The event happened a few months ago in july, a close friend of mine had ordered us three stamps of acid. I was going to trip with him and another friend, lets call them A and F. I had a very bad sleeping pattern as my exams had gotten over, and so i was woken up by the sound of my mobile phone in the evening, it was F saying that the stamps were here. I was immediately happy and had a bath and dressed up. It was around 8 PM and he said he’ll be picking me up at 9. I sat on my pc and began watching bits and pieces of documentary and debates, just to get my mind in the logical frame, this may have helped me cope with the tsunami that was about to come. I met F below my home and we went to a shop and bought a few bottles of water, gum and chocolate bars. I asked F where would we be trippin and he mentioned a place near a mutual friend’s farmhouse, which i was familiar with and had been there several times. After buying supplies we headed to pick up A. Now F stopped the car to the side and pulled out the stamps from his pocket, he removed them from a plastic wrap and gave one to me. I was surprised at how small the thing was. I popped it in my mouth. I was told that it was 600ug dose. We picked up A and he popped the stamp as well and headed to the outskirts of the the city to the farm. We were all in a happy mood and i was practically giggling after about 40 minutes. Just to describe my two friends, F is an old friend and the one who introduced me to weed. He smokes cigs but never lets me, which is the reason i think i don’t smoke cigs and never will. A is a relatively recent friend and a very honest person. Both F and A are good people at heart and have the conviction and maturity that is the glue of our friendship. Now as we headed towards the green outskirts it had begun to rain, and we took a usual turn to the left and went inside a path that is surrounded by, initially bushes and later thick trees. This place has numerous farmhouses which business people in the city buy; to host their parties and such. We reached near the farm of our friend (who was not present but knew we were there). Our plan was to trip inside the car itself and not go inside the farmhouse as the keys were unavailable that day. We were surrounded with trees, bushes and small pieces of land with cultivation on either side. I was dark and I remember i was becoming increasingly skeptical of the stamp that i had taken and asked myself if it was ‘working’. I would later feel that the stamp had punished me for even asking such a question. I began to feel the effects, in midst of my confusion when i knew something was different, i didn't know what it was. The world had taken a slightly different texture, like i was watching everything through a gem, a greenish-bluish hue. The trees looked more lively and the wind and rain seemed to feel… special. At this point i moved from the front seat to the back, and exchanged places with A who moved at the front. At about 1:30 hr into the trip i had no doubt it had hit me. F put on psychedelic music, astrix, skazi, infected mushroom, 1200 mics, and it was a sensation. I remember telling A, i think i can smell the sound, and he almost shouted look and pointed to the windscreen, oh… was my only reply. The world in front of me was changing, the music had become a waterfall of colours, i was stunned and would close my eyes and open them again just to make sure i had not… not what? My state of mind had changed and i was just saying ‘wow’over and over because this was something i had never experienced before. I looked to the left and the trees and bushes had become alive, like they were conscious entities just minding their own business, not interested in communicating with me, only each other, these quiet immovable things that we normally perceive them to be were aware. Colours had started to melt off them fall and merge into other plants and matter. The rain had become a hammer by now and was crashing on the top of the car. My thoughts had splintered and it was becoming increasingly hard to communicate what i was seeing, hearing and experiencing. I recall that F and A had become slightly irritated by me because i was trying to speak but just couldn't and all that was coming out was jumbled words, and yet i couldn't stop. I felt like i was going away somewhere and needed to tell every last bit to these people.. who? I began to feel music like i have never felt before, it was coming in more directions than i thought possible and it was no longer just sound nor was it invisible. At this point, F lighted a joint and i became excited to see how it would affect me. I smoked it and it felt really weird, it didn't taste at all, it felt like a useless exercise, just blowing out smoke nothing more. I was looking around like an animal just put into an entirely new environment, trying to make sense, with each blink of the eye it would change. The world warped, things seemed really weird, like the distance between me and the seat in front of me had become impossibly stretched. Like i was watching F and A from a distance, yet we were somehow connected near my feet, if that makes sense. I realized i was puffing at the joint non- stop and passed it on to the front. I remember feeling overly concerned that i had finished off the joint without sharing it with them, although i don’t know why, I think the drop pours you out. Things had taken on a very strange feature and i thought to myself, this is enough now, I've seen enough, I need to go and tell mankind what I've just witnessed and experienced.. but the drop was not done with me. I had a feeling of fear, like a storm was awaiting, then a whirlwind of energy rushed upwards like oh.. the tingling of my spine and then the world as i knew, collapsed. I was in a world of eternity, colours, smells, visions, sensations.. just whoa… the acid was oozing out in the world, tearing whatever i had thought was real and what reality itself meant. The plane i was on was of a completely different dimension, everything was everything and life itself flowed and melted and changed and moved, endlessly. I remember becoming aware of my earthly surroundings after brief periods, and looking at these two people in front of me, then slipping out again, like a phoenix out of the ashes, reborn and thrust into higher dimensions of existence up and up. This flood of information for lack of a better encompassing word, had become so vast, so great that i thought I was going insane, like if i didn't hold on to...what.. I was trying to cling on to the ego, a remnant of my self image. I realized that the ‘I’ was not what i had thought it was, that it had been externalized by me over the course of my life, the ‘I’ as a separate entity, to protect it perhaps. It was gone, I was observing it, the whole process of my mind from outside it. There is no I, i realized, in the past nor in the future, only the present is I, for I was never the same nor will I ever be. The flood was becoming bigger and stronger, the music was no longer sound but a thread of pure emotion, a river of beauty and purity and i was being bathed in it. Someone, in my distant memory, someone far far away, from a long forgotten past, was calling a name that was pulling my attention. I looked around at my friend who was passing me the gum and telling me to eat it. Was i really there… where? My ego had split in a million forms, a billion and only one of those was paying attention to this creature putting his hand forward, others were living an infinite lives. I realized i was no longer.. one. After what felt like years, i finally managed to open the wrapper. I put it in my mouth and felt the mint ooze out on my tongue. The feeling was so intimate that it can only be related to sex. I kept chewing and falling in and out of this reality. My friend’s disturbance had caused something in me to say, ‘i’m back..’. Every time before i could finish a sentence i was cannon balled into space. I remember being particularly concerned that the chewing gum had damaged my tooth, was I chewing too hard?.. I realized that the drop amplifies even the tiniest of concerns. ‘A’ said from the front, ‘Everything is frictionless’... It was frictionless. I was in a world without time, it just didn't exist. Also, no reference points existed anymore, the feeling of outside and inside, the concept of ‘I’ and division just vanished. The barriers were gone, the gates open, the dams had burst and I realized the only thing to do was to be swept away, for if I resist, I will be punished, so i let go, wave after wave; it soaked in through my skin, i was eternal and forever. I immersed myself in this eternal reality, the foreverness of it all; i realized how petty, all of language was in trying to deal with this experience; it showed me what a primitive creature i was, how little i understood, it truly humbled me. I felt like it cleansed me, it constructed my ego in front of me then smashed it with such ease, it mocked me with its power, and yet i was ready to bow and learn. I have never truly felt so… powerful, so profound, for i was everything. I truly respect this drop. There is a universe inside it. The trip began to slow down .. i became increasingly coherent and was thrown into wonderland less often in a particular timeframe. At this point I got out of the car and looked around, everything looked oh so magical, i noticed a wild dog taking shelter below the car and smiled, a sense of compassion and brotherliness to other creatures. ‘A’ stepped out of the car as well and we looked at each other with a sense of understanding. We talked a bit about existence and the purpose of living, it was an awkward conversation as he was looking like a person out of place, some comic book character drawn up with a crayon, and the world seemed like pasty colours smeared into artistic perfection, but very weird. He told me that F was having a very dark trip (which F later told me he was terrified of and yet enjoyed very much). I remember that drops of water falling on my cheek felt like liquid on a sandpaper, i touched my cheek and it was something indescribable, one touch and i felt like i had touched my bones, my inner self, i felt human in the true sense. The sun began to rise and the trees and bushes and the green grass and the mud, was stretched out towards the sun, to infinity. I was deeply in love with nature like i have never been before. The effects began to wear off and i felt a sense of profound bliss, like i had survived an apocalypse for real. ‘A’ spoke with a burst of energy.. “Dude, where are we?”! We both laughed, for we knew what it meant. It felt like we had gone away for a hundred years and now put back in this place and time, about which we had completely forgotten, the realization of this current timeline of my existence on earth felt alien to me. F came out as well at this point and smiled, he said we should move out from here and we did. As we drove back the sky was… alive. We were just soaking the morning sun. The clouds seemed to have gathered to bid me farewell, the clouds were of heavenly texture, and had morphed into what seemed like strange musical devices and abundant fluffy creatures... saying goodbye and leaving three minuscule babes from their cushion, back to earth. I nearly cried with joy and happiness. We reached the city and parked near a small bridge. People had come out for jogging and walks. I saw them and felt such a connect with humankind as i have never before. We just sat there watching the water flow below us and the hum of birds, it was peace. F dropped me back to my home at around 9:30 AM (the whole trip had lasted about 12 hours). I got home, tried to play a game but it seemed hugely unimportant somehow and so left it. I smoked a joint, contemplating what had happened while listening to a few uplifting tracks. I then went to sleep.. Days following the trip have been very happy, i feel like i am free, of my own constraints. The model of the world that i had built was more of a prison and i was finally free. I used to be a person who had, i now realize, become uncertain, perhaps insecure about many parts of his identity. Also i had the habit to over analyze situations and almost obsessively pondered over the nature of existence, perhaps caused by some depersonalizing effects of smoking hash for over a year. This caused a lot of conflict between me and my attempt to behave ‘normal’ for i would have already thought too much into a conversation, rendering it an essentially useless exercise. I am healed of this… completely. I still think a lot about the nature of existence and analyze and discuss but i have stopped obsessing over it. I am me and I feel much more honest and happy than i had ever before. Thank you all for reading my report on my experiences, i hope one day mankind wakes up to this one drop, that shattered it all.
Edited by chocoboy (10/28/13 01:35 AM)
|