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EternalCowabunga
Being of Great Significance



Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 7,152
Loc: Time and Space
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"In Love"
#19147520 - 11/16/13 09:55 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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When does it happen? I've had a few girlfriends but never felt like I was in love with them.
Does it feel different than normal love? Does everyone fall in love in their lifetime?
Just wondering. I'm wondering if I'm doing something wrong if I've never been in love with a girl. Actually now that I think about it, there was this girl in grade 8 who I liked a lot, that may have been love.
I'm posting this at the risk of looking stupid and inexperienced.. thanks
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Ultron
alchemist programmer




Registered: 08/04/13
Posts: 751
Loc: inner sanctum of the cosm...
Last seen: 3 months, 3 days
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I tend to realize what a girl meant to me after the fact.
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Black_Sunset
Amateur Anesthesiologist


Registered: 11/16/08
Posts: 2,451
Loc: Somewhere California
Last seen: 5 years, 7 months
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Love for someone is multifaceted and the meaning and how it's expressed changes as you grow older. It's very rare, and something you just know when it happens. At least this is all I've gathered so far...
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Anonymous #1
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The only person I been in love with I met in sixth grade and we've been best friends (save a few fights here and there) since. So over 10 years at this point.
I can't explain it, but you'll know when it turns from "I care about this person" to "I love this person" and eventually "I'm IN love with this person"
I love, and have loved tons of friends/girlfriends, but there is something that just "clicks" when you're "in love."
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Spacerific
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Registered: 10/13/12
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Well one girl I think I love (and she loves me back, for years now) is this very nice one that I applied Savoy's method to. The method says you should take girls through a progression like friend->fwb->gf if you like the first 2 parts, and ONLY if you like the first 2 parts.
This method was a gold mine for me, as said girl was fresh out of some painful experience or something, and wasn't ready for a new relationship when we met. Had I not known about Savoy I would have forced things and probably fucked it all up. Knowing about it I was like oh fine, you're not ready for a relationship? I'm cool, let's hang, let's be friends. I've always wanted a hot hot female friend. There was no pressure, so we enjoyed each other's company quite a bit.
Then things moved to fbuddies from there, because I give awesome massages and stuff, but still very chill, was totally cool with talking to her like one of the guys, no overly artificial dating/courting behavior, way beyond what I've ever told previous gf's, and also much more funny and interesting. We've been drifting in and out of some sort of relationship since. Would have been dating for real if she didn't have plans to move to some other country, since before we met. But we're still pretty close, and from all the girls I've ever known, I think this one I'd be most comfortable with considering for marriage. Which I'm not ready for and won't be for the next few years, but if I fix my stuff and she's not taken by then, I'm totally hunting her down and popping the question 
Not sure if this is love, but this is certainly the closest I've come so far. Feeling understood, clicked with, vibed with and seeing my whole day brighten when this girl is around. Few and far between are girls of this quality.
-------------------- Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.
For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it. - Matthew 13:16
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Lynnch
Strangerer



Registered: 04/29/09
Posts: 7,855
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Yea, after a while you just know. Though its been a while since I've been in a relationship where we actually say "I love you" to each other... I think maybe you never know if you love them til you take the plunge and say it out loud.
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Spacerific
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Re: "In Love" [Re: Lynnch]
#19147782 - 11/16/13 11:18 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Lynnch said: Yea, after a while you just know. Though its been a while since I've been in a relationship where we actually say "I love you" to each other... I think maybe you never know if you love them til you take the plunge and say it out loud.
I don't think it has much to do with it. I felt a different level of depth with some girls way before I said it, if I even said it verbally at all.
Maybe for more words-oriented people it's of greater importance though, could be
-------------------- Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.
For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it. - Matthew 13:16
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Lynnch
Strangerer



Registered: 04/29/09
Posts: 7,855
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I've felt all sorts of stuff about girls. It makes it much more real to put it out there into the world.
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BU4O
Weed on ^^



Registered: 11/18/11
Posts: 750
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Re: "In Love" [Re: Lynnch]
#19148303 - 11/17/13 02:55 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Lynnch said: I've felt all sorts of stuff about girls. It makes it much more real to put it out there into the world.
This is very right...But for me when i fell in love not only i care and think about the girl all time...When i see her i cannot hide nothing...i feel that thing in my guts...feeling high...happend to me 2-3 times in my life i am 26 years old...1 time only it was shared...
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koods
Ribbit



Registered: 05/26/11
Posts: 106,054
Loc: Maryland/DC Burbs
Last seen: 21 minutes, 19 seconds
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Quote:
EternalCowabunga said: When does it happen? I've had a few girlfriends but never felt like I was in love with them.
Does it feel different than normal love? Does everyone fall in love in their lifetime?
Just wondering. I'm wondering if I'm doing something wrong if I've never been in love with a girl. Actually now that I think about it, there was this girl in grade 8 who I liked a lot, that may have been love.
I'm posting this at the risk of looking stupid and inexperienced.. thanks
Love is when you want to be with that person so badly, it literally causes pain.
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NotSheekle said “if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”
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koraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
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Quote:
EternalCowabunga said: When does it happen?
On average four times in a lifetime, I read somewhere recently. But people differ, so the variance is huge. For me, it happens once every 5 years or so. Only once things aligned and that's a long time ago. Beautiful though.
Quote:
Does it feel different than normal love?
It eclipses everything. The world is reduced to the space between you and one other person.
Quote:
I'm wondering if I'm doing something wrong if I've never been in love with a girl.
There's not much you can do about it. It just happens. Or it doesn't. When the time is right, your body chemistry is just right and there's someone around to fall in love with, it might happen. There's not much you can do to control these things.
Quote:
I'm posting this at the risk of looking stupid and inexperienced.. thanks
I'm sure there are 80-year olds who could have asked the same questions.
Edited by koraks (11/17/13 05:54 AM)
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Spacerific
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Re: "In Love" [Re: koraks]
#19150437 - 11/17/13 03:59 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Well I think there's a difference between clinging and loving. It's a sad thing when you love someone and then you start clinging to them, unable to appreciate life and yourself while they're away. Not healthy. I don't think in those moments it qualifies as love at all.
I've done that with girls, I've even done it with psychedelics (probably still am sometimes) and I wouldn't call that love. Obsession and need maybe, but not love. In my book there has to be a distinct feeling of chill and appreciation about it, like you love pizza even though you have other foods available. Pizza is still your favorite. It's a joy thing, and appreciation of life thing, not a "oh shit without pizza I'll be starving " thing.
Love feels like this
-------------------- Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.
For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it. - Matthew 13:16
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Patlal
You ask too many questions



Registered: 10/09/10
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Loc: Ottawa
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I never felt love. Although I think I almost did twice with two different girls, but they had BFs at the time so I never could develop the feeling I guess.
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pirate-blues



Registered: 10/15/12
Posts: 13,656
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Re: "In Love" [Re: Patlal]
#19151190 - 11/17/13 06:35 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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It's incredibly distinct, it's happened once before for me(and it..might be happening again now?) and even though I don't outright acknowledge it as love then and there, but I feel it from the get go and I know pretty much immediately whether or not I could eventually tell this person I love them.
It's this feeling of unconditional understanding and empathy, and you feel like you have known them forever almost immediately - and they reciprocate with the same feeling(otherwise it's really just one-sided infatuation, very important imo that both people are on the same page from the beginning in terms of intensity of feelings, at least to me) It's a very warm and safe feeling, and just existing in this person's presence is like a high in and of itself.
It does not happen often to me, I'm pretty happy go lucky and sociable in platonic situations, but in terms of relationships I am far more likely to be aloof and underwhelmed with most people in terms of romantic chemistry. Finding someone I feel for that intensely who also feels for me is like being lost very far from home and finally finding someone who speaks the same language who can help you get your bearings...that's an understatement - but there's a kind of familiarity and comfort/relief that comes with the feeling, for me.
They also have to turn me on, people brush that off as shallow, but c'mon, love comes in many different forms and apart of romantic love is finding someone who can achieve that - and if it's love you will only find your attraction and connection growing over time.
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JesusIsLord
Jesus freak


Registered: 08/10/12
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no one can explain it to you. just something you feel.
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And I will bring you out from the people, and will gather you out of the countries wherein ye are scattered, with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out.
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Spacerific
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In any case I'd say that if you really had it at least once in your life, you're much more chill about dying tomorrow. Like psychedelic trips, making some art you're proud of, having at least one child, if you've done that you feel you've actually fully lived, at least for some time, thus you won't be taking all your potential, all your music, with you.
I wish real love on any and all beings everywhere, I'm pretty sure it improves both (all?) parties involved. Nothing lasts forever, but love if you've had it, stays and resonates with the best parts of you for a long long time
-------------------- Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.
For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it. - Matthew 13:16
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sanchothestoner
Satan's Grandson



Registered: 12/06/11
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Being in love is very psychedelic. It's like a wild ride that'll make you feel things you've never felt before. It is absolutely amazing
-------------------- I fucking hate you... God damn, I love you... But we both know if we stick together, we'll just tear ourselves apart You are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy, when skies are grey You are my heroin, but there's an abscess... God damn, I miss the vein!
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EternalCowabunga
Being of Great Significance



Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 7,152
Loc: Time and Space
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I think I may be in love with a girl. I only knew her for about 3 days in college but we hit it off right when we met and we seem like we would be a really good match.
I texted her last night and we've been texting and I really look forward to seeing her. It's not about sex either, we just match really well.
Maybe should have written this in a journal but what the hell.
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jamminshaman
I am the pope of dope



Registered: 08/24/10
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Love is better than anything I've ever smoked, snorted, shot, or eaten.
All those things are great, but love triumphs over all.
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EternalCowabunga
Being of Great Significance



Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 7,152
Loc: Time and Space
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Love for a girl or just general love?
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