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28064212
Special Agent Dale Cooper




Registered: 01/15/11
Posts: 12,115
Loc: Twin Peaks
Last seen: 2 years, 8 months
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Death Poem- ONE DAY SOON YOU WILL DIE TOO, so read it. 1
#19077860 - 11/02/13 11:38 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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One day soon I’ll find myself Drained of breath In a tomb Filling infinity With endless darkness Comfortably cold inside my rotting wooden womb
One day soon The tears which in my eyes swell Shall burn and shrivel as I walk into Hell That is if the devil existed Which I’m pretty sure he does not So instead of hellfire and brimstone Everything will just stop, When down to the ground My lifeless body drops.
One day soon my heart will stop, And all will go black. To where I was before my birth, I will go back. To that endless night I will return, Nothing more than ashes in my urn,
To that endless night I fade away To worry not about another day To drink no more drink And sing no more song And the silence shall grow eerily strong
All the sweet delights that we have shared, Will be nothing more than dust whirling in the air For the carefully arranged tangle of dendritic growth will rot When my central nervous system is eaten by fungus And all my memories simply turn to not As they slip away into and are consumed by the endless night While the worms and maggots hungrily bite
A corpus delicti I have become Rotting away under the sun And all the things that I have done All the songs that I have sung All the love I took and gave Fade away into that black haze As I’m buried in my grave And slip away into endless night
I’ll lose my vision first Then my hearing Then from my body Will leave all feeling In quiet silence of endless not A feeling of tranquility flows through me As my heart finally stops Then my ability to wonder and think Will fade away Into that endless night On my last day And the “I’ I feel inside my head Will crumple and leave me alone Inanimate matter, limp and light Nothing more, just endless night Just plain old dead
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The Vapor
Lost In A Tea Daze


Registered: 03/22/10
Posts: 8,433
Loc: Misty Mountains, B.C.
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
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Re: Death Poem- ONE DAY SOON YOU WILL DIE TOO, so read it. [Re: 28064212]
#19078137 - 11/03/13 12:31 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I thought this was going to be a sweet samurai death poem. Guess not.
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deadwk
00101011


Registered: 06/17/09
Posts: 8,890
Loc: Canada, eh?
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Re: Death Poem- ONE DAY SOON YOU WILL DIE TOO, so read it. [Re: The Vapor]
#19078161 - 11/03/13 12:37 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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What drugs were you on when you wrote this?
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28064212
Special Agent Dale Cooper




Registered: 01/15/11
Posts: 12,115
Loc: Twin Peaks
Last seen: 2 years, 8 months
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Re: Death Poem- ONE DAY SOON YOU WILL DIE TOO, so read it. [Re: deadwk]
#19078166 - 11/03/13 12:38 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
thedeadwalkk said: What drugs were you on when you wrote this?
hahha not much just kinda of vaped  had a couple drinks
why? is that a compliment or insult?
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deadwk
00101011


Registered: 06/17/09
Posts: 8,890
Loc: Canada, eh?
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Re: Death Poem- ONE DAY SOON YOU WILL DIE TOO, so read it. [Re: deadwk]
#19078186 - 11/03/13 12:43 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Just curious; Some lines of the poem are good, other's not so much. It seems like you had an idea of a subject, but not an idea as to how to get there. Some parts really flowed well, others didn't. IMO half of this should stay, the other half came across as filler that doesn't need to be there.
"A corpus delicti I have become Rotting away under the sun And all the things that I have done All the songs that I have sung All the love I took and gave Fade away into that black haze As I’m buried in my grave And slip away into endless night"
That was a particularly good section
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28064212
Special Agent Dale Cooper




Registered: 01/15/11
Posts: 12,115
Loc: Twin Peaks
Last seen: 2 years, 8 months
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Re: Death Poem- ONE DAY SOON YOU WILL DIE TOO, so read it. [Re: deadwk]
#19078228 - 11/03/13 12:51 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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thanks, I agree and appreciate the feedback. That was a first draft I just wrote in only 10 minutes
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Ellis Dee
Archangel



Registered: 06/29/01
Posts: 13,104
Loc: Fire in the sky
Last seen: 4 years, 10 months
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Re: Death Poem- ONE DAY SOON YOU WILL DIE TOO, so read it. [Re: 28064212]
#19078304 - 11/03/13 01:17 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Its hard to write original poetry. This example is the best I know of "death poetry". A man laments for his fallen captain.
-------------------- "If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do."-King Solomon And there was war in heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels,
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teamkiller
ghetto drama whore



Registered: 06/06/11
Posts: 8,806
Last seen: 3 months, 12 days
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Re: Death Poem- ONE DAY SOON YOU WILL DIE TOO, so read it. [Re: 28064212]
#19078308 - 11/03/13 01:18 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I pondered Buddha's teaching a full four and eighty years. The gates are all now locked about me. No one was ever here - Who then is he about to die, and why lament for nothing? Farewell! The night is clear, the moon shines calmly, the wind in the pines is like a lyre's song. With no I and no other who hears the sound?
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