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Offline28064212
Special Agent Dale Cooper
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Registered: 01/15/11
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Death Poem- ONE DAY SOON YOU WILL DIE TOO, so read it. * 1
    #19077860 - 11/02/13 11:38 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

One day soon
I’ll find myself
Drained of breath
In a tomb
Filling infinity
With endless darkness
Comfortably cold inside my rotting wooden womb

One day soon
The tears which in my eyes swell
Shall burn and shrivel as I walk into Hell
That is if the devil existed
Which I’m pretty sure he does not
So instead of hellfire and brimstone
Everything will just stop,
When down to the ground
My lifeless body drops.

One day soon my heart will stop,
And all will go black.
To where I was before my birth,
I will go back.
To that endless night I will return,
Nothing more than ashes in my urn,

To that endless night I fade away
To worry not about another day
To drink no more drink
And sing no more song
And the silence shall grow eerily strong

All the sweet delights that we have shared,
Will be nothing more than dust whirling in the air
For the carefully arranged tangle of dendritic growth will rot
When my central nervous system is eaten by fungus
And all my memories simply turn to not
As they slip away into and are consumed by the endless night
While the worms and maggots hungrily bite

A corpus delicti I have become
Rotting away under the sun
And all the things that I have done
All the songs that I have sung
All the love I took and gave
Fade away into that black haze
As I’m buried in my grave
And slip away into endless night

I’ll lose my vision first
Then my hearing
Then from my body
Will leave all feeling
In quiet silence of endless not
A feeling of tranquility flows through me
As my heart finally stops
Then my ability to wonder and think
Will fade away
Into that endless night
On my last day
And the “I’ I feel inside my head
Will crumple and leave me alone
Inanimate matter, limp and light
Nothing more, just endless night
Just plain old dead


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OfflineThe Vapor
Lost In A Tea Daze


Registered: 03/22/10
Posts: 8,433
Loc: Misty Mountains, B.C. Flag
Last seen: 1 year, 10 months
Re: Death Poem- ONE DAY SOON YOU WILL DIE TOO, so read it. [Re: 28064212]
    #19078137 - 11/03/13 12:31 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

I thought this was going to be a sweet samurai death poem. Guess not.

:frown:


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Invisibledeadwk
00101011


Registered: 06/17/09
Posts: 8,890
Loc: Canada, eh? Flag
Re: Death Poem- ONE DAY SOON YOU WILL DIE TOO, so read it. [Re: The Vapor]
    #19078161 - 11/03/13 12:37 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

What drugs were you on when you wrote this?


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Offline28064212
Special Agent Dale Cooper
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Re: Death Poem- ONE DAY SOON YOU WILL DIE TOO, so read it. [Re: deadwk]
    #19078166 - 11/03/13 12:38 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

thedeadwalkk said:
What drugs were you on when you wrote this?



hahha not much just kinda of vaped :vaped:
had a couple drinks


why? is that a compliment or insult?


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Invisibledeadwk
00101011


Registered: 06/17/09
Posts: 8,890
Loc: Canada, eh? Flag
Re: Death Poem- ONE DAY SOON YOU WILL DIE TOO, so read it. [Re: deadwk]
    #19078186 - 11/03/13 12:43 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Just curious; Some lines of the poem are good, other's not so much.
It seems like you had an idea of a subject, but not an idea as to how to get there.  Some parts really flowed well, others didn't. IMO half of this should stay, the other half came across as filler that doesn't need to be there.

"A corpus delicti I have become
Rotting away under the sun
And all the things that I have done
All the songs that I have sung
All the love I took and gave
Fade away into that black haze
As I’m buried in my grave
And slip away into endless night"

That was a particularly good section


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Offline28064212
Special Agent Dale Cooper
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Registered: 01/15/11
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Re: Death Poem- ONE DAY SOON YOU WILL DIE TOO, so read it. [Re: deadwk]
    #19078228 - 11/03/13 12:51 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

thanks, I agree and appreciate the feedback.
That was a first draft I just wrote in only 10 minutes


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OfflineEllis Dee
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Registered: 06/29/01
Posts: 13,104
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Re: Death Poem- ONE DAY SOON YOU WILL DIE TOO, so read it. [Re: 28064212]
    #19078304 - 11/03/13 01:17 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)



Its hard to write original poetry. This example is the best I know of "death poetry". A man laments for his fallen captain.


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"If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do."-King Solomon

And there was war in heaven: Michael and his angels fought against the dragon; and the dragon fought and his angels,


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Offlineteamkiller
ghetto drama whore
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Registered: 06/06/11
Posts: 8,806
Last seen: 3 months, 12 days
Re: Death Poem- ONE DAY SOON YOU WILL DIE TOO, so read it. [Re: 28064212]
    #19078308 - 11/03/13 01:18 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

I pondered Buddha's teaching
a full four and eighty years.
The gates are all now
locked about me.
No one was ever here -
Who then is he about to die,
and why lament for nothing?
Farewell!
The night is clear,
the moon shines calmly,
the wind in the pines
is like a lyre's song.
With no I and no other
who hears the sound?


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