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Anonymous #1

How to break up
    #19196202 - 11/27/13 12:18 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

I have been with my girlfriend J for over a year, yet the first wounds are raw as ever. That's not to say I didn't deserve it in the beginning, but it never should have gotten to this point.

TL:DR

I am so lost. I feel like there is no way out. Last time I tried to break up with her, it resulted in 2 months of heart-wrenching chaos and then I am back together with her again. I don't know what the fuck to do and I'm honestly scared that I am going to be with her for the rest of my life. I would rather die young than grow old with these feelings plaguing my heart.

Have any of you ever felt stuck in a toxic relationship? How did you get out? I just want to move on and figure my problems out on my own.


Edited by Anonymous (11/28/13 01:22 AM)


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InvisibleEndure
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Re: How to break up [Re: Anonymous #1] * 1
    #19196255 - 11/27/13 12:31 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

hey you need to end it, she is causing inner conflict more than Anything in your life. and this isnt something that will just go away.

so yes, break up with her, dont feel bad for her at all. thats KEY. when she puts on that look, those cry's, don't feel bad for her. just think about what was going through her mind when her mouth was on someone elses dick. end of fuckin story. goodluck

p.s. tell her in person, make her face her consequence

i was in 2 toxic relationships. i moved on by realizing, theres always 2 sides that breakup with eachother, its never truly one. the one who initially got cut off, (she cut you off when she cheated) needs to break-up with the other person themselves in there mind n fuel it. keep pushin through, you'll find someone better, who fucks you, and you only, n is hotter, more beautiful n just better. thats the way the cookie may crumbles if you Allow it, so why not take a chance lol


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Offlinejamminshaman
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Re: How to break up [Re: Endure]
    #19197099 - 11/27/13 03:55 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

TL;DR with the exception of the first and last few sentences.

IME there is no good time or easy way to do it.


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OfflinePatlal
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Re: How to break up [Re: jamminshaman]
    #19197126 - 11/27/13 04:01 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

I you're gonna break up, do it the mature way; via Facebook.


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Edited by Patlal (11/27/13 05:31 PM)


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OfflineMescalean
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Re: How to break up [Re: Patlal]
    #19197468 - 11/27/13 05:30 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

This sounds alot like a destructive relationship I was in, j sounds exactly like my ex. GET. OUT. NOW!!!


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Offlinemushroom_sandwich
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Re: How to break up [Re: Mescalean]
    #19199504 - 11/28/13 06:28 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

lol if you want out so badly then dump her and ignore her.

see how easy that was OP?


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“I believe in a long, prolonged derangement of the senses to attain the unknown. Our pale reasoning hides the infinite from us."



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Invisiblekoraks
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Re: How to break up [Re: mushroom_sandwich]
    #19199651 - 11/28/13 07:41 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

mushroom_sandwich said:
lol if you want out so badly then dump her and ignore her.




Pretty much this.

Except:
Quote:

see how easy that was OP?



that's not true, of course :wink:


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Offlinemushroom_sandwich
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Re: How to break up [Re: koraks]
    #19199736 - 11/28/13 08:14 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

depends on how bad you want out :wink:

I remember breaking up with my first girlfriend back in high school...
took different routes to my classes so I wouldn't run into her, flat out refused to kiss her  :trololol: and then deleted her number after texting her "I'm not dating you anymore" :canthelpbutlaugh:


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“I believe in a long, prolonged derangement of the senses to attain the unknown. Our pale reasoning hides the infinite from us."



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Invisiblekoraks
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Re: How to break up [Re: mushroom_sandwich]
    #19199752 - 11/28/13 08:21 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

How is that funny? I'm going out on a limb here and assume she was pretty hurt.


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Offlinemushroom_sandwich
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Re: How to break up [Re: koraks]
    #19199878 - 11/28/13 09:03 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

i'm not saying it's funny that I was mean necessarily
it's funny because I was a dumb 15 year old and didn't know how to properly break up with someone, follies of youth etc.

I talked to her about it later down the road, she was fiiine.


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“I believe in a long, prolonged derangement of the senses to attain the unknown. Our pale reasoning hides the infinite from us."



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Anonymous #1

Re: How to break up [Re: mushroom_sandwich]
    #19200049 - 11/28/13 09:59 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

mushroom_sandwich said:
lol if you want out so badly then dump her and ignore her.

see how easy that was OP?



Oh its that easy? So its easy to ignore her when all of my friends are also her friends? When she is there everywhere you turn, trying to get into your head? I'll just refuse to kiss her and then text her that its over and it will all be OK, right?

See, the thing is, I don't want out. I need to be alone so I can move on with my life. This isn't a time for me where I can afford to spend half of every day micromanaging a 20 year old girl's emotions.

If it were as easy as you try to make it seem, I would already be a free man.

I'm not so much asking how to break up with a girl... I know how to do that. I'm talking about dealing with the fallout afterward and keeping oneself sane.


Edited by Anonymous (11/28/13 10:01 AM)


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Offlinemushroom_sandwich
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Re: How to break up [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19200082 - 11/28/13 10:09 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Quote:

mushroom_sandwich said:
lol if you want out so badly then dump her and ignore her.

see how easy that was OP?



Oh its that easy? So its easy to ignore her when all of my friends are also her friends? When she is there everywhere you turn, trying to get into your head? I'll just refuse to kiss her and then text her that its over and it will all be OK, right?

See, the thing is, I don't want out. I need to be alone so I can move on with my life. This isn't a time for me where I can afford to spend half of every day micromanaging a 20 year old girl's emotions.

If it were as easy as you try to make it seem, I would already be a free man.

I'm not so much asking how to break up with a girl... I know how to do that. I'm talking about dealing with the fallout afterward and keeping oneself sane.



lol that little high school tale wasn't meant to be taken as advice in any way whatsoever, it was pretty awful what I did, but hey I was like 15 at the time.

But staying in a relationship just because you don't want to deal with the aftermath isn't the answer to your problems.

Can you explain what the 2 months after you broke up with her were like? Why was it so bad that you had to take her back?


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“I believe in a long, prolonged derangement of the senses to attain the unknown. Our pale reasoning hides the infinite from us."



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Anonymous #1

Re: How to break up [Re: mushroom_sandwich]
    #19200144 - 11/28/13 10:23 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

mushroom_sandwich said:
Can you explain what the 2 months after you broke up with her were like? Why was it so bad that you had to take her back?



Well, first she fucked the person that was most emotionally painful for me for her to fuck. Then she started hanging out with my best friend almost every day.. about a week after that she is trying to date him. She would show up to all of the events that me and my crew would throw and grind up on dudes right in front of my face while I am performing. Not things that really make you want to be with a person. By the end of those 2 months, I had pretty much decided to be completely over it. I would've been successful too if she didn't chase me to Burning Man and then throw herself at me the whole week. I went to get over her but everywhere I turn she is there so I start hanging out with her and then we had a bunch of crazy sex and shared a ton of experiences, I can't really explain because its the Burn but if you've been then you understand. When we got back, I could tell she thought we were together again and all of the fallout was pretty much over and I did not want to go through all of that again. I still do not.


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Offlinecentipad
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Re: How to break up [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19200158 - 11/28/13 10:27 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

LOL.  OP.

you tool.  The obvious solution to is tell her its over and not talk to her anymore.  OF course she is going to do all those nasty dirty tricks that girls do to piss you off... ie.. date your friends, fuck your friends, go to events she knows you'll be at and try to grind on every dude.  Thats women dude and thats life.  Dump the cunt and dont ever give her the time of day.


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Offlinecentipad
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Re: How to break up [Re: centipad]
    #19200163 - 11/28/13 10:28 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Edit: tymoteusz3M is an extremely sensitive moderator.


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Edited by centipad (12/05/13 10:41 AM)


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Offlinemushroom_sandwich
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Re: How to break up [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19200171 - 11/28/13 10:31 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

she sounds extremely immature and manipulative man, and she cheated on you with i'm assuming a really close friend THEN went directly for your best friend?

you need to drop her man, and I mean DROP her. I get that she hangs out with people you hang out with but even if it means simply not hanging out with a group while she's there or not allowing her into parties that you throw, she sounds like a terrible partner.

Someone who legitimately cares for you wouldn't do any of that, she just wants to play games. And I wouldn't really count on her staying faithful if she cheated before and then tried to fuck all your friends.
Not to mention any friend that would fuck her knowing it's hurting you isn't much of a friend to begin with.

delete her number
delete her from fb or whatever
don't hang in groups that she's in
and tell her to fuck off

that's really the only way.


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“I believe in a long, prolonged derangement of the senses to attain the unknown. Our pale reasoning hides the infinite from us."



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InvisibleEndure
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Re: How to break up [Re: mushroom_sandwich]
    #19200269 - 11/28/13 11:04 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

drop her n find new friends.

this shouldn't be an issue on either fronts. a friend shouldnt back stab you and a girl shouldn't. do not view yourself as getting fucked over, literally view this as a chance to start anew..


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Offlinebloodsheen
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Re: How to break up [Re: mushroom_sandwich]
    #19202203 - 11/28/13 07:14 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

mushroom_sandwich said:
she sounds extremely immature and manipulative man, and she cheated on you with i'm assuming a really close friend THEN went directly for your best friend?

you need to drop her man, and I mean DROP her. I get that she hangs out with people you hang out with but even if it means simply not hanging out with a group while she's there or not allowing her into parties that you throw, she sounds like a terrible partner.

Someone who legitimately cares for you wouldn't do any of that, she just wants to play games. And I wouldn't really count on her staying faithful if she cheated before and then tried to fuck all your friends.
Not to mention any friend that would fuck her knowing it's hurting you isn't much of a friend to begin with.

delete her number
delete her from fb or whatever
don't hang in groups that she's in
and tell her to fuck off

that's really the only way.



Agreed. That whole trying to be 'mature' thing where you try to live around them is bullshit and pointless. When you pull off a band aid, regardless of if you pull it slow or all at once, you don't put it on your kitchen counter and watch the bacteria grow on it, you throw it away.

That may be a labored metaphor, but I think it fits


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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog


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Re: How to break up [Re: bloodsheen]
    #19202626 - 11/28/13 09:14 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

:noargument:


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“I believe in a long, prolonged derangement of the senses to attain the unknown. Our pale reasoning hides the infinite from us."



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Anonymous #1

Re: How to break up [Re: mushroom_sandwich]
    #19203167 - 11/28/13 11:53 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

She didn't cheat on me. We were already broken up, but it was still pretty fucked up. Yes, she is manipulative. I know I need to leave her. Its really hard because I love her and ever since we've gotten back together she has been really good to me. If she had been like this from the beginning, things could've been really awesome. She knows she fucked up and she legitimately loves me. And I'm not exactly being good to her now. I'm not emotionally there half of the time. I have to shut my emotions off if I think about our past before we hang out because I get really frustrated. I know that I should be with somebody that would never have done that to me in the first place. She deserves somebody who treats her better and I deserve somebody who didn't fuck me over in the past. I would probably even be happier alone, but I'm depressed as fuck right now. I don't know how I can deal with all of the bullshit if I break up with her.


Edited by Anonymous (11/28/13 11:58 PM)


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Offlinemushroom_sandwich
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Re: How to break up [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19204040 - 11/29/13 08:54 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

you just have to occupy yourself man, I know depression, I can relate :hug: the pain will pass in time


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Anonymous #1

Re: How to break up [Re: mushroom_sandwich]
    #19204770 - 11/29/13 12:42 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Well.. I'm picking her up from the airport today. I don't know if I can do this but I can't imagine myself not doing this. I'm not feeling good about the now but I'm absolutely dreading the future. I wish I could cease to exist.


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Anonymous #2

Re: How to break up [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19204789 - 11/29/13 12:46 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Maybe take some mdai or 6apb then sit down and be totally honest with eachother about your feelings?


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Re: How to break up [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #19204893 - 11/29/13 01:21 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Maybe take some mdai or 6apb then sit down and be totally honest with eachother about your feelings?



you don't need to take drugs to be honest with someone, just sayin.


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“I believe in a long, prolonged derangement of the senses to attain the unknown. Our pale reasoning hides the infinite from us."



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Anonymous #2

Re: How to break up [Re: mushroom_sandwich]
    #19204911 - 11/29/13 01:28 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

I know.. But, if these people were thaty honest with eachother we wouldnt have this problem...


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Anonymous #1

Re: How to break up [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #19208811 - 11/30/13 02:16 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I've shared my feelings with her. I even told her that I want to be alone. She left me alone for a few days but it's really hard for me to end it. I can foresee the eruption of tears and I dread it. I hate to see her unhappy.


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OfflineSpacerific
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Re: How to break up [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19210051 - 11/30/13 08:18 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

OP, in no particular order:

- Take MDMA or shrooms with her. It might help you level things out and get on the same rhythms, burying the hatchet. :tripping::tripping: OR it might help you both see the truth that you don't work well together, making the breakup more natural and easy to accept by both.

- Start considering her a rebound relationship. That is, temporary stuff that you only use until you find a real one. If she fucked up and treated you badly, well she kind of deserves it.

- Don't even worry about the breakup. Worry about finding new pussy. Chances are it will be better, since it's a fresh clean slate. Then once you found it, this relationship should dissolve by itself. I hope your gf isn't suicidal or anything.

If it helps, every morning before you do anything, visualize your life 5 years in the future, still with this girl, going through the exact same shit over and over and over, no end in sight. You've done it once, now start doing it regularly. It will freak you out into some decisive action :lol:


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For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
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OfflineDirtyTomFlint
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Re: How to break up [Re: Spacerific]
    #19210298 - 11/30/13 09:41 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Communication. Just talk to her. Lol. You'll be surprised how easy it was once its done.


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