I've heard that before, maybe from my dad.

thats a fucking incredible joke tho. I love it!


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InvisibleModestMouse
IM WALKIN ON SUNSHINE
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Registered: 05/06/13
Posts: 19,227
Loc: Upstate
Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: Magicman69]
    #19218331 - 12/02/13 05:26 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Well I just smoked some dank Salvia and spent the last half hour in my room trying to find out where my chair went.


Needless to say, I was sitting on the fucking thing.

Also I have a supported account, so you probably shouldn't give one to me.
:datass:


--------------------
Anyone got a lowpass filter in this biiiiash?


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OfflineUltron
alchemist programmer
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Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 08/04/13
Posts: 751
Loc: inner sanctum of the cosm...
Last seen: 3 months, 28 days
Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: ModestMouse]
    #19218362 - 12/02/13 05:33 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

my friend almost gut fucked by a homeless dude on the bus when we got mushies from lady friend of mine


--------------------
My journal of grow logs


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InvisibleMagicman69
All About the Benjamins
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Registered: 05/29/13
Posts: 6,876
Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: Patlal]
    #19219142 - 12/02/13 08:02 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Patlal said:
Joke:

An extremely horny Arab guy lived in a small village with no single women. He gets tired of jerking off, it doesn't satisfy him anymore. He starts staring at his camel which happens to be a female. He looks around, nobody is around, he grabs a small ladder and puts it behind the camel. He climbs on it, the camels moves a little and he falls.

He tries again, the camel moves, he falls again...

After a couple more attempts, he sees a naked women coming out of the desert.

She comes straight to the guy, looks at him with lovely eyes and says:

- Can I help you with something???

The guys answers:

- Yeah., could you hold the damm camel in place.




Winner. Was close between this and stillnox. Patlal pulls rank so..


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Offlineberdinwall
<3 whooooshhh


Registered: 06/10/12
Posts: 4,276
Loc: West Virginia
Last seen: 2 years, 3 months
Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: Magicman69]
    #19219231 - 12/02/13 08:21 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Almost like the last scene in dumb n dumber


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OfflineAedium
The Explorationist
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Registered: 08/14/12
Posts: 673
Loc: In the pines
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: berdinwall]
    #19219458 - 12/02/13 09:07 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

on the first day back to school my junior year,
i was sitting in class of a bunch of people i didnt know, i befriended a few pretty females

i was sitting with a table but nothing but pretty girls, i absolutly hate poooping in school its alway gross if you dont get it before anyone else lol. like the best time to take a shit is 6-930 am 10:40 if your lucky

soo i finaly decide shit, im gonna try to find the cleanest restroom and go. so i walk around to 1 set of restrooms, dirty as fuck, a tird on the toilet seat it one, so after considering ive been out of class dor about 8 mins already the teach will come looking for me or question me or something so i decide nvm im going back to class only an hour left and i can drive home fast.

so im walking back and i start havin doubts, should i find another restroom now or wait it out, kept thinking on this one.:confused:

so im walking down the vocational hall way where my class is like 40 feet away (no restrooms) i see my friend austin..
hey austin whats up? (at this point i had just shit my pants and was trying to keep a straight face and not give away any kind of hint.)  :jawdrop:
so i awkwardly turn around after he passes and i walk to the restroom i take my shit filled briefs and just fucking take them off and lay them on the handicap rail.

i try ever so desperatly to srub the shit out of my pants so no one would smell it, while finishing off this dump guess what happens?

im franticly texting my sister, "mysteree please sign me out now" i drop my fucking phone in this fucking multi student piss and my own shit.

i came close to crying lol. i was like "fuck reeeeealllly?"
i grabbed it fast wiped it off, sent the message.

so i finaly finish all my buisness i can still smell shit on my pants im so embarassed to go back to class to these pretty girls, they know i just took a dump, and now theyre going to smell it too, ive been gone like 20 mins.

i go back to class leaving my shit filled briefs where they were lol there was no hope for them.

i sit awkwardly away from everyone i scootch my chair out a little, and keep leaning over to see how strong the smell is.
can they smell it? god im so embarassed. so at this point i feel very hot, temp wise.
my sister is bitching at me, "no you need to stay in school" i finaly tell her and then she feels so sorry for me.

i go to her house she buys me food and laughs hestaricly at me..


i miss those undies :frown:


--------------------


The blind man sits in silence, while the deaf man reads.


Edited by Aedium (12/02/13 09:07 PM)


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OfflineAedium
The Explorationist
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Registered: 08/14/12
Posts: 673
Loc: In the pines
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: Aedium] * 1
    #19219478 - 12/02/13 09:13 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

just realized i shared this embarassing story, and im too late
:facepalm3:


--------------------


The blind man sits in silence, while the deaf man reads.


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Offlinest1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask
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Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816 Flag
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: Magicman69]
    #19219499 - 12/02/13 09:18 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Magicman69 said:
Quote:

Patlal said:
Joke:

An extremely horny Arab guy lived in a small village with no single women. He gets tired of jerking off, it doesn't satisfy him anymore. He starts staring at his camel which happens to be a female. He looks around, nobody is around, he grabs a small ladder and puts it behind the camel. He climbs on it, the camels moves a little and he falls.

He tries again, the camel moves, he falls again...

After a couple more attempts, he sees a naked women coming out of the desert.

She comes straight to the guy, looks at him with lovely eyes and says:

- Can I help you with something???

The guys answers:

- Yeah., could you hold the damm camel in place.




Winner. Was close between this and stillnox. Patlal pulls rank so..





Damn you/OMG/Woot for Patlal!. You totally know if mine had better video quality, it might have sufficed :shrug:


Thanks for making clear I'm the runner up though :sun:. This joke has such simple and obvious form to it but it is damn good, I'll give it that :manofapproval:

What does "pulls rank" mean? Seniority? I'm about to urbandictionary this but since people sometimes use these in a more nuanced fashion rather than in their most general sense, I figure I should ask the source. (AND YES DRUG INTERNET THIS MEANS IM NOT ACTUALLY OMNISCIENTLY SMART OR EVEN THE SMARTIST GUY HEAR!!!)


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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Offlinest1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask
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Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816 Flag
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: st1llnox]
    #19219534 - 12/02/13 09:24 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Okay so contrary to past experiences, I find myself *more* lost after reading urbandictionary. PLZ TELL ME AND WUTNOT



Also, this thread really attracted some jewels (especially ModestMouse's :lol:) so thanks for making it! For my part, I'm just glad I made someone laugh and feel happy today :cool:


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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InvisibleTrentBoyett
Aspiring Mycologist
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Registered: 11/29/12
Posts: 16,000
Loc: Kazakhstan
Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: live2fry]
    #19219585 - 12/02/13 09:33 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

live2fry said:
http://www.amazon.com/Hutzler-571-Banana-Slicer/dp/B0047E0EII/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1386026927&sr=8-1&keywords=571b+banana+slicer

Even if this doesn't count as an entry, READ THE REVIEWS FOR THIS.

When someone first showed me this it had be laughing out loud for several minutes. some good stuff in there



I've been loling since I started reading them...

What made that popular?


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Offlinest1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask
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Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816 Flag
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: TrentBoyett]
    #19219811 - 12/02/13 10:18 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

mjmihalov said:
Quote:

live2fry said:
http://www.amazon.com/Hutzler-571-Banana-Slicer/dp/B0047E0EII/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1386026927&sr=8-1&keywords=571b+banana+slicer

Even if this doesn't count as an entry, READ THE REVIEWS FOR THIS.

When someone first showed me this it had be laughing out loud for several minutes. some good stuff in there



I've been loling since I started reading them...

What made that popular?





Proooooobably the fact that it's saved countless Americans (the only race that counts) from hours of horrid difficulty whilst divvying up bananas.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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