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Invisibleevenbreak
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Registered: 01/16/11
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Is it weird to ask classmates out?
    #19173076 - 11/21/13 11:28 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I've been sitting next to this girl for more than half a semester. That's about 3 months, each class is 1.5 hours long. We talk sporadically but not really that much. Just stuff like "how did you do on the test?" or "wow this class is hard haha!" But there's not that much time to talk in class and i'm too much of a bitch to talk to her after class.

It occured to me that I should probably ask her to study with me. But I'm scared because our interactions have been so sporadic that this seems kind of forward and out of nowhere.

What should I do? What do I even say to her if I wanted to have a conversation with her after class? I don't even know what to talk about... jesus christ what's wrong with me!! this is why I can't get over my coworker because I can't talk to other girls :frown:


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Offlinegeazerpleaser
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Re: Is it weird to ask classmates out? [Re: evenbreak]
    #19173131 - 11/21/13 11:53 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Next time that you and her are making small talk about some test that you did bad in just casually say, "Dammit I don't get this crap, you should help me study for the next test! In fact I'll even take you out to eat if you help me." and if she did bad in a test just say, "You know if you want I can tutor you and don't worry since I'm nice I won't charge you anything but you have to take me out to eat." in a playful tone.


But, to be honest if you want to get with her then you should just be more straight forward with you're intention because girls like a guy who's confident and is willing to take charge, so just tell her you think she's really beautiful you'd like to take her on a date some time.


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OfflineEverything
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Re: Is it weird to ask classmates out? [Re: evenbreak] * 3
    #19173165 - 11/22/13 12:05 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Ok take a deep breath...

...now another... Im serious

You need to chill out before you can make anything happen. The reason you don't know
What to talk about is because your working yourself up way too much. As soon as you chill and be your natural self you will have things to say, like it just pops outta your head. Just listen to what she says and REALLY listen and if you do this and keep yourself calm you will
Have something to say, if you don't just listen and think of something witty and funny to say. Trust me, if you actual listen to exactly what someone says you can find something humorous to say. The trick is to not think too much about what you should say.

Also, it doesn't matter if something is weird if you want to do it, why do you care if its weird or normal? What are you living by? Rules!?!!?

Let me tell ya something buddy, if you want to do something, I mean you really want to do something, you should not be thinking about if someone else does it or not or if
Lots of people do it or not. It's all about what you feel like YOU want to do.

So go talk to her, and remember your not following some kind of track like a train would. Your talking to this girl because you want to. Just think about it man, does it sound right to ask her out on the spot to you? Is that how you made all your other friends?

Boys and girls are only as different as each individual is to another. Talk to girls like you would anyone else.


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Invisibleevenbreak
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Registered: 01/16/11
Posts: 583
Re: Is it weird to ask classmates out? [Re: Everything]
    #19173340 - 11/22/13 01:23 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Honestly, i'm not good at making friends either. I don't have a lot of friends. I'm perfectly content with just being friends with her, but I don't even know how to do that.

I'm good at surface small talks, but i have no idea how to conduct myself to ask people to hang out and hanging out with people that i'm not close with outside of an environment where we're forced to be together(class, work, etc).

I don't know what to say because if I ask her to study, it'll be obvious that part of the reason I want to study with specifically her is because she's a pretty girl and i'm attracted. Shit.

I have class with her tomorrow. Should I just spit it out? "Hi this class is hard haha ha ha! let's study together to make it less hard!"

should i do it..???????


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InvisibleEndure
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Re: Is it weird to ask classmates out? [Re: evenbreak]
    #19173440 - 11/22/13 02:18 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

what works for me is situation-learning is when a girl HAS USED GUM DURIN CLASS. asks for help or somethin, or ask's 'what the teacher said' ill be like, ill tell you for a piece of gum, n then boom, for some reason they go fuckin nuts, so does the girls around them, they think its clever if its your first time talking to them...

im regarding stupid hot woman..


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Im only aloud to post once an hour. Because 'Sell Your Soul' doesn't like me. so if I am responding to you, that means you are above of the utmost importance


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OfflineEverything
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Re: Is it weird to ask classmates out? [Re: evenbreak]
    #19173454 - 11/22/13 02:27 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

It's obvious that part of the reason your trying to study with her is because you think
She's attractive and want to get with her???

...dude that's the point! You want her to think you think
She's attractive! That way if she's feels similar about you then your relationship will progress. I mean relationship in any form not just sexual.

The point is not to hide that shit, if you hide that then your getting nowhere, does that make sense?


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OfflineEverything
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Re: Is it weird to ask classmates out? [Re: evenbreak]
    #19173478 - 11/22/13 02:43 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

evenbreak said:
I don't know what to say because if I ask her to study, it'll be obvious that part of the reason I want to study with specifically her is because she's a pretty girl and i'm attracted. Shit.

I have class with her tomorrow. Should I just spit it out? "Hi this class is hard haha ha ha! let's study together to make it less hard!"

should i do it..???????




First off I want you to know how much I feel like i relate to
You. I really feel like I do. I also feel like I have friends similar to you. I could be wrong but I really sense it.

I have (and still do in some ways) the same issue your experiencing here. We are lucky because to be honest, it's not that big of an issue even if sometimes it feels like it is.

By the way the reason your good with small talk is because you have taught yourself small talk and have been taught through all the other people that use small talk, which is almost everyone...no everyone actually. Small talk is exactly that, small, insignificant,

the only purpose of small talk is to gauge a person here and there. It's used to feel someone out and see if you might like them. One of the ways to see if you might like someone through small talk is by seeing if they break out of chit chat and get into some real shit, like what me and you are getting into right now. Don't wait for them to stop small talking though, you should feel free to express yourself at any time. If the person doesn't like what you have to say ask yourself...am I being genuine? If the answer is yes than you may not have chemistry with the other person, or in this case they don't have chemistry with you.

You need to be able to express yourself though. This is how you find people you will truly connect with.

Also the only reason you should care if people don't like you is if it puts your well being on the line. Like a job, or an interaction with police, or something where if they don't like you then it negatively impacts you... Though if you have a Buddhist
Mentality then it really doesn't matter if people like you at all :lol:

so be real with this chick, if she doesn't like you for who you are then she can literally go fuck herself.

Also, should you really ask people on the Internet whether or not you should talk to
This girl...when you CLEARLY want to talk to her.


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OfflineIrfan
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Re: Is it weird to ask classmates out? [Re: Everything]
    #19174188 - 11/22/13 09:15 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I would caution you on "expressing yourself" to her right off the bat..  True, if you two are kindred spirits it would be great for you, it's likely you are not though.

My only worry is that if you go too far with this you will make your time in class awkward, either for you, for her, or both of you.  Having the perception of "if this person doesn't like me for who I am they can go fuck themselves" is a bad bad attitude.

People grow with each-other, your connections to friends and lovers causes them grow through your perceptions, in one way or another, for good or for bad.. Also, having a network of friends only helps you meet people you connect with.  Maybe things wont work out with this chick, but think about how many friends she has, who knows what it could lead too.  If you just said "fuck her, we don't connect" than you will never meet them.  I just don't understand the idea that someone is only worth your time if you connect with them...  It sounds like the broken attitude of a high school student who falls in love with every piece of pussy he stumbles across and constantly feels "played, rejected, friend-zoned ect.."

A multifaceted friend group not only helps you grow as a person, it is also a revolving door that brings people into your life.  Some you will connect with more than others, but they are all people, and they are all valuable.

Anyway, my bad for the rant.  I personally agree with the first poster.  Casually ask her if she wants to study, don't bring up food yet, bring it up when your studying and hungry.  Step by step, and spontaneous. It will make things feel natural for both of you.. 

Remember this is a pretty girl, she probably deals with creeps on a regular basis.  Let me remind you that you don't know each-other for shit, she will be more likely to agree to a small time investment because it gives her an out if things are uncomfortable.  When you get her to study, keep things casual, be unshakably confident in your own beliefs, dont pander to her's or try to gain her approval.  Don't change your opinion about something to align with hers.  Most woman want a man!  Lastly, dont tell her that you are crushing on her.  So many dudes go right to asking a chick if she likes him when he hasn't even built any attraction with her, it can happen a little bit slower for some people so dont just assume you are both on the same page right off the bat. 

My $0.02 :shrug:


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Offlinempd
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Re: Is it weird to ask classmates out? [Re: Irfan]
    #19174409 - 11/22/13 10:21 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

DSHSB

Just kidding.  You'll find the words, hormones will see to that!


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InvisibleEndure
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Re: Is it weird to ask classmates out? [Re: mpd]
    #19174433 - 11/22/13 10:26 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

mpd said:
DSHSB

Just kidding.  You'll find the words, hormones will see to that!




sometimes the girl is so beautiful she is intimidating


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Im only aloud to post once an hour. Because 'Sell Your Soul' doesn't like me. so if I am responding to you, that means you are above of the utmost importance


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OfflineEverything
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Re: Is it weird to ask classmates out? [Re: Irfan]
    #19174892 - 11/22/13 01:35 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I still think he should be himself and not have to follow some specific plan to get this girl. You can tell him to ask her out to study but that's just one specific idea.

Maybe I went too far with what I was saying, definitely don't tell her to go fuck herself OP, I don't think I was really telling you to say that though? Even if she doesn't feel mutually interested that doesn't mean you shouldn't try to be friends.

Just know there's not just one way to do something, go with what you feel you should do
Most of all.


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OfflinePatlal
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Re: Is it weird to ask classmates out? [Re: Everything]
    #19174944 - 11/22/13 01:51 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Asking a girl out is always weird or uncomfortable unless you're really used to it or don't have a drop of shyness in your body. Man up and do it. It's the only way


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OfflineIrfan
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Re: Is it weird to ask classmates out? [Re: Everything]
    #19175000 - 11/22/13 02:08 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

No you weren't telling OP to tell the chick to go fuck herself, I understand that.  Where I was coming from, by saying that it is a bad attitude to have, is the fact that negative thoughts like that manifest into negative energy and a negative attitude.  IME a higher ratio of people tend gravitate toward a confidant person with a good outlook and positive attitude.

--------------------------
OP
For future reference, if you are going to be in school a while longer.  The first thing I do in a class is hit people up about study groups.  Then, it's very natural to be like "You should hit up our study session before the test".  After you've been studying for while "lets grub, you like Thai?". Take her out, get a beer, dont pay for her.  Viola - new friend, play your cards right and you get a fuck buddy or relationship out of it..

I am not trying to steer you wrong man, I get laid, a lot...  But yea I had to modify my game a little, that is not to say im not true to myself.  I saw the light; natural progression, human interaction, personal communication, body language.  Im still me, just a version of me that has better success meeting women and connecting to people.  There are people that devote their lives to human communication - you can literally become better at easing people into your reality, it doesn't change who you are..

There is a time and a place it be very direct about wanting to take someone out, but the classroom just isn't it..


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Invisibleevenbreak
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Re: Is it weird to ask classmates out? [Re: Irfan]
    #19175312 - 11/22/13 03:37 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Irfan that's interesting, can you tell me more about how to hit people up for study groups? Say that it's a new class and I don't know anybody. Do I just make small talk and then ask about study groups? Because in that class, there's really not much time to talk at all and I would have to put myself out there before or after class to a group of people and it's a bit scary.

I wish I could get laid a lot :frown:. I'm pretty sure that is the source of 90% of my dissatisfaction with my life right now.


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OfflineEverything
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Re: Is it weird to ask classmates out? [Re: Irfan]
    #19176634 - 11/22/13 09:26 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I must have mid-spoke because I agree completely, I think I was too blunt with my words. A positive outlook is always a good thing.

Have you slept with any girls yet, evenbreak? If so how many relationships have you had?


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Offlinemushroom_sandwich
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Re: Is it weird to ask classmates out? [Re: evenbreak] * 1
    #19177191 - 11/23/13 12:41 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

evenbreak said:
Irfan that's interesting, can you tell me more about how to hit people up for study groups? Say that it's a new class and I don't know anybody. Do I just make small talk and then ask about study groups? Because in that class, there's really not much time to talk at all and I would have to put myself out there before or after class to a group of people and it's a bit scary.

I wish I could get laid a lot :frown:. I'm pretty sure that is the source of 90% of my dissatisfaction with my life right now.



I just wanted to chime in and say that not getting laid should never be a reason for you to be so unhappy with your life. I know guys who are still virgins and it doesn't bother them in the slightest. Wanting so desperately to get laid can make you do some very very stupid things, like continuously going after that horrible coworker you're always making threads about.

There's more to life AND women than sex OP, remember that and it'll serve you well.


--------------------
“I believe in a long, prolonged derangement of the senses to attain the unknown. Our pale reasoning hides the infinite from us."



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OfflineIrfan
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Re: Is it weird to ask classmates out? [Re: evenbreak]
    #19178903 - 11/23/13 01:07 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

evenbreak said:
Irfan that's interesting, can you tell me more about how to hit people up for study groups? Say that it's a new class and I don't know anybody. Do I just make small talk and then ask about study groups? Because in that class, there's really not much time to talk at all and I would have to put myself out there before or after class to a group of people and it's a bit scary.

I wish I could get laid a lot :frown:. I'm pretty sure that is the source of 90% of my dissatisfaction with my life right now.




Yes.  Before and after class.  You can leave it open ended like "if any of you guys end up forming a study group hit me up because im dying" but be up-beat and easy going about it.  Then chit-chat and get to know people.  The underlying theme in your attitude should be that you want to do well in the class; no one is going to chastise you for that.  You will get to know the people later on, no need to rush.

As for getting laid...  IDK what to tell you man.  I guess the best advice I have, and im not really an expert or anything; is to be indifferent to the outcome of the friendship, people can smell ulterior motives.  You want to focus on connecting but you also want to display attractive traits. Confidence, emotional stability, spontaneity, passion, ect..  It's not a bad idea to be somewhat unavailable on the surface, if you’re crushing on someone else tell her about it, if you are kind-of seeing someone else tell her about it. 

People tend to want what they don’t think they can have...  On that note, don’t make yourself available all the time; don’t answer texts instantly every time.  Sometimes I don’t answer them at all, and when i get shit for it im like "my bad i must have been busy".  You can do shit like this in the beginning, because all of this says "hey im not that interested in you, i have other shit in my life that's more important..”  Which is good, because if you’re not interested your definitely not needy or a creep, which is something women have to deal with a lot.  Later on, after you do start building something special, ignored texts can become offensive and send the wrong message, so be careful.. 

Don’t change your ideas or who you are; just be unshakably confident about your ideas and who you are.  Don’t apologize about who you are (I mean that metaphorically), and don’t be a dick about conflicting beliefs.  It’s fun to debate and it also lets people know that you can stay respectful and keep your cool.  (If you can actually do those things..).  If someone logically sways you, give cred where it’s due, “ok you got me there :wink:” it shows that you are peering into their world as they peer into yours.  Ying yang, if someone feels they form any kind of balance with your personality it’s a good thing..

This is just my philosophy as it has developed over the years..  I am almost 30 now, in my early and mid 20's my ideas about this stuff revolved much more around getting laid.  Now im more interested in building connections with people, I guess the sex is just a bonus of sorts...

Edit to say, I agree with Mush Sandwich, I would recommend identifying why you are truly dissatisfied with your life.  Women aren't objects, getting laid isn't medicine.  Neither of these things will fix your problems.  In fact, they can exacerbate your problems.  Figure out what you need to be 100% congruent with yourself, and your life, change things in your life that dissatisfy you and ditch the negativity.  When you are independently happy, its safe to start bringing people in.  A good outlook goes a long way man, best of luck..


Edited by Irfan (11/23/13 01:20 PM)


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