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psyconaught
Chemical Connoisseur


Registered: 11/04/10
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How do you just.... completely cut someone out of your life...
#19077840 - 11/02/13 11:35 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I know that the best course of action when breaking up is to cut off all contact. But fuck... this girl was/is my best friend. We were best friends for years before dating and we dated for years. But now that we've broken up... I just don't know.... How do you completely cut someone out of your life that you've talked to every single day for the past 4 or 5 years?
-------------------- Think for yourself, question authority
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Mescalean
Burke is love, burke is life.


Registered: 01/18/12
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Re: How do you just.... completely cut someone out of your life... [Re: psyconaught]
#19077893 - 11/02/13 11:43 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I had to do it with a a friend I dated. Loved her to death. She was always there and vise versa, would always chill with me when I tripped and made sure I was safe even though she hated psychs. We loved each other and were inseperable. One day i decided she was toxic. We were both heavy into dope so i cut contact completely and got clean. I still wonder sometimes if we'd ever have worked minus the drugs
-------------------- FREE BURKE
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Rafiikii


Registered: 11/17/10
Posts: 2,891
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Re: How do you just.... completely cut someone out of your life... [Re: psyconaught] 1
#19077898 - 11/02/13 11:44 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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it just happens man, literally a day at a time.
try and stay occupied with what YOU like to do/pursue in this life.
i have been where you stand now, and can guarantee that it will not be easy but everyone reaches a point where they realize they just got to let it all go
-------------------- "You didn’t come into this world. You came out of it, like a wave from the ocean. You are no stranger here."  
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RiverRat427
Something funny happened...



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Re: How do you just.... completely cut someone out of your life... [Re: Rafiikii] 2
#19078050 - 11/03/13 12:15 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Rafiikii said: it just happens man, literally a day at a time.
try and stay occupied with what YOU like to do/pursue in this life.
i have been where you stand now, and can guarantee that it will not be easy but everyone reaches a point where they realize they just got to let it all go
Yup Sound advice
Weigh your prioroties, do YOU, & move FORWARD
You gotta love yourself, first and foremost Then... shit'll come back in spades
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Don't tase me, bro!
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Sheekle
FREE BURKE



Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
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Re: How do you just.... completely cut someone out of your life... [Re: psyconaught]
#19078334 - 11/03/13 01:29 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
psyconaught said: I know that the best course of action when breaking up is to cut off all contact.
I disagree for the most part 
I think that would only be true if you guys were like way hella toxic for each other an thangs
But then again, I've got a pretty non-traditional way of approaching most situations
-------------------- "Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods "I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago "you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard "The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist "Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft "or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16
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psyconaught
Chemical Connoisseur


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Re: How do you just.... completely cut someone out of your life... [Re: Sheekle]
#19078389 - 11/03/13 01:52 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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not toxic at all. The reason for the breakup is due to it being a long distance relationship and her needing to figure some shit out in her own life before continuing having anyone else in it.
-------------------- Think for yourself, question authority
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Tripsurfer
Bring Back Asante!



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Re: How do you just.... completely cut someone out of your life... [Re: psyconaught]
#19078696 - 11/03/13 02:35 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Well the fact that its long distance helps. Break up, dont go there, dont let her come over, no telephone calls, messaging, chatting.
Problem solved. Not saying its easy but its not like she is living in your house or around the corner or something.
-------------------- Ach en wee ben ik de klos, met mijn boog schoot ik een albatros... A philosopher is a person who knows less and less about more and more, until he knows nothing about everything.

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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



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Re: How do you just.... completely cut someone out of your life... [Re: Tripsurfer]
#19078777 - 11/03/13 04:04 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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In my experience it is pretty difficult to cut all ties with someone you love. But in your situation, if you are long distance, it seems inevitable that you will drift apart.
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shimmeringtrance
Stranger


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Re: How do you just.... completely cut someone out of your life... [Re: fbi365]
#19079144 - 11/03/13 07:41 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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That's a tough thing to do. Sometimes you can still remain friends with a someone who was really close to you, but if not than I agree with the approach of continuing on with your life & not dwelling on the past.
Try and move on, see other friends, distract yourself. At least she lives at a distance so you dont have to run into her around town.
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Tripsurfer
Bring Back Asante!



Registered: 08/01/12
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Re: How do you just.... completely cut someone out of your life... [Re: shimmeringtrance]
#19080016 - 11/03/13 11:55 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Sorry completely missed the point here!
I have noticed that finding something new to fill your time helps a lot. Find a new hobby, preferably something that requires loads of physical activity.
I would suggest joining a yoga studio, they usually offer unlimited subscriptions and yoga can be pretty addictive. You will also be surrounded by lost of toned women (and a couple fatties) in yoga pants
-------------------- Ach en wee ben ik de klos, met mijn boog schoot ik een albatros... A philosopher is a person who knows less and less about more and more, until he knows nothing about everything.

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Anonymous #1
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Re: How do you just.... completely cut someone out of your life... [Re: Tripsurfer] 1
#19080427 - 11/03/13 01:39 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I really don't understand cutting someone completely out of your life, but I have had it done to me over the course of a few months by way of divorce. Really a pretty shitty thing to do to someone who loves you, but I suppose some people have a need to put themselves first in all situations, and this woman certainly seemed to do that. I just tried to message the ex for the first time in two weeks with no response. Oh well. Wish I had some advice for you OP, but I can't say that I do. Just kind of venting that I don't understand most people's need for such actions. In the case of abusive people I can understand it.
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jamminshaman
I am the pope of dope



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Re: How do you just.... completely cut someone out of your life... [Re: Rafiikii]
#19081207 - 11/03/13 04:18 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Rafiikii said: it just happens man, literally a day at a time.
try and stay occupied with what YOU like to do/pursue in this life.
i have been where you stand now, and can guarantee that it will not be easy but everyone reaches a point where they realize they just got to let it all go
This is pretty accurate. I'm going through a similar situation. I try and immerse myself in whatever I am doing at work and stay busy throughout the day. On my days off I have been chilling, and usually watching a movie or have something to stimulate me and keep my mind off of everything else.
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Sheekle
FREE BURKE



Registered: 01/11/10
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Re: How do you just.... completely cut someone out of your life... [Re: Anonymous #1]
#19081235 - 11/03/13 04:25 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Anonymous said: I really don't understand cutting someone completely out of your life
I don't understand most people's need for such actions. In the case of abusive people I can understand it.
This about sums up my opinion on the subject pretty well
-------------------- "Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods "I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago "you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard "The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist "Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft "or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16
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Spacerific
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Re: How do you just.... completely cut someone out of your life... [Re: Sheekle]
#19081304 - 11/03/13 04:40 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Just make sure you have a new girl to fill most of your screen so to speak, to fill some of the needs that the girl in question was filling. Then you'll have the freedom to talk or not talk to her, no pressure. From there it's easier to choose to take her out completely (if that's really needed) or have a more positive relationship with her as friends.
-------------------- Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.
For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it. - Matthew 13:16
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Sheekle
FREE BURKE



Registered: 01/11/10
Posts: 53,153
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Re: How do you just.... completely cut someone out of your life... [Re: Spacerific] 1
#19081316 - 11/03/13 04:42 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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y do people always think all like officaly about everything i think life is just a flow of feel's
-------------------- "Ur cat died because he hated u" - Koods "I hope JSB kicks your ass one day." - Vandago "you are the biggest 'internet guy' I have ever come across"- Jokeshopbeard "The more I see you post the more I realize you're just this fuckin tie dye loser who trolls the Shroomery 24/7." - Herbologist "Sheekle you cannot vile the dice of bullshit you have posted on this forum over the years, I like databases" - thelastoneleft "or maybe i just come from a blood line of superior intelligence" - trees R.I.P Kelsy, ?/?/?? - 6/11/16
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B0b0
Sage



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Re: How do you just.... completely cut someone out of your life... [Re: Spacerific]
#19081447 - 11/03/13 05:10 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Spacerific said: Just make sure you have a new girl to fill most of your screen so to speak, to fill some of the needs that the girl in question was filling. Then you'll have the freedom to talk or not talk to her, no pressure. From there it's easier to choose to take her out completely (if that's really needed) or have a more positive relationship with her as friends.
Sadly I agree, I always try to have someone on the tip when I'm dating a girl helps to fill some of that emptiness, and lets ya focus on the person in front of you and move on. Shitty but rebound pussy is one of the best placebos for closure.
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JesusIsLord
Jesus freak


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Re: How do you just.... completely cut someone out of your life... [Re: psyconaught]
#19081468 - 11/03/13 05:14 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
psyconaught said: I know that the best course of action when breaking up is to cut off all contact. But fuck... this girl was/is my best friend. We were best friends for years before dating and we dated for years. But now that we've broken up... I just don't know.... How do you completely cut someone out of your life that you've talked to every single day for the past 4 or 5 years?
what do you mean how?
you bite the bullet and do what must be done. like that fella who got pinned by a boulder in Utah. cut his arm off, or die. your ex is your arm.
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And I will bring you out from the people, and will gather you out of the countries wherein ye are scattered, with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out.
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empty space
the void

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Re: How do you just.... completely cut someone out of your life... [Re: B0b0]
#19084242 - 11/04/13 05:52 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
B0b0 said:
Quote:
Spacerific said: Just make sure you have a new girl to fill most of your screen so to speak, to fill some of the needs that the girl in question was filling. Then you'll have the freedom to talk or not talk to her, no pressure. From there it's easier to choose to take her out completely (if that's really needed) or have a more positive relationship with her as friends.
Sadly I agree, I always try to have someone on the tip when I'm dating a girl helps to fill some of that emptiness, and lets ya focus on the person in front of you and move on. Shitty but rebound pussy is one of the best placebos for closure.
So you just become codependent with somebody new?
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Spacerific
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Re: How do you just.... completely cut someone out of your life... [Re: empty space] 1
#19085439 - 11/04/13 01:35 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
empty space said:
Quote:
B0b0 said:
Quote:
Spacerific said: Just make sure you have a new girl to fill most of your screen so to speak, to fill some of the needs that the girl in question was filling. Then you'll have the freedom to talk or not talk to her, no pressure. From there it's easier to choose to take her out completely (if that's really needed) or have a more positive relationship with her as friends.
Sadly I agree, I always try to have someone on the tip when I'm dating a girl helps to fill some of that emptiness, and lets ya focus on the person in front of you and move on. Shitty but rebound pussy is one of the best placebos for closure.
So you just become codependent with somebody new?
Why would that be codependent? You can dwell on the past or you can put yourself through new experiences in order to move on.
Habits need to be extinguished with new (hopefully improved) habits. Same for relationships. Especially when feeling down from breaking a long term one, IMO it's important to not spend long periods of time isolated, alone. Hence the rebound pussy, or if you have em, long term fwb's - will come in handy.
Once you've cleared your system of the bad vibes with said rebound pussy, you're in a much better state to start something new, on a clean slate.
-------------------- Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.
For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it. - Matthew 13:16
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JesusIsLord
Jesus freak


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Re: How do you just.... completely cut someone out of your life... [Re: Spacerific]
#19086391 - 11/04/13 05:21 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Spacerific said:
Quote:
empty space said:
Quote:
B0b0 said:
Quote:
Spacerific said: Just make sure you have a new girl to fill most of your screen so to speak, to fill some of the needs that the girl in question was filling. Then you'll have the freedom to talk or not talk to her, no pressure. From there it's easier to choose to take her out completely (if that's really needed) or have a more positive relationship with her as friends.
Sadly I agree, I always try to have someone on the tip when I'm dating a girl helps to fill some of that emptiness, and lets ya focus on the person in front of you and move on. Shitty but rebound pussy is one of the best placebos for closure.
So you just become codependent with somebody new?
Why would that be codependent? You can dwell on the past or you can put yourself through new experiences in order to move on.
Habits need to be extinguished with new (hopefully improved) habits. Same for relationships. Especially when feeling down from breaking a long term one, IMO it's important to not spend long periods of time isolated, alone. Hence the rebound pussy, or if you have em, long term fwb's - will come in handy.
Once you've cleared your system of the bad vibes with said rebound pussy, you're in a much better state to start something new, on a clean slate.
disagree. you don't get over someone by distracting yourself with some hollow sex. you get over them by letting them go, on a heart and head level.
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And I will bring you out from the people, and will gather you out of the countries wherein ye are scattered, with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out.
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fbi365
Captain of the Sinking Ship



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Re: How do you just.... completely cut someone out of your life... [Re: JesusIsLord]
#19086655 - 11/04/13 06:23 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Getting laid helps. Maybe it's just a temporary distraction. But distractions help. If you CAN find some chick to chill with who's down for sex, do it.
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pwnasaurus
Stranger



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Re: How do you just.... completely cut someone out of your life... [Re: JesusIsLord]
#19087227 - 11/04/13 08:15 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
JesusIsLord said: disagree. you don't get over someone by distracting yourself with some hollow sex. you get over them by letting them go, on a heart and head level.
You say that like the two are inherently mutually exclusive.
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Spacerific
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Re: How do you just.... completely cut someone out of your life... [Re: JesusIsLord]
#19088173 - 11/05/13 12:21 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
JesusIsLord said:
Quote:
Spacerific said: Once you've cleared your system of the bad vibes with said rebound pussy, you're in a much better state to start something new, on a clean slate.
disagree. you don't get over someone by distracting yourself with some hollow sex. you get over them by letting them go, on a heart and head level.
Well whatever you've found to work in practice my good man. I and plenty of others have found that new pussy tends to get one involved in ways that make it impossible to dwell endlessly on the past. The name of the game being to get back to the present moment and live life, not chew memories and stale vibes from the past over and over.
Just out of curiosity though, how specifically do you propose one "let go, on a heart and head level"? What are the specific actions that lead to that? Like what would one actually do tomorrow to encourage this result? Wear a wrist band that says "Let Go"? I'm seriously asking, not trolling.
-------------------- Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.
For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it. - Matthew 13:16
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JesusIsLord
Jesus freak


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Re: How do you just.... completely cut someone out of your life... [Re: Spacerific]
#19091422 - 11/05/13 05:51 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Spacerific said:
Quote:
JesusIsLord said:
Quote:
Spacerific said: Once you've cleared your system of the bad vibes with said rebound pussy, you're in a much better state to start something new, on a clean slate.
disagree. you don't get over someone by distracting yourself with some hollow sex. you get over them by letting them go, on a heart and head level.
Well whatever you've found to work in practice my good man. I and plenty of others have found that new pussy tends to get one involved in ways that make it impossible to dwell endlessly on the past. The name of the game being to get back to the present moment and live life, not chew memories and stale vibes from the past over and over.
Just out of curiosity though, how specifically do you propose one "let go, on a heart and head level"? What are the specific actions that lead to that? Like what would one actually do tomorrow to encourage this result? Wear a wrist band that says "Let Go"? I'm seriously asking, not trolling.
Make the conscious effort to rearrange your thought patterns. By, as you say, staying in the present. When you dwell on the memories gone by, the what ifs, all the hangings on - you stop yourself and get back in the present. It's just a continuous process of letting go, yielding to the present. Nothing real profound I know, but it worked well for me
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And I will bring you out from the people, and will gather you out of the countries wherein ye are scattered, with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out.
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pwnasaurus
Stranger



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Re: How do you just.... completely cut someone out of your life... [Re: JesusIsLord]
#19091540 - 11/05/13 06:15 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
JesusIsLord said: disagree. you don't get over someone by distracting yourself with some hollow sex. you get over them by letting them go, on a heart and head level.
Quote:
JesusIsLord said: Make the conscious effort to rearrange your thought patterns. By, as you say, staying in the present. When you dwell on the memories gone by, the what ifs, all the hangings on - you stop yourself and get back in the present. It's just a continuous process of letting go, yielding to the present. Nothing real profound I know, but it worked well for me 
And how does having sex with a new partner not fit into exactly what you have just said? These two posts sound pretty contradictory. There's no activity that defines "living in the present" more than sex IMO.
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JesusIsLord
Jesus freak


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Re: How do you just.... completely cut someone out of your life... [Re: pwnasaurus]
#19092101 - 11/05/13 07:46 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
pwnasaurus said:
Quote:
JesusIsLord said: disagree. you don't get over someone by distracting yourself with some hollow sex. you get over them by letting them go, on a heart and head level.
Quote:
JesusIsLord said: Make the conscious effort to rearrange your thought patterns. By, as you say, staying in the present. When you dwell on the memories gone by, the what ifs, all the hangings on - you stop yourself and get back in the present. It's just a continuous process of letting go, yielding to the present. Nothing real profound I know, but it worked well for me 
And how does having sex with a new partner not fit into exactly what you have just said? These two posts sound pretty contradictory. There's no activity that defines "living in the present" more than sex IMO.
the idea being in the true present is born from having sex in order to distract yourself from your memories and old thought patterns is disingenuous.
being truly in the present cannot arise if you're starting point is that you want to be distracted from the past. you can't truly arrive at the present from an idea that is born from a need to distract yourself from the past.
as in, rebound sex is not sex for its own sake. it's sex with an ulterior goal of freeing you from the past, and so you're still trapped in it, but the accompanying endorphins and euphoric high lend a foggy haze, masking this reality.
methinks
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And I will bring you out from the people, and will gather you out of the countries wherein ye are scattered, with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out.
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Spacerific
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Re: How do you just.... completely cut someone out of your life... [Re: JesusIsLord]
#19093659 - 11/06/13 01:30 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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As far as I'm concerned, the brain works a lot like the physical body. It's got several distinct parts with different function, and if you don't work those parts, problems develop.
In the same way that you pick up weights and move and get physically active now, to get over past idleness and sloth that put your body in a terrible shape, similarly you give your head something new and constructive to do in the present moment, to keep a good flow going. To keep things moving.
I agree if this becomes a compulsion based on being a nervous wreck otherwise, that's probably not healthy. But if your last relationship is shot for whatever reason, after some time of thinking on it and learning what lessons you can, it's probably time to get some new pussy on the screen.
While some might see this as a distraction, I would say that it's a healthy distraction, your body does get more exercise, you get real life logistical problems to tackle, you probably get more attention and are less likely to spend days and weeks alone indoors among old photos listening to old songs, and crap forbid drinking your worries away during this time.
It may not be ideal, but new pussy is one of the healthiest distractions there is
-------------------- Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.
For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it. - Matthew 13:16
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