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InvisibleCosmicJokeM
happy mutant
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Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: Icelander]
    #19135054 - 11/14/13 08:00 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Icelander said:
What makes you think he's the one keeping the secret?




I didn't, only suspecting that all her lying might be adding to the stress in her life more than an orgasm here and there will likely release it.  Not something I'd personally want to contribute to somebody 'I really like'.  If you're arguing it's her problem and not his, well, it depends on his emotions about her IMO..  If she's just a piece of ass to him, I don't see why he's getting so worked up either... If he sees her as a real human, maybe that's why he feels shitty about the whole thing.


--------------------
Everything is better than it was the last time.  I'm good.

If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.

It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence.

I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too.  If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.


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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
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Registered: 03/15/05
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: CosmicJoke]
    #19135228 - 11/14/13 09:01 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

He's likely been taught to feel shitty about the whole thing.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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Offlinefatchillin
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Registered: 10/24/11
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: Icelander]
    #19135492 - 11/14/13 10:04 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

fatchillin said: societal cultural constraints based off perception, that's all it is.





Quote:

Icelander said:
He's likely been taught to feel shitty about the whole thing.





This^

perception is everything.


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OfflineGrapefruit
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: The Fresh Prints]
    #19135686 - 11/14/13 11:03 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

It's nothing to do with you mate, all the responsibility is on her.


--------------------
Little left in the way of energy; or the way of love, yet happy to entertain myself playing mental games with the rest of you freaks until the rivers run backwards. 

"Chat your fraff
Chat your fraff
Just chat your fraff
Chat your fraff"


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InvisibleCosmicJokeM
happy mutant
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Registered: 04/05/00
Posts: 10,848
Loc: Portland, OR
Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: Icelander]
    #19136618 - 11/14/13 03:17 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Icelander said:
He's likely been taught to feel shitty about the whole thing.




All this time I've been teaching that it's wrong to even casually associate with the married... and the ones with kids are a double whammy, for then you will most certainly be cursed with a :boring: stigma.


--------------------
Everything is better than it was the last time.  I'm good.

If we could look into each others hearts, and understand the unique challenges each of us faces, I think we would treat each other much more gently, with more love, patience, tolerance, and care.

It takes a lot of courage to go out there and radiate your essence.

I know you scared, you should ask us if we scared too.  If you was there, and we just knew you cared too.


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OfflineMarkostheGnostic
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Registered: 12/09/99
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: fatchillin]
    #19136674 - 11/14/13 03:28 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

fatchillin said:
Talking about morality issues on a forum :jah: societal cultural constraints based off perception, that's all it is. Do what you want :heart:




It's morality based on Compassion for the individual who will be hurt by the betrayal. It has nothing to do with socio-cultural considerations for me. I also adhere to the Golden Rule of "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you." I have been betrayed by an unfaithful ex-spouse. An alcoholic, Borderline Personality Disordered spouse as it turned out, but I was faithful to her based on my morality. I do not do what I desire to do, I overcome my desires for the sake of love and fidelity to my partner. I am not a liar, a sneak, or a cheat. My current wife is a fine lady who chose me for her partner, in part for my moral fiber.


--------------------
γνῶθι σαὐτόν - Gnothi Seauton - Know Thyself


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Registered: 11/15/12
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: The Fresh Prints]
    #19136862 - 11/14/13 04:08 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Genghis Chron said:
So I've been going out with a married woman recently, and we've gotten busy a few times. She's unhappy in her marriage, and claims her husband is a douche... I feel like a scumbag, but I really like her, and the sex is fantastic. Is it completely immoral for me to continue seeing her?




Morality doesn't exist.

As far as the situation goes, if there are two consenting results then that's all there is to it.


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: Dudits]
    #19136882 - 11/14/13 04:11 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Dudits said:

If you are having to tell yourself its ok, that's justification and in most of my past experiences, if i find myself trying talk myself into feeling better about something, im usually in the wrong.




blah blah blah

Where is that arbitrary distinction written in stone?
Sounds like that has more to do with social conditioning, as well as the entire concept of there being something "wrong" with "dating" anyone in particular.


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Offlinemmn
fcuk speling nd gramer


Registered: 02/14/10
Posts: 49
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Last seen: 9 years, 3 months
Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: Repertoire89]
    #19137568 - 11/14/13 06:40 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

I'm really concerned with all this 'let's throw morality away as it's a social construct' bullshit. Just because this is a forum centered around drug use doesn't mean we have to adopt nauseatingly stereotypical perceptions of the world. What the fuck is so bad about social conditioning? Obviously there are facets that could be seen as detrimental (i.e. it's normal to watch sports ---> it's normal to sit on your ass and an wallow in apathy whilst attempting to live vicariously through others) but in some senses, it's a wonderful thing! Social conditioning, at it's best, promotes harmony, understanding, common ground, and selflessness, to a degree.

MarkosTheGnostic has it right. The golden rule is a dire necessity to live sensibly and function inter-personally.

Yes, OP, it's wrong. No, the responsibility is not just hers. You're not a fucking primate. I'm sure you could delude yourself into thinking that her marriage is destined to fail and you're providing her with a chance to solidify it's demise but, in reality, you're being an asshole who's writhing in carnality.


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Registered: 11/15/12
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: mmn]
    #19137614 - 11/14/13 06:49 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

mmn said:
I'm really concerned with all this 'let's throw morality away as it's a social construct' bullshit. Just because this is a forum centered around drug use doesn't mean we have to adopt nauseatingly stereotypical perceptions of the world. What the fuck is so bad about social conditioning? Obviously there are facets that could be seen as detrimental (i.e. it's normal to watch sports ---> it's normal to sit on your ass and an wallow in apathy whilst attempting to live vicariously through others) but in some senses, it's a wonderful thing! Social conditioning, at it's best, promotes harmony, understanding, common ground, and selflessness, to a degree.

MarkosTheGnostic has it right. The golden rule is a dire necessity to live sensibly and function inter-personally.

Yes, OP, it's wrong. No, the responsibility is not just hers. You're not a fucking primate. I'm sure you could delude yourself into thinking that her marriage is destined to fail and you're providing her with a chance to solidify it's demise but, in reality, you're being an asshole who's writhing in carnality.




Just because this is a forum centered around drug use doesn't mean we have to adopt nauseatingly stereotypical perceptions of the world. What the fuck is so bad about social conditioning?

That was nauseatingly ironic.


Yes, OP, it's wrong.

A lot of statements with nothing to back it up, why is the golden rule a "dire necessity" for living "sensibly"? I'm presuming since we're going by your definition of morality that we should follow your definition of sensibility as well?
Is this what you mean by social conditioning?


Morality is a social construct, believing anything to be objectively "wrong" is the definition of banality.


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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: mmn]
    #19137854 - 11/14/13 07:32 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

You're not a fucking primate

Another genius in our midst. Thanks for sharing your morality. :monkeydance:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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Offlinemmn
fcuk speling nd gramer


Registered: 02/14/10
Posts: 49
Loc: Flag
Last seen: 9 years, 3 months
Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: mmn]
    #19139432 - 11/15/13 01:29 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Reptoire89,

How was that statement ironic? Are you implying that a belief in the virtue of social conditioning is a stereotypical one?

The Golden Rule is a dire necessity because it's apparent through an observation of evolutionary history that humans are social creatures and therefore we need social cohesion to function at our highest potential. Our highest potential doesn't have room for inter-personal drama. Wouldn't you agree the human race could do some amazing things with the time it saved from dwelling on relational problems that result from an inability to control physiological cravings? Living sensibly, to me, and probably many of the other unenlightened, is avoiding the promotion of a behavior that will surely have humanity self-destruct.

Icelander,

I hope you're enjoying employing your condescending and sarcastic tone as much as I enjoy reading it.

I don't mean to attack you guys, or your beliefs, it just seems like you're considering this problem from a very distant perspective. Ultimately, we have to function in civilization. Is a potentially nihilistic and probably hedonistic belief system good for that?


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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
Male


Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: mmn]
    #19139628 - 11/15/13 03:23 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Icelander,

I hope you're enjoying employing your condescending and sarcastic tone as much as I enjoy reading it.


Win/win,  it's what I'm all about. :nicesmile:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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InvisibleRahz
Alive Again
Male


Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,230
Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: The Fresh Prints]
    #19140333 - 11/15/13 10:14 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Not saying these are all issues for you, but they're worth considering. Morality is an easy way to cloud the actual thought processes that are troubling. Look at the issues themselves.

1- You're withholding the truth from her husband. You may have no contact with husband but you still have a secret that involves him. Not coming from a point of moral judgment, you're being a liar. Is this important to your integrity?

2- You're with a woman who is willing to cheat. Nothing too rare about that, but knowing it will put ideas in your head if you have any notions of monogamy.

3- She says he's a douche but is she in the divorce process? You're being used.

4- You open yourself to a crime of passion. You're taking the risk however small that the dude will bust in one day and blow your head off.

5- You open yourself to diseases. How do you know if you're the only guy she's banging? And douche or not it's a pretty bad deal for the husband. "Hey I've got an STD, wonder how that happened?"

6- Possible self esteem issues. Can't find a single girl or one who will dump her man for the awesomeness that is you.

That said, good things can come from complicated situations, but on paper it doesn't look good.


--------------------
rahz

comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace


"You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi


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InvisibleIcelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery
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Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: Rahz]
    #19140594 - 11/15/13 11:30 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

I think those are all very important considerations but I'm not fully in agreement with #1.  I really don't think he's being a liar in this situation.  If the guy ever asks him and he refuses to admit it then he's a liar. We don't always owe people information imo.  If I have a sexual disease I'm not obliged to hunt down every new lover my past partners have to tell them.  It's a nice gesture for sure but not a responsibility. The rest are excellent points to consider however and why I would never put myself in that position knowingly.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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InvisibleOrgoneConclusion
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Registered: 04/01/07
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: Repertoire89]
    #19140607 - 11/15/13 11:32 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

As far as the situation goes, if there are two consenting results then that's all there is to it.




infant -> toddler -> child  -> teenager  -> result


--------------------


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InvisibleRepertoire89
Cat
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Registered: 11/15/12
Posts: 21,773
Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: mmn]
    #19141268 - 11/15/13 03:11 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

mmn said:
Reptoire89,

How was that statement ironic? Are you implying that a belief in the virtue of social conditioning is a stereotypical one?

The Golden Rule is a dire necessity because it's apparent through an observation of evolutionary history that humans are social creatures and therefore we need social cohesion to function at our highest potential. Our highest potential doesn't have room for inter-personal drama. Wouldn't you agree the human race could do some amazing things with the time it saved from dwelling on relational problems that result from an inability to control physiological cravings? Living sensibly, to me, and probably many of the other unenlightened, is avoiding the promotion of a behavior that will surely have humanity self-destruct.

Icelander,

I hope you're enjoying employing your condescending and sarcastic tone as much as I enjoy reading it.

I don't mean to attack you guys, or your beliefs, it just seems like you're considering this problem from a very distant perspective. Ultimately, we have to function in civilization. Is a potentially nihilistic and probably hedonistic belief system good for that?




we need social cohesion to function at our highest potential

Who is we?


Wouldn't you agree the human race could do some amazing things with the time it saved from dwelling on relational problems that result from an inability to control physiological cravings?

The amazing things we could accomplish if we gave up the good things in life :shrug:


Ultimately, we have to function in civilization. Is a potentially nihilistic and probably hedonistic belief system good for that?

Accuracy over idealism, if there is any ideal I would hold above that its personal freedom. Who is anyone to say whom anyone else can sleep with? I'm sure my posts could come off as arrogant in this thread, but I'm not telling anyone what they can or can't do, only pointing out that its their choice ideologically as well as physically.


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InvisibleRepertoire89
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Registered: 11/15/12
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Re: Dating a married Woman -Wrong? [Re: OrgoneConclusion]
    #19141274 - 11/15/13 03:13 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

OrgoneConclusion said:
Quote:

As far as the situation goes, if there are two consenting results then that's all there is to it.




infant -> toddler -> child  -> teenager  -> result




:noargument:

That's whiskey slang for adult


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