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OfflineShamanWarrior
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The Answers are Not Within
    #19076514 - 11/02/13 06:38 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

It's been a long time cultivating sense of self for all us psychonauts, spiritual seekers, meditators, dreamers, quantum physics freaks, neuro-biology junkies and enlightenment enthusiasts.

It's our duty to analyze the many crevasses of life's mysteries - what we are, who we are, why we're here, where we're going, and why? These are all great topics of discussion, but they are all discussions we've had thousands of times before.

There is no doubt that introspection and catharsis are vital components to self-development and soul seeking, but there is a pattern occurring and certain elements that all too often ignored that are restricting the "true self" from growing beyond itself and into something deeper.

The pattern is that as we reject and move beyond the seemingly now dated philosophies of organized religions (particularly the tyrannical ones) we move into the opposite truth to find answers, and we look inwards. We look towards self to see how to navigate, to help us answer the really hard questions, to let us know when we are doing good or when we are failing, what we should be doing, and why we should be doing it. We make up our own minds. After all, it's our life to decide, isn't it?

This form of internalization is a great and powerful step, and a part of the process, but when it is done in spite of an organized religion or even beliefs that have been unfavorably imposed upon us, the act of looking inwards can become spiteful, short sighted and blind to something much deeper and larger than ourselves.

As a teacher in the tantric, energetic and embodiment arts, I've found over the years that when we look outside ourselves, we are capable of seeing the other side of the coin, which in turn becomes the whole story, the part of us that we don't see, but everyone else sees. Often times a far different perspective than the internal half of the coin, the part ONLY we see.

The 80's brought a generation of go-getters and the Tony Robbins' of the world began springing up, teaching tools of body language, NLP, mental gymnastics, goal setting and accomplishment all stemming from the primary motivating question, "What do YOU want?" Followed by, "Ok, here's how you go get it!"

It's a fascinating question: What do you want? And all of us can come up with at least a few answers, some completely selfish others maybe not so much. But one thing is for certain, no matter what we choose, even if we get it, there is still a large whole at the center of ourselves that feel void, even fucking betrayed by our own dreams.

But there is one thing very critically wrong with this question and it is that the single most judgmental, self-doubting, selfish, lazy, fearful, indulgent, compromising person is the world is answering it... we are.

Has there ever been a moment in your life when someone outside of you believed in you more than you believed in yourself and they turned out to be right? What the hell would we do without those people? It's as if other people are capable of knowing who we are better than we know ourselves.

Have you ever been around someone who was just so pissed off, they were clearly frustrated, possibly even yelling, turning red and yet they have declared or even screamed, "I'm not angry!" ? You and I both know that fucker was angry - despite how unwilling to see it for themselves, or even admit to it.

How many other moments in our lives, in our days, are we being something to others or even our intimate partners, where internally we believe we are one thing, but on the outside, it is clear we are something different? How we think we are effecting the world and how we are effecting the world are often two very different things. It is only when we cultivate a broad internal awareness of self and an external awareness of others and of the world that we can take a step, see how the external environment around us responds, and respond consciously.

If you want your woman to open her legs, her body in absolute surrender, you rarely can muscle in like a mindless gorilla and pry her open without resistance, collapse and honestly a pretty sad sexual experience (despite some women faking it). You also cannot approach your woman like a starry-eyed sissy, nervous and possibly even nauseas. It takes depth, consciousness, sensitivity, and direction to be able to bend your woman, shape her, and meld her into a pile of sexual nectar, and this is only done when each movement you make is in consciousness response to how her body responds to every movement you make.

You sacrifice "what you want to do" for the sake of something greater, and in those moments, something greater will happen to you both.

Something magick happens when we use the responses of others around us to guide our own actions. When our own personal wants, needs and desires are out of the picture, then and only then are we capable of becoming larger than ourselves - and in that moment, we feel the deepest form of true connection and love - where purpose and contribution are not only experienced but physically felt.

I've chosen my partner because she expects more of me than I expect of myself. She believes I am capable of far more than I am of myself. My willingness to become the man she sees in me - the way her body opens when I am moving in the right direction and shuts down when I am not - and my willingness to sacrifice my own selfish wants, needs and desires along the way to become something larger than myself is the only thing that fills me with the greatest sense of aliveness that is possible in this human form.

It's certainly a lot easier to collapse inwards, do what we want, be comfortable, be selfish and just overall be nice people with good intentions floating through life like a soft ball of shit, while true deep purpose falls to the wayside - but I doubt that is what any of us are looking for.

If we want the truth about who we are, where we are going and what we should be doing, we need to move beyond the self righteous, egotistical dependence on the "all knowing self" and become conscious of the world around us and how it responds to us.

The world is constantly giving us feedback whether we choose to notice or not - whether we are moving in the right direction or not - whether we are collapsing in self doubt and disillusion or living in fearless pursuit of purpose and living a life of depth - it is always giving feedback.

It is up to us to have the balls to keep looking up at the feedback and respond with absolute consciousness and keep something greater than ourselves in mind.


--------------------
"Be the change you wish to see in the world." - Gandhi


Edited by ShamanWarrior (11/02/13 06:46 PM)


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InvisibleIcelander
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Re: The Answers are Not Within [Re: ShamanWarrior]
    #19076547 - 11/02/13 06:46 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Has there ever been a moment in your life when someone outside of you believed in you more than you believed in yourself and they turned out to be right? What the hell would we do without those people? It's as if other people are capable of knowing who we are better than we know ourselves.


Not that I recall.

I have a hard time believing someone else knows me better than I know myself.  I've had a lot more experience and time to observe. :wink:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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Offlineeve69
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Re: The Answers are Not Within [Re: Icelander]
    #19076584 - 11/02/13 06:55 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

It was a whole lot of words and different concepts, and frankly I am not used to that here.  (Some are very well spoken - some overly so - some are overly not well spoken). I actually could see the thread pulling the ideas together, and the viewpoint seemed instantly to be contrary to the usual clichés. 

I wanted to be critical. I mean, as a self avowed tantric master myself, and having all the initiations of the most esteemed traditions I often get a kind of mouth vomit response when I see 'tantric teacher' as someone's resume.  Makes me kind of sad actually that some peole base their ego on that sort of thing, like fucking loony tunes Dippy or Deefy or Jeffy or whatthefuckever that goober's name is. Would you like a side of Chenrezig with your Jesus healing today? Only 29.95 an hour.  Hey I'm only covering my costs. You know being Jesus is really taxing.

But besides all that I really am left with one main thought - what is your fucking point? Are we supposed to go beg others for attention?  Or was this a teaching about sexual techniques?  I am glad my wife has low expectations. My tongue is already worn right the fuck out. But she gets off so we all win.

Is that tantric enough? Or do I have to start again at first base?


--------------------
...or something







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Offlineusulpsychonaut
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Re: The Answers are Not Within [Re: Icelander]
    #19078279 - 11/03/13 01:06 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Icelander said:
Has there ever been a moment in your life when someone outside of you believed in you more than you believed in yourself and they turned out to be right? What the hell would we do without those people? It's as if other people are capable of knowing who we are better than we know ourselves.


Not that I recall.

I have a hard time believing someone else knows me better than I know myself.  I've had a lot more experience and time to observe. :wink:




All of my friends, all the time believe in me a hell of a lot more than I believe in myself. I'd be allot worse off without them.


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OfflineWordlessNature
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Re: The Answers are Not Within [Re: ShamanWarrior]
    #19078317 - 11/03/13 01:21 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

There is a difference between trusting yourself and being closed to other opinions...

This particular distinction between within and without is a tired relic of Cartesian duality.


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InvisibleIcelander
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Re: The Answers are Not Within [Re: usulpsychonaut]
    #19078765 - 11/03/13 03:52 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

usulpsychonaut said:
Quote:

Icelander said:
Has there ever been a moment in your life when someone outside of you believed in you more than you believed in yourself and they turned out to be right? What the hell would we do without those people? It's as if other people are capable of knowing who we are better than we know ourselves.


Not that I recall.

I have a hard time believing someone else knows me better than I know myself.  I've had a lot more experience and time to observe. :wink:




All of my friends, all the time believe in me a hell of a lot more than I believe in myself. I'd be allot worse off without them.





That's a bummer man.  I definitely believe in myself but I'm realistic about it.


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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Offlineall this beauty
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Re: The Answers are Not Within [Re: ShamanWarrior]
    #19079412 - 11/03/13 09:14 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I was with ya, bro, until I got to the part about the most cosmically-correct way to get pussy.  And that's okay.  I suppose that getting pussy falls under the "Spirituality and Mysticism" heading too.

(Btw -- Women read and post on this board too.  It ain't all dudes here.  Just so you know.  :wink:)


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OfflineShamanWarrior
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Re: The Answers are Not Within [Re: eve69]
    #19079867 - 11/03/13 11:19 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Eve,

I threw out tons of concepts on the page to see which ones land with some and not with others. Already some have more immediately identified with the concept of others seeing more in us than we see in ourselves, and others have identified with the sexual element, whether it raised a response of agreement or resentment. You happened to pick up and become offended by the fact that I teach others in the energetic and tantric arts. I suppose I would feel the same if my objective was to sell something, but it is not. This community has offered me a lot over the years and I do have valuable information to share, so I want to share that freely, just as others on here have shared their knowledge with me freely. That's the point of this community, to give and receive FREELY. Do you get just as offended when people call themselves grow masters and share their techniques? Being a part of the tantric community I know how nauseating it is when people proclaim their skills at the low price of $999.99, but I'm not doing that at all. I'm here to question my beliefs, your beliefs, the world's beliefs, and get somewhere different for the sake of killing time.

I'm not here to heal to save or believe that what I believe is any better than what you believe. I'm here to throw some shit out, deliberately some controversial to spark any form of agreement or disagreement about the topics expressed above.

The point is not to beg others for attention. I never mention getting "attention" once in what I originally wrote. It isn't about attention, it's about conscious responsiveness. It's about responding to real time feedback from those around us, responding to our every move we make and word we speak, and using those people and the world as our barometer to help inform our next action.

Too many people self reference, make a move, speak a word, take an action, and don't give a fuck how it effects others or whether or not it is even getting themselves closer to what they actually want, but they continue to churn the same failing formula because - that's just who they are and that's just how they're gonna get it done and they're not gonna change for anyone. I suggest this is a failing system. And it is a system that has been subliminally encouraged by many self-help programs and enlightenment teachers, and I believe it's small minded bullshit.


--------------------
"Be the change you wish to see in the world." - Gandhi


Edited by ShamanWarrior (11/03/13 11:25 AM)


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Offlinecbub
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Re: The Answers are Not Within [Re: all this beauty]
    #19079918 - 11/03/13 11:30 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Hey! thanks for the post.

Not looking for flaws or defining semantics, but looking within is not strictly inquiring and fulfilling one's desires.
Within is exactly the place where letting go of ego's demands and letting the magic happen came from, isn't it so?
Even most intimately within.
The answers within don't really mean asking one's mind to come up with them. But that's everyone's folly, because egos are all we are in this place (and there's nothing wrong with it)


--------------------
It's fine.


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OfflineSse
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Re: The Answers are Not Within [Re: ShamanWarrior]
    #19080054 - 11/03/13 12:07 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

"conceptualization is an insidiously clever process. It creeps into your experience, and it simply takes over."

"That is all. No pictures. No mind movies. No concepts. No interior dialogues. Reality is elegantly simple and unadorned."

"When you hear a sound, be mindful of the process of hearing. Everything else is just added chatter. Drop it. This same rule applies to every sensation, every emotion, every experience you may have. Look closely at your own experience. Dig down through the layers of mental bric-a-brac and see what is really there. You will be amazed how simple it is, and how beautiful."

Mindfulness by Bhante Henepola Gunaratana





--------------------
"Springs of water welling from the fire"

"Life may seem to flee in a moment, but when the mind is freed of the veil of ignorance, and illusion that comes between the mind and the truth, life and death are only opposite sides of the same coin - "water welling from the fire."


"Within us, we carry the world of no-birth and no-death. But we never touch it, because we live only with our notions."
-Thich Nhat Hanh
instant
"Experience always goes beyond ideas"


Edited by Sse (11/03/13 12:09 PM)


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Offlineall this beauty
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Re: The Answers are Not Within [Re: Sse]
    #19080134 - 11/03/13 12:26 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Sse said:
"conceptualization is an insidiously clever process. It creeps into your experience, and it simply takes over."

"That is all. No pictures. No mind movies. No concepts. No interior dialogues. Reality is elegantly simple and unadorned."

"When you hear a sound, be mindful of the process of hearing. Everything else is just added chatter. Drop it. This same rule applies to every sensation, every emotion, every experience you may have. Look closely at your own experience. Dig down through the layers of mental bric-a-brac and see what is really there. You will be amazed how simple it is, and how beautiful."

Mindfulness by Bhante Henepola Gunaratana



Yes, but I think that in a state of true mindfulness we do not "reject" whatever it is that comes to us.

Nothing need be "dropped." 

Be mindful of all that comes to you.  Embrace it.  Rely on your innate powers of discernment and use only that portion of it that you find useful.


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OfflineSse
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Re: The Answers are Not Within [Re: all this beauty]
    #19080278 - 11/03/13 01:06 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

"Here is the problem: when a distraction, or any mental state, arises in the mind, it blossoms forth first in the unconscious. Only a moment later does it rise to the conscious mind. That split-second difference is quite important, because it is time enough for grasping to occur. grasping occurs almost instantaneously, and it takes place in the unconscious.

Thus, by the time the grasping rises to the level of conscious recognition, we have already begun to lock on to it. It is quite natural for us to simply continue that process, getting more and more tightly stuck in the distraction as we continue to view it. We are,, by this time, quite definitely thinking the thought rather than just viewing it with bare attention. The whole sequence takes place in a flash. this presents us with a problem. by the time we become consciously aware of a distraction, we are already, in a sense, stuck in it."

Our three questions, "What is it? How strong is it? And, how long does it last? are a clever remedy for this particular malady. In order to answer these questions, we must ascertain the quality of the distraction.

To do that, we must divorce ourselves from it, take a mental step back from it, disengage from it, and view it objectively. We must stop thinking the thought or feeling the feeling in order to view it as an object of inspection. This very process is an exercise in mindfulness, uninvolved, detached awareness. The hold of the distraction is thus broken, and mindfulness is back in control. At this point, mindfulness makes a smooth transition back to its primary focus, and we return to the breath."

When you first begin to practice this technique, you will probably have to do it with words. You will ask yourself questions in words, and get answers in words. It won't be long, however, before you can dispense with the formality of words altogether. Once the mental habits are in place, you simply note the distraction, note the qualities of the distraction, and return to the breath. It's a totally nonconceptual process, and it's very quick.

The distraction itself can be anything; a sound, a sensation, an emotion, a fantasy, anything at all. Whatever it is, don't try to repress it. Don't try to force it out of your mind. There's no need for that. Just observe it mindfully with bare attention. Examine the distraction wordlessly, and it will pass away by itself. You will find your attention drifting effortlessly back to the breath. And do not condemn yourself for having been distracted. Distractions are natural. They come and they go."

"Despite this piece of sage counsel, you're going to find yourself condemning anyway. That's natural too. Just observe the process of condemnation as another distraction, and then return to the breath."

Watch the sequence of events: Breathing. Breathing. Distracting thought arising. Frustration arising over the distracting thought. You condemn yourself for being distracted. You notice the self-condemnation. You return to the breathing. Breathing. Breathing. It's really a very natural, smooth-flowing cycle, if you do it correctly. The trick, of course, is patience."

If you can learn to observe these distractions without getting involved, it's all very easy. You just glide through the distraction, and your attention returns to the breath quite easily.

Of course, the very same distraction may pop up a moment later. If it does, just observe mindfully. If you are dealing with an old, established thought pattern, this can go on happening for quite a while, sometimes years. Don't get upset. This too is natural. Just observer the distraction and return to the breath. Don't fight with these distracting thoughts. Don't strain or struggle. It's a waste."

Every bit of energy you apply to that resistance goes into the thought complex and makes it all stronger. So don't try to force such thoughts out of your mind. It's a battle you can never win."

Just observe the distraction mindfully and it will eventually go away.

It's very strange, but the more bare attention you pay to such disturbances, the weaker they get. Observe them long enough and often enough with bare attention, and they fade away forever. Fight them and they gain strength. Watch them with detachment and they wither."

Mindfulness by Bhante Henepola Gunaratana



--------------------
"Springs of water welling from the fire"

"Life may seem to flee in a moment, but when the mind is freed of the veil of ignorance, and illusion that comes between the mind and the truth, life and death are only opposite sides of the same coin - "water welling from the fire."


"Within us, we carry the world of no-birth and no-death. But we never touch it, because we live only with our notions."
-Thich Nhat Hanh
instant
"Experience always goes beyond ideas"


Edited by Sse (11/03/13 01:23 PM)


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Offlineall this beauty
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Re: The Answers are Not Within [Re: Sse]
    #19080429 - 11/03/13 01:40 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

You're a smart and perceptive person, Sse.  Why not share from your gut rather than merely quote from the gut of others?  :wink:

Here's what I see and feel:

Much of Eastern spiritualism is involved in the same game that much of Western spiritualism (Judaism, Christianity, Islam) is involved in --  namely, rejecting "that" as evil/bad/counterproductive and accepting "this" as holy/good/productive. 

So, for Christians, Satan is the enemy.  For many Hindu gurus, the "ego" is the enemy.  Same game.  Different game pieces, but same game.

As I see it, there's no need to "escape" from anything.  The universe is not conspiring against us.  Not raising demons and obstacles to block our ways.

Beware the hucksters who tell you otherwise.


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Offlineeve69
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Re: The Answers are Not Within [Re: ShamanWarrior]
    #19080779 - 11/03/13 03:05 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I actually spent some time thinking about this thread. Unfortunately I don't feel like writing pages of heres and heretofores explaining all my thoughts. 

I am jumping to a few conclusions therefore:

---you talk about tantra but I haven't heard any tantra here - no nonduality - no tantra lineage - and much clichéd talk about sex (without any insight - sorry about that!)

---the dichotomy of inner and outer doesn't exist in tantra - there is one awareness and inside and outside have no definite boundary.

---tantras are very few and far between - books and teachers about tantra are very many and seemingly humping each other like gay dogs. There are only a few lineages of actual tantra teachings and their initiations are even fewer.  It's just like all the talk of kundalini - tripping on acid and feeling weird rushes and energies circulating - chi gong and tummo and all the rest - it's not kundalini! But everyone and their grandmother's and their grandmother's cats all are fucking kundalini adepts.

---you talk about listening to the without. I'll tell you a bit about what I hear.  My best man and best friend of 20 years moved in with a girl and started doing heroin. At first he told me about it. And I did a bit. Then he and his girlfriend would each call me and lie and lie and lie.  My best friend is still a friend but I don't trust him and everything he says sounds like bullshit to me now. 

That what I get for listening. And what does that tell me about myself?  I still don't know.

All this world of things and notions and I know one thing - when you crave to find meaning you will create it - even where there isn't any.


--------------------
...or something







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OfflineSse
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Re: The Answers are Not Within [Re: all this beauty]
    #19080820 - 11/03/13 03:12 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

everything I could share as an individual would still just be a conglomeration of things from others views... these people have worked to hone a message and I try to take everything as grist for the mill. I enjoy passing the words, and absorbing what I can while quoting and rereading from experienced practitioners.

My main goal(a goal that defeats itself, is self-defeating, and defeating defeating :tongue:) is to personally stop conceptualizing/labeling. No longer adding subjectivity to anything perceived. Escape has no negative connotation, neither does anything else as far as I'm concerned. Connotation and meaning comes subjectively. I focus on just breathing and health, some may see it as negative or condemning but I try to cultivate equanimity... never a problem only a solution. Escape is a byproduct; I am no longer as confined by my impulses/conditioned reactions. Everything is growth, everything brings joy once brought back to basic. Dissolving "I" every chance I can.

nothing but "innumerous impersonal processes"


Edited by Sse (11/03/13 06:21 PM)


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InvisibleIcelander
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Re: The Answers are Not Within [Re: eve69]
    #19080822 - 11/03/13 03:12 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

:thumbup:  We are the meaning making animals.  Personally I think it's tied to our you know what anxieties but what the heck do I know. :satansmoking:


--------------------
"Don't believe everything you think". -Anom.

" All that lives was born to die"-Anom.

With much wisdom comes much sorrow,
The more knowledge, the more grief.
Ecclesiastes circa 350 BC


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Offlineall this beauty
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Re: The Answers are Not Within [Re: Sse]
    #19080929 - 11/03/13 03:32 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Sse said:
everything I could share as an individual would still just be a conglomeration of things from others views... these people have worked to hone a message and I try to take everything as grist for the mill. I enjoy passing the words, and absorbing what I can while quoting and rereading from experienced practitioners.

My main goal is to personally stop conceptualizing/labeling. No longer adding subjectivity to anything perceived. Escape has no negative connotation, neither does anything else as far as I'm concerned. Connotation and meaning comes subjectively.



I think there's only the finest hair of difference when it comes to where you and I are coming from, Sse.  We have different ways of approaching this stuff, and that's only natural.

You write very well and very clearly, and you should have no fear in doing so.

"My main goal is to personally stop conceptualizing/labeling."

My main goal is to stop fretting over whether I conceptualize or label.  Those habits are part and parcel of what it means to be human.

And the whole human shebang is inviolate.  Sacred.

Holy.


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OfflineSse
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Re: The Answers are Not Within [Re: all this beauty]
    #19081228 - 11/03/13 04:24 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

sorry had to edit my above post. not "as" confined. :tongue:

tbh, its hard for me to compose these messages a lot of times. My brain isn't what it used to be heheh.

I agree with you as well. We've all got our own backgrounds/conditioning/understandings.

"My main goal is to stop fretting over whether I conceptualize or label.  Those habits are part and parcel of what it means to be human."

I feel ya. conceptualizing may be inevitable in the majority of settings/lifestyles and maybe always to some degree... I guess that's where equanimity comes in. Maybe that's why:

"The last of the ten ox herding pictures in the Zen tradition is called "Entering the Marketplace with Open Hands." You are free to come and go as you please. This is the action of non-action. Suffering no longer arises. This stage is not something you can imitate. You have to reach this stage of realization within yourself."


perhaps with enough practice/nonpractice a state of equanimity is no longer affected and you no longer become conditioned in the way you may as an ignorant human raised in this world.


--------------------
"Springs of water welling from the fire"

"Life may seem to flee in a moment, but when the mind is freed of the veil of ignorance, and illusion that comes between the mind and the truth, life and death are only opposite sides of the same coin - "water welling from the fire."


"Within us, we carry the world of no-birth and no-death. But we never touch it, because we live only with our notions."
-Thich Nhat Hanh
instant
"Experience always goes beyond ideas"


Edited by Sse (11/04/13 07:58 AM)


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OfflineLysergicX7
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Registered: 11/11/12
Posts: 1,206
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Re: The Answers are Not Within [Re: Icelander]
    #19082002 - 11/03/13 06:54 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Icelander said:
Has there ever been a moment in your life when someone outside of you believed in you more than you believed in yourself and they turned out to be right? What the hell would we do without those people? It's as if other people are capable of knowing who we are better than we know ourselves.


Not that I recall.

I have a hard time believing someone else knows me better than I know myself.  I've had a lot more experience and time to observe. :wink:



I've had people point things out to me about myself that I had no idea I did. I'm sure this is an extremely common experience.


--------------------
“Everybody is fundamentally, the ultimate reality. Not god in the political kingly sense, but god in the sense of being the self – the deep down basic whatever there is. And you’re all that… only you’re pretending you’re not.” -Alan Watts

I think that in human evolution it has never been as necessary to have this substance LSD. It is just a tool to turn us into what we are supposed to be.”
― Albert Hofmann


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Offlineeve69
--=..Did Adam and ...?=--
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Registered: 04/30/03
Posts: 3,910
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Last seen: 1 month, 18 days
Re: The Answers are Not Within [Re: LysergicX7]
    #19082069 - 11/03/13 07:08 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I remember as a teen going out with a Mexican girl and she was too tight to fuck. I mean we would use some oil and then it was like too slippery. We never did really get on.  She didn't tell me anything.  It just wasn't meant to be.  I am left with a sense of nihilism over it cause she was really sweet.

Then there was the girl who liked to be 'double fucked' she called it. She called it that because if your cock went into the cervix it was like entering another hole. Unfortunately she was really deep, and not spiritually so again, I didn't stand a chance. 

There was the music producer I worked out with who wanted to use me. She always gave me concert tickets and lascivious looks. But I didn't like that feeling of being used. So her I didn't fuck.

The time I was on Mulholland drive with another girl from the gym (with huge boobs like yowza) and I was making out with her and we were undressed and it was just soooo hot, and then the cops drove up and flashed their light in our window and made us get dressed. I flicked them off and they didn't get mad, they laughed.

All these fucking signs from the universe without. I am soooo lost!!!


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...or something







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