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Spacerific
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Registered: 10/13/12
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Last seen: 8 years, 10 months
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Re: I am horrible at relationships [Re: maerigan]
#19084153 - 11/04/13 04:17 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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maerigan said:
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Spacerific said: Well what exactly seems to be the problem OP?
How do these relationships usually end?
it varies. relationships when I was younger usually eventually ended because the guy I was with was cheating on me or because he'd just start being really violent.
Wait are we talking about one guy in particular, or several guys getting violent? If it's one guy it's probably them, bad luck etc. If it's several IMO you're attracting that kind of guy, and selecting that kind of guy to hang around, so that might be worth looking at.
Were your parents in an OK relationship or some sort of disaster, providing a terrible example as you grew up?
Do you drink, or did you use to drink a lot? Is alcohol any kind of an issue in your life? Did you end up with several different men that were drinking? All important info to look at IMO.
Are you annoying? Are you bitchy, nagging, clingy and so on, much more so than the average? Most man will of course have gotten used to some level of stress, noise and bitching from women, we know that comes with the territory, and we also have a sense of how much is normal. If you're bringing double or triple that amount to the table, it's totally AOK to split. Simple self-preservation. Not trying to say anything about you, this is of course a question, but if your relationship patterns stand out significantly from the norm, there's bound to be some actual reasons for it. Either you do something, or you unconsciously attract/select flimsy inconsistent men with a lot of issues. The sooner you figure these patterns out the better.
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I also have this thing with really disliking feeling ignored when I'm with someone. If I'm in a relationship, I can't stand to just sit in the same room with someone and still feel completely alone.
Same here sometimes. Probably some sort of lack of attention as a kid maybe? Did you look into that at all? I mean might you be requiring A LOT more attention and stuff than most people? If so, that's okay, there's plenty of people out there who are wired that way, to enjoy giving / getting more per unit of time, you just have to be aware of this and look for that type of person, as opposed to the silent nodding newspaper reading types 
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It makes it even worse whenever I try to talk about how I feel and nothing changes. Most of the time it will be like I'm talking and no one is even listening. Either that or they act like they hear me but provide me with little to no feedback. And then just get back to their computer or tv or video games or whatever.
Well do some more in-depth analysis on this. Are you getting together with decent intelligent reasonably caring people, and talking so much spam at them that they get overwhelmed in a week, OR you're getting together with people who simply don't give a shit to begin with?
It's pretty important to notice at what point people stop giving a shit (from the start OR after some time of never ending issues from your end). Depending on that it's either a problem of what kind of things you talk about constantly, OR how you select men to bring into your life. Very different problems IMO, and the only way to make things work is look at exactly what's going on.
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I think I've just been really bad about choosing people.
This right here should be a red flag. Especially if you're beautiful, the amount of men to choose from should be plenty. If you end up with several that are inconsistent, flimsy, don't give a fuck etc, then obviously you're self-sabotaging in some way. What's your opinion of men in general, completely screwed by now? Halfway towards cat lady, so to speak?
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So now, more recently (after a 3rd attempt at marriage and failure) when people come into my life I almost instantly tell myself that it's not going to work out anyway. sometimes I'll still give them a chance to prove me wrong. but mostly, at this point I think it's because most guys seem to be only interested in trying to hunt me like I'm some wild game.
Well are you OK with yourself or needy and clingy? This stuff is highly important. There's a kind of woman that a man enjoys spending time with, and can see himself with long term, no problem. As they say, a keeper. Then there's the kind of noisy, bitchy, never pleased never satisfied bitter noisemaker, that's obviously not fun to grow old with. I've met a few, and indeed the standard tendency is to hunt, fuck and move on. Nobody needs or enjoys all noise and issues and clingy vibes and no sunshine. Look and check out to what extent you're doing this stuff, if any.
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Then I can't figure out maybe it's because I have a son and they're afraid of that... at some point they let me know that hanging out with me isn't a serious thing so I should probably not stop trying to date other people

I'm "awesome" and "beautiful" and blah blah fucking blah [edit-lol oops. but really. people are usually kiiiiiiiind of inconsistent]
Well if the son were the issue then all single mothers would be fucked for life. They aren't. People still find reliable partners. A son is in no way a deal breaker in itself. Bad vibes are.
If I see a nice pretty colorful yard to go play in, and then when I run over there expecting toys I find it's some weird sinister bomb testing site, with scary shit going off at random intervals ruining all the fun, obviously I'll go away and keep on looking. One guy may be inconsistent. If all guys are, then there's some actual reason to be so. I mean we're talking about giving up free pussy here, it takes A LOT to push a man to such an extreme course of action
-------------------- Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.
For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it. - Matthew 13:16
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maerigan


Registered: 01/16/10
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Re: I am horrible at relationships [Re: Spacerific]
#19084681 - 11/04/13 09:32 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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so many questions!
I'll sum it up for you- the way it seems to go is:
guy wants to get with me. at first is sweet and caring. then bam. relationship. all of a sudden, I'm just another trophy to put on the shelf. I probably was all along.
Am I half way to cat lady?  ummmmmmm I always have been.
am I bitchy, clingy, needy, etc? I guess that would be something that you would ask someone else. The way I see it is- I don't call people clingy. You're making some sort of effort to pay attention to me, I appreciate that. You must care about me. I don't call people needy. Calling people needy is a thing that you do when you're a self absorbed asshole that doesn't really care about a girl that he just led on. Am I bitchy? FUCK YES.
about political bullshit, mostly. I don't recall ever really sitting around and yammering on for fuckin HOURS about how susie down the street is really just throwing sand in my vag or anything. definitely don't whine for hours on end about things like my nails or my hair. I think I may have had my nails done once..? twice, maybe. my hair is just this weird creature that grows out of my head. I mean, what is this shit? It's sucking dead cells out of the pores on my head and that's how it lives. 
I'm just weird. I'm from the south. and not a place with a huge population where people are more diverse. What's around here? Christian Country Boys.
blah
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Spacerific
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Registered: 10/13/12
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Re: I am horrible at relationships [Re: maerigan]
#19085497 - 11/04/13 01:48 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Damn, I wish I could spend an afternoon with you or see you interact with your boyfriend or something. I'd be sincere, I'd tell you hey sorry to say but you've been bitchy / clingy and a pain in the ass to this young man, I give him no longer than 3 months before he runs for the hills 
Have you tried feeding those men anything more substantial? Like ? Maybe that's the missing element?
No idea, I'm grasping at straws at this point 
For what it's worth you sound very much OK here on the forum, I wouldn't stick around for too long either because that's my nature, but I totally would not lead you on at all. I'd be like "Hello ma'am, you look like a stunning and amazingly fine trophy to put on my wall. May I have the pleasure of your company for a brief but memorable interaction over the coming weeks?"
-------------------- Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.
For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it. - Matthew 13:16
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maerigan


Registered: 01/16/10
Posts: 1,709
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Re: I am horrible at relationships [Re: Spacerific]
#19085531 - 11/04/13 01:57 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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I don't have a boyfriend. yes, I have given them psychedelics. it changes nothing. and I think I could respect a guy a lot more if he'd just be straight up like that to begin with
also, I don't recall ever being left really. maybe once. I'm usually the one who does the leaving. at which point, they finally realize how good I was and how much they miss me and want me back and blah blah blah blah blah
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koinkedink
Cosmic Boogie


Registered: 05/25/13
Posts: 651
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Re: I am horrible at relationships [Re: maerigan]
#19085556 - 11/04/13 02:05 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Spacerific
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Registered: 10/13/12
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Re: I am horrible at relationships [Re: maerigan]
#19085699 - 11/04/13 02:34 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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maerigan said: I don't recall ever being left really. maybe once. I'm usually the one who does the leaving. at which point, they finally realize how good I was and how much they miss me and want me back and blah blah blah blah blah
Have you considered using this effect in a planned controlled manner? Like actually leaving a guy for a while, then once he realizes things were good, accept him back and thus get a guy who actually cares and listens?
Seems that we all appreciate good things more after losing, or nearly losing them for a while. Apathetic men probably need a bit of competition to make them slightly jealous, or they need to be dumped for a while, to try out the single life once more. At least some of em are bound to improve by this
-------------------- Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.
For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it. - Matthew 13:16
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