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Offlineweshroom
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Registered: 11/19/06
Posts: 3,657
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
Re: Debating Suicide [Re: Johnny Depp]
    #19154520 - 11/18/13 02:42 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

OP, i know you say you;ve tried routine change as well as all those other changes. But if your life doesnt feel worth it but you still feel the obligation and effects it could have on those loved ones.... then just think about the effects it could have on other people if you chose to use this life to serve others in some way.
Join something like the peace corps, become a special ed teacher, volunteer places where there is suffering and any little bit you do can help. Maybe you will feel this and it might slowly change your perception of life.

Also, try everything before you jump to making a decision like that. Have you tried going to south america and taking part in ayahuasca ceremonies? You could join the aya forum and find out about different healers and communities and give that a shot. Its worth a shot!

I love you and hope that you can find peace with this life to where you know in your heart that this experience is sacred and worth living.
:heart:


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OfflineSpacerific
- - - >
Male

Registered: 10/13/12
Posts: 4,923
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
Re: Debating Suicide [Re: weshroom]
    #19158911 - 11/19/13 09:59 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

OP, a few thoughts for you to consider:

The more supporting the environment, the easier it is to start feeling like you haven't earned it. This applies to job, school, gf, house, everything.

The happiest I've ever been in my life so far were times living under an open sky (didn't even have a tent) at a psy festival, with awesome awesome friends. Two meals a day, terrible water, sleeping on horrible rocks with a cheapo sleeping bag. Best. Times. Ever. Then coming back, via Spain, being completely broke and having to use my brain to find food and water and stuff, without begging or being inconsiderate to others. Again, awesome times as I was present and active, not endlessly overthinking.

The most miserable times ever were when I had a nice paying job (that I felt came because of family/name, not personal skills), a nice car (not mine, given by parents) and was living in nice places I haven't earned. Being given excessive support is a surefire way to erode your sense of worth as a young man, making you feel like shit. I've been there, it sucks major major balls.

Now if you ever post again in this thread, please answer me this:

- Have you ever been to a psy festival, with nothing more than a backpack, if possible with money you made yourself?

- Have you ever tried an Aya ceremony? Don't waste my time saying you've tried "the drugs" as that's retarded. I am talking Aya, and I am talking ceremony, not your couch.

- Have you tried getting away from that massive massive support structure that seems to put enormous pressure on you, in terms of feeling like you're not worthy of it?

I don't think you'll be able to fix your problems as long as you continue to live in such close proximity to their source. Just try a camping trip in the wilderness somewhere, see how you feel.

Oh and how's your Omega 3 levels? THis is just secondary. Over at the festival I didn't have nor need Omega 3 pills. Being in the right context is much better than taking the right supplements or nutrition. The right community goes a long long way :thumbup:


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16


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OfflineYesod
Stranger
Registered: 10/01/13
Posts: 110
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
Re: Debating Suicide [Re: cactusguy213]
    #19162896 - 11/19/13 11:30 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

divine intervention


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May we all not take the roleplay too far, for enjoyment only, not for enslaving beings :smile:, the game can be turned off at any time.


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OfflineEverything
(~} ;-}
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Registered: 06/26/10
Posts: 5,157
Last seen: 6 years, 4 months
Re: Debating Suicide [Re: Spacerific]
    #19162960 - 11/19/13 11:54 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

I dig what you're saying, even if OP doesn't come back, that was a great post.


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Offlinecircastes
Big Questions Small Head
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Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 8,781
Loc: straya Flag
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
Re: Debating Suicide [Re: Everything]
    #19163280 - 11/20/13 01:33 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Coming out of 7+ years of schizophrenia and depression, I am one of those people convinced suicide is just a chemical thing. It just seems so real. It really, really just seems that way. It's brain chemistry and the mysterious impact it has on the mind, that's all it is...

There is nothing important or interesting about the depression, no matter how bad you've had it. I've gone into the depths of crushing, cosmic despair... and I come out of it unscathed and realising it was just a perturbation in what this device in my head is doing.

If you don't drink enough water, you will have a muscle cramp. If you don't have enough serotonin (or something, etc.), you will have a mind cramp.

Sometimes we think, "oh but what a monstrosity this existence is, how could we possibly go on, with such pitiful states available" but all we know is, we're a biological machine, and it just goes wrong sometimes.

So I don't know, I hope explaining what a depression is helps you.

When people say you should stick through it, trust me, this coming from a 7 year schizophrenia and depression veteran, you should do exactly that.

There is something in the way the mind/brain works that makes eternal hells emerge. They vanish one day... and you're like, oh, now I get it, and you get on with it.


--------------------
My solitude...
My shield...
My armour...

TESTED
WITH
FULL
FORCE


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Invisiblecactusguy213
Stranger
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Registered: 11/05/13
Posts: 7
Re: Debating Suicide [Re: circastes]
    #19228647 - 12/04/13 08:19 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Still hanging on. Thanks everyone for your support. I still haven't got a clue what I should do. The worst part about this is that despite many positive changes I've made in my life this problem persists. I'm going back to school. I've been making more money than a significant portion of people my age. Yet I still think about just ending this on a daily basis. I can't even remember a day without thinking of it. I think it'll be back to the doctor again soon. Maybe there's another option out there. A pill that doesn't make me crazy like all the SSRI's have. That sort of emotional painkiller comes at a higher price than I am willing to pay. I become completely indifferent to everything as well as violently impulsive. I've managed to changed nearly everything I thought was responsible for of all this emotional anguish to no avail. Depression is a cold hearted bitch. Runs in the family unfortunately. Sucks so much joy out of what should otherwise be a very joyful life. Just ranting right now I guess. Really only posted this in case anyone was wondering if I offed myself, and figured it would be rude to not respond to all of you who offered advice and support. Thank you all again. I guess I'll just try everything medicine has to offer until I either find something that works or run out of options completely. I don't want to pass this baton of misery to family and friends. If only people would just tell me they understood that I was out of steam, and that I was free to go at the time of my choosing.


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OfflineEllis Dee
Archangel
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Registered: 06/29/01
Posts: 13,104
Loc: Fire in the sky
Last seen: 4 years, 10 months
Re: Debating Suicide [Re: cactusguy213]
    #19229068 - 12/04/13 09:40 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Hey pal,

First of all, if you want to off yourself you shouldn't tell anyone. That's how people get paramedics or SWAT teams showing up to take them away to the booby house. Even online sites like this might have your ip and get things rolling. Thats one of main reasons people think its OK to betray others, they think they're helping them. :rolleyes:

Quote:

I have tried all the medical profession has to offer. Pharmaceutical help. Counseling. Diet and exercise. Vitamin supplements. And a combination thereof. Nothing has improved. I am still depressed. I am still anxious. I see no reason to continue living.



Yeah, none of that bull crap helps. Organic vegetables and exercise won't do anything but upset your digestion and aggrevate your asthma.

Quote:

What else can I do to make this stop?



Embrace the darkness. Become a villain. I sold my soul for rock n roll.


--------------------
"If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do."-King Solomon

And there was war in heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels,


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OfflineLifeKnowingLife
Seeker
Male


Registered: 12/04/13
Posts: 21
Loc: Here, Now
Last seen: 10 years, 6 days
Re: Debating Suicide [Re: cactusguy213]
    #19229123 - 12/04/13 09:52 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I've debated suicide many times but I don't think it will get you to a better world or realm.  You will just be born back into this animal realm, maybe in a worse position.  I don't know... I have a whole new outlook on life after reading "The Present" at www.truthcontest.com ~ check it out, might help you too.


--------------------
...and in the end, the love you take is equal to the love you make.


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OfflineSpacerific
- - - >
Male


Registered: 10/13/12
Posts: 4,923
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
Re: Debating Suicide [Re: LifeKnowingLife]
    #19230181 - 12/05/13 07:12 AM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Quote:

I guess I'll just try everything medicine has to offer until I either find something that works or run out of options completely.



Have you even read my post? I pointed out several things that as far as I can see, you haven't tried, and probably not even considered before.

Did you even read that stuff or you can't be bothered?

If you're just looking for sympathy and to "talk about your feelings" like some girls do, without actually solving the problem, then :crymeariver: :satansmoking:


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16


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Offlinesteelmonkey
Homejigger
Male


Registered: 02/22/11
Posts: 1,822
Loc: Nova Scotia,Canada Flag
Last seen: 2 years, 4 months
Re: Debating Suicide [Re: Spacerific]
    #19232891 - 12/05/13 05:23 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

I'm a mushroom guy so I don't really post here but maybe here's a interesting stat,I think its like 90% of people who came very close to death by suicide and survived said they were extremely happy nnot to have succeded and gained a new look at life

Just when you think its the end and you can't take it anymore,its the start of the beginning


--------------------


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Offlinecircastes
Big Questions Small Head
Male User Gallery


Registered: 01/14/10
Posts: 8,781
Loc: straya Flag
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
Re: Debating Suicide [Re: steelmonkey]
    #19234446 - 12/05/13 11:08 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Depression has a theme of hopelessness that makes it seem like time is running out. If you've been depressed for years it can seem very real that your life is wasting away and it can reach quite an intensity. Don't worry, it's all in your head. If you can somehow come back to normal that feeling goes away.


--------------------
My solitude...
My shield...
My armour...

TESTED
WITH
FULL
FORCE


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Invisiblecactusguy213
Stranger
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Registered: 11/05/13
Posts: 7
Re: Debating Suicide [Re: circastes]
    #19237821 - 12/06/13 06:17 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Thank you all again. Have an appointment with a shrink. Planning a short backpacking trip next summer with a friend. Having things in the future to look forward to helps a little. One day at a time. Maybe I'll be rid of this someday.


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OfflineSpacerific
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Male


Registered: 10/13/12
Posts: 4,923
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
Re: Debating Suicide [Re: cactusguy213]
    #19238151 - 12/06/13 07:47 PM (10 years, 1 month ago)

Not sure where to continue this, over :pm: or here, but in the interest of transparency, let's do it here.

Have you tripped at all?

I see only one other relevant thread, with you planning some cactus extraction. Did you try it before? Did you give shrooming a try? Good acid? Anything good and trippy until now?

I used to be INCREDIBLY depressed and miserable when I was younger, and psychs have been complete game changers for me. Not just in terms of how they made me feel, but in bringing me to meet such amazing awesome people and communities, that forget about it. Even if I die tomorrow, I know it won't have lived in vain. At least a few days/weeks of my life, I have truly lived. While depressed, I have not.

Take any medical advice with a grain of salt (as I'm not a doctor) but IMO when it comes to bringing back the good vibes, you're in much better hands with a shaman, curandero, ayahuasquero or NAC people at a Peyote Sweat lodge, than you are with your local pharma pill pusher.

You mentioned in a pm that you don't like festivals. Let's be a bit more specific here. Have you actually showed up at a psy festival, and dropped good acid / shrooms there, and you didn't like it?

I would look for people that know what they're doing, with ceremonies and traditions of psych use, not just the plant itself. At least to set the stage a few times see what to expect. Like drinking alone at home and drinking out with friends are totally different experiences, so it is will psychs. Many times they're better if they're shared. :tripping::tripping::tripping:


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16


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