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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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Do you have kids?!
#19068834 - 11/01/13 08:39 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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And if so, do you regret it?
Be honest.
Those of you who are parents, tell us a bit about the pros and cons.
If you could do it all over, would you do it the same? Have less kids?
More?
Have them when you were older, or younger?
What are the joys and tribulations of parenthood, and would you advise those who don't have kids would you recommend it?
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Everything I post is fiction.
Edited by Moonshoe (11/01/13 08:39 AM)
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badchad
Mad Scientist

Registered: 03/02/05
Posts: 13,372
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Moonshoe] 2
#19068902 - 11/01/13 09:06 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I've said it before that I don't think I've ever met a parent that regrets having a kid. It's not socially acceptable to do so.
There's got to be plenty of parents that made a mistake and hate their lives forever because of their kids. I know it.
-------------------- ...the whole experience is (and is as) a profound piece of knowledge. It is an indellible experience; it is forever known. I have known myself in a way I doubt I would have ever occurred except as it did. Smith, P. Bull. Menninger Clinic (1959) 23:20-27; p. 27. ...most subjects find the experience valuable, some find it frightening, and many say that is it uniquely lovely. Osmond, H. Annals, NY Acad Science (1957) 66:418-434; p.436
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PLOWTO



Registered: 03/27/11
Posts: 740
Loc: Dodongo's Cavern
Last seen: 9 years, 10 months
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: badchad]
#19068924 - 11/01/13 09:14 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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i don't have kids sorry
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B_BOY
Phuck Ewe



Registered: 07/17/11
Posts: 2,819
Loc: O
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: PLOWTO]
#19068933 - 11/01/13 09:16 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Gilgamesh18
Herbivore Man

Registered: 03/01/12
Posts: 11,671
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: PLOWTO] 1
#19068934 - 11/01/13 09:17 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I will not have kids simply due to the enormous costs associated with raising them.
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: badchad] 1
#19068947 - 11/01/13 09:22 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
badchad said: I've said it before that I don't think I've ever met a parent that regrets having a kid. It's not socially acceptable to do so.
There's got to be plenty of parents that made a mistake and hate their lives forever because of their kids. I know it.
I actually met one woman (she cut my hair) who freely admitted that she deeply regretted having children and was basically miserable because she had traded in her chance to get an education and travel and was now so financially hard pressed to do more than survive.
I think a LOT of people feel that way, but of course no one can say it.
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Everything I post is fiction.
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Nelfington
4-ACO-LOL


Registered: 08/13/12
Posts: 157
Last seen: 9 years, 27 days
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Moonshoe]
#19068963 - 11/01/13 09:25 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I don't ever plan on having kids since I have schizoaffective disorder and I'd hate to pass on any of my problems to future generations.
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pwnasaurus
Stranger



Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 12,317
Loc: Canada
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I'm only 24 but at this point in my life I can't really see myself having kids. There's many things I want to do with my life that I would not be able to do with kids. I don't really see the benefit.
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Gilgamesh18
Herbivore Man

Registered: 03/01/12
Posts: 11,671
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: pwnasaurus] 1
#19069029 - 11/01/13 09:50 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
pwnasaurus said: I'm only 24 but at this point in my life I can't really see myself having kids. There's many things I want to do with my life that I would not be able to do with kids. I don't really see the benefit.
Well if you like throwing money away then kids are great. 500,000 dollars from 0 to 18 is the average cost and thats just one kid.
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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Quote:
Gilgamesh18 said:
Quote:
pwnasaurus said: I'm only 24 but at this point in my life I can't really see myself having kids. There's many things I want to do with my life that I would not be able to do with kids. I don't really see the benefit.
Well if you like throwing money away then kids are great. 500,000 dollars from 0 to 18 is the average cost and thats just one kid. 
My parents had four children. I like to think that by not having any I am saving a million dollars or more instantly.
I plan to use that time and money to get my black belt, get a PhD, travel the world and by a cottage in the woods by a lake.
Hopefully.
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Everything I post is fiction.
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JohnnieYen
Okay



Registered: 03/15/11
Posts: 3,529
Loc: City Z
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Moonshoe] 2
#19069086 - 11/01/13 10:12 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I have 2 kids myself and have never regretted having kids once. Yes kids can be expensive but worth it.
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Gilgamesh18
Herbivore Man

Registered: 03/01/12
Posts: 11,671
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Moonshoe]
#19069089 - 11/01/13 10:13 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Very nice I to will use the money I earn to improve myself instead of wasting it on a child.
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Alexestalex
fallen angel

Registered: 03/20/12
Posts: 5,644
Loc: heart of the sun
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Moonshoe]
#19069090 - 11/01/13 10:13 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I don't think I'll ever have kids. One things that drugs have taught me, especially opiates, is that one shouldn't cling to anything. Having children and getting married is like people's solution to permanently delay the inevitable comedown after popping a molly or snorting some harry. And it's a very futile solution.
I look at my aunt, my parents, my neighbor, my high school teacher, and so forth (basically people who've committed themselves to each other for a long ass time and had children) and all I see are tired, miserable faces completely lacking passion.
When you do heroin or MDMA, during the peak you are often certain that you will be able to integrate the high into your sober life. You feel like that you have found "something" that you can use to put so much joy into your every day life. Love works the same way. While you're in love, you're pretty much on a drug. But the brain can't handle all that oxytocin and serotonin and dopamine and eventually you build up tolerance. It's kind of sad. Then you look at your bloated girlfriend, her laugh is now annoying as hell, her quirky personality is no longer cute but embarrassing, and you're basically fucked if you married her or had a kid.
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Stay far from timid, only make moves when your heart's in it.
Edited by Alexestalex (11/01/13 10:15 AM)
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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Quote:
Alexestalex said: I don't think I'll ever have kids. One things that drugs have taught me, especially opiates, is that one shouldn't cling to anything. Having children and getting married is like people's solution to permanently delay the inevitable comedown after popping a molly or snorting some harry. And it's a very futile solution.
I look at my aunt, my parents, my neighbor, my high school teacher, and so forth (basically people who've committed themselves to each other for a long ass time and had children) and all I see are tired, miserable faces completely lacking passion.
When you do heroin or MDMA, during the peak you are often certain that you will be able to integrate the high into your sober life. You feel like that you have found "something" that you can use to put so much joy into your every day life. Love works the same way. While you're in love, you're pretty much on a drug. But the brain can't handle all that oxytocin and serotonin and dopamine and eventually you build up tolerance. It's kind of sad.
I think that being in love and having a romantic partner is definitely worth while. Unlike children, which are basically an expense, a burden and a liability, the right romantic partner can be a powerful ally. My wife makes me life so much easier in every way. She works, earns money, is succesful in academics and career, helps with planning, budgets, household administration, travel itineraries, pet care, housework, shopping etc etc (not to mention being my best friend, lover, masseuse etc).
I think raising children puts a massive drain on ones finances, time, energy and resources, but having the right love partner can do the opposite.
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Everything I post is fiction.
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JohnnieYen
Okay



Registered: 03/15/11
Posts: 3,529
Loc: City Z
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Moonshoe] 3
#19069163 - 11/01/13 10:29 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Yeah, cuz your money and drugs love you back.
im in my 30's and the happiest people I see are the ones with families.

moments like these make life worth living.
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Gilgamesh18
Herbivore Man

Registered: 03/01/12
Posts: 11,671
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: JohnnieYen] 3
#19069186 - 11/01/13 10:35 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
JohnnieYen said: Yeah, cuz your money and drugs love you back.
im in my 30's and the happiest people I see are the ones with families.

moments like these make life worth living.
Na id rather take my drugs and cash
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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I see the appeal of being loved by children but the amount of work I would have to do to support them (and therefore the amount of free time I can have if I don't have kids) outweighs it. If I dont have to work so much and so hard to raise kids I can do things like exercise, meditate, travel and relax, and not feel so much stress and pressure to provide. We can retire much younger, work less, travel more and pursue things like advanced education and hobbies more easily. Its also easier on the environment if we dont reproduce as much (too many humans already by far).
But of course if you want children in life, nothing wrong with that, you have to follow your heart.
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Everything I post is fiction.
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JohnnieYen
Okay



Registered: 03/15/11
Posts: 3,529
Loc: City Z
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Moonshoe] 4
#19069225 - 11/01/13 10:44 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Hey, i'm not telling everyone to have kids. But there just seemed to be a lot of negative stigmas in this thread.
I'm just trying to show a brighter side. That not all parents are unhappy slaves just to give their kids a roof, food and education.
To me, kids are wonderful and I wouldn't regret it for a second.
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mpd
Lammen Gorthaur



Registered: 10/22/12
Posts: 9,660
Loc: Mostly at home... Mostly....
Last seen: 8 years, 7 months
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: JohnnieYen] 3
#19069235 - 11/01/13 10:46 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Mrs. MPD and I raised 6 kids and have 11 grandkids. It was REALLY hard sometimes and sometimes we were so broke we qualified for every kind of aid there was to give, but we made it. I love my kids more than anything and would gladly do it all again. I wouldn't mind having some more, but Mrs. MPD is far too sick for that, so we have what we have and we are very satisfied.
-------------------- There is no truer calling for mankind than that of true conservatism.
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B_BOY
Phuck Ewe



Registered: 07/17/11
Posts: 2,819
Loc: O
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: mpd]
#19069240 - 11/01/13 10:47 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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best wishes to mrs mpd
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badchad
Mad Scientist

Registered: 03/02/05
Posts: 13,372
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: B_BOY]
#19069318 - 11/01/13 11:03 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I tend to notice pretty drastic differences in attitudes about kids that depend a bit on location. I grew up in a small town and most of my old friends from there did the kids thing long ago.
Now that I live near a large, progressive, urban city I find a LOT more people are consciously not having kids, and are instead focusing on careers etc.
It really kinda bugs me out when I see my old friends and their kids graduating high school. I couldn't imagine how dramatically different my life would be with a teenager.
-------------------- ...the whole experience is (and is as) a profound piece of knowledge. It is an indellible experience; it is forever known. I have known myself in a way I doubt I would have ever occurred except as it did. Smith, P. Bull. Menninger Clinic (1959) 23:20-27; p. 27. ...most subjects find the experience valuable, some find it frightening, and many say that is it uniquely lovely. Osmond, H. Annals, NY Acad Science (1957) 66:418-434; p.436
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daiy

Registered: 01/09/08
Posts: 2,989
Loc:
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Moonshoe]
#19069453 - 11/01/13 11:35 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I don't plan on ever having kids for a few reasons--the financial issue and loss of total freedom being big ones. People always used to tell me I'll change my mind when I get older. I'm 26 now, and can see the upsides to having a family, but that just isn't my path.
I'm happy that my close cousin recently got married and had a son, so the genes and family name will be passed down.
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spock
journeyman
Registered: 08/26/03
Posts: 1,165
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Moonshoe] 2
#19069471 - 11/01/13 11:39 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Never for a second have I ever regretted being a parent. At the same time I would never recommend it to anyone who likes money.
Peace Spock
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Tripsurfer
Bring Back Asante!



Registered: 08/01/12
Posts: 7,129
Loc: West of Windward
Last seen: 3 months, 28 days
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: spock]
#19069781 - 11/01/13 12:46 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I have a 9 month old daughter.
It was not really planned. Even though we talked about having a kid someday my GF messed up the dates with the anti-conceptive and hence got pregnant.
After a week in which I was literally sick with misery, and a not so happy holiday we decided to keep it. After all we had been talking about it and my GF is a bit older than me so that influenced the decision too. It was a real hassle as I had booked a trip to New Zealand and Australia, and we lived in a very small apartment in a horrible neighborhood. When talking about having a kid I was always thinking it would be years away. So thats the story of how it came to be.
On to the experience itself.
It fucking sucks! Your life is basically over. After the shock from the whole birth thing was over I literally hated every minute of it. No free time, no time for myself, my GF changed into another person. I think what got to me the most was the fact that she was struggling too. She was the one wanted a kid, she made the mistake, aren't women supposed to love this kind of stuff?
The thing is now that my daughter is getting older and she is doing all these cool stuff I love her more and more. Saying I dont want a kid is basically saying I dont want her and that is something I just cannot do anymore. I love her too much for that.
Would I do it again now I know the deal? Part of me says hell no! But in the end I still would have liked to have a kid. I could live life pure for the enjoyment of myself but I belief I would end up missing something.
For now its heavy, you cant imagine the impact it will have on your life. But its getting better and I am looking forward to doing all kinds of things with her; show her the world, teach her how to surf, stuff like that.
I know now that I wasn't ready for it (I am almost 32) but I am not sure if you will ever be ready for something like this. We will definitely stick to one kid though, thats for damn sure!
-------------------- Ach en wee ben ik de klos, met mijn boog schoot ik een albatros... A philosopher is a person who knows less and less about more and more, until he knows nothing about everything.

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pwnasaurus
Stranger



Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 12,317
Loc: Canada
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It sounds like you basically regret it but won't come out and say it
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Legend
RIP Sasha



Registered: 03/29/10
Posts: 28,336
Loc: TX
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: mpd]
#19069838 - 11/01/13 01:04 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
mpd said: Mrs. MPD and I raised 6 kids and have 11 grandkids. It was REALLY hard sometimes and sometimes we were so broke we qualified for every kind of aid there was to give, but we made it. I love my kids more than anything and would gladly do it all again. I wouldn't mind having some more, but Mrs. MPD is far too sick for that, so we have what we have and we are very satisfied.
Your posts about the life of mr. and mrs. MPD always give me so many feels.
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No sympathy for the devil, keep that in mind. [url=]Buy the ticket, take the ride. [/url]Are you lost?
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Alexestalex
fallen angel

Registered: 03/20/12
Posts: 5,644
Loc: heart of the sun
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: badchad]
#19069874 - 11/01/13 01:15 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Personally, I've always been an anti-natalist so having children, in my opinion, is an immoral act. So since I don't want to appear immoral and evil in my own eyes, I'll never have children. I just think it's wrong to force existence on a sentient being and make it prone to suffering.
This is merely my opinion and I don't have the power to stop anyone from having children.
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Stay far from timid, only make moves when your heart's in it.
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Moonshoe
Blue Mantis


Registered: 05/28/04
Posts: 27,202
Loc: Iceland
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Quote:
Tripsurfer said: I have a 9 month old daughter.
It was not really planned. Even though we talked about having a kid someday my GF messed up the dates with the anti-conceptive and hence got pregnant.
After a week in which I was literally sick with misery, and a not so happy holiday we decided to keep it. After all we had been talking about it and my GF is a bit older than me so that influenced the decision too. It was a real hassle as I had booked a trip to New Zealand and Australia, and we lived in a very small apartment in a horrible neighborhood. When talking about having a kid I was always thinking it would be years away. So thats the story of how it came to be.
On to the experience itself.
It fucking sucks! Your life is basically over. After the shock from the whole birth thing was over I literally hated every minute of it. No free time, no time for myself, my GF changed into another person. I think what got to me the most was the fact that she was struggling too. She was the one wanted a kid, she made the mistake, aren't women supposed to love this kind of stuff?
The thing is now that my daughter is getting older and she is doing all these cool stuff I love her more and more. Saying I dont want a kid is basically saying I dont want her and that is something I just cannot do anymore. I love her too much for that.
Would I do it again now I know the deal? Part of me says hell no! But in the end I still would have liked to have a kid. I could live life pure for the enjoyment of myself but I belief I would end up missing something.
For now its heavy, you cant imagine the impact it will have on your life. But its getting better and I am looking forward to doing all kinds of things with her; show her the world, teach her how to surf, stuff like that.
I know now that I wasn't ready for it (I am almost 32) but I am not sure if you will ever be ready for something like this. We will definitely stick to one kid though, thats for damn sure!
Thanks for your honesty! This is a good post.
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Everything I post is fiction.
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volcomstoner
I'll have just one more xanax



Registered: 07/20/09
Posts: 11,231
Loc: Minnesnowta
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Moonshoe]
#19069877 - 11/01/13 01:16 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Moonshoe said:
Quote:
badchad said: I've said it before that I don't think I've ever met a parent that regrets having a kid. It's not socially acceptable to do so.
There's got to be plenty of parents that made a mistake and hate their lives forever because of their kids. I know it.
I actually met one woman (she cut my hair) who freely admitted that she deeply regretted having children and was basically miserable because she had traded in her chance to get an education and travel and was now so financially hard pressed to do more than survive.
I think a LOT of people feel that way, but of course no one can say it.
Wow that takes some balls to admit.
I don't ever want to have kids, I love them and all but I don't think it's a responsibility I could ever take on. I have a 2 year old niece and I love her more than anything. Nieces and nephews are all the kids I need in my life, and I'll always be there for them like a parent.
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HAIL SATAN Vas donc jouer dans le traffic
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Rockhound
The Rockweiler



Registered: 01/19/13
Posts: 664
Loc: hell creek anticline
Last seen: 8 years, 7 months
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: B_BOY]
#19069891 - 11/01/13 01:18 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I have 4, 3 grown self-sufficient sons and a 11 year old daughter. I would not trade them for anything. When my daughter was born, I thought raising her would be no different than the boys, with barbies instead of toy trucks. Boy, was I wrong.
-------------------- Rocks speak to me, and tell me this: The Hell Creek formation is a gigantic slab of rocks that covers several western states. It contains an account of the dinosaurs' demise. In the late Cretaceous period, the first Cannabis species appear, and soon after, all the non-bird dinosaurs disappeared. Obviously, marihuana killed the dinosaurs. That giant meteor that smacked the yucatan peninsula right afterwards, coincidence.
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mpd
Lammen Gorthaur



Registered: 10/22/12
Posts: 9,660
Loc: Mostly at home... Mostly....
Last seen: 8 years, 7 months
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: B_BOY]
#19069901 - 11/01/13 01:21 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
B_BOY said: best wishes to mrs mpd
Thank you.
-------------------- There is no truer calling for mankind than that of true conservatism.
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mpd
Lammen Gorthaur



Registered: 10/22/12
Posts: 9,660
Loc: Mostly at home... Mostly....
Last seen: 8 years, 7 months
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Legend]
#19069905 - 11/01/13 01:22 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Legend said:
Quote:
mpd said: Mrs. MPD and I raised 6 kids and have 11 grandkids. It was REALLY hard sometimes and sometimes we were so broke we qualified for every kind of aid there was to give, but we made it. I love my kids more than anything and would gladly do it all again. I wouldn't mind having some more, but Mrs. MPD is far too sick for that, so we have what we have and we are very satisfied.
Your posts about the life of mr. and mrs. MPD always give me so many feels.

Thank you. What a nice thing to say!
-------------------- There is no truer calling for mankind than that of true conservatism.
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Shroomey Toons
Shh I farted



Registered: 01/30/12
Posts: 616
Loc: Planet Earf
Last seen: 9 years, 1 month
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Legend]
#19069913 - 11/01/13 01:25 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I have kids.
When I found out my girlfriend was pregnant I was extremely nervous, not about the money, we both have good jobs but because I was selfish and was only thinking of how having them would affect me negatively. Seeing my girlfriend give birth brought tears to my eyes it was seriously uncontrollable. Seeing something that is half you is pretty fucking amazing. Just writing this makes me want to get off work to spend time with them. Identical twin girls...
Also I'm glad someone made me. To experience love and pain is the greatest gift of all. Thanks dad! Thanks mom!
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volcomstoner
I'll have just one more xanax



Registered: 07/20/09
Posts: 11,231
Loc: Minnesnowta
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Quote:
Shroomey Toons said: I have kids.
When I found out my girlfriend was pregnant I was extremely nervous, not about the money, we both have good jobs but because I was selfish and was only thinking of how having them would affect me negatively. Seeing my girlfriend give birth brought tears to my eyes it was seriously uncontrollable. Seeing something that is half you is pretty fucking amazing. Just writing this makes me want to get off work to spend time with them. Identical twin girls...
Also I'm glad someone made me. To experience love and pain is the greatest gift of all. Thanks dad! Thanks mom!
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HAIL SATAN Vas donc jouer dans le traffic
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Patlal
You ask too many questions



Registered: 10/09/10
Posts: 44,797
Loc: Ottawa
Last seen: 4 hours, 42 minutes
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: mpd] 1
#19069923 - 11/01/13 01:27 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I have no kids, odds are I'll never have any either.
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volcomstoner
I'll have just one more xanax



Registered: 07/20/09
Posts: 11,231
Loc: Minnesnowta
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Patlal]
#19069925 - 11/01/13 01:27 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I really want to get a vasectomy
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HAIL SATAN Vas donc jouer dans le traffic
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pwnasaurus
Stranger



Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 12,317
Loc: Canada
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It's interesting how few people on the Shroomery want kids. When you talk to most people they say things like "when you have kids you'll understand" not "if" as if not having kids is unimaginable.
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volcomstoner
I'll have just one more xanax



Registered: 07/20/09
Posts: 11,231
Loc: Minnesnowta
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Yeah it really surprises me how most of society thinks you have to have kids to live a happy, successful life. Kids aren't for everyone.
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HAIL SATAN Vas donc jouer dans le traffic
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Tripsurfer
Bring Back Asante!



Registered: 08/01/12
Posts: 7,129
Loc: West of Windward
Last seen: 3 months, 28 days
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Quote:
pwnasaurus said: It sounds like you basically regret it but won't come out and say it 
It is rather more complex than that.
The first week you are basically in shock from witnessing the birth and suddenly being a parent. Everything is so new you dont know what to think. After that it becomes a grind of sleepless nights, feeding, changing diapers. That our girl suffered from pretty bad eczema did not help either (it is getting loads better now). You always hear of this pink cloud (maybe that a Dutch only expression) people live in after becoming parents. For us it was more of a grey thundercloud. No sleep fucks you up real good eventually. Some people are instantly in love with their baby, we weren't. My girl connected faster but it took me at least 5 months before I really started to bond with this creature that had so dramatically entered my life.
Now when I enter a room she is in, her whole face lights up and she stretches out her arms for me to pick her up. Nothing comes close to holding this little creature in my arms while her little hands are grasping my hoodies drawstrings.
So you could definitely say I regretted it during the first six months, but things are looking up already. We went to Portugal as a little family for 6 weeks in our camper, and we have just returned from two weeks in a French cottage. just this week I renewed my membership at the yoga studio and overall I have missed maybe 10 surf sessions. I am busy getting my motorcycle license. For us money is not really an issue with the baby cause of doting grandparents. My times of being wasted each weekend are long gone. Most of my friends are settling down/moving in different directions too. Not saying we dont party hard, but less often. Now I know I would miss her a lot if she was gone. The thought of something happening or she being in pain/unhappy is almost unbearable to me. I still have this mental resistance to the drag she puts on my personal life most of the time but saying I regret her existence is something I cannot do.
-------------------- Ach en wee ben ik de klos, met mijn boog schoot ik een albatros... A philosopher is a person who knows less and less about more and more, until he knows nothing about everything.

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pwnasaurus
Stranger



Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 12,317
Loc: Canada
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Cool, thanks for the insightful post
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Shortknight



Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 2,164
Last seen: 6 years, 5 months
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Yeah that was a great post trip surfer, you too MPD Shroomery rocks! Let our children and our childrens children enjoy it! Hahaha
I don't have any children
Shorty
-------------------- Did I say it too loud? Big heart? Or a little misleading!
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seadragon
rawrasaur


Registered: 05/02/12
Posts: 1,281
Loc: Europe
Last seen: 8 years, 5 months
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im 24 and no, and i'm not planning it either maybe if im older and its completely different in my head but i see no reason why i should have kids now..also have absolutely no wish in having them i don't have anything against people who have them unless they start questioning me'' when i will have kids?'' ffs the social pressure is retarded, my grandma always asks me when i will have a gf and kids like asked me about 200 times no kidding, it's always same conversations anyway.. also why do women want kids so bad .. most of them? it must hurt so fucking bad to give birth, O_o
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Shroomey Toons
Shh I farted



Registered: 01/30/12
Posts: 616
Loc: Planet Earf
Last seen: 9 years, 1 month
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Quote:
pwnasaurus said: It's interesting how few people on the Shroomery want kids. When you talk to most people they say things like "when you have kids you'll understand" not "if" as if not having kids is unimaginable.
I think this is true 90% of the time. Me and my girlfriend were planning on having children together but it was a plan, nothing definitive. It wasn't like oh you're cycling and it's a half-moon time to get busy. Usually people who have kids on purpose do so after they realized it wasn't happening naturally. There are very few people who plan on having kids, as in know what month they're going to bang out without protection. Sometimes you just make love with someone that you wouldn't mind spending the rest of your life with and voila, life is created!
To you younger cats out there who accidentally have kids in the future, realize thats the norm and you're not alone. As long as you provide them with love you'll be alright.
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JesusIsLord
Jesus freak


Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8,061
Last seen: 8 years, 8 months
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nope. not gonna have kids, either. not interested in a family at all.
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And I will bring you out from the people, and will gather you out of the countries wherein ye are scattered, with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out.
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Shroomey Toons
Shh I farted



Registered: 01/30/12
Posts: 616
Loc: Planet Earf
Last seen: 9 years, 1 month
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You got a girlfriend/wife Jesusislord?
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JesusIsLord
Jesus freak


Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8,061
Last seen: 8 years, 8 months
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Quote:
Shroomey Toons said: You got a girlfriend/wife Jesusislord?
an ex gf of 4 years. when that ended, some knowledge about me was distilled and revealed over time about my relationship to this world, other people, God, & etc. i won't be getting another gf, or one night stand. will be celibate from here on out.
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And I will bring you out from the people, and will gather you out of the countries wherein ye are scattered, with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out.
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zappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
Loc: Fractallife's gym
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
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I have a daughter. I did not want to have children but she has been a miracle. She slept through the night the first day home. She got a 100% free ride from the top SUNY University and is now studying at Boston University Law. She is pretty, charming, obviously smart and a pain in the ass because she cares more about me than I do.
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Gilgamesh18
Herbivore Man

Registered: 03/01/12
Posts: 11,671
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Quote:
JesusIsLord said:
Quote:
Shroomey Toons said: You got a girlfriend/wife Jesusislord?
an ex gf of 4 years. when that ended, some knowledge about me was distilled and revealed over time about my relationship to this world, other people, God, & etc. i won't be getting another gf, or one night stand. will be celibate from here on out.
I am celibate also!
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Shroomey Toons
Shh I farted



Registered: 01/30/12
Posts: 616
Loc: Planet Earf
Last seen: 9 years, 1 month
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Quote:
JesusIsLord said:
Quote:
Shroomey Toons said: You got a girlfriend/wife Jesusislord?
an ex gf of 4 years. when that ended, some knowledge about me was distilled and revealed over time about my relationship to this world, other people, God, & etc. i won't be getting another gf, or one night stand. will be celibate from here on out.
Well to each his own bro. Although you might stumble across love again. If you do, as a man you need to realize the child thing is mainly the girls decision, lol. If you were in love and she wanted children would that be a deal breaker?
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JesusIsLord
Jesus freak


Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8,061
Last seen: 8 years, 8 months
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Quote:
Shroomey Toons said:
Quote:
JesusIsLord said:
Quote:
Shroomey Toons said: You got a girlfriend/wife Jesusislord?
an ex gf of 4 years. when that ended, some knowledge about me was distilled and revealed over time about my relationship to this world, other people, God, & etc. i won't be getting another gf, or one night stand. will be celibate from here on out.
Well to each his own bro. Although you might stumble across love again. If you do, as a man you need to realize the child thing is mainly the girls decision, lol. If you were in love and she wanted children would that be a deal breaker?
yes, it would be a deal breaker. loyalty is a joke to everyone these days so i consider marriage/love/kids/whatever a fools errand.
but as you say, to each his own. won't deny that it works for some just not for me
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And I will bring you out from the people, and will gather you out of the countries wherein ye are scattered, with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out.
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Shroomey Toons
Shh I farted



Registered: 01/30/12
Posts: 616
Loc: Planet Earf
Last seen: 9 years, 1 month
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People can change, although you may not.
BUT, it's almost inevitable, even a girl who says they don't want kids when y'all first date will probably change her mind (or start being honest) over time. I suppose if you're serious and if you do 'accidentally' fall in love again be honest about this up front. Their biological clock is strong man, like so super strong.
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flipsidetrue




Registered: 05/26/13
Posts: 364
Loc: Earth
Last seen: 7 years, 10 months
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Quote:
JohnnieYen said: Hey, I'm not telling everyone to have kids. But there just seemed to be a lot of negative stigmas in this thread.
I'm just trying to show a brighter side. That not all parents are unhappy slaves just to give their kids a roof, food and education.
To me, kids are wonderful and I wouldn't regret it for a second.
2 years ago i was vagabonding around hitchhiking up 101 north on the west coast i managed to follow the remaining members of the grateful dead around (furthur) and managed to get a job on 3 ganja farms, trimming, spinning hash, and blowing hash oil never planned on having kids never really cared about having any...2 years later my life changed, i ended up meeting an awesome chick we dated for a while and after a night of red stagg whiskey our son was conceived, i didnt find out till about 2 weeks or so later she was balling her eyes out and freaking out, i then told her that whatever she wanted to do i would be supportive in the decision she made, she decided to keep the child so i went along with it, well a crazy 8 months or so of her being a raging hormonal pregnant woman, i sometimes felt regret and like WTF did i get myself into??? then later our son was born and let me tell you having a kid is not for the weak sometimes you barely get any sleep at all and get tired of hearing them cry and you feel CRANKY AS FUCK !but in the end when you see that little kid smile, and hold them, and know that they depend on you, it makes your heart melt and there's no better feeling in the world and would nt trade it for anything in the world, and after all you finally understand what patience is.
kids aren't for everyone and not everyone has parent qualities in them.
Edited by flipsidetrue (11/01/13 06:00 PM)
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JesusIsLord
Jesus freak


Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8,061
Last seen: 8 years, 8 months
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Quote:
Shroomey Toons said: People can change, although you may not.
BUT, it's almost inevitable, even a girl who says they don't want kids when y'all first date will probably change her mind (or start being honest) over time. I suppose if you're serious and if you do 'accidentally' fall in love again be honest about this up front. Their biological clock is strong man, like so super strong.
my level of social isolation is stronger. i am a super cynical asshole and i enjoy solitude the way a fish enjoys water.
just to let you in on a secret of mine to let you know the improbable nature of me ever ending up in a relationship - i loathe women, for the most part. i keep them at a distance so i can loathe them and not think of them as human.
fucked up but honestly how i am. it's not even them i loathe, it's what they become. it's the ideology they absorb. i'll leave it at that.
i'ma make some chow.
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And I will bring you out from the people, and will gather you out of the countries wherein ye are scattered, with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out.
Edited by JesusIsLord (11/01/13 06:05 PM)
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ImFukNCLUELESS
I SPIT ON PEOPLE


Registered: 11/19/12
Posts: 1,580
Last seen: 9 years, 19 days
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I have 1 and im a single father dont regret it at all but i do u regret who it was with though
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how to pass a drug test FOO MAN'S WBS TEK damions5050's coir tek DONATE TO THE "IM FUCKING BROKE FUND" 1PtqhURaxtCpGpeUBNqeZi7XnmKwWe8WWf "my girl said it's OK to have a little penis I prefer she didnt have a penis at all"-prisoner#1
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Rockhound
The Rockweiler



Registered: 01/19/13
Posts: 664
Loc: hell creek anticline
Last seen: 8 years, 7 months
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Being a single father is tough, dude. You got my sympathy and understanding.
-------------------- Rocks speak to me, and tell me this: The Hell Creek formation is a gigantic slab of rocks that covers several western states. It contains an account of the dinosaurs' demise. In the late Cretaceous period, the first Cannabis species appear, and soon after, all the non-bird dinosaurs disappeared. Obviously, marihuana killed the dinosaurs. That giant meteor that smacked the yucatan peninsula right afterwards, coincidence.
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iarphairc
Stranger Danger



Registered: 06/26/09
Posts: 400
Last seen: 9 years, 8 months
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Rockhound]
#19073788 - 11/02/13 06:47 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I should probabl reply to the poster but anyway..
Having kids is evil 'cos you force a sentient being to suffer? Dude you are one bitter, bitter guy, Im kind of sad you have that view of the world. Damn Im cynical and going through a rough patch but I wouldnt ever have that fuckin depressed an attitude to life.
-------------------- The secret of freedom lies in educating people, whereas the secret of tyranny is in keeping them ignorant- Maximilien Robespierre
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King Klick
That Guy Everyone Knows



Registered: 11/13/11
Posts: 7,267
Last seen: 7 months, 1 hour
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: iarphairc] 1
#19073993 - 11/02/13 08:12 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I have a cat that feels more like a son than a cat. Plus I can just bury it and move on if I decide to shake it.
-------------------- Your god is dead, and I killed him. When you’re lost, here I am. Forever with your soul
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Prisoner#1
Even Dumber ThanAdvertized!


Registered: 01/22/03
Posts: 193,665
Loc: Pvt. Pubfag NutSuck
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: badchad]
#19074047 - 11/02/13 08:26 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
badchad said: I've said it before that I don't think I've ever met a parent that regrets having a kid. It's not socially acceptable to do so.
There's got to be plenty of parents that made a mistake and hate their lives forever because of their kids. I know it.
most of those parents are the abusive, neglectful sort.
I have 2 kids, I was 35 when the first was born and if there's anything I regret regarding them it's hooking up with their mother who left them with me and has decided to make a career out of being a meth monkey
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luvdemboomers
loner with a boner

Registered: 01/11/13
Posts: 5,054
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I cannot think of anything (with a few exceptions) worse than having a kid, given my life situation.
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Romi
Indigo Child



Registered: 08/14/08
Posts: 425
Loc: Sunshine
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The most honest I can be...
I don't regret it because she is awesome to have around, I've never felt this love before but to have done it differently maybe although changing the ways things get done may have change the results and I wouldn't change Zoe for anything.
If I had a choice now I probably would have waited a little longer, still would have had her and love her as much as I love her now but... there is unresolved things that I would love to have had accomplished and having her kind of threw that possibility to the garbage.
Is a life changing experience so if you love your life my guess is don't change it?
If you hate your life... a kid won't make it any better.
Have a kid only when you feel it in your gut and you are willing to change your life and give that kid everything that they deserves, even if it means you will no longer have a day for you ever again, or at least until they are 18, but I can't promise you that either. LOL
I'm committed to my child and she makes me a better person everyday.
There's always a "what if"...
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Romi
Indigo Child



Registered: 08/14/08
Posts: 425
Loc: Sunshine
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I feel you... Although being single can be an amazing thing if you measure that against being together?...
I feel you, its hard but the journey is not nearly being over...
I feel like dating with a kid will be extremely difficult and not all candidates will be eligible... I need to date other parents I feel =P.
Also if you are a guy then your body hasn't changed all that much to worry about that either but for us moms is quite the trip. I gotta make all this marketable now I guess... Lol
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Shroomey Toons
Shh I farted



Registered: 01/30/12
Posts: 616
Loc: Planet Earf
Last seen: 9 years, 1 month
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Romi]
#19075083 - 11/02/13 01:09 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I'm sure you'll find the right person. My girlfriend had a 6 year old daughter when we started dating. She is now my daughter.
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Mello Kitty
Beautiful Burnout



Registered: 12/04/08
Posts: 8,556
Loc: Sanriotown, Harmonyland
Last seen: 7 years, 5 months
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Moonshoe]
#19075107 - 11/02/13 01:17 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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i wants the babies. but ill prolly never be ready and im not getting any younger
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zappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
Loc: Fractallife's gym
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
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Not you, dearie. Not you. Not now, not ever. I like you you and wish you well but you have no business ever being a parent. You can't even take care of yourself.
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Rockhound
The Rockweiler



Registered: 01/19/13
Posts: 664
Loc: hell creek anticline
Last seen: 8 years, 7 months
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Romi]
#19078975 - 11/03/13 06:33 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I disagree that being a single father cramps your dating style, my daughter has been the catalyst for many hook-ups. Women are suckers for a devoted father.
-------------------- Rocks speak to me, and tell me this: The Hell Creek formation is a gigantic slab of rocks that covers several western states. It contains an account of the dinosaurs' demise. In the late Cretaceous period, the first Cannabis species appear, and soon after, all the non-bird dinosaurs disappeared. Obviously, marihuana killed the dinosaurs. That giant meteor that smacked the yucatan peninsula right afterwards, coincidence.
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Bill_Oreilly
ANIMALS (the RAINBOW SERPENT)


Registered: 11/12/11
Posts: 26,370
Loc: Boston
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Rockhound]
#19078990 - 11/03/13 06:42 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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My wife and beautiful son
-------------------- Something there is mysteriously formed, Existing before Heaven and Earth, Silent, still, standing alone, unchanging, All-pervading, unfailing, I do not know its name; I call it tao. If forced to give it a name, I call it Great (ta). Being great, it flows out; Flowing out means far-reaching; Being far-reaching, it is said to return. It's just a shot away..
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Crystal G



Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Rockhound]
#19079000 - 11/03/13 06:45 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I'm in my late 20's and I do not plan on having children until I am married and we have both saved up at least a certain amount of money, and have been working in a stable career for a certain number of years. I would like to give the best to my children, including sending them to private school, giving them music lessons, and having them in sports and clubs, and those are all things that cost a lot of money. I really feel like typical American parents don't push their kids enough to excel in extracurricular activities such as music or sports, and this is something I am very adamant I will do.
If I do the math for only the music lessons (including instrument cost) and private schools alone, I'm guessing it would cost over to $30,000 a year.
From what I have heard about kids, it's very much a love/hate relationship. You friggin' HATE them cause they stress you out so bad all the time and wish they would STFU and stop annoying you and wish you had free time just so you could get a good night's sleep for once. But at the same time you LOVE them to death and would sacrifice your blood and go without eating just to do anything for them.
People have told me that the love that parents feel for their child is a love like no other. That it's indescribable. Based on what people have told me what it's like to hold their daughter or son for the very first time, it seems like it's one of those loves that everybody needs to experience at least once in their life.
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psi
TOAST N' JAM


Registered: 09/05/99
Posts: 31,456
Loc: 613
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Crystal G]
#19079057 - 11/03/13 07:12 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Crystal G said: I really feel like typical American parents don't push their kids enough to excel in extracurricular activities such as music or sports, and this is something I am very adamant I will do.
My feeling is that quite a few do push their kids a lot regarding various things they'd like to see them do, often to the point of making the kid miserable. I'd like to see my kids play music as well for sure, but there's a chance it's something they just aren't going to be into. My thinking is to just have various instruments around (which I do already) and see if they show interest.
Quote:
Bill_Oreilly said: My wife and beautiful son

My kids were both monsters this year too.
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Crystal G



Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: psi]
#19079115 - 11/03/13 07:31 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
psi said: My feeling is that quite a few do push their kids a lot regarding various things they'd like to see them do, often to the point of making the kid miserable. I'd like to see my kids play music as well for sure, but there's a chance it's something they just aren't going to be into. My thinking is to just have various instruments around (which I do already) and see if they show interest.
It depends heavily on the child's economic background. Parents of prestige and wealth typically overburden their kids with numerous activities and clubs, sometimes to the point of stressing their kid out so bad they end up having nervous breakdowns and a whole hoard of psychological problems later in life. But even many middle-class families, I've noticed many kids are raised playing maybe one sport in high school, and that's it. Parents never pushed them to study for PSAT's, or take up drama, or anything else.
The thing is though, most kids won't choose to do extracurricular activities or any type of educational "work" if they know they can get away with sitting around watching TV all day. If a normal kid is in a room with a video game console and a cello, they are almost always going to pick the video game.
It's not necessarily about whether they're into music or not either. Studies have shown that when you learn an instrument at a very young age, it opens pathways to brain cells that the person would ordinarily never use. Reading musical notes as practice develops the linguistic abilities in the brain, and makes it significantly easier for a person to learn a foreign language. This is something that children don't "get."
I feel that is the parent's responsibility to make their children talented in many things... so that when it comes time for them to be independent, they will have many options to choose from when they decide what they'd like to do in life. This is something that children do not understand until they are older, they really don't understand the value of what they are learning and how it will help them in the long run, so it is sometimes necessary to push kids in that direction.
Take me for example. I dreaded playing piano, I hated it as a kid, and literally had to be forced to practice every single day. I didn't like playing it until I was around age 16. For 10 whole years I hated it and begged my parents every single day to let me quit. But, if it weren't for my piano skills, I would never have gotten accepted into college. My high school grades were so bad during my teen rebellion years, and the only reason the university let me in was because they wanted to offer me a scholarship after they heard me play at my college audition. Excelling in even one extracurricular activity opens up many doors for somebody.
I used to go to Japanese school every Saturday. It was a school where we would learn math, history, politics, Japanese, etc. and all the classes would be taught in Japanese. They would teach us reading and writing Kanji. After years of hating it, my parents let me quit that in 6th grade. It wasn't until I grew up that I realized what a mistake that was, and how much better opportunities I would have had if I had been completely 100% fluent in a second language. But by then it was too late. I took Japanese as my language in high school and college to try to make up for it, and I'm still mostly pretty fluent, but not nearly as fluent as I would have been had I learned as a small child. I can speak small talk just fine, but I wouldn't be able to carry on a conversation about politics or art for example, or any subject that had technical terms involved.
You should be able to let them pick the TYPE of instrument or sports they want to play, but they should definitely be pushed to choose at least one of each. Just put it on the table that doing nothing is not an option.
Edited by Crystal G (11/03/13 07:56 AM)
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Salomon
ಠ︵ಠbalance ಠ_ಠweaver ಠ‿à²

Registered: 01/17/09
Posts: 25,128
Loc: America, FUCK YEAH
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Crystal G]
#19079177 - 11/03/13 07:52 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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i wish i never had kids, miserable bastards all of them. many nights i thought of just throwing those fucks out a window. its a good thing i learned to just shake em hard so theyd' shut up
lol like i really have kids. potentially having somebody living with me for 20 some odd years, while i support them to about all of it is not that appealing. plus that takes a huge chunk of time that i could be using to make magic crystals and robots. and it dosent help that i have some what fucked up genetics to pass on; my kids would either be super intelligent and physically strong or completely autistic or like have an extra toe coming out of thier ear or some fucked up shit.
-------------------- EVERYTHING EVENTUALLY BECOMES A DESERT
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psi
TOAST N' JAM


Registered: 09/05/99
Posts: 31,456
Loc: 613
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Crystal G]
#19079192 - 11/03/13 07:59 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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It's a balance for sure, and not everyone is going to have the same approach. Personally I'd love to see my kids start playing Irish traditional music like I do and much of my family does, but I want to avoid pushing them so much that they start to hate it. IMO the big pitfall is becoming too emotionally invested in having the kid succeed at a given thing.
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pwnasaurus
Stranger



Registered: 07/16/08
Posts: 12,317
Loc: Canada
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: psi]
#19079706 - 11/03/13 10:45 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
psi said: It's a balance for sure, and not everyone is going to have the same approach. Personally I'd love to see my kids start playing Irish traditional music like I do and much of my family does, but I want to avoid pushing them so much that they start to hate it. IMO the big pitfall is becoming too emotionally invested in having the kid succeed at a given thing.
Do you have kids psi or is that your plan for when you do?
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psi
TOAST N' JAM


Registered: 09/05/99
Posts: 31,456
Loc: 613
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Yes, two boys. One is too small to play and the other has a disability that would make it difficult, but we do have a bunch of instruments already. Tenor banjo, tenor guitar, a couple regular guitars, a couple diatonic accordions, and a clarinet. I play tenor banjo/guitar "seriously" and kind of dabble with the other ones. I have family members who play some other ITM instruments as well.
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zappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
Loc: Fractallife's gym
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Crystal G] 1
#19079838 - 11/03/13 11:13 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Crystal G said: I'm in my late 20's and I do not plan on having children until I am married and we have both saved up at least a certain amount of money, and have been working in a stable career for a certain number of years. I would like to give the best to my children, including sending them to private school, giving them music lessons, and having them in sports and clubs, and those are all things that cost a lot of money. I really feel like typical American parents don't push their kids enough to excel in extracurricular activities such as music or sports, and this is something I am very adamant I will do.
If I do the math for only the music lessons (including instrument cost) and private schools alone, I'm guessing it would cost over to $30,000 a year.
From what I have heard about kids, it's very much a love/hate relationship. You friggin' HATE them cause they stress you out so bad all the time and wish they would STFU and stop annoying you and wish you had free time just so you could get a good night's sleep for once. But at the same time you LOVE them to death and would sacrifice your blood and go without eating just to do anything for them.
People have told me that the love that parents feel for their child is a love like no other. That it's indescribable. Based on what people have told me what it's like to hold their daughter or son for the very first time, it seems like it's one of those loves that everybody needs to experience at least once in their life.
Tiger Mom!
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Bill_Oreilly
ANIMALS (the RAINBOW SERPENT)


Registered: 11/12/11
Posts: 26,370
Loc: Boston
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: psi]
#19079940 - 11/03/13 11:33 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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psi said:
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Crystal G said: I really feel like typical American parents don't push their kids enough to excel in extracurricular activities such as music or sports, and this is something I am very adamant I will do.
My feeling is that quite a few do push their kids a lot regarding various things they'd like to see them do, often to the point of making the kid miserable. I'd like to see my kids play music as well for sure, but there's a chance it's something they just aren't going to be into. My thinking is to just have various instruments around (which I do already) and see if they show interest.
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Bill_Oreilly said: My wife and beautiful son

My kids were both monsters this year too. 
We actually went with 2 costumes because they were just so dang cute. The monster suit and a lion costume. It has a mane and a detachable tail 
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-------------------- Something there is mysteriously formed, Existing before Heaven and Earth, Silent, still, standing alone, unchanging, All-pervading, unfailing, I do not know its name; I call it tao. If forced to give it a name, I call it Great (ta). Being great, it flows out; Flowing out means far-reaching; Being far-reaching, it is said to return. It's just a shot away..
Edited by Bill_Oreilly (11/03/13 12:58 PM)
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Crystal G



Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
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Quote:
zappaisgod said:
Quote:
Crystal G said: I'm in my late 20's and I do not plan on having children until I am married and we have both saved up at least a certain amount of money, and have been working in a stable career for a certain number of years. I would like to give the best to my children, including sending them to private school, giving them music lessons, and having them in sports and clubs, and those are all things that cost a lot of money. I really feel like typical American parents don't push their kids enough to excel in extracurricular activities such as music or sports, and this is something I am very adamant I will do.
If I do the math for only the music lessons (including instrument cost) and private schools alone, I'm guessing it would cost over to $30,000 a year.
From what I have heard about kids, it's very much a love/hate relationship. You friggin' HATE them cause they stress you out so bad all the time and wish they would STFU and stop annoying you and wish you had free time just so you could get a good night's sleep for once. But at the same time you LOVE them to death and would sacrifice your blood and go without eating just to do anything for them.
People have told me that the love that parents feel for their child is a love like no other. That it's indescribable. Based on what people have told me what it's like to hold their daughter or son for the very first time, it seems like it's one of those loves that everybody needs to experience at least once in their life.
Tiger Mom!
I know right
But, the difference is, I would never ever hit my kids or discipline them roughly for failing to do their work. I would set up some type of system so that it influences them to feel psychologically "high" when they achieve the results that I ask. I think I'd be a lot more open-minded than other parents when it comes to teenage rebellion, and the type of behavior that I would accept when they reach these years.
Besides, I'm really not a tiger mom, since I'd only be asking my kids to take up ONE instrument and ONE sport. That's it. That's really not all that much, if you ask me.
My mom was a real tiger mom, and she had me involved in math club, Japanese Saturday school, swim team, golf team, piano, violin, orchestra, tennis club, basketball camps, soccer camps, equestrian-riding, etc. From 7AM to 11PM I never had any free time except these activities and studying, and was never allowed to watch TV or play with other children, and I never had a normal childhood. The only time I got to watch TV was when my mom was out of the house running errands, and I'd secretly sneak behind her back and watch Nickelodeon. I will admit, I really had a passion for equestrian-riding though.
They don't need to be prodigies in every single little thing. As long as they excel in ONE sport and ONE musical instrument and they get A's or even B's on their homework, that's good enough for me.
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zappaisgod
horrid asshole


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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Crystal G] 2
#19081450 - 11/03/13 05:10 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Children are all different and I have bent like a reed in the wind. Some need a nudge, some need a kick and some just need support. Sometimes it doesn't matter what you do.
I do not think it is fair to demand that any single child excel at something if they are very good at a lot of things. Renaissance children. And many do not find heir niche until they get rid of us. Did you?
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i like cow poo
Nature Lover


Registered: 10/20/09
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Romi]
#19081457 - 11/03/13 05:12 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I'm never having kids, I got a vasectomy last spring and I couldn't be happier. It makes no logical sense. There is already 7 billion people on this earth. Personally I don't trust humanity enough to create a creature that may suffer from the foolishness of our society. I can't hate on people who have more then one kid because its instinctual. However, I still think it is foolish to promote this uncontrollable population and mass consumption. We are a intelligent but foolish species.
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JesusIsLord
Jesus freak


Registered: 08/10/12
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Crystal G]
#19081487 - 11/03/13 05:18 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Crystal G said:
Quote:
zappaisgod said:
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Crystal G said: I'm in my late 20's and I do not plan on having children until I am married and we have both saved up at least a certain amount of money, and have been working in a stable career for a certain number of years. I would like to give the best to my children, including sending them to private school, giving them music lessons, and having them in sports and clubs, and those are all things that cost a lot of money. I really feel like typical American parents don't push their kids enough to excel in extracurricular activities such as music or sports, and this is something I am very adamant I will do.
If I do the math for only the music lessons (including instrument cost) and private schools alone, I'm guessing it would cost over to $30,000 a year.
From what I have heard about kids, it's very much a love/hate relationship. You friggin' HATE them cause they stress you out so bad all the time and wish they would STFU and stop annoying you and wish you had free time just so you could get a good night's sleep for once. But at the same time you LOVE them to death and would sacrifice your blood and go without eating just to do anything for them.
People have told me that the love that parents feel for their child is a love like no other. That it's indescribable. Based on what people have told me what it's like to hold their daughter or son for the very first time, it seems like it's one of those loves that everybody needs to experience at least once in their life.
Tiger Mom!
I know right
But, the difference is, I would never ever hit my kids or discipline them roughly for failing to do their work. I would set up some type of system so that it influences them to feel psychologically "high" when they achieve the results that I ask. I think I'd be a lot more open-minded than other parents when it comes to teenage rebellion, and the type of behavior that I would accept when they reach these years.
Besides, I'm really not a tiger mom, since I'd only be asking my kids to take up ONE instrument and ONE sport. That's it. That's really not all that much, if you ask me.
My mom was a real tiger mom, and she had me involved in math club, Japanese Saturday school, swim team, golf team, piano, violin, orchestra, tennis club, basketball camps, soccer camps, equestrian-riding, etc. From 7AM to 11PM I never had any free time except these activities and studying, and was never allowed to watch TV or play with other children, and I never had a normal childhood. The only time I got to watch TV was when my mom was out of the house running errands, and I'd secretly sneak behind her back and watch Nickelodeon. I will admit, I really had a passion for equestrian-riding though.
They don't need to be prodigies in every single little thing. As long as they excel in ONE sport and ONE musical instrument and they get A's or even B's on their homework, that's good enough for me.
sounds like you were spoiled. equestrian riding 
also, the way you describe raising your kids sounds like how one would train a dog. sit boy, sit. good boy! here's a treat
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And I will bring you out from the people, and will gather you out of the countries wherein ye are scattered, with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out.
Edited by JesusIsLord (11/03/13 06:00 PM)
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zappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
Loc: Fractallife's gym
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
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I don't think she was spoiled any more than she was tortured
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Crystal G



Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
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zappaisgod said: I don't think she was spoiled any more than she was tortured
QFT. If money and access to education is the only definition of spoiled, then yes by all means I was spoiled. But I was also beaten pretty badly on a daily basis for not living up to the level that my parents expected of me. My favorite was when I was beaten in the face with a house phone for about 20 minutes for scoring a 99% on an exam. I think I was in 3rd grade when that happened. Anything that was less than 100% I was punished quite severely. I was instructed to make up stories about how I got attacked by a dog or whatever if anybody asked me about my scratches and bruises. Growing up, I had a very deep-seated jealousy of other children when I saw how they interacted with their parents and how their parents treated them. All I ever wanted growing up was loving parents that didn't hit me. My house was like a POW camp.
I would be a terrible parent. I would spoil them constantly and would probably never discipline them, even if they did something bad and needed to be reprimanded. Great grandparent, terrible parent.
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JesusIsLord
Jesus freak


Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8,061
Last seen: 8 years, 8 months
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Crystal G]
#19081726 - 11/03/13 06:03 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Crystal G said:
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zappaisgod said: I don't think she was spoiled any more than she was tortured
QFT. If money and access to education is the only definition of spoiled, then yes by all means I was spoiled. But I was also beaten pretty badly on a daily basis for not living up to the level that my parents expected of me. My favorite was when I was beaten in the face with a house phone for about 20 minutes for scoring a 99% on an exam. I think I was in 3rd grade when that happened. Anything that was less than 100% I was punished quite severely. I was instructed to make up stories about how I got attacked by a dog or whatever if anybody asked me about my scratches and bruises. Growing up, I had a very deep-seated jealousy of other children when I saw how they interacted with their parents and how their parents treated them. All I ever wanted growing up was loving parents that didn't hit me.
well now i just feel like an ass.
sorry.
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And I will bring you out from the people, and will gather you out of the countries wherein ye are scattered, with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out.
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Mello Kitty
Beautiful Burnout



Registered: 12/04/08
Posts: 8,556
Loc: Sanriotown, Harmonyland
Last seen: 7 years, 5 months
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zappaisgod said: Not you, dearie. Not you. Not now, not ever. I like you you and wish you well but you have no business ever being a parent. You can't even take care of yourself.
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volcomstoner
I'll have just one more xanax



Registered: 07/20/09
Posts: 11,231
Loc: Minnesnowta
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I have actually known some people o completely change their life around to help take care of their kids. Like I'm talking about some serious junkies, not saying that a good idea whatsoever though.
It would be strongly against any child being brought up in a less than stable enviroment
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HAIL SATAN Vas donc jouer dans le traffic
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i like cow poo
Nature Lover


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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Crystal G]
#19081842 - 11/03/13 06:22 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Holy shit, I'm sorry you had to experience that.
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zappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
Loc: Fractallife's gym
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
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Re: Do you have kids?! [Re: Crystal G]
#19081845 - 11/03/13 06:23 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
Crystal G said:
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zappaisgod said: I don't think she was spoiled any more than she was tortured
QFT. If money and access to education is the only definition of spoiled, then yes by all means I was spoiled. But I was also beaten pretty badly on a daily basis for not living up to the level that my parents expected of me. My favorite was when I was beaten in the face with a house phone for about 20 minutes for scoring a 99% on an exam. I think I was in 3rd grade when that happened. Anything that was less than 100% I was punished quite severely. I was instructed to make up stories about how I got attacked by a dog or whatever if anybody asked me about my scratches and bruises. Growing up, I had a very deep-seated jealousy of other children when I saw how they interacted with their parents and how their parents treated them. All I ever wanted growing up was loving parents that didn't hit me. My house was like a POW camp.
I would be a terrible parent. I would spoil them constantly and would probably never discipline them, even if they did something bad and needed to be reprimanded. Great grandparent, terrible parent.
I don't think this is true. You have a lot of self awareness and, I think, flexibility. You're smart. The drugs and gym thing are too much narcissism for parenthood, though. When you can stop thinking you are the most important person in the world you should consider it if you ever find a man you love and want to be with.
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Crystal G



Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
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Quote:
zappaisgod said: I don't think this is true. You have a lot of self awareness and, I think, flexibility. You're smart. The drugs and gym thing are too much narcissism for parenthood, though. When you can stop thinking you are the most important person in the world you should consider it if you ever find a man you love and want to be with.
I don't see myself taking drugs once I have kids. I mean hell, even when I adopted dogs, which is nowhere near the same responsibility as children, I always stayed free from drugs so I could be completely dependable and wouldn't forget to feed them or walk them cause I was high or something stupid.
Gym however, is very doable nowadays with children. My gym has a daycare center so people can drop their kids off while they work out for an hour.
I've been told I'm very good with children, in the way that I talk to them and verbally caress them very gently and in a non-intimidating fashion to get them to finish their homework or do things that I want them to do. Even when I was in grade school or junior high and looking after toddlers younger than me, adults always remarked at how well I got their kids to do things, that I had a gift when it came to interacting with children. And although I would not like to overburden myself by having many children, I would like to have 1 one day when I am middle-aged. Only one is good enough for me, I would not have the time for two. It is my duty to pass on my wonderful and perfect genes back into society. (That was a joke)
The only thing that I am lacking in, is that I am too sweet to children and animals. I spoil all children to excess, and I find myself having a really difficult time yelling at them or disciplining them even when they're being rude, annoying, or have done something bad. I realize that this is not a good thing to spoil children so much, but I just can't seem to help myself. If I have kids I will probably depend on my husband for him to discipline the kids.
Edited by Crystal G (11/03/13 08:38 PM)
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Crystal G



Registered: 06/05/07
Posts: 19,584
Loc: outer space
Last seen: 8 months, 6 days
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Quote:
zappaisgod said: Children are all different and I have bent like a reed in the wind. Some need a nudge, some need a kick and some just need support. Sometimes it doesn't matter what you do.
I do not think it is fair to demand that any single child excel at something if they are very good at a lot of things. Renaissance children. And many do not find heir niche until they get rid of us. Did you?
Oops, for some reason I never saw your post.
When I say excel, I wouldn't demand that they be prodigies in anything. I mean, how can I possibly expect them to be prodigies when I'm just an average person of normal intellect and skills myself? It's problematic and sets children up for unhappiness and constant struggles with themselves, when parents set unrealistically high expectations, especially when the parents themselves really aren't that great to begin with.
I just mean that I would like to see them pick up an instrument and actually practice it, even if it takes nudging. My piano teacher was a Julliard graduate and concert pianist... but I don't mind what instrument they select. If they want to play rock on an electric guitar, I hope to provide them with a teacher that is just as talented in the instrument that they'd like to play.
And I would like for them to play sports, not with any intention of going professional or placing in the top 10 (knowing my genetics that would never happen anyway unless they took up badminton or something). It's really more because I want them to get adapted to living a healthy lifestyle at an early age, and to improve their health in the long run. Childhood obesity is supposedly 30% in this country now, and it's mainly because kids eat shitty and play video games and don't play any sports. I could care less whether they choose soccer or track or lacrosse, or if they're any good at the sports they play.
I'm still trying to find my niche. I crave new experiences, and I consider myself fairly good at many things having been exposed to many things, and therefore have a difficult time finding "the one" thing that I'm supposed to want to pursue for the rest of my life. Truth is, I'd still like to do many things and go from industry to industry, if it was at all feasible.
I like that you mentioned Renaissance children though. Back in the Renaissance era, schoolchildren were taught to excel in so many things--astronomy, physics, math, science, religion, history, music, politics, debate, medicine, literature, art... And while many people would argue that forcing children to do things they don't want to do is inhumane, but I'd like to ask: Did Mozart grow up with his parents giving him all the freedom to do whatever he wanted? No, most likely he was pushed, just like how you often have to push kids to go to school or pick up a book and read.
Edited by Crystal G (11/04/13 02:10 AM)
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