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Kittybear
Distroyed



Registered: 06/12/12
Posts: 178
Loc: Kansas, USA
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
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As if things couldn't get any WORSE
#19018817 - 10/23/13 11:09 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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My boyfriend just told me, "I want to settle down with you, but a part of me wants to explore sexually" He's only been with like 5 other girls, and I'm the first one he's really gotten to "explore" so i should have seen this coming, right? Considering this is NOT the first time I've heard this from a boyfriend..
It's taking everything in me to not fucking relapse right now. or kill him.
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No day but today

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mylfgur
Untitled



Registered: 05/23/10
Posts: 1,282
Loc: Ohio
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Re: As if things couldn't get any WORSE [Re: Kittybear] 1
#19018822 - 10/23/13 11:11 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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What do you want to do?
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incubis
Lighter


Registered: 10/30/10
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Loc: Dreamland
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Re: As if things couldn't get any WORSE [Re: mylfgur]
#19018881 - 10/23/13 11:28 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Is he hinting something? Or it's time to move on to someone who's more mature.
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Kittybear
Distroyed



Registered: 06/12/12
Posts: 178
Loc: Kansas, USA
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
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Re: As if things couldn't get any WORSE [Re: mylfgur]
#19018893 - 10/23/13 11:30 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
mylfgur said: What do you want to do?

I want to smash his fucking face in! But i can't do that. I can't always resort to violence. So what I'm going to do, is let him make the decision. Me, right now, forever. Or sexual exploration.
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No day but today

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Kittybear
Distroyed



Registered: 06/12/12
Posts: 178
Loc: Kansas, USA
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
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Re: As if things couldn't get any WORSE [Re: incubis]
#19018933 - 10/23/13 11:38 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
incubis said: Is he hinting something? Or it's time to move on to someone who's more mature. 
That's what I was thinking
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No day but today

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mylfgur
Untitled



Registered: 05/23/10
Posts: 1,282
Loc: Ohio
Last seen: 9 years, 2 months
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Re: As if things couldn't get any WORSE [Re: Kittybear]
#19018941 - 10/23/13 11:40 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Kittybear said:
Quote:
mylfgur said: What do you want to do?

I want to smash his fucking face in! But i can't do that. I can't always resort to violence. So what I'm going to do, is let him make the decision. Me, right now, forever. Or sexual exploration.
I mean, do you want to stay with him? Do you want to settle down with him?
It sounds like he wants to have his cake and eat it too, i.e. go explore then come back and settle down with you. It doesn't sound to me like he wants to settle down right now.
But I could be wrong in my interpretation.
You two are gonna have some 'splaining to do.
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ZachariasEverlivin
Stranger

Registered: 10/22/13
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Re: As if things couldn't get any WORSE [Re: Kittybear]
#19018946 - 10/23/13 11:41 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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He likes you enough to be honest with you so be honest with him. Tell him you are uncomfortable with that idea. If you talk it through then hopefully you will both come to an agreement that satisfies you both.
Honesty and openness is the most important thing in any relationship. If he still wants to "explore" and you have an issue with that then go on a "break" and have a Ross/Rachel relationship :-)
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Kittybear
Distroyed



Registered: 06/12/12
Posts: 178
Loc: Kansas, USA
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
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Re: As if things couldn't get any WORSE [Re: mylfgur]
#19018960 - 10/23/13 11:44 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
mylfgur said:
You two are gonna have some 'splaining to do.
your Lucy reference just made my day
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No day but today

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Kittybear
Distroyed



Registered: 06/12/12
Posts: 178
Loc: Kansas, USA
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
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Quote:
ZachariasEverlivin said: He likes you enough to be honest with you so be honest with him. Tell him you are uncomfortable with that idea. If you talk it through then hopefully you will both come to an agreement that satisfies you both.
Honesty and openness is the most important thing in any relationship. If he still wants to "explore" and you have an issue with that then go on a "break" and have a Ross/Rachel relationship :-)
I suggested breaking up. but he "loves me too much to do that". If he wants to go explore, why should I stop him from that? But I'm not just going to let him cheat on me. I think he knows that if we break up now, there's no getting back together again.
and it sounds exactly like he wants to have his cake and eat it too
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No day but today

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Sleepwalker
Overshoes

Registered: 05/07/08
Posts: 5,503
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Re: As if things couldn't get any WORSE [Re: Kittybear]
#19019053 - 10/23/13 12:02 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Kittybear said: and it sounds exactly like he wants to have his cake and eat it too
Sounds like he's not ready to settle. Doesn't mean he doesn't love you or anything.
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mpd
Lammen Gorthaur



Registered: 10/22/12
Posts: 9,660
Loc: Mostly at home... Mostly....
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Re: As if things couldn't get any WORSE [Re: Kittybear]
#19019074 - 10/23/13 12:07 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Get ready to receive the dump signal, OP. He's already moved on and is probably trying to find a way to keep you on a string along with some other girls. You can accept it or walk.
You have so much going for you Kittybear. Maybe this is your chance to find someone who is as dedicated to the relationship as you have been.
-------------------- There is no truer calling for mankind than that of true conservatism.
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Kittybear
Distroyed



Registered: 06/12/12
Posts: 178
Loc: Kansas, USA
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
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Re: As if things couldn't get any WORSE [Re: Sleepwalker]
#19019126 - 10/23/13 12:19 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Sleepwalker said:
Quote:
Kittybear said: and it sounds exactly like he wants to have his cake and eat it too
Sounds like he's not ready to settle. Doesn't mean he doesn't love you or anything.
I NEVER asked him to settle down with me. He started the relationship, he drew me in. He pretty much moved me into his house. I fought with him for 3 or 4 months before i finally accepted the fact that i pretty much lived there. i didn't want any of this at first. Now that I'm comfortable, and I was starting to see a future with him, he drops this stupid bomb on me. do you see why I'm so pissed?
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Sleepwalker
Overshoes

Registered: 05/07/08
Posts: 5,503
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Re: As if things couldn't get any WORSE [Re: Kittybear]
#19019146 - 10/23/13 12:23 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Kittybear said: do you see why I'm so pissed?
Yes.
Still doesn't mean he hasn't been anything but honest with you. Maybe he didn't realize what he wanted until it was too late.
I don't know, I'm not him.
In any case, you should probably just move on but try to forgive him, for your own sake.
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Kittybear
Distroyed



Registered: 06/12/12
Posts: 178
Loc: Kansas, USA
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
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Re: As if things couldn't get any WORSE [Re: mpd]
#19019159 - 10/23/13 12:26 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
mpd said: Get ready to receive the dump signal, OP. He's already moved on and is probably trying to find a way to keep you on a string along with some other girls. You can accept it or walk.
You have so much going for you Kittybear. Maybe this is your chance to find someone who is as dedicated to the relationship as you have been.
he's swearing up and down the only reason he's talking to me about this is because he wants to "ignore those urges so him and I can live happily together."
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No day but today

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The5thElement
Smile Friends :)



Registered: 07/01/12
Posts: 4,675
Loc: Canada
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Re: As if things couldn't get any WORSE [Re: Sleepwalker]
#19019160 - 10/23/13 12:26 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Kittybear, the good news is that I'm single
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Kittybear
Distroyed



Registered: 06/12/12
Posts: 178
Loc: Kansas, USA
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
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Re: As if things couldn't get any WORSE [Re: The5thElement]
#19019169 - 10/23/13 12:28 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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No day but today

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The5thElement
Smile Friends :)



Registered: 07/01/12
Posts: 4,675
Loc: Canada
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Re: As if things couldn't get any WORSE [Re: Kittybear]
#19019180 - 10/23/13 12:32 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Dark_Star
train driver pervading a desktop


Registered: 08/20/04
Posts: 31,859
Loc: Uranus
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Re: As if things couldn't get any WORSE [Re: Kittybear]
#19019209 - 10/23/13 12:38 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Whatever happens here, please don't relapse. It won't solve your problems, and it won't make the feelings go away permanently either. They'll catch up to you eventually, and you'll have to deal with all of the fallout & problems from using on top of it. Just stay strong, and process whatever feelings you have. Painful as it may be, they'll go away quicker this way, and you'll grow as a result. You're an attractive young woman. You'll find someone else down the line. Take care of yourself & the odds of finding someone that will be really right for you increases dramatically.
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Sleepwalker
Overshoes

Registered: 05/07/08
Posts: 5,503
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Re: As if things couldn't get any WORSE [Re: Kittybear]
#19019212 - 10/23/13 12:39 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Kittybear said: he's swearing up and down the only reason he's talking to me about this is because he wants to "ignore those urges so him and I can live happily together."
Everyone has those urges, I'm sure there are other men that you would like to bang, but the fact that he mentioned it tells me that he still has some exploring to do. You should try to find someone who is in the same place as you as far as what you want from a relationship.
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Kittybear
Distroyed



Registered: 06/12/12
Posts: 178
Loc: Kansas, USA
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
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Re: As if things couldn't get any WORSE [Re: Sleepwalker]
#19019269 - 10/23/13 12:56 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Sleepwalker said:
Quote:
Kittybear said: he's swearing up and down the only reason he's talking to me about this is because he wants to "ignore those urges so him and I can live happily together."
Everyone has those urges, I'm sure there are other men that you would like to bang, but the fact that he mentioned it tells me that he still has some exploring to do. You should try to find someone who is in the same place as you as far as what you want from a relationship.
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No day but today

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