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Kickle
Wanderer


Registered: 12/16/06
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self acceptance and self knowledge
#19103381 - 11/07/13 10:57 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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From what I have experienced in my life it seems that acceptance of my actions, emotions, reactions, and even overall perceptions in the moment is is tantamount to clearly seeing myself. In the absence of acceptance I have seen so many of the defense mechanisms first notably laid out by Freud. A strange note here is that the perception of a defense mechanism in and of itself can lead to a further defense. And acceptance may only arise quite some distance in time from the original cause. Yet I am a human who prefers instant or near instant gratification to waiting. So whenever possible it is more fulfilling and reinforcing to catch this process in the act. Maybe going so far as to notice a defense become a notion yet not yet at fruition.
And in those moments, those moments where the gig is up, I find it best to meet the experience with patience. Because much more often than not the very next notion down the line is a reaction to seeing the defense. And this reaction is almost always a counter push of some sort. And this, of course, is once again not acceptance. It signifies a discomfort with what was seen and a preferred behavior, thought, etc is interjected. And so patience. Waiting for the second wave. Not immediately reacting. Letting everything wash over me until all the fuel, all the fight, has been expended. And then what?
That's my question to you in this thread. After you've done something you wish you hadn't. After you have found a part of yourself you really just knot up around. After you have given it your all to try and change but to no avail. After all the fight is gone from you and you are left with only the more sedate observation, then what? Do you finally begin to see who you are? Who you really are?
-------------------- Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain
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Icelander
The Minstrel in the Gallery



Registered: 03/15/05
Posts: 95,368
Loc: underbelly
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Re: self acceptance and self knowledge [Re: Kickle] 2
#19103730 - 11/08/13 01:13 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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yes or more like "what" you really are.
-------------------- "Don't believe everything you think". -Anom. " All that lives was born to die"-Anom. With much wisdom comes much sorrow, The more knowledge, the more grief. Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC
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FishOilTheKid
Ascended


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Re: self acceptance and self knowledge [Re: Icelander]
#19104232 - 11/08/13 07:26 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Like the observer of the stream as opposed to the thoughts or emotions themselves...
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Kickle
Wanderer


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Re: self acceptance and self knowledge [Re: FishOilTheKid]
#19105121 - 11/08/13 11:24 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I think that those two responses are the perfect balance for me. On one hand there is the observer and on the other the observation. One can be seen as a who the other as the what IMO. If looking strictly at the who, what becomes a null question. What is happening is not important, its the observer alone which is the emphasis and everything observed simply part of an unfolding. If looking strictly at the what, who becomes a null question. It is what is happening which is important, not the observer of that what. After all, the observer is helpless to change course, to shift direction, to do anything at all. And so if the what is important, the observer should not have any weight at all because it is useless to make changes.
Balancing the two is a strange idea for me. I don't believe that the what should be neglected or negated as some would preach. It does not seem wise to neglect the what. But I cannot identify why. For when I have emphasized the who exclusively the what tends to take care of itself. Perhaps its the continuing notion that I can do better. Or perhaps even a fear of the scenarios which are possible.
This is probably out there for many but can anyone relate?
-------------------- Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain
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FishOilTheKid
Ascended


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Re: self acceptance and self knowledge [Re: Kickle]
#19105182 - 11/08/13 11:38 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Yes.
But I wouldn't say that nothing can be done. I've experienced advancing ahead of what I would call the ego structure or the routine patterns of behavior so much so that I can often 'catch' an unwanted response or thought and cancel it out with immediate action in another direction. Sometimes I scoff out loud almost before the unwanted responses because I can feel the impulse. Its like critically judging myself all the time but I want to choose my content not have it be some automated process born of past experience that I am subject to and constantly analyzing. Ya know?
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Rahz
Alive Again



Registered: 11/10/05
Posts: 9,230
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Re: self acceptance and self knowledge [Re: FishOilTheKid]
#19105263 - 11/08/13 11:53 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Some have described the act of meditation as learning to be ready and then keeping up. That period of giving up is perhaps best used for rest, so that one can be ready when the life returns because nobody stays sedated forever. IOW there are times when not thinking about it is more important than 'figuring it out', seeing who/what you are. Learning to not have an opinion can be useful that way especially if the mind is in an unpleasant disposition.
Can you tell yourself you don't know (who/what you are) and be okay with it?
-------------------- rahz comfort pleasure power love truth awareness peace "You’re not looking close enough if you can only see yourself in people who look like you." —Ayishat Akanbi
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Kickle
Wanderer


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Re: self acceptance and self knowledge [Re: Rahz]
#19105288 - 11/08/13 11:59 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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:thumb up: I was making a post similar. I think you're pointing at something very significant in such negation.
-------------------- Why shouldn't the truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense. -- Mark Twain
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FishOilTheKid
Ascended


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Re: self acceptance and self knowledge [Re: Kickle]
#19105411 - 11/08/13 12:24 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I think so.
But in observation I've come to the conclusion that I am a host to an intelligence at least. This much I do know. This relationship produces 'symptoms' that vary in extremes so I'm always after my normal and trying to control the flow of what I recognize as me/I/that.
If I take a more passive approach with this new reality I can become a shadow puppet on a string out to sea.
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