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psykonautix
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Registered: 07/21/13
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I think I experienced my first true ego death anyone wanna help me understand
#19178365 - 11/23/13 10:27 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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So last night there was nothing going on, brother at work sitting home alone decided to do some personal exploration.
Took 2.4 g of freshly dried beautiful caps and ground em up into orange juice and dosed. Just so you know I am what I would considere to be decently experienced 50+ trips by now.
NOTHING prepared me for that level of intensity
After about an hour the yawns got uncomfortably frequent and then all the sudden I was DEEEP in the rabbit hole. I felt like time was in my control and I WAS everything, I kept trying to aviod the thought that I was in control of everything around me because I thought that if actually fully realized it EVERYTHING would end.... I thought I had discovered some sort of thing that we aren't supposed to understand and all of time basically stopped, I WAS DYING. I even turned on my voice recorder to record my last moments.
I finally called someone who is much older and VERY experienced and she talked me through a breathing exercise which actually helped. It completely reset my brain it seemed. Anyway after that it was no lie like some matrix style shit. For a brief moment after I got a grip it was absolute clarity. I felt like I could control the physics around me by thinking it. That lasted oh but such a brief moment.
After that I was just completely confused for a while and as the saying goes "they teach you everything and make you forget it all in a moment."
Anyone care to elaborate on a deeper explanation or is that all completely unique to the individual?
-------------------- Everything I say or post is a work of fiction and should be considered a lie.
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ImFukNCLUELESS
I SPIT ON PEOPLE


Registered: 11/19/12
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Last seen: 9 years, 1 month
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Re: I think I experienced my first true ego death anyone wanna help me understand [Re: psykonautix]
#19178418 - 11/23/13 10:39 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Doesnt sound like what i consider to be ego death but rather ego dissolution
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how to pass a drug test FOO MAN'S WBS TEK damions5050's coir tek DONATE TO THE "IM FUCKING BROKE FUND" 1PtqhURaxtCpGpeUBNqeZi7XnmKwWe8WWf "my girl said it's OK to have a little penis I prefer she didnt have a penis at all"-prisoner#1
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ImFukNCLUELESS
I SPIT ON PEOPLE


Registered: 11/19/12
Posts: 1,580
Last seen: 9 years, 1 month
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Re: I think I experienced my first true ego death anyone wanna help me understand [Re: ImFukNCLUELESS]
#19178424 - 11/23/13 10:40 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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U do die so to speak u know like the whole near death experince type shit with ego death complete loss of knowing anything no visual connection just cmplete bliss and acceptance with reality u would not have been able to turn your voice recorder on if experincing ego death
But hey its sounds like u had an awsome trip anyways
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how to pass a drug test FOO MAN'S WBS TEK damions5050's coir tek DONATE TO THE "IM FUCKING BROKE FUND" 1PtqhURaxtCpGpeUBNqeZi7XnmKwWe8WWf "my girl said it's OK to have a little penis I prefer she didnt have a penis at all"-prisoner#1
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JacksonMetaller
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Re: I think I experienced my first true ego death anyone wanna help me understand [Re: ImFukNCLUELESS]
#19178440 - 11/23/13 10:45 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Nope it's pretty universal. Sounds like a classic ego death. The amnesia is a little depressing, but the more you do it the more you take back each time. The first few are pretty overwhelming and it's just like a whole library of knowledge is flying through you at warp speed and you can't grasp much. But you get a little here and there and when you go back you get a little more and so on.
But yeah, pretty much that feeling that everything is this sort of energy in a matrix all bound together. That all events are inseparable from each other and that all roads eventually lead to the same truth. And you just spiral down these paths endlessly. And every time you reach the end its "aha!!! i get it". And next thing you know you've completely forgotten and you're spiraling down another path to reach the same conclusion. Each time is absolute clarity though.
I personally love it. Really puts things into perspective imo. It allows me to see the flaws in my own perspective by allowing me to take a more global perspective. It gives me clarity into how others live very much the same as me. Searching for their own truths and happiness but arrive there by different roads. Shows me that my path is not any better or worse than their path, but that what's important is forming the common connection to allow us both to flourish on our own journeys without hindering each other with judgement.
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1slow2v said: U do die with ego complete loss of knowing anything no visual connection with reality u would not have been able to turn your voice recorder on if experincing ego death
That's not really true. I've experienced both and it's really the same thing. The difference with what you describe is that you are forced to let go of the ego in every way shape and form. However, you can still be visually connected to reality and completely lose your ego if you manage to fall into that spiral.
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psykonautix
Stranger


Registered: 07/21/13
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Re: I think I experienced my first true ego death anyone wanna help me understand [Re: JacksonMetaller]
#19178482 - 11/23/13 10:57 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
JacksonMetaller said: Nope it's pretty universal. Sounds like a classic ego death. The amnesia is a little depressing, but the more you do it the more you take back each time. The first few are pretty overwhelming and it's just like a whole library of knowledge is flying through you at warp speed and you can't grasp much. But you get a little here and there and when you go back you get a little more and so on.
But yeah, pretty much that feeling that everything is this sort of energy in a matrix all bound together. That all events are inseparable from each other and that all roads eventually lead to the same truth. And you just spiral down these paths endlessly. And every time you reach the end its "aha!!! i get it". And next thing you know you've completely forgotten and you're spiraling down another path to reach the same conclusion. Each time is absolute clarity though.
I personally love it. Really puts things into perspective imo. It allows me to see the flaws in my own perspective by allowing me to take a more global perspective. It gives me clarity into how others live very much the same as me. Searching for their own truths and happiness but arrive there by different roads. Shows me that my path is not any better or worse than their path, but that what's important is forming the common connection to allow us both to flourish on our own journeys without hindering each other with judgement.
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1slow2v said: U do die with ego complete loss of knowing anything no visual connection with reality u would not have been able to turn your voice recorder on if experincing ego death
That's not really true. I've experienced both and it's really the same thing. The difference with what you describe is that you are forced to let go of the ego in every way shape and form. However, you can still be visually connected to reality and completely lose your ego if you manage to fall into that spiral.
THAT sounds eerily on point. You basically described what I couldn't put into words thank you. Yes it was IMMENSELY overwhelming and trust me it took every fucking ounce of energy to turn on the voice recorder, but I kept thinking I was really about to die and I had to say bye to everyone.
It's so weird how I have taken twice that amount on sooo many different occasions and none came close to this level of intensity.
For a while I was laying in the bed and couldn't move and felt I was on the cusp of being taken somewhere. Could that have been the moment before "astral projection?" I've never used dmt but my friends have described similar reports.
-------------------- Everything I say or post is a work of fiction and should be considered a lie.
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SycoNautix


Registered: 01/30/12
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Re: I think I experienced my first true ego death anyone wanna help me understand [Re: psykonautix]
#19178548 - 11/23/13 11:23 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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are you still inexperienced with shrooms? I agree with the first guy..sounds like you had "ego dissolution" and could have gotten to "death" if you upped the dose another gram or so. Then again, I don't know your tolerance or experience with shrooms so I can't talk.
Either way, sounds like you had a great time.
Nice name btw
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JacksonMetaller
Stranger

Registered: 03/13/11
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Re: I think I experienced my first true ego death anyone wanna help me understand [Re: psykonautix]
#19178614 - 11/23/13 11:45 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
psykonautix said:
It's so weird how I have taken twice that amount on sooo many different occasions and none came close to this level of intensity.
Well it's like i mentioned to the other poster. There is a dose that will take you there against your will, but you can reach it if you fall into the right trap on other doses. I've reached it on as little as two hits of moderate LSD and have also had much heavier trips that i didn't reach it on at all. It's more of a product of set and setting as well as circumstance than anything dose related. I find the best way to achieve it is to be with some friends and try describing what you're seeing. Don't know why it works that way, but once you try to describe what's happening you realize you can't and you start falling down that spiral
And of course some fat changa rips will take you right there with no effort whatsoever. Cheat codes for enlightenment
Edited by JacksonMetaller (11/23/13 11:47 AM)
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psykonautix
Stranger


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Re: I think I experienced my first true ego death anyone wanna help me understand [Re: JacksonMetaller]
#19180179 - 11/23/13 07:21 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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changa rips???
And yes I agree about the set and setting being much more important than the dose.
Also I was by myself and had no one to pull me back to reality, I kept looking outside to make sure time was still happening
-------------------- Everything I say or post is a work of fiction and should be considered a lie.
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JacksonMetaller
Stranger

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Re: I think I experienced my first true ego death anyone wanna help me understand [Re: psykonautix]
#19180361 - 11/23/13 08:08 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Yeah changa. Like DMT infused caapi
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psilocybinjunkie
relaxin



Registered: 03/17/01
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Re: I think I experienced my first true ego death anyone wanna help me understand [Re: ImFukNCLUELESS]
#19180414 - 11/23/13 08:27 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
1slow2v said: Doesnt sound like what i consider to be ego death but rather ego dissolution
Agreed, certainly wasn't ego death. You typically need over 5 grams for that and the experience is just vastly different than what was described by the OP.
Sounds like the OP had a good time and some mind fuckery
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bishlap
Po Thead


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Re: I think I experienced my first true ego death anyone wanna help me understand [Re: psilocybinjunkie]
#19180440 - 11/23/13 08:35 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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during ego death there is no "I"
-------------------- "If you're not worried that you took way to much, you didn't take enough" - Terrence McKenna There is no soul, only the ego dies. The body was never yours.
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PrimalSoup
hyperspatial illuminations



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Re: I think I experienced my first true ego death anyone wanna help me understand [Re: psykonautix]
#19180745 - 11/23/13 10:33 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
After about an hour the yawns got uncomfortably frequent and then all the sudden I was DEEEP in the rabbit hole. I felt like time was in my control and I WAS everything, I kept trying to aviod the thought that I was in control of everything around me because I thought that if actually fully realized it EVERYTHING would end.... I thought I had discovered some sort of thing that we aren't supposed to understand and all of time basically stopped, I WAS DYING. I even turned on my voice recorder to record my last moments.
I think that kind of thing happens a lot - the sense that something totally profound and otherwise impossible is about to happen, followed by fear that if you went there there'd be terrible consequences. I've tripped about a thousand times now and the world keeps on trucking no matter what happens during the trip. 
Hate to say you need more experience - but you need more experience at that intensity to become comfortable with it. 
PS
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if you stand too close to the machine it'll start to eat youPrimal's simple tested teks and projects: Wheat Prep 2.0 Acidic Tea Tek Potency Project!
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Jesus Cristo
High on Drugs



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Re: I think I experienced my first true ego death anyone wanna help me understand [Re: psykonautix]
#19180852 - 11/23/13 11:23 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
psykonautix said: So last night there was nothing going on, brother at work sitting home alone decided to do some personal exploration.
Took 2.4 g of freshly dried beautiful caps and ground em up into orange juice and dosed. Just so you know I am what I would considere to be decently experienced 50+ trips by now.
NOTHING prepared me for that level of intensity
After about an hour the yawns got uncomfortably frequent and then all the sudden I was DEEEP in the rabbit hole. I felt like time was in my control and I WAS everything, I kept trying to aviod the thought that I was in control of everything around me because I thought that if actually fully realized it EVERYTHING would end.... I thought I had discovered some sort of thing that we aren't supposed to understand and all of time basically stopped, I WAS DYING. I even turned on my voice recorder to record my last moments.
I finally called someone who is much older and VERY experienced and she talked me through a breathing exercise which actually helped. It completely reset my brain it seemed. Anyway after that it was no lie like some matrix style shit. For a brief moment after I got a grip it was absolute clarity. I felt like I could control the physics around me by thinking it. That lasted oh but such a brief moment.
After that I was just completely confused for a while and as the saying goes "they teach you everything and make you forget it all in a moment."
Anyone care to elaborate on a deeper explanation or is that all completely unique to the individual?
where's the part where you die?
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theRAPeutic
Hueman


Registered: 07/22/13
Posts: 8,702
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Re: I think I experienced my first true ego death anyone wanna help me understand [Re: psykonautix]
#19180958 - 11/24/13 12:02 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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So you had ego death on 2.4 grams of shrooms, AND could think to turn on your phone and record your voice... hmm
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lessismore
Registered: 02/10/13
Posts: 6,268
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Re: I think I experienced my first true ego death anyone wanna help me understand [Re: JacksonMetaller]
#19181007 - 11/24/13 12:23 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
JacksonMetaller said:
Quote:
psykonautix said:
It's so weird how I have taken twice that amount on sooo many different occasions and none came close to this level of intensity.
Well it's like i mentioned to the other poster. There is a dose that will take you there against your will, but you can reach it if you fall into the right trap on other doses. I've reached it on as little as two hits of moderate LSD and have also had much heavier trips that i didn't reach it on at all. It's more of a product of set and setting as well as circumstance than anything dose related. I find the best way to achieve it is to be with some friends and try describing what you're seeing. Don't know why it works that way, but once you try to describe what's happening you realize you can't and you start falling down that spiral
And of course some fat changa rips will take you right there with no effort whatsoever. Cheat codes for enlightenment 
the only prog psy mix you need, 1hr+, quality
seems OP didnt get there, but egodeath isnt that fun anyway.. just trip to trip, if you die you need to integrate for a long time
try that psy mix next time, it will send you on a long inner journey
there is no I with egodeath like one said, and there wont be for a long time after depending on who you are ;-) just let go :-) let I dissipate
works best alone IMO, but dont aim for it, that doesnt work
I like to trip to understand myself better, who am I?
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Seriously_trippin
Cosmic Guru Ganesh



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Re: I think I experienced my first true ego death anyone wanna help me understand [Re: psykonautix]
#19181404 - 11/24/13 04:05 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Ego Deaths can be intense like that, sounds like you did find out something society didn't want you to know but interpreted it incorrectly with fear. I can sympathize though the most intense ego death or trip i have ever had it was 4gs of some shrooms I dosed that amount with alot except that one day I said hey there's not tons of posts about lemon tekking fairly high doses.
What I got was Heaven/Hellish experience the hardest but most beautiful/terrifying part of the ego death was a steady concise account of all the bad,wrong or sick things I ever did flashing before my eyes and how I could choose a better path.
-------------------- R.I.P Zombi3, Blue Helix Modest Mouse Zappa Slothie That Kid With The face ShLong Le Canard split_by_nine & Big Worm Forever Etched in the sands of time in the shroomery and ever so beloved and deeply missed by many
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JacksonMetaller
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Re: I think I experienced my first true ego death anyone wanna help me understand [Re: Seriously_trippin]
#19181516 - 11/24/13 06:03 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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I don't know how people can tell him that wasn't ego death. "I was everything". Sounds like the death of the ego to me...
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Lord_Brittie
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Re: I think I experienced my first true ego death anyone wanna help me understand [Re: psykonautix]
#19181596 - 11/24/13 07:04 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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I would consider that a ego disillusion
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Deckard_Cain
Mystic


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Re: I think I experienced my first true ego death anyone wanna help me understand [Re: Lord_Brittie]
#19181668 - 11/24/13 07:49 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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*giggles* I'll say this much : get in contact with that older person again and ask for daily breathing exercises to do and proceed to do them daily. You will make more sense of the experience with time. Try not to hold on to labels for experiences when you think about them but only use the labels when talking with others (not saying you're holding on but cautioning). People have different meanings for words and phrases. I wish you luck in further quests
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psykonautix
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Re: I think I experienced my first true ego death anyone wanna help me understand [Re: Deckard_Cain]
#19181891 - 11/24/13 09:44 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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for all those on here just to say No your wrong wasn't ego death. Go somewhere else. I'm not saying it was but I'm not looking for negative criticism, to the others thank you for your input it definitely helped make a little fraction of sense of what happened.
I have tripped a lot in my life I guess it just wasn't supposed to happen till the other night.
And yes it seems that I approached it with fear and held on for dear life instead of letting go as I should have, but maybe next time I'm sure it all happens when its supposed to happen
-------------------- Everything I say or post is a work of fiction and should be considered a lie.
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