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Invisibleevenbreak
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Registered: 01/16/11
Posts: 583
Is something wrong with me? My emotions are too strong for something so petty.
    #19092426 - 11/05/13 08:43 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Here's some background to my life:

i've been tripping over this bitch at work for 2+ years. She sleeps around a lot and is very flirty. I'm an awkward shy guy when i first started working there, and she teased me relentlessly and i completely fell for her.

We had a lot of heart to hearts where I poured my feelings out to her, telling her about all my emotional issues as the reason why i'm in love with her, and asking her to keep her distance because she's causing me so much emotional distress.

She refused, saying it's not fair to her because she enjoys talking to me. But she doesn't actually want to date me or even have sex with me, she just wants me to give her attention. One time we made out when she was feeling sad from her boyfriend, but otherwise she's happy to let me feel her up and kiss her neck. That seems like as far as she'll let me go, but i don't really push it so i don't know I guess. If I ask her out, she always dodges me.

-----------

So that's the background. The issue is i'm still fucking tripping over her. I only see her once a week, and I actually haven't talked to her for several months due to our separate work spaces. Every time I see her, i feel a MASSIVe amount of heartbreak. I absolutely cannot refuse her either. If she goes in for a hug, I can't help but get crazy horny and love hungry, then 10 minutes later i get super fucking depressed because I realize that she's never going to be my gf.

I'm still feeling that feeling right now. Just this total heartbreak feeling.

Am I going to have to go through my life dealing with these emotions on a constant basis? Is this normal?


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InvisibleTrentBoyett
Aspiring Mycologist
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Registered: 11/29/12
Posts: 16,000
Loc: Kazakhstan
Re: Is something wrong with me? My emotions are too strong for something so petty. [Re: evenbreak] * 1
    #19092462 - 11/05/13 08:53 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

this again?

I already told you multiple times to drop her & move on.

It appears to me o be the only logical thing to do, you already tried everything else.

If she doesn't want to stop talking to you then do something outrageous next time you see her so she gets the the point that you want it all, or nothing at all.


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Invisibleevenbreak
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Registered: 01/16/11
Posts: 583
Re: Is something wrong with me? My emotions are too strong for something so petty. [Re: TrentBoyett]
    #19092518 - 11/05/13 09:03 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

that's exactly what im trying dude, i'm not stupid. But I can't just drop her, my emotions wont let me it's too fucking intense...


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InvisibleTrentBoyett
Aspiring Mycologist
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Registered: 11/29/12
Posts: 16,000
Loc: Kazakhstan
Re: Is something wrong with me? My emotions are too strong for something so petty. [Re: evenbreak]
    #19092528 - 11/05/13 09:06 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Idk wjat else to ell you then man.

Have you tried just wipping it ou? Seriously.


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InvisibleSleepwalker
Overshoes

Registered: 05/07/08
Posts: 5,503
Re: Is something wrong with me? My emotions are too strong for something so petty. [Re: evenbreak]
    #19092590 - 11/05/13 09:18 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

She lets you feel her up?  That's not such a bad deal.


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Invisibleevenbreak
Stranger
Registered: 01/16/11
Posts: 583
Re: Is something wrong with me? My emotions are too strong for something so petty. [Re: Sleepwalker]
    #19092645 - 11/05/13 09:25 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I don't want to just completely cross the line by whipping it out. If I do something that makes her really dislike me or something she might talk shit about me to other coworkers...

And no, it's an awful deal cause every time I feel her up, my emotions intensify a LOT and i feel this insatiable longing for her..

sorry. I know i've made this thread several times. Things are a bit different between me and her now, mainly that i'm more physical with her. I guess I'm just at a loss now and i'm venting because yesterday was really rough.


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Invisiblepwnasaurus
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Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 12,317
Loc: Canada Flag
Re: Is something wrong with me? My emotions are too strong for something so petty. [Re: evenbreak] * 1
    #19092688 - 11/05/13 09:33 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Dude she's just toying with you and has been the entire time.  She clearly does not give a shit about you at all.  Stop giving her that satisfaction and hurting yourself in the process.

Hasn't this been going on for YEARS?  That's just sad, man.  You need to move on.  At this point, unless it's a high-paying career type job I would probably quite and find a new one and never talk to her again.  It's clearly fucking with you way too much.


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Invisibleevenbreak
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Registered: 01/16/11
Posts: 583
Re: Is something wrong with me? My emotions are too strong for something so petty. [Re: pwnasaurus]
    #19092928 - 11/05/13 10:20 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

pwnasaurus said:
Dude she's just toying with you and has been the entire time.  She clearly does not give a shit about you at all.  Stop giving her that satisfaction and hurting yourself in the process.

Hasn't this been going on for YEARS?  That's just sad, man.  You need to move on.  At this point, unless it's a high-paying career type job I would probably quite and find a new one and never talk to her again.  It's clearly fucking with you way too much.




Well, I was mean to her for a long time. Then a month ago I poured my heart out to her again and told her I only acted that way because I liked her so much and I can't stand the thought of not being with her. She was genuinely surprised and said she thought I didn't even like her anymore. I literally completely cold shouldered her for 5 months and shut down any of her attempts to talk to me as coldly as I could have. Tears rolled down her cheeks and that kind of shocked me.

I don't think she's toying with me. She's just not attracted enough to me to date me, but she obviously likes me to some degree if she doesn't protest when I feel her up and kiss her. And that's what makes this whole situation more complicated in my mind. 

It's a low paying blue collar job but it's better than working at mcdonalds and those are the only other jobs I can get at the moment until I get my degree(going back to school now). And a part of me really hates the idea of never seeing her again.


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InvisibleTrentBoyett
Aspiring Mycologist
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Registered: 11/29/12
Posts: 16,000
Loc: Kazakhstan
Re: Is something wrong with me? My emotions are too strong for something so petty. [Re: evenbreak] * 1
    #19092937 - 11/05/13 10:21 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

She's toyng with you bro, reread you're last post, that's exactly how she wants you to feel.


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Invisiblepwnasaurus
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Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 12,317
Loc: Canada Flag
Re: Is something wrong with me? My emotions are too strong for something so petty. [Re: evenbreak]
    #19093044 - 11/05/13 10:44 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

evenbreak said:
I don't think she's toying with me. She's just not attracted enough to me to date me, but she obviously likes me to some degree if she doesn't protest when I feel her up and kiss her. And that's what makes this whole situation more complicated in my mind. 




Listen to yourself.  Why are you wasting so much energy on this woman?  "She's not attracted enough to date me, but she likes me a bit".  THAT is who you're chasing?  You're devoting all your energy to try and sway her from liking you a bit to maybe liking you a little more?  She's never going to be your soul mate.  She's just not that into you man.  She sounds really manipulative and she's playing you like a banjo.


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InvisiblePocketLady
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Registered: 01/18/10
Posts: 1,773
Re: Is something wrong with me? My emotions are too strong for something so petty. [Re: evenbreak] * 1
    #19094045 - 11/06/13 04:59 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

evenbreak said:
One time we made out when she was feeling sad from her boyfriend, but otherwise she's happy to let me feel her up and kiss her neck.




Even if you did end up getting together, I think you have to ask yourself if this is really the kind of person you want as your girlfriend?  Because if she can make out with you whilst she has a boyfriend, she can sure as hell make out with other guys with you as the boyfriend.


--------------------
Love is from the infinite, and will remain until eternity.
The seeker of love escapes the chains of birth and death.
Tomorrow, when resurrection comes,
The heart that is not in love will fail the test.

~ Rumi



The day we start giving Love instead of seeking Love, we will have re-written our whole destiny.
~ Swami Chinmayanada Saraswatir


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OfflineYippie
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Registered: 09/17/08
Posts: 260
Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
Re: Is something wrong with me? My emotions are too strong for something so petty. [Re: evenbreak]
    #19094223 - 11/06/13 07:07 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

evenbreak said:
that's exactly what im trying dude, i'm not stupid. But I can't just drop her, my emotions wont let me it's too fucking intense...




I see a courtroom in your future...


--------------------
"Just living molecule to molecule"


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Invisibleevenbreak
Stranger
Registered: 01/16/11
Posts: 583
Re: Is something wrong with me? My emotions are too strong for something so petty. [Re: Yippie] * 1
    #19094607 - 11/06/13 09:53 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

You guys are right...

She's not that into me. It's just hard to get that into my thick head once my emotions are going crazy and I find myself wanting to believe everything she says.

And she once told me that she can't stop herself from cheating because she has poor self control. It didn't change how I feel about her.


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Offlineelgatogordo
weightless


Registered: 10/06/11
Posts: 494
Last seen: 11 months, 11 days
Re: Is something wrong with me? My emotions are too strong for something so petty. [Re: evenbreak]
    #19095858 - 11/06/13 03:06 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Man I'm in a pretty similar situation... Not sure there is much you can do. You know your emotions are strong for a very good reason, think about it... If you've gotta sit there and suffer then so be it. I think we will both see through it eventually. These things take time. It hurts but the hurt is a good learning experience. Peace.


--------------------
"To those who doubt - your wounds will never heal
To those who question my creation - I'm not real"


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OfflineSpacerific
- - - >
Male

Registered: 10/13/12
Posts: 4,923
Last seen: 8 years, 10 months
Re: Is something wrong with me? My emotions are too strong for something so petty. [Re: elgatogordo]
    #19096510 - 11/06/13 05:19 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)




Do you date / fuck other women? Do you have a gf, wife or fwb?

You remind me of this guy at a job I once had. Such a sweet innocent nerd, would always mind his own business, nice and quiet. And he liked this one girl at the same work place. Found out this was going on for months if not more than a year. He thought she was a goddess. Ideal and perfect and incredibly super special girl of his dreams. Every time she was at work he'd get this dreamy puppy eyed look, wishful thinking, far far away, how things could be if she only liked him back and they'd be together.

I myself found her uninteresting, superficial, wore way too much makeup and was too interested in clothes and nothing else, basically I didn't think much of her at all. Was pretty dismissive, as I tend to be with people I find uninteresting and annoying. Then we started having night shifts together, just the two of us so I figured fuck it, might as well practice some PUA stuff on her, see what works what doesn't. Started shooting the shit with her, making all manner of jokes and anything to pass time. We had tech support jobs, sometimes nothing was happening for hours, we just had to be there and be ready for calls.

She basically was bored, single, in less than 2 weeks we were at my place having a nice screw to pass the time. Pretty crazy bitch it turns out, she actually asked for anal, which surprised the hell out of me as I had never done that before, and all in all it amounted to a few meaningless sportfucks and nothing more.

I never mentioned anything to the guy, just tried to share some nice PUA links with him (which he obviously ignored, saying that shit doesn't work). I promised the girl to keep it all under wraps so I never told anybody about our adventures, but every time I saw the guy in one of his lovey dovey moods, I thought to myself "Ah if you only knew man, if you only fucking knew" :lol:

I can only tell you what I told him, knowing you'd probably do the same exact shit and ignore it. Get your PUA skills in order, and go pursue a few other women before you even consider this one.

If she lets you feel her up it's IMO very much doable, but you have to take your game and yourself to the next level, before she'll actually fuck / date you.

Oh and protip, I'd avoid dating this girl long term if I were you, on account that the math simply doesn't work. The power ratios are all fucked by now.

You've been a needy guy around her for 2 years now. There are things in your head that have accumulated so much tension and anxiety about her, you're practically back to the state of a scared little child in those areas. Crap forbid she ever got actually mad at you with some real hatred in her eyes, bring some actual conflict to the table and tell you what a complete piece of shit she thinks you are, you'd melt like butter and cave every time. That makes you basically un-respectable as a man, because you've developed immense vulnerabilities to her specifically. In practice you probably can't enforce your boundaries with her, which is THE most important thing a man should be able to do in a healthy relationship.

So even if you do manage to fuck her a few times (which as I said is doable), IMO you'd better have another fwb on the side when you do this, or you'll just get more attached and needy, and no she still won't respect you enough to actually date you. My take on it at least.


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16


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Invisibleevenbreak
Stranger
Registered: 01/16/11
Posts: 583
Re: Is something wrong with me? My emotions are too strong for something so petty. [Re: Spacerific]
    #19098204 - 11/06/13 10:53 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I'm sure most guys will think she's a ho or that she isn't that pretty. If I didn't have these feelings for her, I would think that too. 8 years older than me, 3 kids, 5"3 170lbs, divorcee, averageish face, shitload of drama and issues. There's no reason why I would ever chase after her or invest so much emotion and time thinking and talking to her. But I do. It feels like i'll do anything for her just to be with her.

I know about PUA but it's fucking scary man. Bars aren't my scene at all, i'm like a fish out of water there. And my social circle is super small, and day game is too fucking weird for me. Do you have any advice on what I should do?

I joined a muay thai gym today and i'm going to stick with it for the sole purpose of just venting my emotional distress into something productive. I'm just going to spend like 3+ hours a day practicing that shit.. but i'm afraid it won't be enough to fill this emotional void of not being with her.


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Offlinemushroom_sandwich
semi retarded
Male


Registered: 04/17/12
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Re: Is something wrong with me? My emotions are too strong for something so petty. [Re: evenbreak]
    #19098292 - 11/06/13 11:12 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

dude, you need to stop working with this chick for real.

when I saw your name I figured it was a different girl, pretty surprised that after all those threads you made like a year ago this is still such a problem.

Not healthy man.


--------------------
“I believe in a long, prolonged derangement of the senses to attain the unknown. Our pale reasoning hides the infinite from us."



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OfflineSpacerific
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Re: Is something wrong with me? My emotions are too strong for something so petty. [Re: evenbreak]
    #19098953 - 11/07/13 03:56 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

evenbreak said:
I'm sure most guys will think she's a ho or that she isn't that pretty. If I didn't have these feelings for her, I would think that too. 8 years older than me, 3 kids, 5"3 170lbs, divorcee, averageish face, shitload of drama and issues. There's no reason why I would ever chase after her or invest so much emotion and time thinking and talking to her. But I do. It feels like i'll do anything for her just to be with her.

I know about PUA but it's fucking scary man. Bars aren't my scene at all, i'm like a fish out of water there. And my social circle is super small, and day game is too fucking weird for me. Do you have any advice on what I should do?

I joined a muay thai gym today and i'm going to stick with it for the sole purpose of just venting my emotional distress into something productive. I'm just going to spend like 3+ hours a day practicing that shit.. but i'm afraid it won't be enough to fill this emotional void of not being with her.



How is PUA scary? What the hell have you been watching mate? :lol:

PUA has nothing to do with bars, I for instance hate bars and don't drink alcohol, I just vaguely know there are people on this planet who do. PUA stuff still works just fine.

What I meant is that you should take in the theory. Watch, it, immerse yourself in it. Put it on an mp3 player as you practice your muay thai or something (when practicing solo) or on your way to the gym and back etc as you need long hours of the stuff to seep into your system and change your framework of how you think about yourself and women around you.

Being immersed in the theory, in audio or video mode, will expose you to the vibe of how independent functional dudes work, people that don't have extreme attachments to this one girl. You know this stuff already, as most of your life I imagine you weren't obsessed with this one particular girl, you've done other things and had different hobbies before you met her. You just need a reminder of how to function independently, free of this crap.

If you don't like PUA stuff per se, you can look into Dr. Paul's MindOS program. That's about boundaries, how to set enforce and understand them, which is something you absolutely 100% need to know about in this situation.



But so much decent material is out there, my faves are David deAngelo, Mystery Method, a few of the RSD guys are awesome (free for the viewing on youtube) and that should be plenty to get started. Give all of them a quick glance and whichever of them vibes best with you, start listening more. This stuff is for life, not for chatting up some bimbo once, or even for getting this one woman.

Since you probably also have the tendency of taking yourself too seriously right now, try the black gangsta version :lol:



This dude has a lot of funny videos, try seeing a few before work every day, they'll give you a much more relaxed start going in :cookiemonster:

As for this particular woman, the reason why you are clingy and attachement-prone and all that stuff, is IMO because you simply haven't been with enough other women during this time, putting all your eggs in one basket, even though the timing may have been wrong and it didn't work out. Date around a bit. Screw a few fatties or whatever is most achievable for you during the next week or two. No shame in it, we've all done it at times :biggrin: I guarantee the distraction will cheer you up and give you a breather from this mental torment you put yourself through right now.

Great move on the muay thai membership, physical movement is a big slice of working right :thumbup:

If you can, involve yourself in a sports environment with other women as well. Try yoga, dancing, some type of aerobics (if you find anything that's not too gay), Tae Bo might work for you, although I hate it with a passion, anything where there is a nice abundance of female energy, will help balance you out. Look at krav maga or capoeira, if you have classes in your area. I imagine there's not that many girls at the muay thai club. This is not to actually pick them up btw, but just being in their presence regularly, working out and relaxing, will help you mellow out more.

Oh and take a bunch of Omega 3, did wonders for my thought process :biggrin:


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16


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InvisibleJohnnieYen
Okay
I'm a teapot


Registered: 03/15/11
Posts: 3,529
Loc: City Z
Re: Is something wrong with me? My emotions are too strong for something so petty. [Re: evenbreak]
    #19100586 - 11/07/13 01:31 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

old overweight chick with 3 kids, emotional problems, and isn't attracted to you?????

seriously dude.... seriously... get your head out of your ass.

MOVE ON!!!!!! once you have your shit together you will look back on this and laugh.


--------------------
[center


Edited by JohnnieYen (11/07/13 01:42 PM)


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Invisiblemutantmushroom
The Mutant
Male


Registered: 10/01/13
Posts: 416
Loc: Daytona
Re: Is something wrong with me? My emotions are too strong for something so petty. [Re: JohnnieYen]
    #19100611 - 11/07/13 01:37 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Just Fuck her and peace out.


--------------------
When you put the best effort you can into something, you’re bound to get something good out of it



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