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OfflineTheApprentice
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Registered: 09/25/11
Posts: 4,727
Last seen: 2 years, 1 month
12 days clean. looking at the fire... * 1
    #19151715 - 11/17/13 08:43 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Looking at what's left after the fire.

I started using heroin in July.

had been clean for 15 months.

my gf left me, started getting high.

she came back, except I was already addicted
physically again.

hid it from her for months.
she left me 2 weeks ago.  2 days
before I got on suboxone.

now I'm clean.  And I look for the things
I lost in the fire.

I'm sad.  Really sad.  Was supposed to get married.


12 days straight...

and all I want to do is get high
because I'm so sad.

and I have no friends.  I'm lonely

side note, my mushrooms wouldn't grow while
I was using.  Do you think they knew?  And they
didn't want any part of it?

I really used to feel connected to them
and life for that matter.

now I'm just a shell of the person I was
standing in ashes of a life that I used
to love.

now what?


--------------------


RR Videos -Best $9 Ever Spent *
No Pour AGAR Tek Easy COIR Trays! *
Pink Oysters on Newspaper TEK

"Yeah?  Well, DRACULA called... and he said he's coming over tonight, and I said OK!" :mastershake:


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Invisiblememes
Blessed


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 27,785
Loc: In a Tree
Re: 12 days clean. looking at the fire... [Re: TheApprentice] * 4
    #19151720 - 11/17/13 08:44 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

now what?  climb up out of the hole you're in.


:heart: :love:


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Offlinek00laid
NEMO
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Registered: 05/03/10
Posts: 19,636
Last seen: 6 months, 4 days
Re: 12 days clean. looking at the fire... [Re: memes] * 9
    #19151729 - 11/17/13 08:45 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

ordinary men hate loneliness

but the master makes use of it

for he knows that he is alone with the entire universe.


--------------------
AMU - AMU Q & A - MyVideo Teks!


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OfflineTheApprentice
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Registered: 09/25/11
Posts: 4,727
Last seen: 2 years, 1 month
Re: 12 days clean. looking at the fire... [Re: memes]
    #19151743 - 11/17/13 08:49 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

I have some plans.

new grow coming soon.

new years eve was our special day

and I'm scared that she really
meant she never wants to talk t
me again.

my heart physically hurts
and I have no one to talk to
but you shroomery.


--------------------


RR Videos -Best $9 Ever Spent *
No Pour AGAR Tek Easy COIR Trays! *
Pink Oysters on Newspaper TEK

"Yeah?  Well, DRACULA called... and he said he's coming over tonight, and I said OK!" :mastershake:


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Invisiblememes
Blessed


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Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 27,785
Loc: In a Tree
Re: 12 days clean. looking at the fire... [Re: TheApprentice] * 1
    #19151757 - 11/17/13 08:50 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

TheApprentice said:

my heart physically hurts
and I have no one to talk to
but you shroomery.






I know that hurt.



we're here.


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OfflineAD420
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Registered: 01/22/13
Posts: 772
Loc: MEXXX
Last seen: 6 years, 9 months
Re: 12 days clean. looking at the fire... [Re: memes]
    #19151764 - 11/17/13 08:52 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

:hug::heart:


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OfflineTheApprentice
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Registered: 09/25/11
Posts: 4,727
Last seen: 2 years, 1 month
Re: 12 days clean. looking at the fire... [Re: k00laid]
    #19151767 - 11/17/13 08:52 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

k00laid said:
ordinary men hate loneliness

but the master makes use of it

for he knows that he is alone with the entire universe.





koolaid

what do u think about the mushrooms not growing for me?

do u think they knew?  Every single jar and tub contaminated the last 4
months.  Crazy.  And they used to grow so easy for me.

it makes me wonder if the contaminant was me.
they could feel my vibration?


--------------------


RR Videos -Best $9 Ever Spent *
No Pour AGAR Tek Easy COIR Trays! *
Pink Oysters on Newspaper TEK

"Yeah?  Well, DRACULA called... and he said he's coming over tonight, and I said OK!" :mastershake:


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Invisiblememes
Blessed


Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 27,785
Loc: In a Tree
Re: 12 days clean. looking at the fire... [Re: TheApprentice]
    #19151778 - 11/17/13 08:54 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

maybe they knew theyd be turned into dope money. :shrug:


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Offlinek00laid
NEMO
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Registered: 05/03/10
Posts: 19,636
Last seen: 6 months, 4 days
Re: 12 days clean. looking at the fire... [Re: TheApprentice]
    #19151786 - 11/17/13 08:55 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

TheApprentice said:
Quote:

k00laid said:
ordinary men hate loneliness

but the master makes use of it

for he knows that he is alone with the entire universe.





koolaid

what do u think about the mushrooms not growing for me?

do u think they knew?  Every single jar and tub contaminated the last 4
months.  Crazy.  And they used to grow so easy for me.

it makes me wonder if the contaminant was me.
they could feel my vibration?




impossible for me to say


--------------------
AMU - AMU Q & A - MyVideo Teks!


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OfflineTheApprentice
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Registered: 09/25/11
Posts: 4,727
Last seen: 2 years, 1 month
Re: 12 days clean. looking at the fire... [Re: memes]
    #19151804 - 11/17/13 09:00 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

memes said:
maybe they knew theyd be turned into dope money. :shrug:




right!  It really makes me wonder. Its like they wanted no
part of it.

I really don't know how to deal with
this loss.

I know I'm clean so that counts for something.

I'm even weening myself off the suboxone.

only taking about 2mgs now.

I just want to be done.

today is just hard :frown:
I feel like crying.


--------------------


RR Videos -Best $9 Ever Spent *
No Pour AGAR Tek Easy COIR Trays! *
Pink Oysters on Newspaper TEK

"Yeah?  Well, DRACULA called... and he said he's coming over tonight, and I said OK!" :mastershake:


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Offlinek00laid
NEMO
 User Gallery

Registered: 05/03/10
Posts: 19,636
Last seen: 6 months, 4 days
Re: 12 days clean. looking at the fire... [Re: TheApprentice]
    #19151811 - 11/17/13 09:02 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

its ok to cry


--------------------
AMU - AMU Q & A - MyVideo Teks!


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Invisibleunam sanctum
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Registered: 04/20/11
Posts: 6,702
Re: 12 days clean. looking at the fire... [Re: TheApprentice]
    #19151823 - 11/17/13 09:04 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

you're welcome here if you need a safe place and a friend.  you seem like you have it pretty much together though.  typing it out helps


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Offlineberdinwall
<3 whooooshhh


Registered: 06/10/12
Posts: 4,276
Loc: West Virginia
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
Re: 12 days clean. looking at the fire... [Re: memes] * 1
    #19151826 - 11/17/13 09:05 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

memes said:
now what?  climb up out of the hole you're in.


:heart: :love:






I feel exactly like you do man. In almost every aspect except I didn't just break up with anyone. But the rest is spot on. Actually you have one on me, you've quit your addiction.


--------------------


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OfflineTheApprentice
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Registered: 09/25/11
Posts: 4,727
Last seen: 2 years, 1 month
Re: 12 days clean. looking at the fire... [Re: berdinwall]
    #19151869 - 11/17/13 09:15 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

My friend actually paid for my doctor visit and the medicine.  It cost him around $500 total.

I hated myself in my addiction
because I knew I was going to lose
what I loved.

now I have.  But I'm clean.

and it makes me want to use.

into the fire.

thank you everyone for talking.

I feel so alone now.

I hate that she just threw me away.
like how can she not even miss me?
after a year, just thrown into the fire.

but it was my fire... Fuck.
sucks even more


--------------------


RR Videos -Best $9 Ever Spent *
No Pour AGAR Tek Easy COIR Trays! *
Pink Oysters on Newspaper TEK

"Yeah?  Well, DRACULA called... and he said he's coming over tonight, and I said OK!" :mastershake:


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Invisibleunam sanctum
 User Gallery


Registered: 04/20/11
Posts: 6,702
Re: 12 days clean. looking at the fire... [Re: TheApprentice]
    #19151902 - 11/17/13 09:23 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

sounds like you were in love or the relationship was so comfortable if felt like you might have been.  must be nice.  focus on what you want and how to to get it.


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OfflineHellogoodbyedeath

Registered: 03/24/12
Posts: 2,904
Loc: Flag
Last seen: 2 years, 17 days
Re: 12 days clean. looking at the fire... [Re: berdinwall]
    #19151905 - 11/17/13 09:24 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Lots of love from me to you! :inlove3: I cannot relate very well to your situation, but I am always up for a talk if you need it. :pm:


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Invisiblememes
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Folding@home Statistics
Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 27,785
Loc: In a Tree
Re: 12 days clean. looking at the fire... [Re: Hellogoodbyedeath] * 1
    #19151957 - 11/17/13 09:32 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

cry it out man.  feels good to cry.

cry and cry and cry more.  when you're done crying, force yourself to keep crying.  at some point, you'll feel ridiculous and your crying will be done.

:thumbup:


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OfflineHellogoodbyedeath

Registered: 03/24/12
Posts: 2,904
Loc: Flag
Last seen: 2 years, 17 days
Re: 12 days clean. looking at the fire... [Re: memes]
    #19152023 - 11/17/13 09:44 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

memes said:
cry it out man.  feels good to cry.

cry and cry and cry more.  when you're done crying, force yourself to keep crying.  at some point, you'll feel ridiculous and your crying will be done.

:thumbup:




Great advice. I always feel better after a good cry. :smile:


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OfflineTheApprentice
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Registered: 09/25/11
Posts: 4,727
Last seen: 2 years, 1 month
Re: 12 days clean. looking at the fire... [Re: Hellogoodbyedeath]
    #19152055 - 11/17/13 09:50 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

unam sanctum said:
sounds like you were in love or the relationship was so comfortable if felt like you might have been.  must be nice.  focus on what you want and how to to get it.




I was in love.  First time for real.  31 years old.
Quote:

Cojo said:
Lots of love from me to you! :inlove3: I cannot relate very well to your situation, but I am always up for a talk if you need it. :pm:



thank u.  Love u
Quote:

Cojo said:
Quote:

memes said:
cry it out man.  feels good to cry.

cry and cry and cry more.  when you're done crying, force yourself to keep crying.  at some point, you'll feel ridiculous and your crying will be done.

:thumbup:





Great advice. I always feel better after a good cry. :smile:




I can't cry.  Haven't been able to.

I just hurt.

the reality of it is all setting
in tonite

and I can't make myself feel happy


--------------------


RR Videos -Best $9 Ever Spent *
No Pour AGAR Tek Easy COIR Trays! *
Pink Oysters on Newspaper TEK

"Yeah?  Well, DRACULA called... and he said he's coming over tonight, and I said OK!" :mastershake:


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Offlineberdinwall
<3 whooooshhh


Registered: 06/10/12
Posts: 4,276
Loc: West Virginia
Last seen: 2 years, 2 months
Re: 12 days clean. looking at the fire... [Re: TheApprentice]
    #19152137 - 11/17/13 10:06 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

I'm really sorry. I know how it feels man. I had my heart broken once. Sorry to say but it took me 5 months to get over her. That's a long time to feel depressed. But then one day you will find that you go all day without even thinking about her once. Life just goes on. It does


--------------------


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