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Invisiblebadchad
Mad Scientist

Registered: 03/02/05
Posts: 13,373
Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: B_BOY]
    #19069318 - 11/01/13 11:03 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I tend to notice pretty drastic differences in attitudes about kids that depend a bit on location.  I grew up in a small town and most of my old friends from there did the kids thing long ago.

Now that I live near a large, progressive, urban city I find a LOT more people are consciously not having kids, and are instead focusing on careers etc.

It really kinda bugs me out when I see my old friends and their kids graduating high school.  I couldn't imagine how dramatically different my life would be with a teenager.


--------------------
...the whole experience is (and is as) a profound piece of knowledge.  It is an indellible experience; it is forever known.  I have known myself in a way I doubt I would have ever occurred except as it did.

Smith, P.  Bull. Menninger Clinic (1959) 23:20-27; p. 27.

...most subjects find the experience valuable, some find it frightening, and many say that is it uniquely lovely.

Osmond, H.  Annals, NY Acad Science (1957) 66:418-434; p.436


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Invisibledaiy

Registered: 01/09/08
Posts: 2,989
Loc: Flag
Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Moonshoe]
    #19069453 - 11/01/13 11:35 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I don't plan on ever having kids for a few reasons--the financial issue and loss of total freedom being big ones. People always used to tell me I'll change my mind when I get older. I'm 26 now, and can see the upsides to having a family, but that just isn't my path.

I'm happy that my close cousin recently got married and had a son, so the genes and family name will be passed down.


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Invisiblespock
journeyman
Registered: 08/26/03
Posts: 1,165
Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Moonshoe] * 2
    #19069471 - 11/01/13 11:39 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Never for a second have I ever regretted being a parent. At the same time I would never recommend it to anyone who likes money.

Peace
Spock


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OfflineTripsurfer
Bring Back Asante!
Male


Registered: 08/01/12
Posts: 7,129
Loc: West of Windward Flag
Last seen: 4 months, 21 days
Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: spock]
    #19069781 - 11/01/13 12:46 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I have a 9 month old daughter.

It was not really planned. Even though we talked about having a kid someday my GF messed up the dates with the anti-conceptive and hence got pregnant.

After a week in which I was literally sick with misery, and a not so happy holiday we decided to keep it. After all we had been talking about it and my GF is a bit older than me so that influenced the decision too. It was a real hassle as I had booked a trip to New Zealand and Australia, and we lived in a very small apartment in a horrible neighborhood. When talking about having a kid I was always thinking it would be years away. So thats the story of how it came to be.

On to the experience itself.

It fucking sucks! Your life is basically over. After the shock from the whole birth thing was over I literally hated every minute of it. No free time, no time for myself, my GF changed into another person.
I think what got to me the most was the fact that she was struggling too. She was the one wanted a kid, she made the mistake, aren't women supposed to love this kind of stuff?

The thing is now that my daughter is getting older and she is doing all these cool stuff I love her more and more. Saying I dont want a kid is basically saying I dont want her and that is something I just cannot do anymore. I love her too much for that.


Would I do it again now I know the deal? Part of me says hell no! But in the end I still would have liked to have a kid. I could live life pure for the enjoyment of myself but I belief I would end up missing something.

For now its heavy, you cant imagine the impact it will have on your life. But its getting better and I am looking forward to doing all kinds of things with her; show her the world, teach her how to surf, stuff like that.

I know now that I wasn't ready for it (I am almost 32) but I am not sure if you will ever be ready for something like this. We will definitely stick to one kid though, thats for damn sure!


--------------------
Ach en wee ben ik de klos, met mijn boog schoot ik een albatros...

A philosopher is a person who knows less and less about more and more, until he knows nothing about everything.



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Invisiblepwnasaurus
Stranger
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 12,317
Loc: Canada Flag
Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Tripsurfer]
    #19069805 - 11/01/13 12:55 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

It sounds like you basically regret it but won't come out and say it :lol:


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InvisibleLegend
RIP Sasha
Male


Registered: 03/29/10
Posts: 28,336
Loc: TX Flag
Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: mpd]
    #19069838 - 11/01/13 01:04 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

mpd said:
Mrs. MPD and I raised 6 kids and have 11 grandkids.  It was REALLY hard sometimes and sometimes we were so broke we qualified for every kind of aid there was to give, but we made it.  I love my kids more than anything and would gladly do it all again.  I wouldn't mind having some more, but Mrs. MPD is far too sick for that, so we have what we have and we are very satisfied.




Your posts about the life of mr. and mrs. MPD always give me so many feels.


:hug:


--------------------
No sympathy for the devil, keep that in mind.
[url=
]Buy the ticket, take the ride. [/url]
Are you lost?


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InvisibleAlexestalex
fallen angel
I'm a teapot User Gallery
Registered: 03/20/12
Posts: 5,644
Loc: heart of the sun
Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: badchad]
    #19069874 - 11/01/13 01:15 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Personally, I've always been an anti-natalist so having children, in my opinion, is an immoral act. So since I don't want to appear immoral and evil in my own eyes, I'll never have children. I just think it's wrong to force existence on a sentient being and make it prone to suffering.

This is merely my opinion and I don't have the power to stop anyone from having children.


--------------------

Stay far from timid, only make moves when your heart's in it.


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InvisibleMoonshoe
Blue Mantis
 User Gallery

Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Tripsurfer]
    #19069875 - 11/01/13 01:16 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Tripsurfer said:
I have a 9 month old daughter.

It was not really planned. Even though we talked about having a kid someday my GF messed up the dates with the anti-conceptive and hence got pregnant.

After a week in which I was literally sick with misery, and a not so happy holiday we decided to keep it. After all we had been talking about it and my GF is a bit older than me so that influenced the decision too. It was a real hassle as I had booked a trip to New Zealand and Australia, and we lived in a very small apartment in a horrible neighborhood. When talking about having a kid I was always thinking it would be years away. So thats the story of how it came to be.

On to the experience itself.

It fucking sucks! Your life is basically over. After the shock from the whole birth thing was over I literally hated every minute of it. No free time, no time for myself, my GF changed into another person.
I think what got to me the most was the fact that she was struggling too. She was the one wanted a kid, she made the mistake, aren't women supposed to love this kind of stuff?

The thing is now that my daughter is getting older and she is doing all these cool stuff I love her more and more. Saying I dont want a kid is basically saying I dont want her and that is something I just cannot do anymore. I love her too much for that.


Would I do it again now I know the deal? Part of me says hell no! But in the end I still would have liked to have a kid. I could live life pure for the enjoyment of myself but I belief I would end up missing something.

For now its heavy, you cant imagine the impact it will have on your life. But its getting better and I am looking forward to doing all kinds of things with her; show her the world, teach her how to surf, stuff like that.

I know now that I wasn't ready for it (I am almost 32) but I am not sure if you will ever be ready for something like this. We will definitely stick to one kid though, thats for damn sure!




Thanks for your honesty! This is a good post.


--------------------


Everything I post is fiction.


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Invisiblevolcomstoner
I'll have just one more xanax
Male User Gallery


Registered: 07/20/09
Posts: 11,231
Loc: Minnesnowta
Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Moonshoe]
    #19069877 - 11/01/13 01:16 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Moonshoe said:
Quote:

badchad said:
I've said it before that I don't think I've ever met a parent that regrets having a kid.  It's not socially acceptable to do so.

There's got to be plenty of parents that made a mistake and hate their lives forever because of their kids.  I know it.




I actually met one woman (she cut my hair) who freely admitted that she deeply regretted having children and was basically miserable because she had traded in her chance to get an education and travel and was now so financially hard pressed to do more than survive.

I think a LOT of people feel that way, but of course no one can say it.



Wow that takes some balls to admit.

I don't ever want to have kids, I love them and all but I don't think it's a responsibility I could ever take on. I have a 2 year old niece and I love her more than anything. Nieces and nephews are all the kids I need in my life, and I'll always be there for them like a parent.


--------------------

HAIL SATAN

Vas donc jouer dans le traffic


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OfflineRockhound
The Rockweiler
Male User Gallery


Registered: 01/19/13
Posts: 664
Loc: hell creek anticline
Last seen: 8 years, 8 months
Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: B_BOY]
    #19069891 - 11/01/13 01:18 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I have 4, 3 grown self-sufficient sons and a 11 year old daughter. I would not trade them for anything.
When my daughter was born, I thought raising her would be no different than the boys, with barbies instead of toy trucks. Boy, was I wrong.


--------------------
Rocks speak to me, and tell me this:
The Hell Creek formation is a gigantic slab of rocks that covers several western states. It contains an account of the dinosaurs' demise.  In the late Cretaceous period, the first Cannabis species appear, and soon after, all the non-bird dinosaurs disappeared. Obviously, marihuana killed the dinosaurs. That giant meteor that smacked the yucatan peninsula right afterwards, coincidence.


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Offlinempd
Lammen Gorthaur
Male User Gallery


Registered: 10/22/12
Posts: 9,660
Loc: Mostly at home... Mostly....
Last seen: 8 years, 8 months
Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: B_BOY]
    #19069901 - 11/01/13 01:21 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

B_BOY said:
best wishes to mrs mpd




Thank you.  :thanx:


--------------------
There is no truer calling for mankind than that of true conservatism.


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Offlinempd
Lammen Gorthaur
Male User Gallery


Registered: 10/22/12
Posts: 9,660
Loc: Mostly at home... Mostly....
Last seen: 8 years, 8 months
Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Legend]
    #19069905 - 11/01/13 01:22 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Legend said:
Quote:

mpd said:
Mrs. MPD and I raised 6 kids and have 11 grandkids.  It was REALLY hard sometimes and sometimes we were so broke we qualified for every kind of aid there was to give, but we made it.  I love my kids more than anything and would gladly do it all again.  I wouldn't mind having some more, but Mrs. MPD is far too sick for that, so we have what we have and we are very satisfied.




Your posts about the life of mr. and mrs. MPD always give me so many feels.


:hug:




Thank you.  What a nice thing to say!


--------------------
There is no truer calling for mankind than that of true conservatism.


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OfflineShroomey Toons
Shh I farted
Male


Registered: 01/30/12
Posts: 616
Loc: Planet Earf
Last seen: 9 years, 2 months
Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Legend]
    #19069913 - 11/01/13 01:25 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I have kids.

When I found out my girlfriend was pregnant I was extremely nervous, not about the money, we both have good jobs but because I was selfish and was only thinking of how having them would affect me negatively. Seeing my girlfriend give birth brought tears to my eyes it was seriously uncontrollable. Seeing something that is half you is pretty fucking amazing. Just writing this makes me want to get off work to spend time with them. Identical twin girls...

Also I'm glad someone made me. To experience love and pain is the greatest gift of all. Thanks dad! Thanks mom!


--------------------


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Invisiblevolcomstoner
I'll have just one more xanax
Male User Gallery


Registered: 07/20/09
Posts: 11,231
Loc: Minnesnowta
Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Shroomey Toons]
    #19069917 - 11/01/13 01:26 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Shroomey Toons said:
I have kids.

When I found out my girlfriend was pregnant I was extremely nervous, not about the money, we both have good jobs but because I was selfish and was only thinking of how having them would affect me negatively. Seeing my girlfriend give birth brought tears to my eyes it was seriously uncontrollable. Seeing something that is half you is pretty fucking amazing. Just writing this makes me want to get off work to spend time with them. Identical twin girls...

Also I'm glad someone made me. To experience love and pain is the greatest gift of all. Thanks dad! Thanks mom!



:awebig:


--------------------

HAIL SATAN

Vas donc jouer dans le traffic


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OfflinePatlal
You ask too many questions
Male User Gallery


Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,812
Loc: Ottawa Flag
Last seen: 1 hour, 20 minutes
Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: mpd] * 1
    #19069923 - 11/01/13 01:27 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I have no kids, odds are I'll never have any either.


--------------------


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Invisiblevolcomstoner
I'll have just one more xanax
Male User Gallery


Registered: 07/20/09
Posts: 11,231
Loc: Minnesnowta
Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Patlal]
    #19069925 - 11/01/13 01:27 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I really want to get a vasectomy


--------------------

HAIL SATAN

Vas donc jouer dans le traffic


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Invisiblepwnasaurus
Stranger
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 12,317
Loc: Canada Flag
Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: volcomstoner]
    #19070082 - 11/01/13 02:08 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

It's interesting how few people on the Shroomery want kids.  When you talk to most people they say things like "when you have kids you'll understand" not "if" as if not having kids is unimaginable.


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Invisiblevolcomstoner
I'll have just one more xanax
Male User Gallery


Registered: 07/20/09
Posts: 11,231
Loc: Minnesnowta
Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: pwnasaurus]
    #19070092 - 11/01/13 02:10 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Yeah it really surprises me how most of society thinks you have to have kids to live a happy, successful life. Kids aren't for everyone.


--------------------

HAIL SATAN

Vas donc jouer dans le traffic


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OfflineTripsurfer
Bring Back Asante!
Male


Registered: 08/01/12
Posts: 7,129
Loc: West of Windward Flag
Last seen: 4 months, 21 days
Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: pwnasaurus]
    #19070170 - 11/01/13 02:22 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

pwnasaurus said:
It sounds like you basically regret it but won't come out and say it :lol:




It is rather more complex than that.

The first week you are basically in shock from witnessing the birth and suddenly being a parent. Everything is so new you dont know what to think.

After that it becomes a grind of sleepless nights, feeding, changing diapers. That our girl suffered from pretty bad eczema did not help either (it is getting loads better now). You always hear of this pink cloud (maybe that a Dutch only expression) people live in after becoming parents. For us it was more of a grey thundercloud. No sleep fucks you up real good eventually. Some people are instantly in love with their baby, we weren't. My girl connected faster but it took me at least 5 months before I really started to bond with this creature that had so dramatically entered my life.

Now when I enter a room she is in, her whole face lights up and she stretches out her arms for me to pick her up. Nothing comes close to holding this little creature in my arms while her little hands are grasping my hoodies drawstrings.

So you could definitely say I regretted it during the first six months, but things are looking up already. We went to Portugal as a little family for 6 weeks in our camper, and we have just returned from two weeks in a French cottage. just this week I renewed my membership at the yoga studio and overall I have missed maybe 10 surf sessions. I am busy getting my motorcycle license. For us money is not really an issue with the baby cause of doting grandparents. My times of being wasted each weekend are long gone. Most of my friends are settling down/moving in different directions too. Not saying we dont party hard, but less often.

Now I know I would miss her a lot if she was gone. The thought of something happening or she being in pain/unhappy is almost unbearable to me. I still have this mental resistance to the drag she puts on my personal life most of the time but saying I regret her existence is something I cannot do.


--------------------
Ach en wee ben ik de klos, met mijn boog schoot ik een albatros...

A philosopher is a person who knows less and less about more and more, until he knows nothing about everything.



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Invisiblepwnasaurus
Stranger
I'm a teapot User Gallery


Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 12,317
Loc: Canada Flag
Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Tripsurfer]
    #19070335 - 11/01/13 03:06 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Cool, thanks for the insightful post :thumbup:


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