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Konyap

Registered: 06/30/07
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Loc: Planet Piss
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Re: Handling family... while psychonautinga [Re: beforeIgetold]
#19070342 - 11/01/13 03:07 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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My first girl was like that
Easily overlooked, but in time unmistakable.
Edited by Konyap (11/01/13 03:08 PM)
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beforeIgetold
Stranger

Registered: 10/10/13
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Re: Handling family... while psychonautinga [Re: Konyap]
#19070386 - 11/01/13 03:16 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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One thing that gets me... I feel more honest about my own feelings now than before.
But of course this now feels like I'm hitting a brick wall instead of cowering up under the falling bricks. It's not that I get mad, I just find it frustrating to be honest but at the same time feel a little bit guilty about being honest...
Anyways, just needed to share this to work through it.
I'm sorry to bore you with this trivial stuff.
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FunkyBuddha
Mycophile


Registered: 08/17/13
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Re: Handling family... while psychonautinga [Re: beforeIgetold]
#19072926 - 11/01/13 11:48 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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From what you've written, I don't think there is any way you could have handled it better, standing up for your own opinion and right to enjoy a hobbie while making as many opportunities as possible for her to become a more positive member of the relationship.
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Big_Dave


Registered: 07/07/13
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Loc: DC burbs
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Re: Handling family... while psychonautinga [Re: FunkyBuddha]
#19074317 - 11/02/13 09:51 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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OP this really sucks. I think you're in a pretty bad spot. Your girl sounds controlling and manipulative. It also sounds like she is depressed and angry, which seems to come with the controlling type. I also had a kid with this kind of woman, and although we are no longer together, I learned what doesn't work and how to not handle the situation. What I mean is that I made a lot of mistakes based on logical reasoning that simply doesn't work out when you're dealing with an very emotional woman and I think you are making some of the same mistakes.
First, you can't be a pushover when it comes to her ultimatums. It makes you look weak and unattractive to her. I understand you want to keep your family together, so it makes logical sense to want to please her in order to lift her out of depression but ironicly, it doesn't work. She will see you as a pushover and start cheating, if she's not doing so already.
Second, from now on, you can NOT let her know about any drug use. Period. Honestly, from your description, I don't see the relationship working out. It seems it's impossible to make a controlling woman happy and trying to do so is a very stressful endeavor. So, if things come crashing down and you find yourselves in a custody battle, you will be stressed out and exhausted and the last thing you need is for her to tell the judge you are into drugs and grow psychedelics in the basement.
With all that said, you are in a very complex situation. In my case it sounds like my ex could have been sisters with your girl. I basically did what you are doing, trying to approach the situation from a logical viewpoint until she started cheating on me and left. It was pretty rough and I really did love her, but looking back on it I'm glad that she is someone else's problem now.
But, having said that, I do feel like I've put my son at a pretty big disadvantage by not being able to provide him with a strong, loving family even though she was the one who ended up tearing it apart.
So I guess to sum it up. I wouldn't plan on breaking off the relationship but I think you need to make a plan so that if it happens, there will be minimal damage to your and your child's life. You need to be the one that looks like you're trying to keep everything together and known drug use will not help your case if shit hits the fan. And I would also look for evidence that she's cheating on you.
And I don't want to sound all doom and gloom here. You should absolutely be doing everything you can to make it work out. Since there is a child involved, she needs to be the one to break it off if it's going to happen.
After re-reading the thread, you work fulltime, clean the house, and watch the kids. What else does she guilt you into doing? Does she work fulltime too or is she just that lazy? And don't take that as a put down, this situation is a lot more common than you might think. You are not alone.
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Mr.PhilCybin
Master Baiter


Registered: 06/13/11
Posts: 11,642
Loc: Gnarnia
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Re: Handling family... while psychonautinga [Re: Big_Dave]
#19074393 - 11/02/13 10:11 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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OP, keep doing what you're doing man. You couldn't have handled it better. Be honest, calm and understanding. That's all you can do on your end. She sounds like she's just scared and uncomfortable with them herself, and it makes her feel better if you're ther with her. If she can't respect the things that make you happy, then something's gotta give. Hopefully she just needs time to work it out and come down to earth.
Just set a good example, be ther for her, and keep focused. It seems to me like she's trying to make something bad come from it or get you mad as an example of how horrible drugs are.
-------------------- I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart. I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful. I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.
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beforeIgetold
Stranger

Registered: 10/10/13
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Re: Handling family... while psychonautinga [Re: Mr.PhilCybin]
#19078807 - 11/03/13 04:31 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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She cooled down again the day after... not that she accepts it now, but I think there was something to that thing about standing up for ones own beliefs rather than caving in.
Anyways, as long as she can keep her dissatisfaction to calling me "Sponge Bob" (in Danish we use the same word for "sponge" and "mushroom" ) I'll be ok.
So the deal now, is that she knows I'll be doing it again, just not when and how complex a trip. I mentioned to her that a lot of trippers actually end up doing shrooms one or twice a year because it "helps" or balances things out. She didn't like the sound of that, but as she said... there had better be something really good on the other side otherwise she wont stand for it, and since that is what I'm expecting there to be, I feel pretty relaxed and confident now. At least that was a moderate approach from her.
They ( her and the kids ) are going on a small vacation with her mother and brother in febuary, so I consider that a perfect time to do a hard one. No interference and time to rebuild myself in the days after... I'll take time off myself as well, so I can just go for long walks and so on. That will hopefully land them a nice experience as well when they get back home.
Edited by beforeIgetold (11/03/13 04:32 AM)
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Spacerific
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Registered: 10/13/12
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Re: Handling family... while psychonautinga [Re: beforeIgetold]
#19078827 - 11/03/13 04:50 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
beforeIgetold said: That will hopefully land them a nice experience as well when they get back home.
-------------------- Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.
For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it. - Matthew 13:16
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beforeIgetold
Stranger

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Re: Handling family... while psychonautinga [Re: Spacerific]
#19079436 - 11/03/13 09:23 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Hahaha.... Omg... She would turn on her heels and never come back. And Id be standing there shrugging "It was the bearded guy that did right.. he was the one who took it over the top?"
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usulpsychonaut


Registered: 05/12/08
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Re: Handling family... while psychonautinga [Re: beforeIgetold] 1
#19081164 - 11/03/13 04:10 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
I'm already the one who does the dishes, washes the clothes
This is where you are going wrong, being good around the house can only turn her off. Focus on doing masculine stuff and she'll respect anything you do.
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Mr.PhilCybin
Master Baiter


Registered: 06/13/11
Posts: 11,642
Loc: Gnarnia
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Re: Handling family... while psychonautinga [Re: usulpsychonaut]
#19084612 - 11/04/13 09:12 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
usulpsychonaut said:
Quote:
I'm already the one who does the dishes, washes the clothes
This is where you are going wrong, being good around the house can only turn her off. Focus on doing masculine stuff and she'll respect anything you do.
It's not so black and white dude.
-------------------- I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart. I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful. I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.
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CokeNasmilee
BONKERZZZZZ



Registered: 08/20/11
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Re: Handling family... while psychonautinga [Re: Mr.PhilCybin]
#19084760 - 11/04/13 10:02 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Damn...a lot of really tough situations here.
Something that helped me work my fiancee into accepting my love for the fungi was heavy documenting.
At first I would write all of my observations down after tripping. Paying attention to subtleties, logging passive aggressive tendencies of both myself and my love. Eventually I had enough stuff to present as "data" I guess you could say, to my fiancee.
I did tons of research and printed out everything I could supporting my reasoning for wanting to experiment with shrooms.
It took some time but eventually after I "gave up" she brought up the topic. I explained that mushrooms truly have helped me view my problems with a 3rd person perspective absent of my typic social filters and bias. The first time she tripped I acted as a trip sitter and she relaxed with our cats and one dog. Was one of the most memorable moments of her life.
We've tripped together a hand full of times and every time it has given us exactly what we NEEDED....not always what we wanted
Most people that have bad experiences with this stuff tend to lie about a lot of things, especially to themselves. That's the beautiful thing about truth though, truth is true absent of your acceptance or not.
Good luck to all of you going through these relationship issues. They're defiantly tough obstacles but totally deserve the time and energy you are investing into them.
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beforeIgetold
Stranger

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Re: Handling family... while psychonautinga [Re: CokeNasmilee]
#19088678 - 11/05/13 04:55 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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So here's a nice turn of events...
She called me into the bedroom a couple of nights ago. I was lying on the couch chilling to some Alan Watts and so on.
Basically she said that she understood that I wanted to do this, and she wouldn't hold me back as long as it was only a couple of times a year. But at the same time she said that this was not the same thing as her condoning it.
So standing my ground paid off... her ultimatum was downgraded to a small bluff and I promised her that I wouldn't do anything that would hurt her or the kids.
Relationsships are "funny" that way... I guess I'll never understand women. It's back and forth. But I'm happy for this turn of events since it lands me a loving family as well as being able to expand my voyages into this psychedelic realm.
Really really looking forward to going through my ego-dissolution project!
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Spacerific
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Registered: 10/13/12
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Re: Handling family... while psychonautinga [Re: beforeIgetold]
#19088713 - 11/05/13 05:30 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Awesome. IMO it's only a matter of time until she caves and partakes herself. You don't even need to say or push anything on her, she'll feel the positive vibe change, and frankly the kinds of stuff you come with from the psychedelic realm are hard / impossible to get elsewhere. Maybe long guru retreat on the mountain or something, but other than that there's no other source of chill vibes like some nice tripping.
I for one can't fathom how people hear Beatles songs and see Alex Grey and Robert Venosa and Randal Roberts art and then can just go back without being even a bit curious as to what incredible life event sparked such amazing creations. Anyway happy tripping, enjoy the harmony at home
-------------------- Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.
For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it. - Matthew 13:16
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CokeNasmilee
BONKERZZZZZ



Registered: 08/20/11
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Re: Handling family... while psychonautinga [Re: Spacerific]
#19094111 - 11/06/13 05:32 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Congrats dude....the seed has been planted
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