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Magicman69
All About the Benjamins



Registered: 05/29/13
Posts: 6,876
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Win a free Supporter account!
#19218027 - 12/02/13 04:22 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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My girlfriend and I just bought supporter accounts, and a new 12' Trichocereus Peruvian cutting from our wonderful sponsor "World Seed Supply". I will have enough left on the card to buy an extra 1 month supporter account.
Who ever can tell me the funniest joke, funniest story, weirdest experiences or interesting tale wins it. Basically whoever makes me laugh, think, or cry the hardest. I will choose the winner at 7:00 PM western standard time.
Good luck and happy holidays
p.s. If you don't want to participate don't be a
Edited by Magicman69 (12/02/13 04:32 PM)
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live2fry
Madam Mushroom



Registered: 12/01/13
Posts: 30
Last seen: 10 years, 1 month
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Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: Magicman69]
#19218064 - 12/02/13 04:29 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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http://www.amazon.com/Hutzler-571-Banana-Slicer/dp/B0047E0EII/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1386026927&sr=8-1&keywords=571b+banana+slicer
Even if this doesn't count as an entry, READ THE REVIEWS FOR THIS.
When someone first showed me this it had be laughing out loud for several minutes. some good stuff in there
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DirtyTomFlint
( ಥـْـِـِـِـْಥ)




Registered: 11/26/13
Posts: 1,879
Loc: United Kingdom
Last seen: 1 year, 1 month
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Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: live2fry]
#19218085 - 12/02/13 04:33 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
live2fry said: http://www.amazon.com/Hutzler-571-Banana-Slicer/dp/B0047E0EII/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1386026927&sr=8-1&keywords=571b+banana+slicer
Even if this doesn't count as an entry, READ THE REVIEWS FOR THIS.
When someone first showed me this it had be laughing out loud for several minutes. some good stuff in there
This is too funny 
I'm already a supporter but wanted to say congrats for the good fortune!
--------------------
   Know Your Body, Know Your Mind, Know Your Substance, Know Your Source
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indocult
Dr


Registered: 07/12/09
Posts: 1,395
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Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: live2fry]
#19218097 - 12/02/13 04:35 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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 http://media.photobucket.com/user/judihowell/media/Hilarious-3-1.jpg.html
Ever since i first posted the link to the banana slicer reviews like a year ago it gets used every contest i[imagehttp://i88.photobucket.com/albums/k190/Stoner4Life_photos/Stoner4Life_photos001/aaff907_zps18ebd166.jpg[/image] /rant There's a meme i found the other day that had me rollin. ill edit this post with said meme
edit : ok i couldnt find what im lookin for but heres a couple fot shits and gigglrs
Edited by indocult (12/02/13 05:09 PM)
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live2fry
Madam Mushroom



Registered: 12/01/13
Posts: 30
Last seen: 10 years, 1 month
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Quote:
DatIslandLife said:
Quote:
live2fry said: http://www.amazon.com/Hutzler-571-Banana-Slicer/dp/B0047E0EII/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1386026927&sr=8-1&keywords=571b+banana+slicer
Even if this doesn't count as an entry, READ THE REVIEWS FOR THIS.
When someone first showed me this it had be laughing out loud for several minutes. some good stuff in there
This is too funny 
I'm already a supporter but wanted to say congrats for the good fortune!
glad you hadn't seen it before! i think you can sort it so you only get the 5 star reviews. which is helpful because there are literally hundreds.
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live2fry
Madam Mushroom



Registered: 12/01/13
Posts: 30
Last seen: 10 years, 1 month
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Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: indocult]
#19218103 - 12/02/13 04:36 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
indocult said: Ever since i first posted the link to the banana slicer reviews like a year ago one or two people use them every contest.
/rant
There's a meme i found the othee day that had me rollin. ill edit this poat with said meme
sorry 
what, do you own those reviews? :ha:
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Mush4Brains
LOOL HACKED!!!

Registered: 07/31/13
Posts: 4,419
Last seen: 9 years, 2 months
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Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: live2fry]
#19218107 - 12/02/13 04:36 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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I think the quality of my posts is enough reason to buy me a supporter account.
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Psilosopherr
A psilly goose



Registered: 02/15/12
Posts: 12,278
Last seen: 1 month, 10 days
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Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: Mush4Brains]
#19218112 - 12/02/13 04:37 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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"does this dress make me look fat?"
"no honey, its a gorgeous dress. It's your body that makes you look fat."
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st1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask



Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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For my entry, I'll use a gay/nazi joke I told/showed in a video to try to cheer up a fellow shroomerite:
If its nazi and gay references don't make it formidable enough, perhaps the fact I'm wearing a McDonalds uniform will...
-------------------- Back, bitches. st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet? st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here
  
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live2fry
Madam Mushroom



Registered: 12/01/13
Posts: 30
Last seen: 10 years, 1 month
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Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: Psilosopherr]
#19218120 - 12/02/13 04:38 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
rbalzer said: "does this dress make me look fat?"
"no honey, its a gorgeous dress. It's your body that makes you look fat."

!!! nice avatar!!
I lovvve fritz the cat!
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Psilosopherr
A psilly goose



Registered: 02/15/12
Posts: 12,278
Last seen: 1 month, 10 days
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Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: live2fry]
#19218128 - 12/02/13 04:39 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
live2fry said:
Quote:
rbalzer said: "does this dress make me look fat?"
"no honey, its a gorgeous dress. It's your body that makes you look fat."

!!! nice avatar!!
I lovvve fritz the cat! 
d'aww thank you.
one of my favorite comedies too!
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Magicman69
All About the Benjamins



Registered: 05/29/13
Posts: 6,876
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Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: Mush4Brains]
#19218132 - 12/02/13 04:40 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Mush4Brains said: I think the quality quantity of my posts is enough reason to buy me a supporter account.
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TheGreenArrow
Goodbye, Mr. Chops.



Registered: 06/22/12
Posts: 15,270
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
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Quote:
There is no way to tell if this is a standard or metric banana slicer. Additional markings on it would help greatly.
Quote:
For those who say this is an unnecessary product, I say, Open your eyes. There are millions of Americans who need this. People with no hands. People with no arms. People with tiny arms that don't meet in the middle. During beta testing, I saw an appendageless woman press the 571 through a banana using only her face. Believe me, no one was laughing then. We nearly burst into applause, but we didn't want to be insensitive.
For too long, we have heard only silence in defense of the 571. But to those of us at Hutzler, that is the sound of one hand, slicing a banana.
-------------------- A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, design a building, conn a ship, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve an equation, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.- Robert A. Heinlein Saint RedBow of the Shroomey Loomey-Patron Saint of Sandbaggin Sumbitchs
Edited by TheGreenArrow (12/02/13 04:47 PM)
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JohnnieYen
Okay



Registered: 03/15/11
Posts: 3,529
Loc: City Z
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Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: Magicman69]
#19218166 - 12/02/13 04:47 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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My mother in law married an Internet Sociopath
I posted this about a year ago but it happened a while ago. (bout 6 years I think)
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SexyBeezy123
Mellow Yellow



Registered: 07/21/13
Posts: 229
Last seen: 8 years, 3 months
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Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: JohnnieYen]
#19218176 - 12/02/13 04:50 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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baby there is a whole porn forum in supporter chat 
Thanks for the upgrade
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Magicman69
All About the Benjamins



Registered: 05/29/13
Posts: 6,876
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Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: SexyBeezy123]
#19218188 - 12/02/13 04:54 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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porn forum?
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st1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask



Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: Magicman69]
#19218221 - 12/02/13 05:00 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Magicman69 said: porn forum? 
But is there gay porn there too? 
If not, I won't withdraw my entry but still...
-------------------- Back, bitches. st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet? st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here
  
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Mush4Brains
LOOL HACKED!!!

Registered: 07/31/13
Posts: 4,419
Last seen: 9 years, 2 months
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Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: Magicman69]
#19218235 - 12/02/13 05:03 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Magicman69 said:
Quote:
Mush4Brains said: I think the quality quantity of my posts is enough reason to buy me a supporter account.
Actually, the joke was that I make quality posts.
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Patlal
You ask too many questions



Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,797
Loc: Ottawa
Last seen: 1 hour, 58 minutes
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Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: Mush4Brains]
#19218267 - 12/02/13 05:11 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Joke:
An extremely horny Arab guy lived in a small village with no single women. He gets tired of jerking off, it doesn't satisfy him anymore. He starts staring at his camel which happens to be a female. He looks around, nobody is around, he grabs a small ladder and puts it behind the camel. He climbs on it, the camels moves a little and he falls.
He tries again, the camel moves, he falls again...
After a couple more attempts, he sees a naked women coming out of the desert.
She comes straight to the guy, looks at him with lovely eyes and says:
- Can I help you with something???
The guys answers:
- Yeah., could you hold the damm camel in place.
--------------------
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indocult
Dr


Registered: 07/12/09
Posts: 1,395
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Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: Mush4Brains]
#19218282 - 12/02/13 05:15 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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The best reviews are right when people started making them funny. you gotta read all 1-5 stars tp really love it. I'll try to find a link to the page where the hilarity starts
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Magicman69
All About the Benjamins



Registered: 05/29/13
Posts: 6,876
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Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: Patlal]
#19218294 - 12/02/13 05:16 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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My joke. I entered this in a contest and it was the funniest, but OP never paid out any winnings. I hate when people do contests then don't send. ANYWAYS,
A husband and wife are in a serious car crash, the wife get ejected through the windshield and is rushed to the hospital. The man suffers minor injuries and follows wife to the Emergency room.
When he gets there the doctor comes out to greet him. The man says "is my wife ok?" The doctor says "I have some good news, and some bad news"
The husband says give me the bad news first. The doctor says "Your wife is completely paralyzed and brain dead. She has no use of any extremities and will need 24\7 care. You will have to feed her, wipe her ass, and take her anywhere she needs to go"
The man says "that's awful, Tell me the good news?" The doctor said "Just kidding, shes dead."
Edited by Magicman69 (12/02/13 05:37 PM)
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Psilosopherr
A psilly goose



Registered: 02/15/12
Posts: 12,278
Last seen: 1 month, 10 days
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Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: Magicman69]
#19218318 - 12/02/13 05:22 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Magicman69 said: My joke. I entered this in a contest and it was the funniest, but OP never paid out any winnings. I hate win people do contests then don't send. ANYWAYS,
A husband and wife are in a serious car crash, the wife get ejected through the windshield and is rushed to the hospital. The man suffers minor injuries and follows wife to the Emergency room.
When he gets there the doctor comes out to greet him. The man says "is my wife ok?" The doctor says "I have some good news, and some bad news"
The husband says give me the bad news first. The doctor says "Your wife is completely paralyzed and brain dead. She has no use of any extremities and will need 24\7 care. You will have to feed her, wipe her ass, and take her anywhere she needs to go"
The man says "that's awful, Tell me the good news?" The doctor said "Just kidding, shes dead."
duuude whats that from? I've heard that before, maybe from my dad.
thats a fucking incredible joke tho. I love it!
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ModestMouse
IM WALKIN ON SUNSHINE



Registered: 05/06/13
Posts: 19,227
Loc: Upstate
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Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: Magicman69]
#19218331 - 12/02/13 05:26 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Well I just smoked some dank Salvia and spent the last half hour in my room trying to find out where my chair went.
Needless to say, I was sitting on the fucking thing.
Also I have a supported account, so you probably shouldn't give one to me.
-------------------- Anyone got a lowpass filter in this biiiiash?
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Ultron
alchemist programmer




Registered: 08/04/13
Posts: 751
Loc: inner sanctum of the cosm...
Last seen: 3 months, 3 days
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Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: ModestMouse]
#19218362 - 12/02/13 05:33 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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my friend almost gut fucked by a homeless dude on the bus when we got mushies from lady friend of mine
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Magicman69
All About the Benjamins



Registered: 05/29/13
Posts: 6,876
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Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: Patlal]
#19219142 - 12/02/13 08:02 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Patlal said: Joke:
An extremely horny Arab guy lived in a small village with no single women. He gets tired of jerking off, it doesn't satisfy him anymore. He starts staring at his camel which happens to be a female. He looks around, nobody is around, he grabs a small ladder and puts it behind the camel. He climbs on it, the camels moves a little and he falls.
He tries again, the camel moves, he falls again...
After a couple more attempts, he sees a naked women coming out of the desert.
She comes straight to the guy, looks at him with lovely eyes and says:
- Can I help you with something???
The guys answers:
- Yeah., could you hold the damm camel in place.
Winner. Was close between this and stillnox. Patlal pulls rank so..
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berdinwall
<3 whooooshhh


Registered: 06/10/12
Posts: 4,276
Loc: West Virginia
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
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Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: Magicman69]
#19219231 - 12/02/13 08:21 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Almost like the last scene in dumb n dumber
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Aedium
The Explorationist



Registered: 08/14/12
Posts: 673
Loc: In the pines
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
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Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: berdinwall]
#19219458 - 12/02/13 09:07 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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on the first day back to school my junior year, i was sitting in class of a bunch of people i didnt know, i befriended a few pretty females
i was sitting with a table but nothing but pretty girls, i absolutly hate poooping in school its alway gross if you dont get it before anyone else lol. like the best time to take a shit is 6-930 am 10:40 if your lucky
soo i finaly decide shit, im gonna try to find the cleanest restroom and go. so i walk around to 1 set of restrooms, dirty as fuck, a tird on the toilet seat it one, so after considering ive been out of class dor about 8 mins already the teach will come looking for me or question me or something so i decide nvm im going back to class only an hour left and i can drive home fast.
so im walking back and i start havin doubts, should i find another restroom now or wait it out, kept thinking on this one.
so im walking down the vocational hall way where my class is like 40 feet away (no restrooms) i see my friend austin.. hey austin whats up? (at this point i had just shit my pants and was trying to keep a straight face and not give away any kind of hint.) so i awkwardly turn around after he passes and i walk to the restroom i take my shit filled briefs and just fucking take them off and lay them on the handicap rail.
i try ever so desperatly to srub the shit out of my pants so no one would smell it, while finishing off this dump guess what happens?
im franticly texting my sister, "mysteree please sign me out now" i drop my fucking phone in this fucking multi student piss and my own shit.
i came close to crying lol. i was like "fuck reeeeealllly?" i grabbed it fast wiped it off, sent the message.
so i finaly finish all my buisness i can still smell shit on my pants im so embarassed to go back to class to these pretty girls, they know i just took a dump, and now theyre going to smell it too, ive been gone like 20 mins.
i go back to class leaving my shit filled briefs where they were lol there was no hope for them.
i sit awkwardly away from everyone i scootch my chair out a little, and keep leaning over to see how strong the smell is. can they smell it? god im so embarassed. so at this point i feel very hot, temp wise. my sister is bitching at me, "no you need to stay in school" i finaly tell her and then she feels so sorry for me.
i go to her house she buys me food and laughs hestaricly at me..
i miss those undies
--------------------
The blind man sits in silence, while the deaf man reads.
Edited by Aedium (12/02/13 09:07 PM)
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Aedium
The Explorationist



Registered: 08/14/12
Posts: 673
Loc: In the pines
Last seen: 3 years, 5 months
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Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: Aedium] 1
#19219478 - 12/02/13 09:13 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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just realized i shared this embarassing story, and im too late
--------------------
The blind man sits in silence, while the deaf man reads.
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st1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask



Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: Magicman69]
#19219499 - 12/02/13 09:18 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
Magicman69 said:
Quote:
Patlal said: Joke:
An extremely horny Arab guy lived in a small village with no single women. He gets tired of jerking off, it doesn't satisfy him anymore. He starts staring at his camel which happens to be a female. He looks around, nobody is around, he grabs a small ladder and puts it behind the camel. He climbs on it, the camels moves a little and he falls.
He tries again, the camel moves, he falls again...
After a couple more attempts, he sees a naked women coming out of the desert.
She comes straight to the guy, looks at him with lovely eyes and says:
- Can I help you with something???
The guys answers:
- Yeah., could you hold the damm camel in place.
Winner. Was close between this and stillnox. Patlal pulls rank so..
Damn you/OMG/Woot for Patlal!. You totally know if mine had better video quality, it might have sufficed 
Thanks for making clear I'm the runner up though . This joke has such simple and obvious form to it but it is damn good, I'll give it that 
What does "pulls rank" mean? Seniority? I'm about to urbandictionary this but since people sometimes use these in a more nuanced fashion rather than in their most general sense, I figure I should ask the source. (AND YES DRUG INTERNET THIS MEANS IM NOT ACTUALLY OMNISCIENTLY SMART OR EVEN THE SMARTIST GUY HEAR!!!)
-------------------- Back, bitches. st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet? st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here
  
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st1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask



Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: st1llnox]
#19219534 - 12/02/13 09:24 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Okay so contrary to past experiences, I find myself *more* lost after reading urbandictionary. PLZ TELL ME AND WUTNOT
Also, this thread really attracted some jewels (especially ModestMouse's ) so thanks for making it! For my part, I'm just glad I made someone laugh and feel happy today
-------------------- Back, bitches. st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet? st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here
  
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TrentBoyett
Aspiring Mycologist



Registered: 11/29/12
Posts: 16,000
Loc: Kazakhstan
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Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: live2fry]
#19219585 - 12/02/13 09:33 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
live2fry said: http://www.amazon.com/Hutzler-571-Banana-Slicer/dp/B0047E0EII/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1386026927&sr=8-1&keywords=571b+banana+slicer
Even if this doesn't count as an entry, READ THE REVIEWS FOR THIS.
When someone first showed me this it had be laughing out loud for several minutes. some good stuff in there
I've been loling since I started reading them...
What made that popular?
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st1llnox
dx'd PTSD/ADHD--please don't ask



Registered: 11/27/12
Posts: 7,312
Loc: 913 KANSAS CITY 816
Last seen: 5 years, 1 month
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Re: Win a free Supporter account! [Re: TrentBoyett]
#19219811 - 12/02/13 10:18 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Quote:
mjmihalov said:
Quote:
live2fry said: http://www.amazon.com/Hutzler-571-Banana-Slicer/dp/B0047E0EII/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1386026927&sr=8-1&keywords=571b+banana+slicer
Even if this doesn't count as an entry, READ THE REVIEWS FOR THIS.
When someone first showed me this it had be laughing out loud for several minutes. some good stuff in there
I've been loling since I started reading them...
What made that popular?
Proooooobably the fact that it's saved countless Americans (the only race that counts) from hours of horrid difficulty whilst divvying up bananas.
-------------------- Back, bitches. st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet? st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here
  
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