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TheSillyStudent
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Advice. Considering psychedelics to help these issues
#19053875 - 10/29/13 07:47 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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This is something I wrote up for my therapist to look at. Do you think that taking shrooms would help or hurt these concerns?
I’m writing this because I am not good at articulating what is bothering me face to face. I have been experiencing a tremendous amount of self-doubt, depression, and anxiety lately, although I think that I have been feeling this in some way for years. I feel trapped and stuck and don’t really know what to do about it. Sometimes I come out of this feeling and feel fantastic and in charge, and then slip back into the negative thoughts for no apparent reason. I feel like I continuously make decisions that ultimately make me more unhappy, although I try to make decisions that will make me feel better. One major area in my life that is causing unrest is the women situation. Last year I broke up with my girlfriend, who abused my trust several times. It was the first serious relationship I had been in, although it was a long distance one. The relationship is part of the reason why I transferred from a small private arts school to a large public university (and possibly why I chose to go to the liberal arts school in the first place). This change of schools has left me feeling that I have sold myself short and must work that much harder to compensate. After the breakup I was sort of lost, but decided to continue at the large university anyway. It was a tough transition. I continuously slept with my ex quite a few times throughout the year because it was comfortable and easy. On the occasions where I did manage to bring other girls back to my place I experienced erectile dysfunction. This has seriously eroded my sense of self-worth and confidence. It has happened quite a few times since then. Each time I felt worse about myself and now have trouble trying to pursue other girls in fear that it will occur again. This leads me to hook up with my ex more. Over the summer I had my doctor prescribe me Cialis. I took it when I went to a music festival with a girl I was hooking up with and her friends. That night even with Cialis I experienced ED. I began to question if I was gay or asexual or something. I know I am not, but the negative thoughts persist. This problem does not occur with my ex. I have no idea how to get past this issue and is causing an emotional spiral on top of my other issues. I now question getting back together with my ex because I feel like it will alleviate the ED stress out of the equation or that she is the one. However, I will always think to myself that I failed to move forward. This causes me to be stuck in limbo land. I am stressed out by school. I am taking a very hard load, and actually sign up for classes that are more difficult than what is required of me. While I like to push myself, I fear that I am setting myself up for failure. I have always thought of being a doctor, and I fear that if I don’t get into med school I will have no direction in life. I decided not to go to a prestigious university that I was accepted to this past year where I would have been guaranteed a good job straight out of college. Again, I feel like I have made the choice to fail. I often feel emasculated and weak. Up here I don’t feel as though I have any true friends. All of my friends are currently superficial feeling. I often get restless at my fraternity because I feel as though I am wasting my life around stupid people doing mindless things. Any time I find people to be true friends with I back out of the opportunity. If they are girls I am afraid to develop a friendship because I feel like I am being pushed to hook up with them, which worries me because of the ED issue. With guys, I get wierded out for the same reason, due to the imaginary fear that I am gay. This has held me back from enjoying life and new experiences. I have always been shy, and my experiences in high school made it that much worse. Because of that experience I feel that I am weird and that people don’t like me. I have a very hard time trusting people and opening up emotionally. When I am home, I find that I compare myself to my old friends, who seem to be doing much better and are happier than me. I feel that my depression makes them like me less and that I am even losing them. I am very lonely here. I need help and advice. I feel like I am spiraling, I often see only more depression in the future. Sometimes I even feel as though I am going insane, or am in the early stages of schizophrenia. I have started reading about religion, mysticism, and psychedelic drugs as means of making myself feel better. I have read that these substances can alleviate anxiety and depression and have been drawn towards them but have yet to try. I am worried that they might push me over the edge and cause a total break with reality for me. I have started having really negative thoughts regarding consumerism and capitalism, preferring more earth conscious ideas. Since EDC I have been highly concerned about drug abuse in the dance culture and that American youth is sliding towards depravity. I often can’t tell whether these thoughts are legitimate concerns or paranoid delusions. I don’t have any real hobbies, and can’t seem to find joy in any activities usually. Everything feels like a chore and I have to push myself to do almost anything. Since I don’t do anything for fun, I get down on myself for not doing anything, telling myself that I am lazy and unmotivated. There is almost nothing I really ever want to do but sleep and read and drink with friends. Every day seems to pass by without me ever really enjoying it. I am always uptight and can’t really let loose unless I’m really drunk. I drink way more than I probably should, at one party I had 16 shots but did not black out. I am worried about my parents whose relationship seems to become more and more strained. They do not seem to get along at all. Every time I am home every member of the family is usually in separate rooms on separate screens. Everyone is caught up in their little busy world. I often can’t make decisions because it seems like either decision will end up depressing me further, no choices seem like good ones. I want to not feel this way anymore. I do not feel this way all of the time. Sometimes I feel on top of the world. This is just all of the things that stress me out at different times, and sometimes all at once. I know it is just a mindset that needs to change, but I don’t know how to do it. I feel like I am complaining about superficial problems, and feel even weirder that I have to see a therapist to deal with them, but I’m not sure what else to do.
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EternalCowabunga
Being of Great Significance



Registered: 04/04/05
Posts: 7,152
Loc: Time and Space
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Re: Advice. Considering psychedelics to help these issues [Re: TheSillyStudent]
#19053987 - 10/29/13 08:01 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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There is a light at the end of the tunnel, my friend. Although things seem difficult now, know that this is only temporary and you will move through this.
Be in nature, read spiritual books, learn meditation
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PocketLady



Registered: 01/18/10
Posts: 1,773
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Re: Advice. Considering psychedelics to help these issues [Re: EternalCowabunga]
#19056598 - 10/30/13 08:49 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Sorry things are rough at the moment, but it won't last forever. As to whether psychedelics could help you...They certainly have helped people in similar situations before. My first trip (mescaline) completely changed my perspective and led to me being a much much happier person. But they do have to be used with caution. You mention feeling like you are about to go insane, possibly schizophrenia. What exactly are you basing that on? Psychedelics should definitely be avoided if there is a history of psychotic illness in yourself or your immediate family. They can trigger a latent illness.
If you think that doesn't apply to you, then you still need to proceed with caution. Read loads about it. Understand things like set and setting, and dosage. If you get all of those things right then it could be a very good experience.
-------------------- Love is from the infinite, and will remain until eternity. The seeker of love escapes the chains of birth and death. Tomorrow, when resurrection comes, The heart that is not in love will fail the test. ~ Rumi The day we start giving Love instead of seeking Love, we will have re-written our whole destiny. ~ Swami Chinmayanada Saraswatir
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FishOilTheKid
Ascended


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Re: Advice. Considering psychedelics to help these issues [Re: PocketLady]
#19057050 - 10/30/13 11:16 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
I often can’t tell whether these thoughts are legitimate concerns or paranoid delusions.
They don't sound like delusions. You don't sound paranoid either. I think you are experiencing the reality of your circumstances and the human condition. Be careful with psychedelics. If anything low dose first. They can in fact amplify the negative thoughts IME. ...But give hope on the other hand and become one of the most beautiful experiences life has to offer. Peace be with you.
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Yogi1
Squatchin

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Re: Advice. Considering psychedelics to help these issues [Re: FishOilTheKid]
#19057109 - 10/30/13 11:34 AM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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A bad place in your head can be hurt by a trip just as easily as helped.
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Sockadin



Registered: 01/03/10
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Re: Advice. Considering psychedelics to help these issues [Re: Yogi1]
#19061747 - 10/31/13 04:39 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Just remember man your not alone. I also suffer from anxiety and depression. I am sure there are a ton of people who are dealing with this very same issue. I know it doesn't help, but there is always a brighter side to the downside. I think that is the important part about manic depression. The good times are really good. The bad times can be hard because of the contrast.
As far as the Psychedelics are concerned. I will admit that they have helped me through my anxiety, and allow me the freedom to not have to take those horrible Welbutrin pills. If you have never done them and are considering it. I would highly recommend having someone sober there to help guide you through the process.
God Luck Bro
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TheSillyStudent
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Re: Advice. Considering psychedelics to help these issues [Re: Sockadin]
#19069949 - 11/01/13 01:35 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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How would you say that these substances helped you?
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Sockadin



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Re: Advice. Considering psychedelics to help these issues [Re: TheSillyStudent]
#19070196 - 11/01/13 02:27 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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It is a hard road, and I agree that you want to make sure there is no family history of serious mental illness because there have been reports of psychedelics triggering them in people.
For me after the experience of small dose trips I end up with a clear mind. No anxiety issues and everything seems like it has been slowed down. I can move through crowds of people and it is like I am in a bubble.
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Spacerific
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Re: Advice. Considering psychedelics to help these issues [Re: Sockadin]
#19073868 - 11/02/13 07:29 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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OP, you sound a lot like I was a few years earlier, so please take time to consider this advice, read it more than once if needed.
First, you clearly don't know your PUA skills completely. Specifically the kino part. That is the skin contact part. I suspect you take these girls home and DON'T spend a bunch of time getting to know their skin, massaging them with oil, creating an awesome vibe and trust together. Instead you rush through things that can't and shouldn't be rushed, expecting to go indoors, get naked, fuck them like you see in porn. Or like you used to do with your girl, that you probably spent MONTHS with, developing trust and comfort.
Learn your PUA skills, buy massage oil, take girls home and DON'T fuck them on the first evening. Massage the shit out of their fresh naked bodies, and DON'T expect to penetrate and finish inside them, especially not from the first evening. It's not a timed event.
Quote:
Over the summer I had my doctor prescribe me Cialis.
This was a retarded move, and you have a retarded doctor. Tell them I said so. You don't fix an emotional or a lack-of-skills problem by fucking around with people's blood vessels.
Whatever else you're doing, you are doing something that's causing your head to be hyper. Are you taking any meds? Drinking Mountain Dew or Coke or some other typically American crap all the time? Do you have a sweet tooth? Stop putting stuff in your life and your system, that gets your head revving up and worrying all the time. Spend more time among trees, parks, etc. The kind of visual stimulation that you get there (that you don't get indoors or on a TV) will help you balance your thoughts again, get your head in a healthy rhythm.
Do you exercise, walk, hike or play frisbee regularly? Do you have a bicycle or roller skates or anything like that?
IMO yes shrooms could help you with some of your issues, especially if you can find a safe environment to take them in. I'd take a small dose first, do NOT go heroic as a first timer. But they will show you a few things, show you the way, you still have to change behaviors and learn proper skills. Good news is that it's very much doable.
Get some exercise, get more sunlight, check your Omega 3 / Omega 6 balance in your food (Omega 6 causes an inflammatory response, thus likely contributing to your head being aggitated, hyper) and get a girl to just chill with, naked. They will appreciate the extra attention, not just having a cock rammed inside them.
Don't try to be platonic friends with girls you're attracted to, that's for losers and will leave you feeling all emasculated as a man, no good will come of it. Get a nice girl, treat her right (read above, take time, long skin contact) and take it easy, gradually, one thing at a time.
Oh and I'd quit spending money on a lame therapist, and start saving up for some good shit instead. There's nothing that a guy can say to you on a couch, that will have the effect of real world actual experiences:
Be all that you can be
-------------------- Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.
For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it. - Matthew 13:16
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Yogi1
Squatchin

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Re: Advice. Considering psychedelics to help these issues [Re: Spacerific]
#19074224 - 11/02/13 09:28 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Don't go to a doctor, that's silly, get evaluated by someone on a psychedelics forum... 
I was on paxil for 6 months and it helped me get through a tough time. Good luck with sorting issues out and defragmenting like any good computer should.
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TheSillyStudent
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Re: Advice. Considering psychedelics to help these issues [Re: Yogi1]
#19075487 - 11/02/13 02:45 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Ya I guess that that's a good idea. I guess I've just built it up in my head where it just feels like its impossible for me to get laid again and it's depressing the hell out of me. But no, I don't really drink energy drinks or anything and I try to exercise relatively regularly. It's just performance anxiety I guess but it's crippling.
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Yogi1
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Re: Advice. Considering psychedelics to help these issues [Re: TheSillyStudent]
#19075548 - 11/02/13 02:56 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Viagra plus hooker bro. Rock that Shit all night and see if you feel studly.
Sometimes it cam be a bloodflow thing.
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Spacerific
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Re: Advice. Considering psychedelics to help these issues [Re: TheSillyStudent]
#19078832 - 11/03/13 04:54 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
TheSillyStudent said: Ya I guess that that's a good idea. I guess I've just built it up in my head where it just feels like its impossible for me to get laid again and it's depressing the hell out of me. But no, I don't really drink energy drinks or anything and I try to exercise relatively regularly. It's just performance anxiety I guess but it's crippling.
Read that longer post I wrote above, try to get those things in order over the next few weeks. Get some girls over (one at a time preferably, at least at first, less pressure ) and play with their naked skin as much as you want, without focusing so obsessively about penetration / climax. Sex is not mandatory, it's on a feel-like-it basis
-------------------- Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.
For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it. - Matthew 13:16
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TheSillyStudent
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Re: Advice. Considering psychedelics to help these issues [Re: Spacerific]
#19079944 - 11/03/13 11:34 AM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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I'm just a little worried that if I try shrooms before fixing the issue it'll become overwhelming and break me or something
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Spacerific
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Re: Advice. Considering psychedelics to help these issues [Re: TheSillyStudent]
#19081205 - 11/03/13 04:18 PM (10 years, 2 months ago) |
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Quote:
TheSillyStudent said: I'm just a little worried that if I try shrooms before fixing the issue it'll become overwhelming and break me or something
Nobody can tell you in advance how you will react to shroom trips, especially to your first one. We can only share our own previous experiences and hope that helps you make your own choice of if and when to take'em.
For me they helped from the very first trip. I was rather harsh, rushed and impatient with myself in ways that sound familiar from your first post, and they definitely helped me mellow out a bit, take things easier and stop being so serious. Obviously your mileage may vary, so especially don't take large doses first time. Small dose and lemon tek, good setting. If you could have a girl you know well and trust, present as a sitter, that would probably help as well. One thing the shroom give seems to be fascination in the moment. Every inch of warm skin becomes meaningful and worth some attention, and that can work in pretty interesting ways.
Only one way to find out. IMO there's less risk of "breaking" with mushrooms than with all the other fucked up pharma pills you'd end up taking otherwise. The shady doc that gave you Cialis especially I don't find too trustworthy.
-------------------- Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.
For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it. - Matthew 13:16
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TheSillyStudent
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Re: Advice. Considering psychedelics to help these issues [Re: Spacerific]
#19337021 - 12/28/13 01:07 PM (10 years, 1 month ago) |
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Ok so I'm planning on shrooming for the first time next week. I will be doing it with one of my best friends and one of our old religious teachers at his little house in the woods. I was wondering what everyone thought of not having a sober sitter (this is my friend and I's first time but our teacher is very experienced) and what kind of dosage to take. I basically want a really introspective healing experience without necessarily tripping out too much and hallucinating
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Yogi1
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Re: Advice. Considering psychedelics to help these issues [Re: TheSillyStudent]
#19354613 - 01/01/14 12:52 PM (10 years, 29 days ago) |
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Quote:
TheSillyStudent said: Ok so I'm planning on shrooming for the first time next week. I will be doing it with one of my best friends and one of our old religious teachers at his little house in the woods. I was wondering what everyone thought of not having a sober sitter (this is my friend and I's first time but our teacher is very experienced) and what kind of dosage to take. I basically want a really introspective healing experience without necessarily tripping out too much and hallucinating
If its mushies it will be introspective. trying to control a trip is asking for negativity though.
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AgentClaret
Creepy Freakouts



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Re: Advice. Considering psychedelics to help these issues [Re: Yogi1]
#19368314 - 01/04/14 01:38 PM (10 years, 26 days ago) |
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Hi SillyStudent! I hear eerie similarities to you and me in your first post.
And thanks Spacerific, I could probably use some of your advice too.
I'll keep it short... I'm 28, still live with my dad, have sorta stalled at school (earned my associates though, that's cool) and am facing a pseudo stagnation of the 10yr relationship I've been in with the person I probably still care most about in the whole world (even though she's kinda bringing me down lately. I'm having the same, er, performance issues almost constantly lately. I've come to the conclusion it's not physical either (I get a lotta sleep-wood at night so I know the bastard works!). That's why I said maybe we should listen to Spacer and try all that oil and sensuality crap. May I ask if you have an affinity to internet porn? I can tell you for sure that's not gonna help. Gather up nerve and delete it all.
But things are getting better for me lately, and maybe I'm wrong but I think it's because of my recent exposure to more psychedelics.
I'm not gonna go all Timothy Leary on you, but as of a few months ago I thought hallucinogens were still just merely a fun mental exercise.
For about 12 years I've been 'metaphysically addicted' to DXM. I say it that way because I'd only do it like once a month or so, but constantly for more than a decade. I'd had a couple experiences with mushrooms and LSD but I always felt like it wasn't very good or I never took enough. I've never been able to procure things like that on my own until recently.
I took my LAST EVER (and I really mostly mean it and you'll see why) about a month and a half ago. First I dropped our batch on the kitchen floor and then after dosing I threw up the new one. I decided DXM wasn't fun anymore and I should stop. Then another guy comes over with some LSD, so I took some.
Although nothing revelatory/holy happened, we laughed all night and I was left with a general good feeling positive glow for days. I really feel like that night was a kind of turning point for me.
Then, a substance I've been fascinated in for 14 years and have read and researched exhaustively about comes into my life. Dimethyltriptamine.
I've used LSD a couple more times since then with a general marked improvement in mood and outlook. I don't think DMT would have been good in the place I was before the acid, just trying to make that clear.
DMT has REALLY opened some things up to me. It's all super personal, I'm not reluctant to say but this isn't the trip forum and you don't need the whole context of my insights!
Of course, I'm no doctor and I feel it would be deeply irresponsible to recommend this kind of thing to everyone, but as I said your post struck some chords with me so I felt maybe the advice was pertinent.
I don't know your past drug experience, and these are rather heavy things, but they've allowed me to kind of separate my intellect from the drudgery of humanity, to disconnect and debug every once in awhile. It feels glorious and like the first time I've been this content since... I dunno, childhood!
As I said, my experience with psilocybin is rather limited (looking to change that!) so I shouldn't personally recommend it... but then again so many South and Central American shamans can't be all wrong, can they?!? I also believe that recently clearance was given by whoever gives it to academically research psilocybin again.
As to the Cialis... I feel it can't hurt! As long as you don't take a lot. I'll pop a viagra every once in awhile but only a 1/4 to a 1/2.
Even if our problem is just in our heads, the placebo effect plus the actual pharmacological effect oughta give a little something extra to work with, eh?
Good luck, good sir. Let me know how things go for ya.
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http://i.imgur.com/DyBYcsu.png
Edited by AgentClaret (01/04/14 01:40 PM)
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1620
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Re: Advice. Considering psychedelics to help these issues [Re: AgentClaret]
#19375604 - 01/06/14 02:08 AM (10 years, 25 days ago) |
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To be honest, I didn't read all of the replies here, but I will tell you this.
I was/nearly am in the exact same situation as you. I have taken psychedelic drugs, and they are not just gonna make your problems poof away like that. If you're at A right now, no matter what, you're gonna have to walk a little bit if you want to get to B. Now psychedelics may help you walk a little faster, but that's not the point. Just know that at the end of the day, it's up to you to make the changes.
With that being said, here's what psychedelics DID do for me. They helped me realize that people in general share the same common experience, and that individuals are the center of their own world. Without you, no one else even exists right? (right, mushrooms?) Well right. I don't know exactly where I wanted to take this, but what I wanted to say at the end is that it's not selfish to make it all about you, because everything depends on you to exist. It's the least selfish thing you can do actually, working towards bettering yourself.
I was introduced to psychedelics being in a similar mind state as you, and the most important thing that they taught me was to work on the self. For me that meant dedication to my hobby (making beats) and my body (eating better). You don't have control over anyone but yourself. My depression is rooted in my perception of how others perceive me. I can't change other peoples perceptions, I can only alter the medium (the self).
So at the end of the day, mushrooms won't fix anything, but they may help you discover what you need to do to find your happiness. Now obviously avoid tripping if you think you can't handle it mentally.
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