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ysmn


Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 24
Loc: Austria
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
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What will you do if you were in shoes?
#19182146 - 11/24/13 11:05 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Hi!
This is the first time i am writing about another topic then psychedelic experience, i hope it will get going. 
I have been using some kind of drugs(psychedelics and others) since february and didn't have any bad situations till last month. I am normally not a hard weed smoker but one day i decided to roll a joint and smoke it with my boyfriend before sleep so i can get a bit sleepy. After a while i began to panic (that's why i am not a hard weed smoker) and tried to explain it to my boyfriend and he asked "is it panic attack?". I took a shower, started to relax and then went to sleep, next day was normal. Next day we did a small line of MDMA while sitting at our room and i didn't like it and waited it to end. I thought maybe it is because we were just sitting.
After 1 week while we were sitting with our friends and my boyfriend's mother i rolled a joint for them but didn't smoke it. My boyfriend said to me something about "breaking the energy between people" i felt pretty bad but not that bad. I went to another room to watch or do something else. Then i started to panic again! For a whole night i was panicked! It was like a nightmare i was frightened of everything. So i thought maybe i am having an panic attack. It was s strange that i cannot even explain it well enough. After 4-5 hours i tried to sleep but when i close my eyes i saw my boyfriend's face mocking at me or some other bad stuff.
Next day i woke up frightened as well and with something like a heart pain but trying to act normal. I spoke with a friend of mine about anxiety etc. For 3-4 days i always drank camille-tea to make me sleepy and didn't eat much. I just sat on the bed reading something on internet to avoid think about panic attack. I was afraid of having an panic attack again.
So i decided i should write to my former therapist.(i had some troubles because of college,family, lack of money etc. and she said you are just a little bit depressed but yeah that's okay.) While i was waiting for my appointment i started to be ultra depressed. I was just sitting on my bed always afraid of having an panic attack and questioning the life and not liking the way i live because i thought nothing was changing in a good way.
I have been seeing my therapist every week for 1 month, we are just talking about how i feel, what should i change and that i should do the things that i like. But when i ask myself what i should do or what i would like to do. I cannot find any proper answer. My therapist says that wasn't a panic attack, just some bad times and that i am stuck between my childish life and adult life like i know that i should do some adult stuff but i don't do them because i still think i am child. (I am 24 years old, studying away from my family for 5 years.) When i heard that i felt relief.
Now i am in a good mood, not trying to make myself busy because i don't want to think about things like depression, anxiety or panic attack. I just live. Which was really good for me i guess because several weeks ago i always thought about the depression, anxiety, fear etc and tried to avoid them. Sometimes i feel frightened and start think if i am going to have some days like those but i can avoid them easier then before.
My problem is not that i am afraid to use any kinds of drugs. I liked using them, go out to a Goa Party dance my ass off while on MDMA. Now i am so sensible about any change on body that i think if take MDMA and my pulse will go faster and i feel the same rush before, i might get panicked and cannot avoid it.
Yesterday i just got a sip of a water with some MDMA in it, started to dance but when i stopped i was always afraid if am going to get same things, or if i will be depressed after using it. So i decided not to take any drugs. But i really miss the old times with my boyfriend and friends when we were dancing, partying for 3 days and went to some after parties then end up in home talking about stuff and woke up next day normal. My boyfriend and friends are still partying, going to after parties but i dance with them during to parties whining how tired i am and go to home directly to sleep while they were at some after party. I am thinking maybe if act like old me, taking drugs, partying with friends i will be better but i am afraid of having bad times while i am on MDMA or any other drugs and feeling depressed afterwards. On the other hand i feel kinda bad that i cannot keep up with them.
So according to my looong long post what do you guys think? If you were in my shoes what should you guys do?
Thanks for your time and lots of good vibes!
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Re: What will you do if you were in shoes? [Re: ysmn]
#19182183 - 11/24/13 11:12 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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I suspect your shoes are much smaller than mine.
My advice, is to quit doing yeyo, and to start drinking heavily.
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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ysmn


Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 24
Loc: Austria
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
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Re: What will you do if you were in shoes? [Re: LunarEclipse]
#19182212 - 11/24/13 11:20 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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I don't even drink coffee since then!
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Re: What will you do if you were in shoes? [Re: ysmn]
#19182228 - 11/24/13 11:25 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
ysmn said: I don't even drink coffee since then! 
OK here's the thing. You gotta learn how to chill, to relax. When you end sentences with exclamation points and smiley faces, that's not chilling. That's trying to please.
So, the real question is, who are you trying so hard to please?
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: What will you do if you were in shoes? [Re: ysmn]
#19182234 - 11/24/13 11:27 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Well each person is different. I'd follow my gut every time. Don't let anyone pressure you into anything and try to avoid doing it to yourself. You sound fairly healthy emotionally but you have to take that with the knowledge that we are all emotional basket cases. Beyond that I don't have a clue for you as you are different than me. You'll work it out by trusting yourself. That doesn't mean it will be smooth or easy. Take care friend.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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ysmn


Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 24
Loc: Austria
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
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Re: What will you do if you were in shoes? [Re: LunarEclipse]
#19182239 - 11/24/13 11:28 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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You are right i really don't know how to chill but honestly i don't have any idea who am i tryin to please. Maybe everyone... Thanks.
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Re: What will you do if you were in shoes? [Re: Icelander]
#19182262 - 11/24/13 11:33 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
Icelander said: Well each person is different. I'd follow my gut every time. Don't let anyone pressure you into anything and try to avoid doing it to yourself. You sound fairly healthy emotionally but you have to take that with the knowledge that we are all emotional basket cases. Beyond that I don't have a clue for you as you are different than me. You'll work it out by trusting yourself. That doesn't mean it will be smooth or easy. Take care friend. 
Satan smoking? I don't understand how you end that with a satan smoking. I was talking to this person, you come in Satan. Smoke this.
We are all emotional basket cases. Thanks Satan for confirming the worst.
Take care friend (sell your soul friend), get lost Satan.
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Re: What will you do if you were in shoes? [Re: ysmn]
#19182265 - 11/24/13 11:34 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
ysmn said: You are right i really don't know how to chill but honestly i don't have any idea who am i tryin to please. Maybe everyone... Thanks.
You can't please them all. Just say no to Satan.
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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ysmn


Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 24
Loc: Austria
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
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Re: What will you do if you were in shoes? [Re: LunarEclipse]
#19182278 - 11/24/13 11:38 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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ı don't think Icelander's intentions are bad maybe he just likes the smiley I will say no to satan ofcourse! You're right i will stop trying please someoneelse but me.
By the way thnks Icelander
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Re: What will you do if you were in shoes? [Re: ysmn]
#19182282 - 11/24/13 11:41 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
ysmn said: ı don't think Icelander's intentions are bad maybe he just likes the smiley I will say no to satan ofcourse! You're right i will stop trying please someoneelse but me.
By the way thnks Icelander 
You just thanked the devil. Shame the Devil!
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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ysmn


Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 24
Loc: Austria
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
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Re: What will you do if you were in shoes? [Re: LunarEclipse]
#19182483 - 11/24/13 12:41 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Alright, no worries
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Cyclohexylamine
Turn on, Tune in, Drop out



Registered: 09/08/10
Posts: 14,327
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Re: What will you do if you were in shoes? [Re: ysmn]
#19182514 - 11/24/13 12:47 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Anxiety / panic attacks are horrible, and many people including me get them from smoking weed. Meditation (mindfulness exercises) really help with dealing with panic. You should check it out.
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You are not special
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ysmn


Registered: 04/05/13
Posts: 24
Loc: Austria
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
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Do you use MDMA or Speed or maybe psychedelics? I wonder if people who have experienced anxiety/panic atacks or something like them have any trouble with drug use.
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,432
Loc: Under the C
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Quote:
and many people including me get them from smoking weed. Meditation (mindfulness exercises) really help with dealing with panic.
Stopping the root cause would make way too much sense.
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder



Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
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Re: What will you do if you were in shoes? [Re: ysmn]
#19182699 - 11/24/13 01:38 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I don't know about insufflating lines of MDMA, but if you didn't like the effect, then I question if you were getting very much if any real MDMA. The 'Molly' that is available today clocks in in Miami at about 10% MDMA and mostly Methamphetamine. Sometimes bad shit is added. I know of one 20 year old death, whom I spoke with just days earlier, on one tab! I don't think you have any idea what repeated doses of MDMA (real MDMA, I'm not even talking about Meth) is going to do to your Dopaminergic system. Dopamine is the 'feel good' neurotransmitter, and if you cause that system to squeeze out every drop in your nervous system in order to feel outrageously good for a few hours, and then repeat that process in a short time, you're simply going to deplete the Dopamine in your brain, crash, and feel depressed as hell, and for physiological reasons.
As for your onslaught of fear towards everything, you clearly described anxiety, not fear. Fear differs from anxiety in that fear is 'object specific,' which means fear of rats, bats, cats, whatever, etc. Anxiety is 'free-floating' and encompasses everything. You described an anxiety attack and there may be another physiological mechanism behind that too. If you're Caucasian, like my besty from childhood, who has been suffering "gut-wrenching anxiety," he cannot handle stimulants. He has never been a coffee drinker. In 6-10% of the White population people like him (and possibly you) are deficient in the CYP2D6 liver enzyme. You will metabolize a whole range of drugs more slowly, and if you repeat your drug intake, you become hepatotoxic (liver-poisoning) and react psychologically with a panic attack. It has little to do with the fact that you're behaving childishly at age 24. You are, however, insulting your liver if this is true for you, and increasing hepatoxicity can result in liver disease and failure. The Greeks thought the liver was the seat of the soul, hence the live-r is the soul that lives. Check with your physician about these mechanisms being behind your symptoms, because your therapist apparently doesn't know Jack Shit about the possible physiological causes of your bad trip, and I'm just some faceless poster on a stoner website.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CYP2D6
-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Quote:
tymoteusz3 said: Anxiety / panic attacks are horrible, and many people including me get them from smoking weed. Meditation (mindfulness exercises) really help with dealing with panic. You should check it out.
Quit effing blaming the weed. You MDMA etc. using folks blaming weed. Right. Your attacks are not effing weed related.
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: What will you do if you were in shoes? [Re: LunarEclipse]
#19182890 - 11/24/13 02:30 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
LunarEclipse said:
Quote:
Icelander said: Well each person is different. I'd follow my gut every time. Don't let anyone pressure you into anything and try to avoid doing it to yourself. You sound fairly healthy emotionally but you have to take that with the knowledge that we are all emotional basket cases. Beyond that I don't have a clue for you as you are different than me. You'll work it out by trusting yourself. That doesn't mean it will be smooth or easy. Take care friend. 
Satan smoking? I don't understand how you end that with a satan smoking. I was talking to this person, you come in Satan. Smoke this.
We are all emotional basket cases. Thanks Satan for confirming the worst.
Take care friend (sell your soul friend), get lost Satan.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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redgreenvines
irregular verb


Registered: 04/08/04
Posts: 37,761
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Re: What will you do if you were in my shoes? [Re: ysmn]
#19183040 - 11/24/13 03:00 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Agree with lunar Eclipse Can't please everyone. Can't even try. That could give you the space And freedom to relax.
Would not worry if the mda were 100% speed but I like speed just as it is.
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_ 🧠 _
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: What will you do if you were in my shoes? [Re: redgreenvines]
#19183176 - 11/24/13 03:32 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I've seen people have what I would call a "bad trip" on pure MDMA several times.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Cyclohexylamine
Turn on, Tune in, Drop out



Registered: 09/08/10
Posts: 14,327
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Quote:
LunarEclipse said:
Quote:
tymoteusz3 said: Anxiety / panic attacks are horrible, and many people including me get them from smoking weed. Meditation (mindfulness exercises) really help with dealing with panic. You should check it out.
Quit effing blaming the weed. You MDMA etc. using folks blaming weed. Right. Your attacks are not effing weed related.
Huh? Marijuana causes panic attacks in many people. So do many stimulants and psychedelics. It's just the way it is. It doesn't make marijuana evil.
Quote:
OrgoneConclusion said:
Quote:
and many people including me get them from smoking weed. Meditation (mindfulness exercises) really help with dealing with panic.
Stopping the root cause would make way too much sense.

Hence why I don't smoke weed
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You are not special
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