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Rhizohunter
myco-nerd



Registered: 04/22/11
Posts: 7,894
Last seen: 5 years, 4 months
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Life got fucked up
#19147668 - 11/16/13 10:41 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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I'm at one of those points in my life where I have to restart from the beginning. Got some fucked up court shit, gotta live in a halfway house, lost my license, and new mental issues.
I am not feeling emotions like normal people. I just feel like a zombie all day and uncomfortable. I went on a pretty heavy drug binge this summer and felt beyond wonderful for a few months on a psychedelic cocktail (mixed with cocaine). Now everything seems so mundane that I don't think I can take it.
I don't necessarily expect to feel the enjoyment I did, but there has got to be more to life than this. I want to feel energy again and drive to do things (even though there isn't much to do around here).
I'm just feeling in a slump and needed to put it somewhere. I just drank two beers and am feeling content. When I move into the halfway house there is no drug use at all which is gonna blow for 6 months. It's one of those things you just gotta suck up and do.
Hopefully everyone elses life has been going better around here.
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Legend
RIP Sasha



Registered: 03/29/10
Posts: 28,336
Loc: TX
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Meh life has it's ups and downs, and there is NO NORMAL. We're all freaks of the game, so I hope you find your balance bud. None of us are all three, just make it with what you got my man.
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No sympathy for the devil, keep that in mind. [url=]Buy the ticket, take the ride. [/url]Are you lost?
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underfliptown
I suck and you should kill me


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 14,344
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
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You probably did some minor brain damage this summer. The 6 months off will probably be good for you. Use them to grow as a person.
Play guitar, read, meditate, exercise.
There's a lot you can accomplish in this time if you allow yourself to embrace it.
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memes
Blessed



Registered: 01/11/05
Posts: 27,785
Loc: In a Tree
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life will only get better from here acknowledge it as it happens and watch your mood grow better. then, whenyou're out of the hole, look back and smile at the path you've taken, and the perspective you now have as a result
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Rhizohunter
myco-nerd



Registered: 04/22/11
Posts: 7,894
Last seen: 5 years, 4 months
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Yeah, I was thinking about getting back into playing guitar. This reality isn't as fun as the one I created in my mind.
Pretty sure it was the DMT that fucked me up the most. Abuse the nectar and that's what happens.
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GreySatyr
Pagan-Psyche


Registered: 06/20/13
Posts: 3,376
Loc: North Carolina
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
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Amen to that! I've been sober or about 8 months, that's just a guess but I enjoy it. I can't wait for my next high but it's not like I'm seekin it. I trip every year though.
-------------------- ...also, go to hell, huh?
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mindgnome
Wanderer


Registered: 10/30/13
Posts: 816
Loc: Somewhere
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
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Life will get better as you sober up. Did your binge include ecstasy? Because that will definitely dull things out even months afterward especially after repeated heavy use. As you sober up things will get better. You just need a good state of mind. If you want to get sober you can easily get sober and you will probably feel a lot better. You should start watching a lot of documentaries or something. Since I've sobered up I like to gain as much knowledge as possible. After you are sober for a while you can do a psychedelic and that will make your outlook even better. I am guessing you were doing more than just psychedelics. Psychedelics don't make me feel dull after I do them they definitely do the opposite. If I take one, in the weeks after I feel so happy to be alive the feeling is great. If you were smoking a lot of weed that is probably why things seem dull. If you give it a week or two you won't have that feeling as much anymore.
-------------------- "As I walk on through troubled times my spirit gets so downhearted sometimes so where are the strong and who are the trusted? And where is the harmony? Sweet harmony. Cause each time I feel it slippin' away, just makes me wanna cry. What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding?" - Nick Lowe "Psychedelic drugs don't change you - they don't change your character - unless you want to be changed. They enable change; they can't impose it...” - Sasha Shulgin
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underfliptown
I suck and you should kill me


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 14,344
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
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Quote:
Rhizohunter said: Yeah, I was thinking about getting back into playing guitar. This reality isn't as fun as the one I created in my mind.
Pretty sure it was the DMT that fucked me up the most. Abuse the nectar and that's what happens.
Dude I used to smoke SOOOO much dmt... lol... What was I saying...
Oh yeah, dmt definitely fucks with you for a while. I dunno how often I will be revisiting the chrysanthemum in the future.
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mushroom_sandwich
semi retarded



Registered: 04/17/12
Posts: 2,803
Last seen: 8 years, 15 days
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Re: Life got fucked up [Re: GreySatyr]
#19147727 - 11/16/13 10:54 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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I've got a year of court mandated sobriety ahead of me as well, you just gotta do it man. Make the best of the situation and try to improve yourself.
-------------------- “I believe in a long, prolonged derangement of the senses to attain the unknown. Our pale reasoning hides the infinite from us."
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mindgnome
Wanderer


Registered: 10/30/13
Posts: 816
Loc: Somewhere
Last seen: 5 years, 6 months
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yeah dude, really just look at it as a opportunity to do the stuff you weren't motivated to do when you were high. It is easier to do it for yourself though. I am sober by choice and NA meetings fucked with my head. I don't think they helped me honestly they just made me think "at least I'm not smoking meth" which is a horrible way to think but that is what I thought at the time.
-------------------- "As I walk on through troubled times my spirit gets so downhearted sometimes so where are the strong and who are the trusted? And where is the harmony? Sweet harmony. Cause each time I feel it slippin' away, just makes me wanna cry. What's so funny 'bout peace love & understanding?" - Nick Lowe "Psychedelic drugs don't change you - they don't change your character - unless you want to be changed. They enable change; they can't impose it...” - Sasha Shulgin
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GEncore
Authentic



Registered: 07/19/10
Posts: 2,654
Loc: Buenos Aires
Last seen: 4 years, 7 months
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aint that a bitch.
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deadwk
00101011


Registered: 06/17/09
Posts: 8,890
Loc: Canada, eh?
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You might be in a shitty period of your life, but it will get better soon; Take this time you are in the halfway house and use it to better yourself; Find things that will give you that enjoyment again and that you are passionate about.
Good luck!
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Rhizohunter
myco-nerd



Registered: 04/22/11
Posts: 7,894
Last seen: 5 years, 4 months
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I had a pretty large scale mushroom grow going of 140 quarts and was eating freshies like it was my job. I blew a little over a grand on blow in a month and did a couple balls of DMT.
I feel more intelligent from the situation is the funny thing. Everything just seems uninteresting lately.
Really blows
Oh yeah, almost forgot about the RC's, some shit that was supposed to be LSD. Not sure which one.
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Rhizohunter
myco-nerd



Registered: 04/22/11
Posts: 7,894
Last seen: 5 years, 4 months
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Re: Life got fucked up [Re: mindgnome]
#19147746 - 11/16/13 11:00 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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It's just something I gotta do. In the meantime I will just look for a job in walking distance from the halfway house. Really sucks when you were making a ton of money growing to going to minimum wage.
It is what it is
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Magicman69
All About the Benjamins



Registered: 05/29/13
Posts: 6,876
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When life hands you lemons make lemonaide silly. You got yourself into this situation you can work your way out. To get out of a hole, one must stop digging first.
Edited by Magicman69 (11/16/13 11:08 PM)
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Rhizohunter
myco-nerd



Registered: 04/22/11
Posts: 7,894
Last seen: 5 years, 4 months
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These beers are treating me nicely at least. I'm not getting much fulfillment out of it other than a calm state. It's amazing that I could go from being such a bad alcoholic to this.
Maybe I just need a woman. I need something to fill that empty hole in life. Finding happiness in myself is priority, but that seems like an unrealistic goal at the moment.
Too paranoid to get another mush lab started up. That at least gave me a purpose in life. Feels good to be taking care of thousands of mushrooms.
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underfliptown
I suck and you should kill me


Registered: 03/07/11
Posts: 14,344
Last seen: 8 years, 6 months
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Quote:
Rhizohunter said: These beers are treating me nicely at least. I'm not getting much fulfillment out of it other than a calm state. It's amazing that I could go from being such a bad alcoholic to this.
Maybe I just need a woman. I need something to fill that empty hole in life. Finding happiness in myself is priority, but that seems like an unrealistic goal at the moment.
Too paranoid to get another mush lab started up. That at least gave me a purpose in life. Feels good to be taking care of thousands of mushrooms.
You should surround yourself with situations where likeminded people prevail. Maybe you willl find a girl that way. Most girls are dumb as fuck, but the smart ones are awesome! Rare though...
Don't get used to using alcohol to feel good man, its a slippery slope.
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Rhizohunter
myco-nerd



Registered: 04/22/11
Posts: 7,894
Last seen: 5 years, 4 months
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I know alcohol is a slippery ass slope. I was once known as alcoholichunter on here and was trying to drink myself to death for a while. I attempted to use psychedelic mushrooms as a mind control agent at getting away from it.
It was working quite well to tell you the truth. I just started fucking up when I started using cocaine heavily. I don't want to put the blame on any one drug, but pretty sure that contributed the most.
I started getting lazy with my mushroom lab and I was dealing with contamination like a motherfucker and let the project go to hell cause I was having more fun getting high. I bit off more than I could chew.
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Acaterpillar
A little mad...



Registered: 06/09/07
Posts: 18,693
Loc: Down the rabbit hole
Last seen: 4 months, 20 days
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Finding a partner to fill a hole never works.
The human complex is one giant gaping hole that screams to be filled, yet is insatiable.
You just have to realize that you'll never be more complete than when alone and content.
That's not to say that you shouldn't go get a girl. Just don't do it for the wrong reasons.
-------------------- Aaa...E I O Uuu...A E I O Uuu..A E I O uh Uuu.. *Cough* *Cough* Ooo...U E I O Aaa...U E I Aaa..A E I O Uuuuu... At first sight, The Perfection of Wisdom is bewildering, full of paradox and apparent irrationality.
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schwarg



Registered: 07/15/12
Posts: 2,817
Loc: San Diego
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Try and find a job that allows you to travel and see new places.
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