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backfire16



Registered: 04/29/10
Posts: 117
Last seen: 4 years, 6 months
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Have I just been brainwashed or am I missing something?
#19193720 - 11/26/13 07:17 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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In order to get my question across I'll have to tell you a little bit about myself.
I found this site in my late teens, around 17. I had started smoking pot quite regularly and was offered to purchase some mushrooms from an acquaintance. From a young age I had always used the internet as a resource to learn about everything and anything I was interested in.
After coming here and visiting numerous other drug related sites I started reading from other posters about how psychedelics could alter my perception of reality and more or less make me "enlightened", "feel at one with everything", be at peace with myself and on it goes.
I have to say for the past almost 4 years that's a dream I have been chasing. Chasing this one drug experience that is going to change my whole thought process and make me content and at peace with things.
Over the years the only psychedelic I had come across was mushrooms, I've tripped probably well over 20 times, high and low dose and not once have I ever had an experience as described above. It often causes me to think about my life and all my issues and problems and helps me to think about them in a constructive way but as soon as I wake up the next morning that whole feeling is gone and it's like I'm back to square one.
My thought process was that it must be that the mushrooms just really don't do it for me and I need to try LSD to have this life changing experience.
2 months ago I finally got LSD for the first time. Since then I have had the chance to try LSD multiple times.
After hearing stuff like Steve Jobs saying acid was one of the two or three most important things he ever did in his life, I was convinced LSD would have this same effect on me, but once again I didn't come to any profound realizations, state of enlightenment or feel like I really benefited from it much at all.
It's almost like I'm stuck in this mode of thinking that the only thing that is going to fix my way of thinking is this one massive experience. Part of me is still hoping that maybe DMT, Ayahuasca, Peyote or even Ibogaine will do this for me. Most of me believes this is an irrational belief but part of me is holding onto it, pursuing it.
I feel like all I've gained over my years of drug use have been a bit more empathy, become a little better at reading people's thoughts and emotions, but who's to say that's not something that just came with age? I can definitely say that I now suffer from depression and anxiety which was never a problem before using.
I guess what I'm trying to ask is: do you believe that a psychedelic experience can really change your world view, the way you think? Take someone who is suffers from anxiety and depression and in one sweep, turn it around?
For the record I posted this here as I've always felt this crowd has been the most rational crowd. I used to believe everything I read on these forums and on the internet and slowly over time by reading posts by people in this sub-froum, such as OC and Icelander, I feel I have been able to become a much better critical thinker.
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AroundtheSon
Learning to See



Registered: 01/11/07
Posts: 4,427
Loc: Midwest.
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Re: Have I just been brainwashed or am I missing something? [Re: backfire16]
#19193754 - 11/26/13 07:25 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Do you take any medications? Just curious because it might help people guide their response...I know it would mind.
That said, you probably caught the gist if you have eaten as many mushrooms as you have indicated - but yeah - you will have to do the work to change yourself. Not to say the experience won't change your life - if it didn't you didn't take enough - but any changes you make will be your choice.
The biggest secret out there is that you are mostly responsible for your state of being. Forgiveness and Grace will get you home, but if you are unsatisfied with your way of being I don't think there is any "shortcut" to fixing it. Get started today instead of tomorrow.
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Rahz
Alive Again



Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,252
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Re: Have I just been brainwashed or am I missing something? [Re: backfire16] 1
#19193766 - 11/26/13 07:27 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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The most spiritual drug I've used is some San Pedro. 1 ounce dry steeped in high proof alcohol for a couple days then dehydrated. All my shroom trips were interesting but not spiritual experiences. The after effects can have a nice 'spiritual' quality for a couple weeks but always fades away.
Life experiences change people, additional perspectives for consideration. At some point the idea becomes 'perhaps it's not so bad'. It could be worse. Loosing ones expectations probably does more to calm people down than mystic revelations. Where there is discontent there are expectations.
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: Have I just been brainwashed or am I missing something? [Re: backfire16] 1
#19193773 - 11/26/13 07:30 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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My experience has been basically the same as yours. Humpty Dumpty was broken and all the soldiers and all the drugs couldn't put him back together again. Be glad you've gained some empathy and some critical thinking skills. That's more than many do however you've come by them. This is life. This is how it goes. I wish you the very best of luck brother. Thanks for sharing yourself and your experience so honestly. Others are listening.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Ryestals
Stranger


Registered: 11/12/13
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Re: Have I just been brainwashed or am I missing something? [Re: Rahz]
#19193780 - 11/26/13 07:31 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I believe your looking at this in the wrong sense "enlightenment" is a way of living, not a destination. second of all just enjoy the psychedelic expirence in its natural self it doesnt have to be any type of profound find jesus thing man, just enjoy its grace and beauty and rest will come.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



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Re: Have I just been brainwashed or am I missing something? [Re: Rahz]
#19193787 - 11/26/13 07:33 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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At some point the idea becomes 'perhaps it's not so bad'. It could be worse. Loosing ones expectations probably does more to calm people down than mystic revelations. Where there is discontent there are expectations.
Or it's pretty bad but it could be worse. That's how I see it. And there's no way to know much about it ultimately. Just live it out.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



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Posts: 95,368
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Re: Have I just been brainwashed or am I missing something? [Re: Ryestals]
#19193793 - 11/26/13 07:35 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Ryestals said: I believe your looking at this in the wrong sense "enlightenment" is a way of living, not a destination. second of all just enjoy the psychedelic expirence in its natural self it doesnt have to be any type of profound find jesus thing man, just enjoy its grace and beauty and rest will come.
What "rest". After 60 years of experience I know there is no "rest that's coming" There's just life to be lived.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Brian Jones
Club 27



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Re: Have I just been brainwashed or am I missing something? [Re: Icelander]
#19193795 - 11/26/13 07:35 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Just take drugs if they make you feel good. Don't expect enlightenment. As Elias said "feeling goods good enough"
-------------------- "The Rolling Stones will break up over Brian Jones' dead body" John Lennon I don't want no commies in my car. No Christians either. The worst thing about corruption is that it works so well,
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lessismore
Registered: 02/10/13
Posts: 6,268
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Re: Have I just been brainwashed or am I missing something? [Re: Brian Jones]
#19193803 - 11/26/13 07:38 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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It is not a magic pill
I used to suffer from depression for 5 years, not anymore after LSD/mushrooms
they each do the same, but LSD is best/easiest... very hard to get bad trips on
I had 100 trips on high doses to cure most of my problems/get introspection and then an egodeath , everything changed from there
careless about myself and many things love myself and everything I see
from one day to the next
it takes working... took me maybe a year to get there... then it happened when I was ready keep working on it
they can be great teachers, teach you exactly what you need to work on, then make the change after the trip each time
I will recommend walk in nature, sit in nature, exercise to you(cycle 20km i.e.)... works great too, especially in combination with psychedelics and healthy living, eat some food you enjoy, organic i.e. less is more often, more appreciation
I always eat very healthy when I trip, and take a walk in nature... cant trip without
Edited by lessismore (11/26/13 07:44 PM)
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,759
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Re: Have I just been brainwashed or am I missing something? [Re: backfire16]
#19193806 - 11/26/13 07:40 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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the research shows that the drug does not give you the life changing result. it does not teach you what you want. it does not show you what you should want. it is not a big fix-me-upper.
you give you the result when you can and not before, and often not at all. not everybody gets the pizzazzeronian enlightenment, nor even the wonderland or any super perspective, with or without demons deities or entities.
jobs was somewhat of a creative dude, so he lucked out. many of us luck out and find satisfactory mind expansion results.
most dont, and even more never even try nor are they interested in any of it.
your predicament is that you think you want to experience something, and you think it is related to lsd or mushrooms.
I am not sure that you do know what you want to find, or if you are chasing it away by being too certain of what it is. you can actually be so certain of what you are looking for, that it is not recognized dancing right in front of you.
expectation can really screw a "seeker" up.
--------------------
_ 🧠 _
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backfire16



Registered: 04/29/10
Posts: 117
Last seen: 4 years, 6 months
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Re: Have I just been brainwashed or am I missing something? [Re: AroundtheSon]
#19193812 - 11/26/13 07:41 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
AroundtheSon said: Do you take any medications? Just curious because it might help people guide their response...I know it would mind.
That said, you probably caught the gist if you have eaten as many mushrooms as you have indicated - but yeah - you will have to do the work to change yourself. Not to say the experience won't change your life - if it didn't you didn't take enough - but any changes you make will be your choice.
The biggest secret out there is that you are mostly responsible for your state of being. Forgiveness and Grace will get you home, but if you are unsatisfied with your way of being I don't think there is any "shortcut" to fixing it. Get started today instead of tomorrow. 
I'm not taking any medication but I've considered it. I've held out against it in hopes that one of these experiences will "cure" my way of think that I feel leads to this depression and anxiety.
I can't say I haven't worked to change myself or better myself. While I was actively using various other drugs I went through stages of homelessness, being kicked out of school multiple times and ultimately ended up doing a four month stint in a provincial jail.
Since then I have gone to rehab, finished my high school, got my licence, a full-time job, a car, and started attending college.
I struggled with depression the first year and a bit of recovery which stemmed from my anxiety and being unable to make relationships with people (as I use to be a very extroverted person).
Since attending college I have been able to make a good group of friends but I still struggle with anxiety and depression.
For as long as I can remember I've never really been motivated and live with a general state of apathy. I know how I should think to be happy or for this to change but for some reason I just can't change my overall thinking no matter how hard I've tried, that's why I've always been hoping that I would have one experience that would change my whole perception and the way I see life.
I understand the thought process that it takes to be happy and successful in life (setting goals, working towards them, achieving them, working towards what makes you happy) but for some reason I'm just stuck in a total mind state of 0 motivation/direction, even though I need to care.
It doesn't help that my main passion in life I will be unable to pursue for at least 5 years (because of my criminal record) and that I'm taking a course in school that is really just a 2nd choice in the meantime to have a stable job until I can do what I want.
Edited by backfire16 (11/26/13 07:50 PM)
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: Have I just been brainwashed or am I missing something? [Re: redgreenvines]
#19193816 - 11/26/13 07:42 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
jobs was somewhat of a creative dude, so he lucked out. many of us luck out and find satisfactory mind expansion results.
most dont, and even more never even try nor are they interested in any of it.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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backfire16



Registered: 04/29/10
Posts: 117
Last seen: 4 years, 6 months
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Re: Have I just been brainwashed or am I missing something? [Re: redgreenvines]
#19193829 - 11/26/13 07:45 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
redgreenvines said: the research shows that the drug does not give you the life changing result. it does not teach you what you want. it does not show you what you should want. it is not a big fix-me-upper.
you give you the result when you can and not before, and often not at all. not everybody gets the pizzazzeronian enlightenment, nor even the wonderland or any super perspective, with or without demons deities or entities.
jobs was somewhat of a creative dude, so he lucked out. many of us luck out and find satisfactory mind expansion results.
most dont, and even more never even try nor are they interested in any of it.
your predicament is that you think you want to experience something, and you think it is related to lsd or mushrooms.
I am not sure that you do know what you want to find, or if you are chasing it away by being too certain of what it is. you can actually be so certain of what you are looking for, that it is not recognized dancing right in front of you.
expectation can really screw a "seeker" up.
What I'm seeking may be better explained in my above post.
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lessismore
Registered: 02/10/13
Posts: 6,268
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Re: Have I just been brainwashed or am I missing something? [Re: backfire16]
#19193846 - 11/26/13 07:49 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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You dont need psychedelics to make the change..
it just happened to help me
have overcome depression before, by cycling 20km often :-)
cant feel depressed after that, works in the winter too
natural endorphins+ sleep good after it, and relaxed most of the day after it no worries after it either
or sit in nature/walk in nature
you can cycle 20km on any bicycle, even a $100 one, easily I enjoy cycling, in any weather
just a quick mail.. you make the change, noone else can make the change for you there is usually a reason for being depressed... maybe you are doing something you dont enjoy
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backfire16



Registered: 04/29/10
Posts: 117
Last seen: 4 years, 6 months
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Re: Have I just been brainwashed or am I missing something? [Re: lessismore]
#19193871 - 11/26/13 07:56 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
mio said: You dont need psychedelics to make the change..
it just happened to help me
have overcome depression before, by cycling 20km often :-)
cant feel depressed after that, works in the winter too
natural endorphins+ sleep good after it, and relaxed most of the day after it no worries after it either
or sit in nature/walk in nature
you can cycle 20km on any bicycle, even a $100 one, easily I enjoy cycling, in any weather
just a quick mail.. you make the change, noone else can make the change for you there is usually a reason for being depressed... maybe you are doing something you dont enjoy
I exercise, eat well, play sports and workout almost everyday, funny that you mentioned this because that's what I'm studying in school.
I have a decent understanding of the effect exercise has on neurotransmitters and over-all feelings of well being and I'll admit it helps somewhat but not much. For a lot of people it can be life-changing though.
I understand that depression is always caused by something, in my case it seems like it is my sense of apathy towards everything that I can't shake but know I need to shake.
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cez

Registered: 08/04/09
Posts: 5,854
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Re: Have I just been brainwashed or am I missing something? [Re: backfire16]
#19193882 - 11/26/13 07:58 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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You sound a bit foolish IMO.. These drugs don't promise enlightenment.
Why do even want enlightenment so bad?
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klimt
Stranger



Registered: 03/07/08
Posts: 461
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Re: Have I just been brainwashed or am I missing something? [Re: redgreenvines]
#19193893 - 11/26/13 08:01 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Psychedelic drugs can be used like tools by giving you different & multiple perspectives; they also can force you into examining things hidden deep within the psyche -- much like the role of a therapist. On high doses, you are often confronted with your own death.
However, ultimately it is up to you to integrate the experiences...
Get good at meditation sober. Then make sure you have proper set & setting when you 'trip' -- lights off, no one to disturb whatsoever, lay down or in your meditative position, focus on your breath -- get into the zone, you want to be in a state where you're almost asleep but not yet asleep -- your subconscious will be brought forth for you to explore.
The psychedelics help bring your subconscious out. The meditation makes sure you're in the zone to explore it.
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Huehuecoyotl
Fading Slowly


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Re: Have I just been brainwashed or am I missing something? [Re: backfire16] 1
#19193916 - 11/26/13 08:06 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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You seem to be getting it...good job! Drugs might inspire you, but realization complete in one experience...not happening. What you are seeking will be partially achieved by using your head to analyze what you see, read, and experience daily. It will go slow, and be painful, but change will occur...but enlightenment...what is that anyway? If you take anything positive away from any experience you grew.
-------------------- "A warrior is a hunter. He calculates everything. That's control. Once his calculations are over, he acts. He lets go. That's abandon. A warrior is not a leaf at the mercy of the wind. No one can push him; no one can make him do things against himself or against his better judgment. A warrior is tuned to survive, and he survives in the best of all possible fashions." ― Carlos Castaneda
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,759
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Re: Have I just been brainwashed or am I missing something? [Re: backfire16]
#19193963 - 11/26/13 08:15 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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You want to change the world and the way you think. It's that what you mean. You want to know if that is not too much to ask for?
--------------------
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Rahz
Alive Again



Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,252
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Re: Have I just been brainwashed or am I missing something? [Re: Icelander] 1
#19193981 - 11/26/13 08:17 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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To an extent I think learning to deal with stress and anxiety does define a path of sorts. Many people have trips that result in a temporary respite from the mental tensions pervading the average person but chasing an experience through drugs probably isn't a great idea. With repetition of events a person may learn not to take things so seriously. From a meditative perspective my opinion is that one cannot learn themselves into enlightenment but one can open their eyes and see the turbulence without adding to it, but if there are expectations present the overarching awareness is gone replaced by visions in a dream.
This can happen quickly and often so it's reasonable to seek out a shortcut whether drugs or religion or whatever. I think the idea and experience of being 'born again' has some validity in both religious and pharmacological circles but even in such cases I suspect they are all short term experiences.
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
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