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Mr.PhilCybin
Master Baiter


Registered: 06/13/11
Posts: 11,642
Loc: Gnarnia
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In a weird place
#19042293 - 10/27/13 07:26 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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So I've been kinda off center for a while now.
One of the things that's been a trend lately is loneliness. But I shouldn't be.
I have a lot of friends, and we hang out pretty regularly. I'm all smiles when I'm with them, but I think it's because I'm distracted. I just don't feel very connected I guess.
The shitty part, is that part of me wants to keep it this way though and isolate myself even more. To just sit in it.
Before anyone says it, it's not depersonalizations from drug use. I haven't really been taking psyches nearly as much as I used to. And the few times I have in the last year, they've been small, social doses.
Par of me thinks that's actually the problem. When I was dosing and meditating frequently (at least twice a month) I had never been happier.
I think I feel like I'm at a place where I need to learn some things without drugs before I get back on that path though. Not sure if I'm confident about it though.
I guess I'm just posting this as a way to vent or something. Can anyone relate?
-------------------- I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart. I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful. I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.
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TheMule73
Stranger


Registered: 08/26/11
Posts: 1,797
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Quote:
Mr.PhilCybin said:
The shitty part, is that part of me wants to keep it this way though and isolate myself even more. To just sit in it.
Can anyone relate?
I can relate.
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dontknow
It's all in the reflex


Registered: 07/05/13
Posts: 3,889
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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Lately I've felt like I'm just floating through life is that what you mean? I feel like I'm just there doing things but there's not really a point and I'm very apathetic to a lot of things now. The days just pass by.
I've made some recent changes to try and get healthy mentally again hopefully it helps. I've only ever had one small dose of shrooms didn't get any effects, maybe I'll go down that path and see where it leads me.
I don't really have any advice sorry just thought maybe we were in a similar boat
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The discerning heart seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly. -Proverbs 15:14
“Imagination is everything. It is the preview of Life’s coming attractions.” Albert Einstein
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Mr.PhilCybin
Master Baiter


Registered: 06/13/11
Posts: 11,642
Loc: Gnarnia
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Re: In a weird place [Re: dontknow]
#19042368 - 10/27/13 07:42 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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No, not quite the same, but thanks for posting :]
I think mushrooms have amazing things to offer if used in the right way, for the right reasons.
There's purpose to the things I do, and I'm really psyched about doing the things I love, but I just feel somewhat emotionally disconnected with others.
Like, I love my friends, they love me, but only because I know it. Not because I really feel it.
Well, actually, I went out dancing with a girl from my work the other night. There's a connection there, but it's on weird grounds at the moment. Anyways, I felt connected to her while we were dancing and it was amazing. But now that it's over I'm back where was
-------------------- I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart. I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful. I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.
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dontknow
It's all in the reflex


Registered: 07/05/13
Posts: 3,889
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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Call her up and get to grooving again!
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The discerning heart seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly. -Proverbs 15:14
“Imagination is everything. It is the preview of Life’s coming attractions.” Albert Einstein
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The5thElement
Smile Friends :)



Registered: 07/01/12
Posts: 4,675
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 7 years, 1 month
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Re: In a weird place [Re: dontknow] 2
#19042412 - 10/27/13 07:53 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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OP do you have any goals your working towards?
I can definatly relate with you, my situation is different though I don't have really anyone in my life to hang out with at the moment, I'm alone most days except when I go for work or whatever.
I'm struggling with some personal things, although things are getting better as of late.
The reason why I ask about if you have any goals is that I've found, personally I'm happiest when I'm occupied when working towards something and making the best out of my situation.
I'm starting to get into music more and I'm pretty sure I want to end up making music and learning more about it as I get older, I'm also training my body because that's something else I choose to do with my time. So most days I'm playing guitar or drums, and working out... I mostly enjoy my job and that in it's self keep me in shape as well because it's pretty physical. I'm also saving up money so I can get a loan and buy a house sometime in the next year, then I'm going to put some money into it and sell that bitch once I move back to B.C. sometime in the future, that's my rough goals atm
I'm working towards these things, trying to stay focused and work on making myself a better person day by day, some days I fuck up and all I want to do is get stoned and mess around all day, but more and more I'm becoming conscious that this holds me back, and that this kind of bad habit just leads me to become depressed eventually.
So my advice would be to find something you can sink your time into that will benefit you in some way, try to find something to work towards, work on being confident with who you are, create yourself into something you choose to be, and be aware of how easy it is to fall off track and lose yourself.
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Mr.PhilCybin
Master Baiter


Registered: 06/13/11
Posts: 11,642
Loc: Gnarnia
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Re: In a weird place [Re: dontknow]
#19042416 - 10/27/13 07:54 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Nah man. She's hesitant cause she doesn't wanna seem easy, because someone told her how I was like "oh damnmmn. Ima get that" when she started. I was mostly joking the way I said it. But I was serious in that fact that I want her.
On the other hand, I'm not sure if I REALLY want her. She's awesome and we vibe, and she's beautiful, but i have some reserves about whether it would work or not.
I dunno, I don't want the thread to turn into, "how can I bang this chick from my work" but it was relevant earlier bring that that's the only time recently I haven't felt kinda hollow.
I dunno man
I usually know what's going on with myself, and what I need to do, but for the first time in a while, I don't.
-------------------- I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart. I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful. I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.
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buest
That



Registered: 11/17/12
Posts: 1,289
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Hey buddy, if you ever want to do something, my friends and i do stuff like 3 times a week, your always invited!
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dontknow
It's all in the reflex


Registered: 07/05/13
Posts: 3,889
Last seen: 7 years, 3 months
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I'm sure time will tell and you'll figure it out. More than likely just going through a weird phase 
As the new radicals say Everything will be alright, alright
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The discerning heart seeks knowledge, but the mouth of a fool feeds on folly. -Proverbs 15:14
“Imagination is everything. It is the preview of Life’s coming attractions.” Albert Einstein
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The5thElement
Smile Friends :)



Registered: 07/01/12
Posts: 4,675
Loc: Canada
Last seen: 7 years, 1 month
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Re: In a weird place [Re: buest]
#19042432 - 10/27/13 07:59 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
buest said: Hey buddy, if you ever want to do something, my friends and i do stuff like 3 times a week, your always invited!
You talking to me or OP?
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Mr.PhilCybin
Master Baiter


Registered: 06/13/11
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Awesome post man
I actually do. I'm really into rock climbing. It's my life. I'm excelling, and its rewarding. I'm super psyched on it and my progress recently. I also got back into makng music, and that's bee awesome too.
Really, I'm not that sad or anything. It's not a huge issue. Just kind of bleh. Empty, hollow. It's weird for me because I have huge heart and feel so much compassion for everyone and everything normally. I still do out of habit, but I just don't FEEL it recently.
I think a small part of It is that I've been living alone for the past year, and i recently got a dog, so that's been taking up a lot of my time where I would've gone to hang out. I'm still social and get out pretty often though so it's not a main factor.
-------------------- I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart. I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful. I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.
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Mr.PhilCybin
Master Baiter


Registered: 06/13/11
Posts: 11,642
Loc: Gnarnia
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Re: In a weird place [Re: buest]
#19042441 - 10/27/13 08:01 PM (10 years, 3 months ago) |
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Quote:
buest said: Hey buddy, if you ever want to do something, my friends and i do stuff like 3 times a week, your always invited!
Thanks man it's much appreciated, I'll keep it in mind.
-------------------- I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart. I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful. I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.
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The5thElement
Smile Friends :)



Registered: 07/01/12
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Last seen: 7 years, 1 month
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Well that's good your getting out still, that's something I need to work on myself but it's hard because I work nights and a weird schedule Sunday-thurdays except sundays I work at 6am which sucks big time.
Rock climbing is fun, I wouldn't do it out in nature though although it would be amazing it would also be terrifying for me because I'm not a huge fan of heights and jagged rocks
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Mr.PhilCybin
Master Baiter


Registered: 06/13/11
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Loc: Gnarnia
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For sure man. Different stroke for different folks and all that. Props to you for making changes too
It's all about being totally aware of the moment I realized.
It funny. My brain knows what to say, even in my situation, but easier said than done right?
-------------------- I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart. I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful. I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.
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JesusIsLord
Jesus freak


Registered: 08/10/12
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you are sailing through an ocean of oblivion on a rock by a dying star.
yes, you're in a weird place
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And I will bring you out from the people, and will gather you out of the countries wherein ye are scattered, with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out.
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Mr.PhilCybin
Master Baiter


Registered: 06/13/11
Posts: 11,642
Loc: Gnarnia
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Ya know,
When you put it that way, it feels a lot more normal. Thanks for the reminder and perspective brother
-------------------- I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart. I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful. I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.
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JesusIsLord
Jesus freak


Registered: 08/10/12
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Quote:
Mr.PhilCybin said: Ya know,
When you put it that way, it feels a lot more normal. Thanks for the reminder and perspective brother 
You're welcome. Just be you man, that's all the universe asks
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And I will bring you out from the people, and will gather you out of the countries wherein ye are scattered, with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out.
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Mr.PhilCybin
Master Baiter


Registered: 06/13/11
Posts: 11,642
Loc: Gnarnia
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True. The thing is, I'm not. I'm a very compassionate person. I know that's who I am. But lately, I haven't felt that energy on the same level.
Just got a little disconnected somehow, and haven't figured out how to get back.
So I decided to ramble on here about it 
-------------------- I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart. I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful. I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.
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JesusIsLord
Jesus freak


Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8,061
Last seen: 8 years, 8 months
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Quote:
Mr.PhilCybin said: True. The thing is, I'm not. I'm a very compassionate person. I know that's who I am. But lately, I haven't felt that energy on the same level.
Just got a little disconnected somehow, and haven't figured out how to get back.
So I decided to ramble on here about it  
maybe a lil soul searchin, some introspection. a mental retreat. i do it often. my ego is a dumbass who needs to be kept in line.
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And I will bring you out from the people, and will gather you out of the countries wherein ye are scattered, with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out.
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Mr.PhilCybin
Master Baiter


Registered: 06/13/11
Posts: 11,642
Loc: Gnarnia
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Yeah. The more I think about it, the more I think I need an earth shattering ego crushing trip, But the other part of me questions if that's just an excuse to eat a bunch of drugs that I enjoy.
Even in the shamanistic style of mushroom meditation, I've still associated pleasure with it.
I think I'm gonna do it in the next month or so and see. Worst case, I'll be back where I am now
-------------------- I'm stupid, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is smart. I'm ugly, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is beautiful. I'm a loser, Falcon91Wolvrn03 is a winner. Someday, I hope to be like Falcon91Wolvrn03 but secretly know I never will.
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