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Anonymous #1

First time lie for my boyfriend....
    #19149357 - 11/17/13 11:46 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I've been with my boyfriend around eight months. We have an amazing connection. He has shown not to hurt me at all or abuse my trust, but last friday he did for no reason.

I've been in bad health and we had arranged to meet up on friday to just go for a walk in nature or something to clean the cobwebs. I didn't hear from him, so I texted him around 2pm friday to see if he was ok. No reply. I texted him again and he fed me a story saying he had been ill from a take away he bought.

I didnt buy it, but gave him the benefit of the doubt anyways. I texted a couple of more times during the day as I was worried that he was actually ill, then I realised he was ignoring me. A friend saw him hammered in the pub then heading off to town and informed me of it. Obviously I wasn't happy and sent him a text telling how I felt.

He rang the next morning saying he was sorry, I asked why he bummed me out and he had no explanation..... Now he is 34 and I'm 28 - it's hardly adult behaviour. The thing is what do I do? My trust has been a little dented and a bit of my esteem, aswell as being confused. Cheating? Just a dickhead? I don't want to break it off, but it's a bit fishy. How can he redeem himself?

This is a big deal for me as I've been fucked over by the relationships I've been in and thats only a total of three. He proved to be better, but has now spoiled it. What would you do?


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OfflineGoldenEye
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Registered: 05/24/13
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Re: First time lie for my boyfriend.... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19149371 - 11/17/13 11:51 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Explain to him why his behaviour was so troublesome for you (relationship history).


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Anonymous #1

Re: First time lie for my boyfriend.... [Re: GoldenEye]
    #19149394 - 11/17/13 11:56 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Thank you GoldenEye.

He knows all about my unfortunate past and like I says, proved himself to be different. I've seen him briefly in person and all he can say is sorry and it won't happen again, but obviously I'm very passe about it whilst hiding my dissapointment.


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Invisiblepwnasaurus
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Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 12,317
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Re: First time lie for my boyfriend.... [Re: GoldenEye]
    #19149431 - 11/17/13 12:03 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

GoldenEye said:
Explain to him why his behaviour was so troublesome for you (relationship history).



It has nothing to do with relationship history.  He broke her trust explicitly.  That is a shitty thing to do, and you have to question the motive of the whole affair.


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OfflineGoldenEye
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Re: First time lie for my boyfriend.... [Re: pwnasaurus]
    #19149454 - 11/17/13 12:08 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

pwnasaurus said:
Quote:

GoldenEye said:
Explain to him why his behaviour was so troublesome for you (relationship history).



It has nothing to do with relationship history.  He broke her trust explicitly.  That is a shitty thing to do, and you have to question the motive of the whole affair.




I agree, but openness is always a good thing.

If he knows why trust is an extra sensitive issue for OP he should be able to keep that in his mind and act accordingly from now on.
If not, he shows OP he is not worth her while.


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Offlinesidewayz6.6
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Registered: 07/27/07
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Re: First time lie for my boyfriend.... [Re: GoldenEye]
    #19149637 - 11/17/13 12:52 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Maybe by 2pm when you texted him he was already smashed because he had forgotten about your plans and he felt it was better to lie than disappoint you.:shrug:


--------------------




Anything I post is purely theoretical, and not based in reality.  All pictures are from google.

A big part of me has died inside and I don't know if it will ever come back.  Nothing makes me happy anymore.  I use drugs and alcohol to numb the pain, and my sense of humor to hide the rest.  I don't share these feelings with anyone in real life.


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Anonymous #1

Re: First time lie for my boyfriend.... [Re: sidewayz6.6]
    #19149645 - 11/17/13 12:55 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Well he had spoken to me 11pm on the thursday night to confirm, and surely you'd think he'd just tell me? I've shown no anger towards the situation.

Do I just forgive or what?


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Invisiblepwnasaurus
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Re: First time lie for my boyfriend.... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19149665 - 11/17/13 01:01 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

You need to figure out the motive.  Why would he lie to you instead of being honest?  Why would he bail from your plans in the first place?  There's some shady behaviour going on here, I would have a hard time forgiving until I got to the bottom of it.


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Offlinesidewayz6.6
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Re: First time lie for my boyfriend.... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19149831 - 11/17/13 01:39 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Well he had spoken to me 11pm on the thursday night to confirm, and surely you'd think he'd just tell me? I've shown no anger towards the situation.

Do I just forgive or what?




Is it possible he felt neglected when you were "in bad health"?


--------------------




Anything I post is purely theoretical, and not based in reality.  All pictures are from google.

A big part of me has died inside and I don't know if it will ever come back.  Nothing makes me happy anymore.  I use drugs and alcohol to numb the pain, and my sense of humor to hide the rest.  I don't share these feelings with anyone in real life.


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Anonymous #1

Re: First time lie for my boyfriend.... [Re: pwnasaurus]
    #19149867 - 11/17/13 01:47 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

@ pwnasaurus - exactly this, hence being massively confused. It's possible he went on a cocaine binge now by the sounds of it and the attitude he had on it has made him be a dick, but then who am I to deny one's vices? I guess it's either/or as I'm not playing second to pissy cocaine lol. I guess I'm just going to have to make that clear aswell.

My bad health has not effected the relationship whatsoever.


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OfflineBU4O
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Re: First time lie for my boyfriend.... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19150008 - 11/17/13 02:26 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Let me put things more clear about man...by telling you how i am...when i truly love a girl,i cannot hide nothing from her i constantly think and worry about her and she is the only thing in the world that matters...i have that feel in the gut when i see her etc...i can even forgive her if she cheats on me...but only if she dont hide it and lie about it...So when i dont love her and i am just with her for the sex i can lie,cheat...Btw i never cheated in my life for now and i am proud of that about my self...:smile: Hope that help you a bit...:hug:


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Onlinekoods
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Re: First time lie for my boyfriend.... [Re: BU4O]
    #19151189 - 11/17/13 06:35 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I know in almost any case, whatever someone has done that would disappoint me is never as bad as being lied to about it.


--------------------
NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


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InvisibleJuicin
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Registered: 10/27/13
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Re: First time lie for my boyfriend.... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19151227 - 11/17/13 06:44 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Your SO is probably just on a spontaneous binge. And decided it would be easier to just ignore you and hope for the best. Instead of initiating the fight now and ruining his night. I have been in this situation before, but most of the time I haven't been in a position to lie and think I was going to get away with it.

I don't know how you feel about drugs or drinking. But just breaking plans alone is enough to warrant this action IMO. You fuck up, you lie and hope, then if you get caught you are in no worse position than if he had called you and canceled. Either way you're pissed, lying is the only way out. You can be pissed but I wouldn't read too much into it besides your SO has a substance abuse problem, which I would assume you already knew


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Anonymous #1

Re: First time lie for my boyfriend.... [Re: Juicin]
    #19152932 - 11/18/13 05:59 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I'm lax about substances - each to their own - but when it interferes with ones priorities and integrity I'm going to be a bit miffed.

Friends have told me he used to be a massive coke head and I've made it clear to him now that yes, live your life, but I'm not going to be pushed to the side for coke and if he's hiding the fact he has a problem then he needs to tell me or hit the road basically.

He says he isnt and is massively apologetic about the whole thing. The next time my intuition may not be so sharp, so I think keeping him at arms length is the best idea for now.

Thank you for the advice people, it puts things into perspective. Nobody is perfect. :heart: :peace:


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InvisibleEdibleStereos
Healthy Body, Sick Mind
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Registered: 01/02/13
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Re: First time lie for my boyfriend.... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19153156 - 11/18/13 08:19 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I suspect the OP to possibly be overbearing and unaware of how her actions affect her partner.

To state your "bad health" has had "has not effected the relationship whatsoever." Comes off as extremely naive.

Also, it seems as if you project your past negative relationships into your current relationship.

As well, if you are 34 and have had only three relationships, all of which you stated have been negative. Then you are doing something wrong, either by choosing mates poorly, or by placing pressure on the relationship which in turn made it feel to your partner that it would be better off to lie to you, than admit the truth.


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Anonymous #1

Re: First time lie for my boyfriend.... [Re: EdibleStereos]
    #19153861 - 11/18/13 12:20 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

READ the original post:

I am 28.

Having sciatica for the past three months has not derailed the relationship in any way, shape or form: ergo this would have happened months ago.

My actions overbearing? Where have I stated my actions apart from being pretty open and accepting?

Yes, my past relationships have ended up negative due to partners changing their personalities in time. You don't go into these things knowing everything about a person from the start - ex alcoholics, ex-women beaters, ex-drug users - nobody has that written on their forehead's, so saying it is my fault and I'm overbearing is EXTREMELY naive on your part, my friend, if not offensive and unhelpful.

My assumptions from your post point to the fact you are probably a liar, cheat and an unreliable person yourself. If you have nothing to contribute positively or fair to the information I've given, then I suggest you don't post, or what is the point?

I am just a nice, decent person asking for a little advice.


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OfflineSagescruffy
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Re: First time lie for my boyfriend.... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19153880 - 11/18/13 12:28 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

This post says a lot about you.


--------------------
Love.


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Anonymous #1

Re: First time lie for my boyfriend.... [Re: Sagescruffy]
    #19153946 - 11/18/13 12:43 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Pre tell. I'm assuming you will be telling me negative?


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Offlinempd
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Re: First time lie for my boyfriend.... [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19154682 - 11/18/13 03:15 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Truth is the ultimate expression of love.


--------------------
There is no truer calling for mankind than that of true conservatism.


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