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OfflinebeforeIgetold
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Registered: 10/10/13
Posts: 265
Last seen: 8 months, 9 days
What doesn't kill you makes "you" stronger……
    #19029189 - 10/25/13 12:31 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

….and that I mean in the worst sense of the concept.

Those of you who have been far down the reaches can probably gist at what I'm trying to say.

The thing is… here 10 days after first trip, I'm struggling a bit with remembering the sensation and the feeling. Struggling to remind myself of the good I learned from the experience (which was very educational for me).

I must be honest and admit that me failing to keep the good attitude or positive feelings is slowly re-enforcing my ego. It might just be the contrast between the experience and who I was that gets me, but I feel sometimes that when I do get stressed out because of time mismanagement (like getting up too late :S), my ego is more aggressive than it was before.

As such… it wasn't killed, so it simply became stronger. (oh btw… I wasn't attempting ego coma or death, I just wanted to go to that border and see what was there)

This makes me think, that one really needs to not only be prepared to the trip itself, but also how to shape the days / weeks after the trip. I can imagine that somehow this is even more important in cases where you go far but not all the way.
And this is even with me being totally open and receiving what ever was thrown at me.

Anyone get what I'm saying? Do you agree?

It's not that I'm disappointed, I just wish I had know that little bit more before going in or relaxing afterwards. I would probably have spent a day conditioning myself with positivity instead then, recovering from the experience with "ordinary" life.


Edited by beforeIgetold (10/25/13 12:32 AM)


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InvisibleLiquidGlass
Glass Blower
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Registered: 07/08/12
Posts: 5,288
Loc: Pee En Double You
Re: What doesn't kill you makes "you" stronger…… [Re: beforeIgetold]
    #19029277 - 10/25/13 01:13 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

The ego will always come back, it is essential for survival, but knowing that it is an illusion and can be dissolved in an instant makes you realize there might be a lot more going on than what we are seeing in normal everyday life.

It is not hard to forget that either, and get caught up in the routine of life.

That is why I think that every once in a while it is good to trip and take a step back to remind me


--------------------
Some art I've made Glass Art Gallery

I was raised a christian and was a stone-faced acid head
- Ken Kesey


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OfflineDeeBee
The Cake is a Lie

Registered: 08/07/13
Posts: 469
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
Re: What doesn't kill you makes "you" stronger…… [Re: LiquidGlass]
    #19029457 - 10/25/13 02:57 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I agree it is sometimes difficult to keep your trips with you if you're not focused.  You just need to work on conditioning those positive effects into your life.  It takes alot of work.


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Offlinethud thud
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Registered: 02/05/13
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Re: What doesn't kill you makes "you" stronger…… [Re: beforeIgetold]
    #19029846 - 10/25/13 07:21 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

This is about your first trip. You can't eat a few mushrooms and expect to turn into Buddha or whoever you're trying to become over night.

If you want to want make the ego death permanent you just have to understand your reality more then learn how to be one with it. It looks like you've chosen drugs as your vector for doing this.

The more you trip and try to understand things, the more malleable you'll find your existence is. But I always warn, it is insanity you're dealing with


--------------------
To Do List:  Crack Cocaine  ♥  Methamphetamine  ♥  Atropine  ♥  1 min ECG flatline  ♥  5 min ECG flatline  ♥  Diphenhydramine  ♥  PCP  ♥  PMA  ♥  Krokodil  ♥  Datura  ♥  Xenon ♥  Cane Toad Skin  ♥  Toluene ♥  MDVP  ♥  Nitrogen Narcosis  ♥  Butane  ♥  Jenkem  ♥  Heroin  ♥  10 day Sleep Deprovation  ♥  Water Intoxication  ♥  Carbogen


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Offlinenicechrisman
Interdimensional space wizard
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Registered: 11/07/03
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Re: What doesn't kill you makes "you" stronger…… [Re: beforeIgetold] * 1
    #19029859 - 10/25/13 07:27 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

It's all a natural unfolding process that is happening exactly the way it should. You might try incorporating meditation before, during, or after  your sessions. Or even better all of the above.


--------------------
"Cosmic Love is absolutelely ruthless and highly indifferent:
it teaches its lessons whether you like/dislike them or not."

John C. Lily

 


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OfflineHarryL
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Registered: 11/16/10
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Re: What doesn't kill you makes "you" stronger…… [Re: nicechrisman]
    #19030283 - 10/25/13 09:56 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Mushrooms are strong medicine... Right dose, right person, right reason
You will get out of it what you put into it
i.e., Set and Setting

Don't expect anything... Just be with the experience
Expectations lead to trying to control it, or being disappointed

Secret is... Good Set and Setting, proper dose, good reason, relax and go with it

Just my 2 cents


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Mushroom hunting:  One bad mushroom can ruin your day! Know it or throw it.


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OfflineStonedAngel
turn it up.
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Registered: 10/13/13
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Re: What doesn't kill you makes "you" stronger…… [Re: HarryL] * 1
    #19030355 - 10/25/13 10:18 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Its just like anything else in life. If you go to a really awesome concert and the next day your still super stoked about it, a week later the buzz of the night will fade. Sexual Experience, book reading, movies, anything and everything will fade with time. Your expectation was different from the reality of the situation. That's okay though, now you just know. Older and wiser ma friend.


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Everything is everyone and each one is all.:bigblunt:


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Offlinebishlap
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Re: What doesn't kill you makes "you" stronger…… [Re: StonedAngel]
    #19030390 - 10/25/13 10:29 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

everyone speaks of "ego" as this mystical force when in reality I feel a better description as being, 'ego' is you and all you know as you- your fears, loves, hates, admirations ect..
during ego death, absolutely none of that matters..
theres here/nowhere now/never and everything/nothing.

if you have a rough experience, its not your ego trying to stay attached, its you , your brain and whatever got you in panic mode that your too messed up to snap out of.


--------------------
"If you're not worried that you took way
to much, you didn't take enough" -
Terrence McKenna

There is no soul, only the ego dies.
The body was never yours.


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OfflineAl_Killiya
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Registered: 09/14/13
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Loc: south midlands
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Re: What doesn't kill you makes "you" stronger…… [Re: nicechrisman]
    #19030588 - 10/25/13 11:32 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

nicechrisman said:
It's all a natural unfolding process that is happening exactly the way it should. You might try incorporating meditation before, during, or after  your sessions. Or even better all of the above.





good advice


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Offlinexoanon
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Registered: 05/01/11
Posts: 148
Last seen: 9 years, 9 months
Re: What doesn't kill you makes "you" stronger…… [Re: Al_Killiya]
    #19030883 - 10/25/13 12:31 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

There's a pot of good advice in this thread. I know where you're coming from, i experienced this early on aswell. For me, what helped was learning meditation, showing a little more discipline to yoga (especially working on 'root chakra' - if this falls in to your beliefs). But most important was taking time after the experience to reflect and write some notes or thoughts.

To some ayahuasqueros the time following the experience is most valuable to recondition the mind or body. For me, this has been the time where (to reference Dr leary) imprinting has been most valuable and provided long lasting changes.

Best of luck


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Offlinethud thud
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Re: What doesn't kill you makes "you" stronger…… [Re: bishlap]
    #19033573 - 10/25/13 10:42 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

bishlap said:
everyone speaks of "ego" as this mystical force when in reality I feel a better description as being, 'ego' is you and all you know as you- your fears, loves, hates, admirations ect..
during ego death, absolutely none of that matters..
theres here/nowhere now/never and everything/nothing.

if you have a rough experience, its not your ego trying to stay attached, its you , your brain and whatever got you in panic mode that your too messed up to snap out of.




The ego is like your opinionated processing of the raw sensory (or otherwise) input of reality.


--------------------
To Do List:  Crack Cocaine  ♥  Methamphetamine  ♥  Atropine  ♥  1 min ECG flatline  ♥  5 min ECG flatline  ♥  Diphenhydramine  ♥  PCP  ♥  PMA  ♥  Krokodil  ♥  Datura  ♥  Xenon ♥  Cane Toad Skin  ♥  Toluene ♥  MDVP  ♥  Nitrogen Narcosis  ♥  Butane  ♥  Jenkem  ♥  Heroin  ♥  10 day Sleep Deprovation  ♥  Water Intoxication  ♥  Carbogen


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OfflineGreySatyr
Pagan-Psyche
Male

Registered: 06/20/13
Posts: 3,376
Loc: North Carolina
Last seen: 9 years, 8 months
Re: What doesn't kill you makes "you" stronger…… [Re: thud thud]
    #19033618 - 10/25/13 10:58 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Being a psychonaut is a lifestyle, not a hobby. It must be incorporated or you're just another lets get high and destroy ourselves type people. Not saying you are but you obviously just learned something highly valuable for the rest of your life and trips ahead. So it wasn't a complete failure.


--------------------
...also, go to hell, huh?


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OfflinebeforeIgetold
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Registered: 10/10/13
Posts: 265
Last seen: 8 months, 9 days
Re: What doesn't kill you makes "you" stronger…… [Re: GreySatyr]
    #19034316 - 10/26/13 05:36 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

GreyMorph said:
Being a psychonaut is a lifestyle, not a hobby. It must be incorporated or you're just another lets get high and destroy ourselves type people. Not saying you are but you obviously just learned something highly valuable for the rest of your life and trips ahead. So it wasn't a complete failure.




thank you for this comment... I understand it clearly.

I think my ego has been far too dominant for the most part of my life and the first trip not only made me realise that, but also made me want to change it... change "me".

I have an idea how to continue on from here... the next one I'll go for complete barrier removal and then work harder to condition myself in terms of lifestyle and attitude.


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OfflineGreySatyr
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Registered: 06/20/13
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Re: What doesn't kill you makes "you" stronger…… [Re: beforeIgetold]
    #19035168 - 10/26/13 11:17 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

One thing that you should try to remember is that an ego is not necessarily a bad or negative thing. When your ego comes back you have a chance to rebuild it with what you have learned and that's what changes you, it's not about losing your ego but changing it to become who you want to be. A lot of guys try to destroy it and in turn they become too passive about their own fate and allow themselves to be swallowed up in life without the ability to fight society and their environment but they just run from it or accept it. There is a lot of wisdom in the psychedelia but only you can use it and that comes in your sober life. There are things that a lot of guys get hung up on and don't see the whole visual field in all it's crystalline glory, instead they see that one thin layer of magic and it consumes them to the point of ignorance. For instance, a lot of guys who try to destroy their ego are against anger and violence but even even the most wise men agree that anger is a necessary emotion to attain peace and when their is a righteous reason or cause to be angry or use violence then it is wrong to hide behind a guise and become passive because then the world wins and you just become another shadow of your ego. Following it but not acting upon what is in your heart.

Just my 2 cents. Hope you get something out of that as well.


--------------------
...also, go to hell, huh?


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Offlinethud thud
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Registered: 02/05/13
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Re: What doesn't kill you makes "you" stronger…… [Re: GreySatyr]
    #19036705 - 10/26/13 05:28 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

GreyMorph said:
lets get high and destroy ourselves type people.




that's exactly how I see myself


--------------------
To Do List:  Crack Cocaine  ♥  Methamphetamine  ♥  Atropine  ♥  1 min ECG flatline  ♥  5 min ECG flatline  ♥  Diphenhydramine  ♥  PCP  ♥  PMA  ♥  Krokodil  ♥  Datura  ♥  Xenon ♥  Cane Toad Skin  ♥  Toluene ♥  MDVP  ♥  Nitrogen Narcosis  ♥  Butane  ♥  Jenkem  ♥  Heroin  ♥  10 day Sleep Deprovation  ♥  Water Intoxication  ♥  Carbogen


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OfflineGreySatyr
Pagan-Psyche
Male

Registered: 06/20/13
Posts: 3,376
Loc: North Carolina
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Re: What doesn't kill you makes "you" stronger…… [Re: thud thud]
    #19037188 - 10/26/13 07:10 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Whatever gives you a jimmy, guy.


--------------------
...also, go to hell, huh?


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