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InvisibleshLong
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Registered: 03/04/10
Posts: 25,330
Loc: 'sconsin Flag
Immense lonliness.........
    #19028434 - 10/24/13 09:23 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

So, way earlier this year I ended an 8 year relationship.
Before that one, I was in a 4 1/2 year relationship.
Before that, I lived with my parents.

Needless to say, I have never really lived alone.

I ended up meeting, in July, a VERY awesome woman who I can see going the distance with. (deep down I guess I knew the other two weren't going to be my wife(s) )
The thing is, she lives 45-55 minutes away and more or less we see each other every weekend and about 3 Tuesdays a month.

She's not really truly linked in to this issue, but I figured I'd mention her.

Anyhow, I get off work at either 3 pm or noon and I have the rest of the day/night to myself. Which should be fucking great, but it's not.
During the warmer months I was able to go for a hike with the dog (and while it was still lonely, it was something), or go out to the disc golf course and hope to meet a 'single serving' friend there and shoot a round with or something.
Since that is now gone, I come home from work, to an empty house, shower and turn the TV on. As I lay there and the hours pass, I get more and more depressed and lonely.
I know that a person should be able to be alone and be happy, since most of your life you are in fact alone.

I'm not sure if this is a matter of just getting used to living alone, or if I am just SOOOO extroverted that I just fucking need to be around other people.

I am on a bowling league (September-April), which helps, and a softball league (April-September), but I still have a few nights a week in which I am alone and driving myself mad with my loneliness.
I used to just go to YMCA when I was like this, but I don't think I can really afford a membership this winter.
So, I guess I'm asking for an outside opinion on what the fuck is going on and what the fuck I should do about this?

My friends are all family-men now or moved away for the most part, so it's tough getting together with people anymore.

Can anybody offer any advice for a struggling extroverted Shroomerite?


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Offlinedanlennon3
LivingIsEasyWithEyesClosed.....
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Re: Immense lonliness......... [Re: shLong]
    #19028570 - 10/24/13 09:53 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I have been and still am in a very similar situation as you, and it can be very counter-productive... What helped me IMMENSELY was learning and practicing Kundalini Yoga and meditation. I swear, learning these things SAVED MY LIFE! Spending a lot of time alone can be SOOO good for you, but it can also be VERY VERY bad! How you use this extra time is what will make or break you. If I were you I would look into hobbies that interest you... Writing, drawing, creating things, making music, painting, wood-working, biking, photography ETC ETC. When you get into stuff like this, you will soon feel as if you dont have enough alone time :grin:

If you have an interest in Yoga, throw me a PM :thumbup:


--------------------
"Psychedelics should be used not to escape reality, but to embrace it"



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Offlineshroomseng
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Re: Immense lonliness......... [Re: danlennon3]
    #19028658 - 10/24/13 10:17 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I wish I had a dog...
maybe you could get a room mate?


--------------------


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InvisibleshLong
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Posts: 25,330
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Re: Immense lonliness......... [Re: shroomseng]
    #19028668 - 10/24/13 10:19 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Having a roommate isn't feasible....
but I greatly appreciate your reply more than you know :smile:

Dan, :pm: is being sent momentarily.


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Offlineclaraclairvoyant
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Re: Immense lonliness......... [Re: danlennon3]
    #19028778 - 10/24/13 10:42 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

i like dan dan's thinking on this. make the best of your alone time and cherish it while you can!


--------------------


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InvisibleshLong
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Re: Immense lonliness......... [Re: claraclairvoyant]
    #19028832 - 10/24/13 10:52 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

That's where I wanna be, but the "hobbies" I have aren't cutting it ..... unless it when I'm making a gift or something for my lady

It's like I'm with her (or someone) when I am making a gift for them


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OfflineDeckard_Cain
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Re: Immense lonliness......... [Re: danlennon3]
    #19028943 - 10/24/13 11:23 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

danlennon3 said:
I have been and still am in a very similar situation as you, and it can be very counter-productive... What helped me IMMENSELY was learning and practicing Kundalini Yoga and meditation. I swear, learning these things SAVED MY LIFE! Spending a lot of time alone can be SOOO good for you, but it can also be VERY VERY bad! How you use this extra time is what will make or break you. If I were you I would look into hobbies that interest you... Writing, drawing, creating things, making music, painting, wood-working, biking, photography ETC ETC. When you get into stuff like this, you will soon feel as if you dont have enough alone time :grin:

If you have an interest in Yoga, throw me a PM :thumbup:



Advice of the year :wink:


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OfflineXUL
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Re: Immense lonliness......... [Re: shLong]
    #19028948 - 10/24/13 11:25 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

I am on a bowling league (September-April), which helps, and a softball league (April-September), but I still have a few nights a week in which I am alone and driving myself mad with my loneliness.




Extroverted eh?

Think about getting involved in something you enjoy. Something you do because you want to do it. Most human beings have a need for stimulus, wouldn't you say? We all get bored. What do you enjoy? You could cut a lab rat open and look at its brain, identify tree leaves, study chemistry under doctors, or learn how to kick ass at chess.

Living alone. I am alone right now and at first I was scared. But now I am happy here with my pipe, and my candle.

:mushroom2:


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InvisibleshLong
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Loc: 'sconsin Flag
Re: Immense lonliness......... [Re: XUL]
    #19029001 - 10/24/13 11:40 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Extremely extroverted.

Dan and I are currently PMing about Yoga, so that's a start there.

I am all for hobbies and creating things.

I tried widdleing / woodcarving, but the knives I bought are just too dull or the wood I'm using is too tough to carve and the company that supplies the craft stores with block of wood are a direct competitor of my woodworking company, so I refuse to buy their shit.

Plus, that's sort of an outdoor hobby. (messy)

I was thinking of starting to make hemp necklaces and stuff.

Also, stained glass....my grandma has all the supplies, but the glass and shit is so expensive....and I have to do that in my grandparents basement. It's great, just not an "im lonely now, what can I do" type of thing


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Offlinebrokentv
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Re: Immense lonliness......... [Re: XUL]
    #19029011 - 10/24/13 11:42 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

How about look into volunteering somewhere. There's probably quite a few options within that, most being in a social environment, and you would probably learn things too.

If I ever get a house this is my plan.


Edited by brokentv (10/24/13 11:45 PM)


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InvisibleshLong
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Re: Immense lonliness......... [Re: brokentv]
    #19029023 - 10/24/13 11:45 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

brokentv said:
How about look into volunteering somewhere. There's probably quite a few options within that, most being in a social environment, and you would probably learn things too.



That is a solid suggestion.

I looked in to the local humane society (I have a huge soft spot for animals), but the shelter requires you to have actual shifts and schedules.
Which is fine and all, but it's not a spur of the moment "im lonely now, what to do?" type of thing....

That is a great idea, though...
Can you think of anything else I could do maybe?
I live in a city of 36,000 people, with a 57,000 city 15-20 minutes away and a 150,000 city 35 minutes away if that matters


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InvisibleshLong
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Re: Immense lonliness......... [Re: shLong]
    #19029026 - 10/24/13 11:46 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

And thank you guys so much for reading and replying.

It means the world to me that you care enough to even write back to me :heart:

Love you guys


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Offlinecircastes
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Registered: 01/14/10
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Re: Immense lonliness......... [Re: XUL]
    #19029032 - 10/24/13 11:49 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

You should apply yourself to something. Even if it's just one thing. Pick up advanced books on various subjects. Or explore music intensely; get recommendations of recommendations etc. from Spotify, Last.FM etc, listen to obscure music radio... every day.

Just get absorbed while you are alone.

I only have family but my life continues to improve each day.


--------------------
My solitude...
My shield...
My armour...

TESTED
WITH
FULL
FORCE


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Offlinebrokentv
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Re: Immense lonliness......... [Re: shLong]
    #19029039 - 10/24/13 11:52 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Do you play guitar? You could locate other guitar players and build an acoustic guitar ensemble. It just looks so amusing.




Edited by brokentv (10/24/13 11:56 PM)


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InvisibleshLong
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Registered: 03/04/10
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Re: Immense lonliness......... [Re: circastes]
    #19029055 - 10/25/13 12:00 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I just feel so.......scattered.....when I try to think of what to do.
I'll try something and for whatever reason it won't work out like I had planned then I get sort of discouraged and feel somewhat guilty that it doesn't feel like it's working out to quell my loneliness. (guilty feeling because of perhaps the money I spent on supplies or the feeling like I maybe didn't apply myself or something)

It's difficult for me to focus on learning something new I'm learning.

I know what I seek is out there (hence why I made this thread), it's just tough pinpointing what I need to be doing.

I'm sort of a "Jack of all trades, master of none" type of person.
I have a little experience in damn near everything, but nothing (to me at least) that I have come close to mastering.
My friends all see me as a master mushroom guy, or disc golfer, but when compared to my peers in those activities, I am average or so

Y'know?


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InvisibleshLong
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Re: Immense lonliness......... [Re: brokentv]
    #19029066 - 10/25/13 12:02 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

brokentv said:
Do you play guitar? You could locate other guitar players and build an acoustic guitar ensemble. It just looks so amusing.






Thank you for that suggestion, but I'm afraid I am extremely left brained to the point where the arts do not come easily for me at all.
I cannot draw well, play music well, etc....

If I could, I would see how awesome learning an instrument is, though :smile:
Plus, I fear I don't have the extra cash to buy one to learn on...


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InvisibleshLong
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Registered: 03/04/10
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Re: Immense lonliness......... [Re: shLong]
    #19029070 - 10/25/13 12:03 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I'm sorry if it seems like I am making this difficult :facepalm:
I'm getting frustrated on your behalf already :lol:


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OfflineRewindicus
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Re: Immense lonliness......... [Re: shLong]
    #19029605 - 10/25/13 04:43 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Shlong, you gotta be able to be comfortable with yourself. Its just a trait everyone should really learn. On the one hand its great to want to always be around others as an outlet for your energy HOWEVER thats not a guarantee in life. The sooner you can learn to be comfortable and content with yourself alone the better youll end up in the long run.

A symbolic example would be that your energy is a fire. And when you bottle up that fire as in no outlet or other people around to warm up then you become inflamed. Like others have said more than anything a conducive outlet would be best.

If the arts - writing/drawing/painting/music arent for you.....


Well there is indeed meditation. Ive been doin it since i was 15 and its a life saver. Learning how to quiet your mind is an ability worth more than gold IMO.

Aside from meditation theres also working out (you dont need a gym theres p90x and focust25 ect that need little to no equipment.)

Theres reading. TONS of great books new and old and im sure theres a library near you to take advantage of. Plus theres dvds and movies there. Theres also hulu+ and or netflix for catching up on classic movies and shit. But i know that can only be done for so long.

Theres also volunteering, have you thought about being a big brother? Its pretty fuckin cool these kids really look up to you and it feels good to be able to impart some wisdom and just generally attention to kids who are mostly neglected.

Theres lots of shit you can do just gotta think outside the box.

More than anything you need to learn how to be happy and content when your alone and how to keep yourself occupied.



:highfive:


--------------------
“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”- Dr. Seuss

"Too much of a good thing, can be wonderful!" - Mae West

"If you have nothing nice to say about anyone, come sit next to me."
- Alice Roosevelt Longworth





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InvisibleshLong
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Re: Immense lonliness......... [Re: Rewindicus]
    #19029712 - 10/25/13 06:15 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Thanks, buddy.
I'll write out a better reply when I wake up (still awake :facepalm:)

But quickly, as for the big brothers, I'm a drug felon. I doubt, even though I know I'm an outstanding person, thatiI'm the type of person they're looking for.

Danlennon and I are currently getting me set up with at home yoga/meditation /workout :smile:

I'll reply more later today.
. Thanks, buddy


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Offlinekoods
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Re: Immense lonliness......... [Re: shLong]
    #19029737 - 10/25/13 06:27 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I'm getting pretty tired of being alone so much. Actually, I have been spending more time with friends, but for the most part, I don't have much contact with other people during the week. The worst part for me is approaching the weekends and not having any plans. I start to get anxious on Thursday because I worry about not seeing anybody over the weekend and having to go almost two full weeks without into anything with friends.

I went nearly three weeks in August without having any social contacts whatsoever. I was pretty miserable, but I did manage to start working out during that downtime.


--------------------
NotSheekle said
“if I believed she was 16 I would become unattracted to her”


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OfflineSpacerific
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Re: Immense lonliness......... [Re: koods]
    #19030100 - 10/25/13 08:57 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I'm a painter so I could mention drawing/painting, though that's by no means a replacement for social contact if and when you crave it. Coming back all pumped from the psy festivals full of people, to an empty house and studio is a huge shock for me as well. But it's doable and not expensive to start with, like say stained glass. Also there may be amateur painters that meet and paint regularly, if you have anything like that in your town it's awesome fun.

Have you tried any sort of group activity, dancing classes, arts and crafts, martial arts, learning some instrument, see for instance if there's an active drum circle in the area? Drum circles are :thumbup::thumbup::thumbup:


--------------------
Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.



For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it,
and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it.
- Matthew 13:16


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Offlinecircastes
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Re: Immense lonliness......... [Re: Spacerific]
    #19034320 - 10/26/13 05:43 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Fill the void, talk to whoever you live with, or whoever is your family. Let it flow and let it be enjoyable, watch movies together... I mean most people have at least family left... there are some who don't even have that and THAT'S rock bottom.

I get by with my best friend who is my brother, my mum, other two brothers and extended family of maybe 6-8 others, who I see rarely. I live with my mum and a brother.

They all keep me sustained. But what really fills the void for me is application of my personality and brain to something. Interests! Find interests! And you will start to see the loneliness abate. An interest can be just as sustaining as a friend.


--------------------
My solitude...
My shield...
My armour...

TESTED
WITH
FULL
FORCE


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OfflineAlmond Flour
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Re: Immense lonliness......... [Re: danlennon3]
    #19034532 - 10/26/13 08:15 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Don't buy into that shit that you should be perfectly content lonely. Its bullshit.


--------------------
Hippies and Liberals love Pope Francis, so why dont I quote him for you guys. "There is NO SALVATION outside the Catholic Church" :morningtoke:


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InvisibleSleepwalker
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Re: Immense lonliness......... [Re: Almond Flour]
    #19034691 - 10/26/13 09:05 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Well duh.  If you are lonely then you aren't content.

It's quite possible to be alone and not lonely.


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