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cactusguy213
Stranger


Registered: 11/05/13
Posts: 7
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Debating Suicide
#19148375 - 11/17/13 03:46 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Hi everyone, I am posting this here today because I am near the end of my rope. I have struggled with severe depression for a large portion of my life. I am 21 I have fought this disease since I was 15. I have everything anyone could ever hope for. Support from my parents; both emotional and financial. Great friends. A loving girlfriend. I have all these things despite many shortcomings. In the last few years I have become many things that I would have never imagined I would ever become prior to this depression. I am a user of drugs. All of them. I am a college drop out. I am not financially independent. I am a failure as both a son and a brother. I have come very close to suicide many times. The only thing that ever held me back was my brother. I don't want him to ever feel anything close to the pain I feel everyday. I understand that suicide is a violent and devastating thing, but I don't know where else to turn. I have tried all the medical profession has to offer. Pharmaceutical help. Counseling. Diet and exercise. Vitamin supplements. And a combination thereof. Nothing has improved. I am still depressed. I am still anxious. I see no reason to continue living. I would love nothing more than to just throw in the towel forever, yet I can't. I feel an obligation to several family members, and my girlfriend. Despite the pain, despite my desire to just end it, I can't. I know the devastation my actions would bring so I refrain. Everyday that goes by I find it harder to restrain myself. I don't know what to do. I want so bad to just exit stage left. what can I do to make this go away? I have tried the drugs. The counseling. The routine change. What else can I do to make this stop? This is no way to live a lifetime.(A side note: I am not currently in crisis and debating life or death. I am just trying to get some more information before I make such a decision. Looking for help. Not making a cry for one.)
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cactusguy213
Stranger


Registered: 11/05/13
Posts: 7
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I guess what I should have really ask now that I think about it is what are the moral implications surrounding the act of suicide, and what are the reasonings behind those decisions of morality.
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Icyus
KavitārkikasiṃHa



Registered: 11/07/13
Posts: 3,502
Loc: Inbetween.
Last seen: 8 years, 27 days
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Go for a healing.
-------------------- And thus begins the reverse-fusing of our one-dimentional understanding, and adds ever-expanding perspectives, in depth and number; splitting our perception, and in so doing, seemingly irrationally, creates yet more one-ness, with all that ever was, is and will ever be, streching across the infinite, inunderstood concept of everything, percievable and not.
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Everything
(~} ;-}



Registered: 06/26/10
Posts: 5,157
Last seen: 6 years, 4 months
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Have you tried living differently? It seems the life your living isn't what you want, the drug use, dependence financially, and dropping out all seem to make you unhappy but those are all choices you can make.
You should try some new methods, don't give up man you'll be dead soon enough without commit suicide. Just take it all as an experience don't look at it as good or bad just as what it is. In the end do what you think is right however you will die and it will all be over eventually so why not just live till it stops? As far as we know you can't decide to switch back to living after death so why not just experience?
Please answer that for me.
Have you considered meditation? The kind of meditation I've been getting into is about consciously asking yourself about the things you think. When a thought comes into your head try to dissect why your thinking it, the triggers to the thought, what outside factor have you sensed that has brought upon this thought? .... Really you can ponder things all day, I quite like it.
Just ask yourself if its worth taking yourself out of this world and effectively making everything you have ever known dissapear. Is it worth leaving more pain, more negativity on everything you've known once you go?
If you really just want to kill yourself why not sacrifice your life in another way, besides ending it? Why not do something for other people that could really use your help? You have potential to do so much good yet you would rather just not exist?
Think about if the life your living is right for you, maybe it's not living but just the way your living?
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DiscoMonsta
Gettin there



Registered: 06/21/09
Posts: 80
Loc: Around
Last seen: 9 years, 2 months
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Re: Debating Suicide [Re: Icyus]
#19148457 - 11/17/13 04:37 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I saw this and I felt I had to say something even though tonight I don't feel like doing fuck all. I have been there I have been the failure of a son dragged my family name through the shit that my father worked so hard to renew and succeed as a respectable local businessesman. I sold drugs and I've taken most everything took a heap of acid and copped a mad ego death dropped out of uni kept selling gear bashed cunts for no reason or for money felt like shit thought about necking myself heaps of times didn't for the same reason. I got out of there man. Got away from everyone slowing me down. I moved to a new town got a job offsiding a drill rig underground in the mines couldmt take drugs because of testing that's a good thing I started to get pride in myself again I had money in my pocket goals and some sort of drive. Offsiding is a shit job but gave me confidence I could do thibgs. I got an apprenticeship d now I have a faith in myself I have self respect and serious goals. If you're not working go get fucking job do something to make yourself feel as valuable as you are to those around you
-------------------- Shit... this joint goes alright eh
  Go Hard As YoU Can 
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Anonymous #1
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When the only available option seems to be suicide you should consider than even being a heroin addict is a better choice. But don't become a heroin addict. What I meant was that short of harming others or yourself you could take a step in ANY direction - (I know that when I was at my black I decided to go to law school - which I dropped out of after a year). Take a step towards any new horizon. Make a break with the past.
Don't kill yourself, kill the situation.
After my suicide attempt - in the psycheward - a psychiatrist said something really meaningful to me (I know - how uncommon!). He said imagine nothingness, now imagine feeling hungry and cold and miserable, that sensation is at least something, there is life there. But nothingness, there's no life there.
Also, you need to learn to count your blessings daily. We all naturally fixate on the negative and that's the way we are educated and trained from birth, first to stop shitting our diapers, next in every little thing. We criticize ourselves beyond its usefulness.
If your instrument is in tune it's time to play. Time for tuning, and then time for playing. If you keep on tuning then you will get out of tune again.
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TheFakeSunRa
Bitch Splitter



Registered: 03/01/05
Posts: 16,449
Loc: Dirdy SOUF
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Killing yourself is such a big ordeal. I've thought about it but I'm way too lazy. You don't have to work at it. Death is gonna get ya. There's no moral whatever. It's your body to throw away if you want to. It's not like you owe it to anyone to fucking live. I find it a little liberating to know I don't even care enough to do it. People doing all this emotional gearing up and the following through with suicide. I'm about as likely to paint my kitchen or reinstall my fire alarms or shave. Too much fucking work.
-------------------- [quote]Asante said: You constantly make posts thatr fling middle school insults at people you don't like mixed in with maladjusted psychopathic comments about wanting to beat up the other poster with a crowbar. You know how shit you are, you just don't give a fuck for precisely that reason. I disendorse you.[/quote]
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Anonymous #1
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Quote:
cactusguy213 said: Hi everyone, I am posting this here today because I am near the end of my rope. I have struggled with severe depression for a large portion of my life. I am 21 I have fought this disease since I was 15. I have everything anyone could ever hope for. Support from my parents; both emotional and financial. Great friends. A loving girlfriend. I have all these things despite many shortcomings. In the last few years I have become many things that I would have never imagined I would ever become prior to this depression. I am a user of drugs. All of them. I am a college drop out. I am not financially independent. I am a failure as both a son and a brother. I have come very close to suicide many times. The only thing that ever held me back was my brother. I don't want him to ever feel anything close to the pain I feel everyday. I understand that suicide is a violent and devastating thing, but I don't know where else to turn. I have tried all the medical profession has to offer. Pharmaceutical help. Counseling. Diet and exercise. Vitamin supplements. And a combination thereof. Nothing has improved. I am still depressed. I am still anxious. I see no reason to continue living. I would love nothing more than to just throw in the towel forever, yet I can't. I feel an obligation to several family members, and my girlfriend. Despite the pain, despite my desire to just end it, I can't. I know the devastation my actions would bring so I refrain. Everyday that goes by I find it harder to restrain myself. I don't know what to do. I want so bad to just exit stage left. what can I do to make this go away? I have tried the drugs. The counseling. The routine change. What else can I do to make this stop? This is no way to live a lifetime.(A side note: I am not currently in crisis and debating life or death. I am just trying to get some more information before I make such a decision. Looking for help. Not making a cry for one.)
If you commit suicide you will be the source of depression for those around you and you will have passed the baton of depression onto them. You will be telling them they are shit.
Also suicide is extremely expensive. The whole death scenario with burial and therapy for the rest of their lives will cost countless amounts of money and resources.
Also, if you end up not dying you can say - say you fuck up your wrists and lose use of your hands, or say you fuck up your brain and can no longer think or speak. Say you fuck up your liver or kidneys and have to have a colostomy bag.
Say you get stopped and put into a facility - it costs thousands of dollars.
You need to fucking count your blessings while you have them.
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Anonymous #2
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Not everybody wants to live. I respect OP's right to make that decision but encourage him/her to carefully weigh their options and make a rational choice instead of one based on temporary emotion
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cez

Registered: 08/04/09
Posts: 5,854
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Consider filling your head with philosophy.
"The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle is great. Anything by Alan Watts or Ram Dass is uplifting too.
Meditation can be life changing as well.  To stay on the book trail, "Beginners Mind" by Shunryu Suzuki offers not only a way to proper meditation practice, but also a nice approach to thinking.
Feed your mind with the knowledge of great thinkers. I hope you hang in there..Always remember "This too shall pass."
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Anonymous #2
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Re: Debating Suicide [Re: cez]
#19152332 - 11/17/13 11:05 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
cez said: "This too shall pass."
Not always.
but yeah it sounds like OP's situation isnt too dramatic tho
Edited by Anonymous (11/17/13 11:05 PM)
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cez

Registered: 08/04/09
Posts: 5,854
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How do you figure "not always?"
Life is change.
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Johnny Depp

Registered: 04/01/10
Posts: 2,201
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
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Re: Debating Suicide [Re: cez]
#19152353 - 11/17/13 11:11 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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.
Edited by Johnny Depp (12/19/14 05:39 PM)
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Everything
(~} ;-}



Registered: 06/26/10
Posts: 5,157
Last seen: 6 years, 4 months
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Ah man, I hate the idea of people taking anti depressants.
OP we are all rooting for you man!
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Anonymous #2
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Re: Debating Suicide [Re: cez]
#19152504 - 11/17/13 11:58 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
cez said: How do you figure "not always?"
Life is change.
teminal disease doesn't go away.
some circumstances don't change.
for example if you got drunk and killed someone and sobered up and regretted it, you cant un-kill them.
etc.
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cez

Registered: 08/04/09
Posts: 5,854
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Terminal disease goes away when the body can no longer tolerate it.
You can't undo the past...idk how that example nullifies the statement "life is change."
You are referring to conditions whereas I'm referring to perceptions. Some conditions (like past events) can't change but your perception on those conditions do change.
Edited by cez (11/18/13 01:06 AM)
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Anonymous #2
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Re: Debating Suicide [Re: cez]
#19152739 - 11/18/13 02:18 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
cez said: Terminal disease goes away when the body can no longer tolerate it.
You can't undo the past...idk how that example nullifies the statement "life is change."
You are referring to conditions whereas I'm referring to perceptions. Some conditions (like past events) can't change but your perception on those conditions do change.
Just as "life is change" does not nullify my statement of "not always" refuting the statement "this too shall pass"
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cez

Registered: 08/04/09
Posts: 5,854
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I wasn't trying to nullify your statement because mine preceded yours 
I'm talking tomatoes and your talking oranges.
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Anonymous #2
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Re: Debating Suicide [Re: cez]
#19153683 - 11/18/13 11:26 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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touche
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Johnny Depp

Registered: 04/01/10
Posts: 2,201
Last seen: 8 years, 9 months
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.
Edited by Johnny Depp (12/19/14 05:39 PM)
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