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Anonymous #1

I cannot get this female out of my mind
    #19075030 - 11/02/13 12:56 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

So I cannot stop thinking about this married woman. She is not actually married but they have been together for 3 years and have a kid. She is together with a good friend of mine. For the last 2 months we have been in a fwb situation (he knows about this and is OK with it). We have been together 4 times in 2 months because she is always busy watching her kid and cant often stay somewhere else. We both 21 years old.

The main reason I am so attracted to her is not because she is gorgeous, which she is, but because she enjoys the same things as me, I can talk to her about nature and hiking and mushrooms and plants and have an intelligent conversation with her. I NEVER meet chicks I can relate to and talk about these things with. I really enjoyed hiking / mushroom picking together with her.

Now I get told I can still fuck her but I cant take her hiking because its too much like a date (WTF its not like im taking him on a date when he goes hiking with me). I can accept this but the problem is that after I have sex with her I cant stop thinking about her and wanting to see her and hang out with her or talk to her. Im not sure if I know what “love” feels like at this point in my life but I do not think this is it. I want her to stay together with him and both of them be happy. What I think I am feeling is loneliness.

During the time I cant see her I think about her nearly every day which leads me towards a depressed state. When Im hanging out with them but cannot talk to her alone its all I can think about.

Ive delt with this before with an ex girlfriend whom I thought I loved and she kept talking to me after we broke up prolonging the pain. The way out was to cut all ties with her. I cannot do that with this girl she is a great friend to me and I want to continue this way. I feel like the way out this time is to stop having sex with her and talk to her only minimum for a few months until I can get over it.

The problem is that im so attracted to her I cannot imagine telling her I want out of the FWB situation because of this. And what would I even tell her? I was friends with this girl for almost 3 years while being in the friend zone and not even thinking about her. I want to get back to that without her thinking im some freak or needy or secretly in love with her or whatever. I want to have a normal friend relationship where I don’t obsess around her.

Not sure if you guys can give me any advice that I would actually find usefull, but sometimes it feels good to talk about these things since I cannot talk about them to anyone else.


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Anonymous #1

Re: I cannot get this female out of my mind [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19075877 - 11/02/13 04:13 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

I wont see her for over 2 weeks from now so im going to send her somthing like this tonight. Hopefully it will go smoothly and give me time to stop thinking about her so much before the next time I see her. I really want to stay with her one last time and she was messaging me last night saying she was horny and wants to see me so bad but i know the best thing to do is end it right now or soon as possible.

"It has been a lot of fun hooking up with you but I want to go back to just friends and not friends with benefits anymore. Ive noticed friends with benefits is not healthy for me mentally it leaves me lonely and seeking companionship and I cannot focus on living my life the way I have grown used to being care free, relaxed, and just enjoying the things I love doing. I think these situations are just not good for certain people. It puts a mental strain on me and distracts me from the things I enjoy."

I wish i didnt have to give an explanation as to why like this but if i dont she will ask me why because she wants more and IDK being honest seems like the best route here.


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Anonymous #2

Re: I cannot get this female out of my mind [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19085787 - 11/04/13 02:57 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Dude. It's basic fucking theory. The only way to stop thinking about one girl is to go through 2-3 other girls, or at least one other.

Diversify your portfolio.


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InvisibleSheekle
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Re: I cannot get this female out of my mind [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19085862 - 11/04/13 03:16 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Im not sure if I know what “love” feels like at this point in my life but I do not think this is it.



U love her, and u love him too

Everywhere in all sorts of human interactions is love of varying degrees in layers of importance and stuff

I duno

Lol


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InvisibleEndure
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Re: I cannot get this female out of my mind [Re: Sheekle]
    #19091763 - 11/05/13 06:53 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

thats an erotic story man..

did you two start fucking before the boyfriend knew and he had no choice to accept it?

honestly, it will never be the same, and she will be out of picture or you will be one day.


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Offlinetopdog82
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Re: I cannot get this female out of my mind [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #19091830 - 11/05/13 07:03 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

Anonymous said:
Dude. It's basic fucking theory. The only way to stop thinking about one girl is to go through 2-3 other girls, or at least one other.

Diversify your portfolio.



I agree


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Anonymous #1

Re: I cannot get this female out of my mind [Re: topdog82]
    #19091960 - 11/05/13 07:24 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

No because I would not have done anything with her unless he was okay with it. Atleast I like to believe that. He suggested they would be in an open relationship so i made sure he was ok with it first.

I used to be there room mate and apparently we both fantasized about it for over a year which made it pretty interesting living something i thought about many times.

Ive been trying to meet new women lately. No luck yet, although im not surprised i rarely meet somebody im attracted to.

I didnt have the balls to send the message calling it off. One reason being that I really want to see her again and another reason being that she has been talking about being very stressed out lately and saying she wants to see me and i dont want to make it worse on her when she is already stressed. (the stress is due to losing there car which she has to get a temp job to buy a new one because her husband cant work right now due to recent surgery)

I know that what we have going wont last forever but when we are together alone it feels so good it feels like something i should cherish while I can instead of throwing what i have left away over my lack of self control to stop thinking about her.

I came to terms a while back that i will probably never be able to know what the right path to take in a situation like this until after the fact. The only choice i have is to follow my instincts down one path and hope its the right one.


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Anonymous #3

Re: I cannot get this female out of my mind *DELETED* [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19092320 - 11/05/13 08:21 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Post deleted by Anonymous

Reason for deletion: "C'est la vie"



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InvisibleEndure
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Re: I cannot get this female out of my mind [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #19092342 - 11/05/13 08:25 PM (10 years, 2 months ago)

honestly dude, its like what i said a erotic story, but for you its goingto end sad... you just said husband... lol

you could tell her your gaining feelings for her, id try to find the right time though you know.. don be impulsive with when if you decide too


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Im only aloud to post once an hour. Because 'Sell Your Soul' doesn't like me. so if I am responding to you, that means you are above of the utmost importance


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OfflineSpacerific
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Re: I cannot get this female out of my mind [Re: Endure]
    #19093682 - 11/06/13 01:43 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:

No because I would not have done anything with her unless he was okay with it. Atleast I like to believe that. He suggested they would be in an open relationship so i made sure he was ok with it first.




Man you're such a pussy :facepalm:

Just wear your pretty pink dress, maybe that will impress her. Hell, maybe you can let the guy fuck you a few times and you can live happily ever after, but just make absolutely sure he's ok with it first mkay? :lol:

Seriously dude, you need to get some game happening in your head, fuck 2-3 other girls to get your mind right, then approach this situation like a responsible adult. Fuck her or don't fuck her, that's less important, but for fuck's sake man, get a grip. And IMO you will NOT be able to get a grip as long as it's you alone jacking off about this one woman. Find at least 4 other :boobs: :boobs: to play with, then play with 'em, then rethink this whole situation from that perspective.

Quote:


I know that what we have going wont last forever but when we are together alone it feels so good it feels like something i should cherish while I can instead of throwing what i have left away over my lack of self control to stop thinking about her.




Wear your pink dress and ask your dollies.

Quote:


I came to terms a while back that i will probably never be able to know what the right path to take in a situation like this until after the fact. The only choice i have is to follow my instincts down one path and hope its the right one.




It's not the right one. Instinct is great, when you're an OK guy, somewhat in control and have a clue what you're doing. Then you can just go with instinct and it'll work out well.

When you're a needy man obsessing about this one girl you can't get, instinct is THE worst thing to be following. The fact that your only choice is to follow it and magically hope it will work out, tells me you're likely to do some seriously stupid shit, or are headed for months of sad loneliness that could well be avoided with some new pussy in the picture.

We've all been there, I've been needy and obsessed plenty of times as well, I'm just telling you how your current plan is likely to work out, because you need to hear this shit. Find some new pussy. It doesn't have to be of the same quality, it doesn't even have to be that interesting. It's a physical thing. If you want your body to give you a break and some space to think in, you need to engage with some new women. Even if you fail completely, at least you'll stop overthinking this one situation, you'll have 2-3 others to Alt-Tab between.

Basic fucking theory, 100% standard, I don't know why it's not obvious.


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16


Edited by Spacerific (11/06/13 01:48 AM)


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Anonymous #1

Re: I cannot get this female out of my mind [Re: Spacerific]
    #19093786 - 11/06/13 02:22 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Your such a bad ass ill just make you my idol and start nailing 4 bitches a day and im sure ill be good in no time.

But really I dont give a shit if you think im a pussy, I live by my own code and i do not have interest in hooking up with random people unless there is both a mental and physical attraction there. I didnt hook up with her until i knew he was ok with it because i am his friend and not a piece of shit. The last thing i would ever want to do is get between them or try to be with her at his expense in any way. If he told me no I would stop just like i stopped taking her out.

I am sticking with it because i feel it would be weak of me to allow my loneliness to get in the way of some casual sex that causes no harm to anybody.

Im not sure why I even made this thread. I think it helped me in some ways to understand that I was overreacting but I probably wont get anything usefull out of it anymore.


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OfflineSpacerific
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Re: I cannot get this female out of my mind [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19093811 - 11/06/13 02:32 AM (10 years, 2 months ago)

Quote:


I am sticking with it because i feel it would be weak of me to allow my loneliness to get in the way of some casual sex that causes no harm to anybody.




Quote:

So I cannot stop thinking about this married woman.



Obviously it causes harm to you. Nervousness. Tension. Obsessive thoughts. Clinging.

IMO the whole problem of you getting attached to your FWB, is precisely because you're just fucking her alone, and no other women on the side. If she were available (not married) you'd be in a great position to date her and have a relationship. SHe's not. SHe's unavailable.

In order to not get overly attached and obsessed, you need to diversify.

I've tried being FWB with just one girl, either I got hurt or she got hurt or we started dating and had a nice relationship. Since this last option is not available to you, IMO you need to diversify. Only lasting stable chill FWB relationships are when you're not exclusive. So IMO whether you keep on fucking her or not, you still need a new girl in your life to focus on.


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16


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