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OfflineRhizohunter
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Re: Destined to be an alcoholic [Re: The_Ghost]
    #19185398 - 11/25/13 03:13 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

I started to do some strange things during psychosis, like ripping up newspapers and throwing them out windows, covering mirrors with garbage bags, and putting cigs out on the floor. Voices kept telling me to do odd behaviors.

Never thought my life would hit a point like this, but it seemed so real. Felt like I was being controlled by spirits from another realm. I still wonder these possibilities.


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OfflineBitter Cactus
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Re: Destined to be an alcoholic [Re: Rhizohunter]
    #19185412 - 11/25/13 03:29 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

The symptoms I experienced aren't always from the brain being hyper driven on meth. It's the sleep deprivation part of it, so whether you are super spun or not is irrelevant. Actually being really spun keeps your mind going after a certain time and when you start coming down then the memory gaps and scattered thoughts and sentences occur.

Sleep deprivation = schizophrenic mindstate

Like it feels I can straight up relate to someone with these mental disorders even though I don't have them.


--------------------
Taking acid and thinking you are a better man is a lot different then actually becoming a better man.




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OfflineBitter Cactus
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Re: Destined to be an alcoholic [Re: Bitter Cactus]
    #19185417 - 11/25/13 03:32 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Alright, here is meth psychosis. I was in a skype chat and don't feel like editing the format. This was the chat the morning after being up for six days and what happened. This is the time that right before this I had almost been killed and am looking at the stab wounds right now.

Basically none of this happened it was a hallucination. "Pint" is what people from my area call meth.

[13-06-28 6:08:31 PM] Bitter Cactus: let me give a quick story
[13-06-28 6:08:50 PM] Bitter Cactus: It was late at night and I was ready to go to sleep
[13-06-28 6:09:09 PM] Bitter Cactus: the floors were covered with pencil width worms, looking further away they were bigger
[13-06-28 6:09:29 PM] Bitter Cactus: i took a seroquil and went to take a shower
[13-06-28 6:09:59 PM] Bitter Cactus: when i would close my eyes, mathematical formula's would appear before my eyes. theywould change one after another without stopping and were usually accurate equations
[13-06-28 6:10:22 PM] Bitter Cactus: i wanted to hang out, called jay and he wasn't able to come because of work
[13-06-28 6:10:32 PM] Bitter Cactus: i then decided i would hang out and have some people over
[13-06-28 6:11:00 PM] Bitter Cactus: a few of my buddies would drop in here or there and get some pint. i really wanted a shot of heroine and i remember one group made one for me.
[13-06-28 6:11:18 PM] Bitter Cactus: i bring the shot over, close the blinds and when i turn back everyone in the room is gone and so is the shot
[13-06-28 6:11:29 PM] Bitter Cactus: i look around every object in the computer room and still can't find it

[13-06-28 6:11:38 PM] Bitter Cactus: more people come and go
[13-06-28 6:12:01 PM] Bitter Cactus: i keep getting frustrated because I was having normal conversations and thought it was all real but people would just randomly leave when i turned away
[13-06-28 6:12:29 PM] Bitter Cactus: i searched around my house for them and they were all gone and i knew they didn't go out the front because the door was locked
[13-06-28 6:13:04 PM] Bitter Cactus: i remember this just continued on. i was constantly trying to get more drugs and would ask people for hits and shit
[13-06-28 6:13:32 PM] Bitter Cactus: then, i remember walking outside and i see that kid spencer (who stole brianna) with other chicks in my flower garden having heart to heart converssations
[13-06-28 6:14:17 PM] Bitter Cactus: he gets really loud  and attracts some attention from police. i handle the situation well and tell him to calm down.
[13-06-28 6:15:05 PM] Bitter Cactus: I hang out with the chicks on moly and I talk about how much molly sucks compared to meth. i felt like after a while they didn't say too much.
[13-06-28 6:15:21 PM] Bitter Cactus: more people came to the party in the garden in front of my house. i had a really good time actually
[13-06-28 6:15:28 PM] Bitter Cactus: then, they eventually leave
[13-06-28 6:15:41 PM] Bitter Cactus: more people from my school come over
[13-06-28 6:15:55 PM] Bitter Cactus: at this point, it had been a while since I had any pint
[13-06-28 6:16:29 PM] Bitter Cactus: they began sparking up bowls of pint and passing it around. i kept asking when it was my turn to hit the pipe but they said i didn't share so why should they
[13-06-28 6:17:24 PM] Bitter Cactus: i started to become a little frustrated and called up ryan to get some pint from me and valium
[13-06-28 6:17:53 PM] Bitter Cactus: he eventually shows up, then hints for me to go to the van and i see these native guys. i try and open the door but they don't let me in and ask to see my friend
[13-06-28 6:18:13 PM] Bitter Cactus: my buddy takes a long time, and eventually comes through. he takes forever package and organize the crystals
[13-06-28 6:20:02 PM] Bitter Cactus: the people from my school, who would never hit pint soon joined in. they didn't have any pipes. they would find a very dense plant, spread the breaches apart and create a pipe in the middle with it made from the plant itself
[13-06-28 6:20:16 PM] Bitter Cactus: I would often go digging through my plants when they were sparking the nature bowls
[13-06-28 6:20:49 PM] Bitter Cactus: I found that no matter how much i tried to hit the nature bowls it wasn't working and was convinced whatever they were smoking was not meth
[13-06-28 6:22:51 PM] Bitter Cactus: i got frustrated and asked ryan for the real deal. he takes a chard out of his pocket, then liquifies it and the liquid is placed in the plant and travels down the stem. i thought it was a cultural way of smoking meth but was frustrated because it took them so long to do it. the meth would collect at the end of the branches and would form into meth acorns which could be extracted
[13-06-28 6:24:53 PM] Bitter Cactus: however, every time i extracted the meth i would only get such small amounts it wasn't worth it. i kept sitting into different parts of my garden to whoever had a pipe going. they preferred hitting the pipe in the trees. sometimes the branch of the tree would transform into a pipe, then just as I was about to grab it it would dissapear.

[13-06-28 6:28:47 PM] Bitter Cactus: i go inside and tell my dad about it to make sure everything is alright. everyone is still sitting outside but my mom is concerned about me and goes and talks to them. she talks to them, and brings them somewhere so she can figure out what the hell is going on.
[13-06-28 6:31:23 PM] Bitter Cactus: I sense a change of mood. My mom must have told them something. I keep asking for pint, and i remember them all looking at me almost about to cry. I knew I fucked up and couldn't stop looking for more. I paid for three points, but all of it was taken from me because my friends didn't want me getting high. i told him I wanted to get the points and leave. He finally agrees, puts the points in a small bag and instead of handing it over he puts it on the branch of the tree and it disappears again.
[13-06-28 6:32:19 PM] Bitter Cactus: I finally say fuck this. I didn't believe there was any way the magical vine would dissolve my own paper cup. i ask ryan to once again give me the meth, but he sends it down the stem of the tree

[13-06-28 6:33:36 PM] Bitter Cactus: i had a few cups where I would try and catch the meth dew that would drop from the meth sacks that collected at the end of the branches. it just didn't seem to work at all and I was about to start a fight because I couldn't hold in my anger. I told him I wanted to have a good time but it was ridiculous that I was the only one that night that wasn't able to get high, when I was the one paying for their supply. i think i took some  seroquil and eventually went to bed
[13-06-28 6:33:56 PM] Bitter Cactus: I just found out an hour ago there was nobody over at all last night


--------------------
Taking acid and thinking you are a better man is a lot different then actually becoming a better man.




Edited by Bitter Cactus (11/25/13 03:33 AM)


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OfflineEverything
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Re: Destined to be an alcoholic [Re: Rhizohunter]
    #19185423 - 11/25/13 03:42 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

I think it's better to notice the funny intrincities of life but to be able to, as hard as this sounds, look from another perspective and see how your observations of what seem like truth are silly. I like all the weird ideas I have because the process used to create them and analyze them is the same process i can use for humorous jokes, or perceiving how others think. It's useful to have these weird thoughts on the synchronicities of life if you can draw
A line for yourself.

Basically let it bring you great humor and entertainment, go figure out your brain frequencies and try to make a song out of it. Use your psychosis for art. Draw a picture of your friend walking into the room and giving you that stare like he knew what you were thinking. Depict these feelings in some form of art, whatever you do don't try to preach them as if they were gospel. We all have our own realities and we certainly don't need anymore "prophets" or Christian people spreading the word of god, which is how people that take psychedelics seriously sound.

...ah sweet meth chat!

Damn dude... That's insane,was it like a dream? Was it like people right in front of you? How did it feel?


Edited by Everything (11/25/13 03:48 AM)


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Invisiblevinsue
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Re: Destined to be an alcoholic [Re: Rhizohunter]
    #19185700 - 11/25/13 07:32 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Rhizohunter said:
Well, I started drinking alcohol pretty heavily around the age of 15 (me too)...

They try putting me on all sorts of medications that don't help.(Were you mixing street drugs with them ?)

  Now I am going to a halfway house and feeling trapped. (I'm going to a Whole way house for 30 days, but I really need this.)
.




Have ya seen the Shadow people yet?:paranoid:

  Dude I hear weird shit often; my dead dog barking, door bells/ phones ringing, voices (not talking to me, just talking), pretty constant Tinnitus, some times music... I just kinda :icanthearyou:

  :goodluck: to you, but Alcoholism never ends well... :faded::evilpuke: . . . :peace:


--------------------

"All mushrooms are edible; but some only once." Croatian proverb. BTW ...
  Have You Rated Ythans Mom Yet ?? ... :taser:  ... HERE'S HOW ... (be nice) .  :mod: ... :peace:


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OfflineRhizohunter
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Re: Destined to be an alcoholic [Re: vinsue]
    #19239231 - 12/07/13 12:37 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

I've been off the shit for a while and the only time I feel content with myself is when I'm drinking. They just put me on Abilify, so I am seeing if that makes me feel any better.


wholeway house, that's a good one... I understand that finding a way to live life sober is good, but everything is so fuckin boring. I lost interest in everything, and am just not seeing how a halfway house will help.

Maybe I'm being close minded right now.


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OfflineRhizohunter
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Re: Destined to be an alcoholic [Re: Rhizohunter]
    #19281789 - 12/15/13 11:25 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

This is bullshit, I have felt suicidally depressed all week and no joy out of life. I drink 1 beer and I feel a thousand times better.

Am I destined to be an addict or what. It's like my mind finally woke up and gave me a hug.

My doctor has me on depaakote and abilify right now which I believe is making me worse. Maybe I should just get off the meds and see what happens.


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InvisibleInto The Woods
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Registered: 04/20/13
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Re: Destined to be an alcoholic [Re: Rhizohunter]
    #19282328 - 12/16/13 03:22 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Here's an idea: Buy a plane ticket and just travel somewhere you've always wanted to see but never thought you would. Go and fucking find yourself.

Desperate times call for desperate and sometimes drastic measures.


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InvisibleInto The Woods
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Re: Destined to be an alcoholic [Re: Into The Woods]
    #19282331 - 12/16/13 03:24 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Into The Woods said:
You don't need 7 or 8 beers a day, you need good health, healthy relationships with people and a sense of purpose and fulfilment in life.

Think about the kind of person you'd like to be, the kind of life you'd like to live and take steps in that direction.

The hardest thing about depression is forcing yourself to do things that you don't want to do, but you'll be glad you did when you come out the other side of it.

And also, if you abuse psychedelics, psychedelics will abuse you. I'm sorry that you learnt that the hard way. =/



Quote:

Into The Woods said:
Don't succumb to that feeling, do something about it.

You don't have to be a waste to society, you don't have to feel that way. People worse off than you have worked through it, so can you.

As you do, you'll find yourself climbing out of the rut you're in, the negative state of mind will begin to pass and you'll inspire yourself to live a better life. The kind of life you want to live. But you can't just wait for things to change on their own, because they won't. You have to step out of your comfort zone.

Acknowledge what you should do to help yourself and approach life in a way that feels like you're doing the right thing and I promise, life gets better.




Quoting myself for the damned truth.


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Offlinest1llnox
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Re: Destined to be an alcoholic [Re: Into The Woods]
    #19282377 - 12/16/13 03:59 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Rhizohunter said:
"they say" I have schizoaffective disorder..




Care to join me Psychiatrist Hunting after society collapses?

God I'm just not even going to start. Just one of those diagnoses alone can and very possibly will ruin a persons life, but clearly if something bad happens from an acute dose of a hallucinogen during its acute effects, suddenly you either are damaged goods, or were always damaged goods and that brought it out from its "underlying" modality.

Most GP's recognize acute psychosis for what it is, but shrinks and psychdocs seem need to sign you up for the club; besides, they'd be putting themselves out of some work and income if they merely told people that they're probably going to be fine.


I was making headway to bona fide alcoholism recently. Another shroomerite helped pry me away from that as a stop-drinking buddy (though we need to regroup methinks) and while I'm "drinking again", it's been in moderation and socially; I turned a beer down today without even realizing it/thinking about it (which is weird as fuck for me lol).

Why not use a softer drug like weed, though? Alcohol is Such. A. Hard. Drug. when used liberally and frequently.

Quote:

Into The Woods said:
You don't need 7 or 8 beers a day, you need good health, healthy relationships with people and a sense of purpose and fulfilment in life.

Think about the kind of person you'd like to be, the kind of life you'd like to live and take steps in that direction.

The hardest thing about depression is forcing yourself to do things that you don't want to do, but you'll be glad you did when you come out the other side of it.

And also, if you abuse psychedelics, psychedelics will abuse you. I'm sorry that you learnt that the hard way. =/





Wow ^^^^ this this this this all of it.


Also, if you're going to go the entheogen route, perhaps a traditional setting/substance would help facilitate healing? I can't speak from experience but some of these ceremonial "tripping" sessions seem like they do more than wonders for people.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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InvisibleInto The Woods
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Re: Destined to be an alcoholic [Re: st1llnox]
    #19282456 - 12/16/13 04:56 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

:raisemyglass:


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InvisibleInto The Woods
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Re: Destined to be an alcoholic [Re: Into The Woods]
    #19282458 - 12/16/13 04:57 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Oh shit, that greamlin was inappropriate. Sorry. :facepalm:


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Offlinest1llnox
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Re: Destined to be an alcoholic [Re: Into The Woods]
    #19282514 - 12/16/13 05:31 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

LOLLERS INTOTHEWOODS!!! :rofl:


Hey OP BTW, within a few days of quitting drinking/getting drunk, my depression pretty much completely went away and I could feel happy most of the time again, although then I had to see what I'd done to those I love and myself for what it was and that was another despair of its own.

You'll be amazed at feeling emotions for what they're meant to be again, though; I would't trade this for a magical keg of Captain Morgan that doesn't give hangovers (I'd say of Maker's Mark but I'd definitely OD lol).


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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InvisibleCosmicJokeM
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Re: Destined to be an alcoholic [Re: Rhizohunter]
    #19282537 - 12/16/13 05:45 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Does the world feel right when you're drinking? Or is that just some approximation because you don't know any better? If you're going down that road, fuck the xanax, go out clubbing and add a new hot piece of ass into the mix every night... Release some tension :doggystyle:.  You're selling yourself short imho, live while you're young.


--------------------
Everything is better than it was the last time.  I'm good.

If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.

It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence.

I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too.  If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.


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OfflineRhizohunter
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Re: Destined to be an alcoholic [Re: CosmicJoke]
    #19285228 - 12/16/13 05:55 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

I'm just in a weird place in my life right now, and I am kinda trapped in isolation at my grandparents. I'm out of town and it is too cold to go anywhere, since I don't have my license. I have friends and shit, but it is a hassle, because most of them don't have vehicles, and getting to and from my grandparents is a hassle.

I've pretty much been stuck in a room with a laptop since I got out of jail. I've drank 3 times in that period and each time I've drank my mood has changed so dramatically for the better it's making me wonder.

I drank 4 beers last night and I feel surprisingly better today than I would have if I didn't drink. I'm on a weird sleep schedule right now where I am up all night and sleep all day though. This is one of the things I need to change, but it is difficult.

Everything in life just got really complicated in a short period of time. It's fucking with my mind.


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InvisibleCosmicJokeM
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Re: Destined to be an alcoholic [Re: Rhizohunter]
    #19287369 - 12/17/13 06:40 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

that does sound rough, but you know you what you really want is a job, car, and your own place... meditate, don't medicate ... you need your wits about you to make this happen... don't drink alone, drink when you have your own place to take some hottie back home.


--------------------
Everything is better than it was the last time.  I'm good.

If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.

It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence.

I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too.  If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.


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OfflineVeryStrangeMan
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Registered: 10/25/13
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Re: Destined to be an alcoholic [Re: CosmicJoke]
    #19287459 - 12/17/13 07:37 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

I used to drink (mostly alone) since age 14. I stopped after doing LSD for first time. And now I feel completely lost, depressed out of my mind, tangled in lies, broke, dead. But I don't wanna touch alcohol and I feel good about it, I guess. Before I thought I am gonna be like my father, alcoholic. Now I am unsure if I will be at all. But I won't drink, that's for sure (and I can't afford either). So I get what you are saying OP. I also have this anxiety, depression, mood swings. But I think you can fight it, with time.


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Offlinest1llnox
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Re: Destined to be an alcoholic [Re: VeryStrangeMan]
    #19288222 - 12/17/13 11:58 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

BIPOLAR!!! Lithium 600mg TID and we'll add Seroquel and Prozac next visit.


... is what a doctor would say StrangeMan so be careful if you seek medical help about this.


--------------------
Back, bitches.
st1lln0x: so i'm on weed, temazepam, adderall, dexedrine, dxm, dph, alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, tryptophan, GABA, and kratom
Cavemen_savemen: st1lln0x, do you feel like a robot yet?
st1lln0x: I feel like a fucking Gundam
Click to friend me on Steam for Counter-Strike
:crankey: IS LIFE SKULLFUCKING YOU!? HAVE SOME FREE MORALE! :awesomenod:
Click if you want to feel you alone can do it! Click if you want to feel confident and beastly! Click if you want courage to let go and move on! And click the message if you need someone to talk to -- I'll understand, even if we "hate" each other on here :hug: :sun:


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