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The Fresh Prints
Smell ya later



Registered: 05/19/12
Posts: 1,377
Loc: Bel-Air
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Dating a married Woman -Wrong?
#19132655 - 11/13/13 06:57 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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So I've been going out with a married woman recently, and we've gotten busy a few times. She's unhappy in her marriage, and claims her husband is a douche... I feel like a scumbag, but I really like her, and the sex is fantastic. Is it completely immoral for me to continue seeing her?
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Dudits
Tao


Registered: 09/16/13
Posts: 233
Loc: West coast
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Ya, that's jacked up.
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Yesod
Stranger
Registered: 10/01/13
Posts: 110
Last seen: 10 years, 2 months
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kind of, but I think its more immoral on her part for not telling her husband. I don't think its really immoral of you. Its not like you knew she was married before hand and then purposely went for that reason. You should encourage her to get a divorce. But yeah. Ultimately true love is all that matters. If you have real feelings for her, then that's whats most important. If you are just doing it for sex, then idunno.. its still more the woman who needs to tell her husband shes not happy.
-------------------- May we all not take the roleplay too far, for enjoyment only, not for enslaving beings , the game can be turned off at any time.
Edited by Yesod (11/13/13 07:12 PM)
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Quote:
Genghis Chron said: So I've been going out with a married woman recently, and we've gotten busy a few times. She's unhappy in her marriage, and claims her husband is a douche... I feel like a scumbag, but I really like her, and the sex is fantastic. Is it completely immoral for me to continue seeing her?
No it's not. It's immoral for her to be seeing you. You're doing nothing wrong.
Actually you're doing the husband a favor if he finds out. Of course it's fairly likely he's up to no good himself.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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The Fresh Prints
Smell ya later



Registered: 05/19/12
Posts: 1,377
Loc: Bel-Air
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: Yesod]
#19132836 - 11/13/13 07:24 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Yesod said: kind of, but I think its more immoral on her part for not telling her husband. I don't think its really immoral of you. Its not like you knew she was married before hand and then purposely went for that reason. You should encourage her to get a divorce. But yeah. Ultimately true love is all that matters. If you have real feelings for her, then that's whats most important. If you are just doing it for sex, then idunno.. its still more the woman who needs to tell her husband shes not happy.
That's kind of how I was trying to look at it. However, I won't encourage her to get a divorce because A.) she has two kids B.) I could never fall in love with a woman who is willing to cheat on her husband, and C.) I'm 24, she's 32...
A friend of mine said "if it's not you, it's going to be someone else", and I kind of believe him.
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Mr.PhilCybin
Master Baiter


Registered: 06/13/11
Posts: 11,642
Loc: Gnarnia
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: Icelander]
#19132840 - 11/13/13 07:24 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Don't put a ring on the finger or get too serious for that matter. If things ever turn sour you've seen first hand that she won't hesitate to go out behind your back.
Aside from that, if you guys are having a good time together, she's the one at fault.
-------------------- I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart. I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful. I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.
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Dudits
Tao


Registered: 09/16/13
Posts: 233
Loc: West coast
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Quote:
Genghis Chron said:
Quote:
Yesod said: kind of, but I think its more immoral on her part for not telling her husband. I don't think its really immoral of you. Its not like you knew she was married before hand and then purposely went for that reason. You should encourage her to get a divorce. But yeah. Ultimately true love is all that matters. If you have real feelings for her, then that's whats most important. If you are just doing it for sex, then idunno.. its still more the woman who needs to tell her husband shes not happy.
That's kind of how I was trying to look at it. However, I won't encourage her to get a divorce because A.) she has two kids B.) I could never fall in love with a woman who is willing to cheat on her husband, and C.) I'm 24, she's 32...
A friend of mine said "if it's not you, it's going to be someone else", and I kind of believe him.
If you are having to tell yourself its ok, that's justification and in most of my past experiences, if i find myself trying talk myself into feeling better about something, im usually in the wrong.
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Penelope_Tree
Shamanic Panic



Registered: 07/31/09
Posts: 8,535
Loc: magic sugarcastle
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Yeah, you're going to Hell.
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full blown human
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Dating single women is wrong. They get all sticky and emotionally attached and then, like a stray dog, you cannot get rid of them.
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: Mr.PhilCybin]
#19133279 - 11/13/13 08:42 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Don't put a ring on the finger or get too serious for that matter.
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Penelope_Tree
Shamanic Panic



Registered: 07/31/09
Posts: 8,535
Loc: magic sugarcastle
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You're right - dating is wrong. We should all be robots and have emotionally unattached sex.
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full blown human
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Good point!
The future has arrived:
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Penelope_Tree
Shamanic Panic



Registered: 07/31/09
Posts: 8,535
Loc: magic sugarcastle
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"You know, one of my favorite things to do with my giant brain is to use it as an ignorance simulator. It's a luxury. Smart can imitate stupid but not vice versa. All of the old superstitions and ignorances of the past are cartridges to be plugged in, and another pair of glasses to see the world through."
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full blown human
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder



Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 2 days
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Always wrong. If she cheats on him she'll cheat on you. You're not marriage material either btw. If you have to ask right from wrong on a public forum, I wouldn't turn my back on you. Try not to have an angry husband bust a cap in your ass.
-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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fatchillin
Wanderer



Registered: 10/24/11
Posts: 558
Loc: pNw
Last seen: 1 year, 7 months
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Talking about morality issues on a forum societal cultural constraints based off perception, that's all it is. Do what you want
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kneesocks
Divineress



Registered: 12/25/11
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Loc: Puget Sound/PNW
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: fatchillin]
#19134525 - 11/14/13 02:20 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Considering their marriage and your own involvement in it, yes it's immoral. It could also get you beat up or killed one day.
If you need a good moral base in the future, just consider how you'd feel if you were the person being wronged.
-------------------- "An ignorant man is lost, faithless, and filled with self-doubt; A soul that harbors doubt has no joy, not in this world or the next." -Bhagavad-gita 4:40
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: kneesocks]
#19134599 - 11/14/13 02:58 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
kneesocks said: Considering their marriage and your own involvement in it, yes it's immoral. It could also get you beat up or killed one day.
If you need a good moral base in the future, just consider how you'd feel if you were the person being wronged.
And don't forget to go to church and beg for forgiveness for being a natural healthy man
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
Edited by Icelander (11/14/13 02:59 AM)
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CosmicJoke
happy mutant


Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
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Quote:
Genghis Chron said: So I've been going out with a married woman recently, and we've gotten busy a few times. She's unhappy in her marriage, and claims her husband is a douche... I feel like a scumbag, but I really like her, and the sex is fantastic. Is it completely immoral for me to continue seeing her?
Of course not, I always encourage people I really like to live their lives with greater degrees of secrecy and deception. It's good for their psyche.
-------------------- Everything is better than it was the last time. I'm good. If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care. It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence. I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too. If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: CosmicJoke]
#19134967 - 11/14/13 07:22 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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What makes you think he's the one keeping the secret?
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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LunarEclipse
Enlil's Official Story


Registered: 10/31/04
Posts: 21,407
Loc: Building 7
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: kneesocks]
#19135013 - 11/14/13 07:45 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
kneesocks said: Considering their marriage and your own involvement in it, yes it's immoral. It could also get you beat up or killed one day.
If you need a good moral base in the future, just consider how you'd feel if you were the person being wronged.
I'd like to say. It's a pleasure. Thank you Grammy.
-------------------- Anxiety is what you make it.
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CosmicJoke
happy mutant


Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: Icelander]
#19135054 - 11/14/13 08:00 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Icelander said: What makes you think he's the one keeping the secret?
I didn't, only suspecting that all her lying might be adding to the stress in her life more than an orgasm here and there will likely release it. Not something I'd personally want to contribute to somebody 'I really like'. If you're arguing it's her problem and not his, well, it depends on his emotions about her IMO.. If she's just a piece of ass to him, I don't see why he's getting so worked up either... If he sees her as a real human, maybe that's why he feels shitty about the whole thing.
-------------------- Everything is better than it was the last time. I'm good. If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care. It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence. I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too. If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: CosmicJoke]
#19135228 - 11/14/13 09:01 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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He's likely been taught to feel shitty about the whole thing.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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fatchillin
Wanderer



Registered: 10/24/11
Posts: 558
Loc: pNw
Last seen: 1 year, 7 months
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: Icelander]
#19135492 - 11/14/13 10:04 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
fatchillin said: societal cultural constraints based off perception, that's all it is.
Quote:
Icelander said: He's likely been taught to feel shitty about the whole thing.
This^
perception is everything.
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Grapefruit
Freak in the forest


Registered: 05/09/08
Posts: 5,744
Last seen: 3 years, 1 month
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It's nothing to do with you mate, all the responsibility is on her.
-------------------- Little left in the way of energy; or the way of love, yet happy to entertain myself playing mental games with the rest of you freaks until the rivers run backwards. "Chat your fraff Chat your fraff Just chat your fraff Chat your fraff"
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CosmicJoke
happy mutant


Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: Icelander]
#19136618 - 11/14/13 03:17 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Icelander said: He's likely been taught to feel shitty about the whole thing.
All this time I've been teaching that it's wrong to even casually associate with the married... and the ones with kids are a double whammy, for then you will most certainly be cursed with a stigma.
-------------------- Everything is better than it was the last time. I'm good. If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care. It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence. I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too. If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.
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MarkostheGnostic
Elder



Registered: 12/09/99
Posts: 14,279
Loc: South Florida
Last seen: 3 years, 2 days
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: fatchillin]
#19136674 - 11/14/13 03:28 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
fatchillin said: Talking about morality issues on a forum societal cultural constraints based off perception, that's all it is. Do what you want 
It's morality based on Compassion for the individual who will be hurt by the betrayal. It has nothing to do with socio-cultural considerations for me. I also adhere to the Golden Rule of "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." I have been betrayed by an unfaithful ex-spouse. An alcoholic, Borderline Personality Disordered spouse as it turned out, but I was faithful to her based on my morality. I do not do what I desire to do, I overcome my desires for the sake of love and fidelity to my partner. I am not a liar, a sneak, or a cheat. My current wife is a fine lady who chose me for her partner, in part for my moral fiber.
-------------------- γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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Quote:
Genghis Chron said: So I've been going out with a married woman recently, and we've gotten busy a few times. She's unhappy in her marriage, and claims her husband is a douche... I feel like a scumbag, but I really like her, and the sex is fantastic. Is it completely immoral for me to continue seeing her?
Morality doesn't exist.
As far as the situation goes, if there are two consenting results then that's all there is to it.
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: Dudits]
#19136882 - 11/14/13 04:11 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Dudits said:
If you are having to tell yourself its ok, that's justification and in most of my past experiences, if i find myself trying talk myself into feeling better about something, im usually in the wrong.
blah blah blah
Where is that arbitrary distinction written in stone? Sounds like that has more to do with social conditioning, as well as the entire concept of there being something "wrong" with "dating" anyone in particular.
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mmn
fcuk speling nd gramer


Registered: 02/14/10
Posts: 49
Loc:
Last seen: 9 years, 3 months
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: Repertoire89]
#19137568 - 11/14/13 06:40 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I'm really concerned with all this 'let's throw morality away as it's a social construct' bullshit. Just because this is a forum centered around drug use doesn't mean we have to adopt nauseatingly stereotypical perceptions of the world. What the fuck is so bad about social conditioning? Obviously there are facets that could be seen as detrimental (i.e. it's normal to watch sports ---> it's normal to sit on your ass and an wallow in apathy whilst attempting to live vicariously through others) but in some senses, it's a wonderful thing! Social conditioning, at it's best, promotes harmony, understanding, common ground, and selflessness, to a degree.
MarkosTheGnostic has it right. The golden rule is a dire necessity to live sensibly and function inter-personally.
Yes, OP, it's wrong. No, the responsibility is not just hers. You're not a fucking primate. I'm sure you could delude yourself into thinking that her marriage is destined to fail and you're providing her with a chance to solidify it's demise but, in reality, you're being an asshole who's writhing in carnality.
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: mmn]
#19137614 - 11/14/13 06:49 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
mmn said: I'm really concerned with all this 'let's throw morality away as it's a social construct' bullshit. Just because this is a forum centered around drug use doesn't mean we have to adopt nauseatingly stereotypical perceptions of the world. What the fuck is so bad about social conditioning? Obviously there are facets that could be seen as detrimental (i.e. it's normal to watch sports ---> it's normal to sit on your ass and an wallow in apathy whilst attempting to live vicariously through others) but in some senses, it's a wonderful thing! Social conditioning, at it's best, promotes harmony, understanding, common ground, and selflessness, to a degree.
MarkosTheGnostic has it right. The golden rule is a dire necessity to live sensibly and function inter-personally.
Yes, OP, it's wrong. No, the responsibility is not just hers. You're not a fucking primate. I'm sure you could delude yourself into thinking that her marriage is destined to fail and you're providing her with a chance to solidify it's demise but, in reality, you're being an asshole who's writhing in carnality.
Just because this is a forum centered around drug use doesn't mean we have to adopt nauseatingly stereotypical perceptions of the world. What the fuck is so bad about social conditioning?
That was nauseatingly ironic.
Yes, OP, it's wrong.
A lot of statements with nothing to back it up, why is the golden rule a "dire necessity" for living "sensibly"? I'm presuming since we're going by your definition of morality that we should follow your definition of sensibility as well? Is this what you mean by social conditioning?
Morality is a social construct, believing anything to be objectively "wrong" is the definition of banality.
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: mmn]
#19137854 - 11/14/13 07:32 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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You're not a fucking primate
Another genius in our midst. Thanks for sharing your morality.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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mmn
fcuk speling nd gramer


Registered: 02/14/10
Posts: 49
Loc:
Last seen: 9 years, 3 months
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: mmn]
#19139432 - 11/15/13 01:29 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Reptoire89,
How was that statement ironic? Are you implying that a belief in the virtue of social conditioning is a stereotypical one?
The Golden Rule is a dire necessity because it's apparent through an observation of evolutionary history that humans are social creatures and therefore we need social cohesion to function at our highest potential. Our highest potential doesn't have room for inter-personal drama. Wouldn't you agree the human race could do some amazing things with the time it saved from dwelling on relational problems that result from an inability to control physiological cravings? Living sensibly, to me, and probably many of the other unenlightened, is avoiding the promotion of a behavior that will surely have humanity self-destruct.
Icelander,
I hope you're enjoying employing your condescending and sarcastic tone as much as I enjoy reading it.
I don't mean to attack you guys, or your beliefs, it just seems like you're considering this problem from a very distant perspective. Ultimately, we have to function in civilization. Is a potentially nihilistic and probably hedonistic belief system good for that?
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: mmn]
#19139628 - 11/15/13 03:23 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Icelander,
I hope you're enjoying employing your condescending and sarcastic tone as much as I enjoy reading it.
Win/win, it's what I'm all about.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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Rahz
Alive Again



Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,230
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Not saying these are all issues for you, but they're worth considering. Morality is an easy way to cloud the actual thought processes that are troubling. Look at the issues themselves.
1- You're withholding the truth from her husband. You may have no contact with husband but you still have a secret that involves him. Not coming from a point of moral judgment, you're being a liar. Is this important to your integrity?
2- You're with a woman who is willing to cheat. Nothing too rare about that, but knowing it will put ideas in your head if you have any notions of monogamy.
3- She says he's a douche but is she in the divorce process? You're being used.
4- You open yourself to a crime of passion. You're taking the risk however small that the dude will bust in one day and blow your head off.
5- You open yourself to diseases. How do you know if you're the only guy she's banging? And douche or not it's a pretty bad deal for the husband. "Hey I've got an STD, wonder how that happened?"
6- Possible self esteem issues. Can't find a single girl or one who will dump her man for the awesomeness that is you.
That said, good things can come from complicated situations, but on paper it doesn't look good.
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: Rahz]
#19140594 - 11/15/13 11:30 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I think those are all very important considerations but I'm not fully in agreement with #1. I really don't think he's being a liar in this situation. If the guy ever asks him and he refuses to admit it then he's a liar. We don't always owe people information imo. If I have a sexual disease I'm not obliged to hunt down every new lover my past partners have to tell them. It's a nice gesture for sure but not a responsibility. The rest are excellent points to consider however and why I would never put myself in that position knowingly.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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OrgoneConclusion
Blue Fish Group



Registered: 04/01/07
Posts: 45,414
Loc: Under the C
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: Repertoire89]
#19140607 - 11/15/13 11:32 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
As far as the situation goes, if there are two consenting results then that's all there is to it.
infant -> toddler -> child -> teenager -> result
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: mmn]
#19141268 - 11/15/13 03:11 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
mmn said: Reptoire89,
How was that statement ironic? Are you implying that a belief in the virtue of social conditioning is a stereotypical one?
The Golden Rule is a dire necessity because it's apparent through an observation of evolutionary history that humans are social creatures and therefore we need social cohesion to function at our highest potential. Our highest potential doesn't have room for inter-personal drama. Wouldn't you agree the human race could do some amazing things with the time it saved from dwelling on relational problems that result from an inability to control physiological cravings? Living sensibly, to me, and probably many of the other unenlightened, is avoiding the promotion of a behavior that will surely have humanity self-destruct.
Icelander,
I hope you're enjoying employing your condescending and sarcastic tone as much as I enjoy reading it.
I don't mean to attack you guys, or your beliefs, it just seems like you're considering this problem from a very distant perspective. Ultimately, we have to function in civilization. Is a potentially nihilistic and probably hedonistic belief system good for that?
we need social cohesion to function at our highest potential
Who is we?
Wouldn't you agree the human race could do some amazing things with the time it saved from dwelling on relational problems that result from an inability to control physiological cravings?
The amazing things we could accomplish if we gave up the good things in life 
Ultimately, we have to function in civilization. Is a potentially nihilistic and probably hedonistic belief system good for that?
Accuracy over idealism, if there is any ideal I would hold above that its personal freedom. Who is anyone to say whom anyone else can sleep with? I'm sure my posts could come off as arrogant in this thread, but I'm not telling anyone what they can or can't do, only pointing out that its their choice ideologically as well as physically.
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Repertoire89
Cat



Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
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Quote:
OrgoneConclusion said:
Quote:
As far as the situation goes, if there are two consenting results then that's all there is to it.
infant -> toddler -> child -> teenager -> result

That's whiskey slang for adult
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