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Kittybear
Distroyed



Registered: 06/12/12
Posts: 178
Loc: Kansas, USA
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
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I'm just a huge mess
#19011016 - 10/21/13 10:13 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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I know I need to leave my ex alone. I have a boyfriend, who knows about this ex, and LOATHES him for perfectly good reasons. Reasons I should hate him but I don't
Instead, I worry about him constantly. Wondering if his homeless (by choice) ass is okay. If his delusional, angry state of mind has caused him to get into any trouble. Worrying.
I know I shouldn't think about him, but I can't help it. I don't want to forget about him, but I want this feeling of attachment to go away!
Or do I...?
Any advice on what I should do? I mean, I know I haven't given that much information, but you're more than welcome to ask me anything. Any input is welcome.
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No day but today

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kneesocks
Divineress



Registered: 12/25/11
Posts: 870
Loc: Puget Sound/PNW
Last seen: 1 year, 11 months
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Re: I'm just a huge mess [Re: Kittybear]
#19011078 - 10/21/13 10:29 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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You're wasting emotional energy by worrying about someone no longer relevant to you. Are you even friends? I think you should leave the past in the past.
-------------------- "An ignorant man is lost, faithless, and filled with self-doubt; A soul that harbors doubt has no joy, not in this world or the next." -Bhagavad-gita 4:40
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bloodsheen
ChemChaplin



Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 7,659
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: I'm just a huge mess [Re: Kittybear]
#19011079 - 10/21/13 10:29 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Whats your current boyfriend like?
Sounds like you may have a bit of a messiah complex from the little bit of information you've given
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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
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Beside the Garden


Registered: 06/03/13
Posts: 606
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Re: I'm just a huge mess [Re: bloodsheen] 2
#19011101 - 10/21/13 10:34 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Old flames die hard.
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Kittybear
Distroyed



Registered: 06/12/12
Posts: 178
Loc: Kansas, USA
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
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Re: I'm just a huge mess [Re: bloodsheen]
#19011136 - 10/21/13 10:41 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
bloodsheen said: Whats your current boyfriend like?
Sounds like you may have a bit of a messiah complex from the little bit of information you've given
Messiah complex?
He's wonderful actually. I have never been with anyone else who has treated me as good as he does. Every relationship does have it's problems, however.
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No day but today

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Kittybear
Distroyed



Registered: 06/12/12
Posts: 178
Loc: Kansas, USA
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
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Re: I'm just a huge mess [Re: kneesocks]
#19011180 - 10/21/13 10:47 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
kneesocks said: You're wasting emotional energy by worrying about someone no longer relevant to you. Are you even friends? I think you should leave the past in the past.
We are on speaking terms. I'm actually trying to make the decision on whether or not Ishould go see him tomorrow. He wants to talk and settle things. I'm assuming he wants to either try to get me back, or he's wanting to completely end things. Cut all ties. I could never take him back. ever. EVER. Because you're right, the past is the past. And our relationship was...one of the craziest rollercoasters I've ever been on.
You'd think he'd no longer be relevant to me, right? A part of me feels responsible for making sure that he's not going to kill himself or get himself killed. He needs someone to look out for him.
It could be my desire to help that keeps me here.
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No day but today

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CounterCulturest
-Positive Mental Attitude-

Registered: 01/18/10
Posts: 3,662
Loc: Nesting on modems
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Re: I'm just a huge mess [Re: Kittybear]
#19011187 - 10/21/13 10:48 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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why do you care so much, what was he like ? you must really dig him.
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bloodsheen
ChemChaplin



Registered: 09/24/08
Posts: 7,659
Last seen: 4 years, 1 month
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Re: I'm just a huge mess [Re: Kittybear]
#19011300 - 10/21/13 11:11 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Kittybear said:
Quote:
bloodsheen said: Whats your current boyfriend like?
Sounds like you may have a bit of a messiah complex from the little bit of information you've given
Messiah complex?
He's wonderful actually. I have never been with anyone else who has treated me as good as he does. Every relationship does have it's problems, however.
Messiah complex, meaning you sort of get off on being the person (girl) who saves someone (man). You like the idea that you are so great (no egotism required) as a girlfriend/human that you are able to save somebody from themselves.
Its a theory as to why so many women like to date fucked up men but grow bored with good, kind men. They need to feel like they are truly needed, not just wanted and appreciated
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A cautious young fellow named Lodge / Had seat belts installed in his Dodge. / When his date was strapped in / He committed a sin / Without even leaving the garage. That's clever, isn't it?-A boy and his dog
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Kittybear
Distroyed



Registered: 06/12/12
Posts: 178
Loc: Kansas, USA
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
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Re: I'm just a huge mess [Re: bloodsheen]
#19011608 - 10/22/13 12:25 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Eh it's not so much that i want to save him, or anybody for that matter. I just want some freakin passion! Something that says "Hey you! Yeah you! I love you. and you are the most important thing to me...etc mushy-romantic-shit"
my ex shows more desire to be with me. He shows me that he wants me
Where as my boyfriend...pretty much acts like I'm here to stay, so he doesn't have to even try. ya know?
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No day but today

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Beside the Garden


Registered: 06/03/13
Posts: 606
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Re: I'm just a huge mess [Re: Kittybear] 1
#19011637 - 10/22/13 12:31 AM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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I feelzzz ya. Lots of relationships get like that. Sometimes its a stage sometimes its a sign. Talk to him.
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Kittybear
Distroyed



Registered: 06/12/12
Posts: 178
Loc: Kansas, USA
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
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Quote:
CounterCulturest said: why do you care so much, what was he like ? you must really dig him.
i care so much because of the connection that we had. maybe. i really don't know.
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No day but today

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itsthedank
The Dude


Registered: 01/20/08
Posts: 5,980
Loc: The Gray Tapes
Last seen: 7 years, 7 months
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Re: I'm just a huge mess [Re: Kittybear]
#19013471 - 10/22/13 12:18 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Kittybear said: Eh it's not so much that i want to save him, or anybody for that matter. I just want some freakin passion! Something that says "Hey you! Yeah you! I love you. and you are the most important thing to me...etc mushy-romantic-shit"
my ex shows more desire to be with me. He shows me that he wants me
Where as my boyfriend...pretty much acts like I'm here to stay, so he doesn't have to even try. ya know?
Damn girl, you sound like me cept I'm the dude. And you're my ex...
I mean I guess we worry about each other equally. Apparently I've been a big issue in the relationships she has had after me. But we never stopped talking...and our relationship WAS a fuckn rollercoaster too. CRAZY!
I'm single though. And my girl would never take me back, even though we are really good friends now. I still kinda want her though
Dude, we put each other in JAIL and we still talk!! WTF OP! I feel you girl, shit's weird but the universe will make everything the way it's supposed to be.
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Spacerific
- - - >


Registered: 10/13/12
Posts: 4,923
Last seen: 8 years, 10 months
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Re: I'm just a huge mess [Re: itsthedank]
#19013737 - 10/22/13 01:15 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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What you resist persists. Your attempts to not worry will probably result in more worrying, and also wondering and over-analyzing stuff.
If you feel like thinking about him, think about him, let it come, let it pass by itself and then go on with your regular business once it's done.
Is there a problem for you, do you feel like you're sort of cheating or not giving your man your full attention, or what's the problem with you thinking of said ex? It's not like you're screwing him or anything.
-------------------- Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.
For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it. - Matthew 13:16
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mpd
Lammen Gorthaur



Registered: 10/22/12
Posts: 9,660
Loc: Mostly at home... Mostly....
Last seen: 8 years, 8 months
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Re: I'm just a huge mess [Re: Spacerific]
#19013799 - 10/22/13 01:31 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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That's why they call them old flames; they are impossible to get over and you will carry them in your heart and head forever. Move on and live your life in gratitude for what was and how you made it special for you and for him.
-------------------- There is no truer calling for mankind than that of true conservatism.
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trekie
Metal man


Registered: 05/11/09
Posts: 11,085
Loc: Larger cities
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Re: I'm just a huge mess [Re: Kittybear]
#19013847 - 10/22/13 01:44 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Kittybear said:
my ex shows more desire to be with me. He shows me that he wants me
Where as my boyfriend...pretty much acts like I'm here to stay, so he doesn't have to even try. ya know?
Well of course the homeless dude is all about ya. He needs a place to stay.
No one is homeless on propose unless they are a trust-fund baby or/and have one hell of a drug problem.
Maybe you should stay out of relationships till you get over your ex or fugue out why you want him .
Dont use relationships to define you. You can be single and showered with affection from many different men if that is what you desire
-------------------- I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
Edited by trekie (10/22/13 01:47 PM)
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Kittybear
Distroyed



Registered: 06/12/12
Posts: 178
Loc: Kansas, USA
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
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Re: I'm just a huge mess [Re: Spacerific]
#19014199 - 10/22/13 03:24 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Spacerific said:
Is there a problem for you, do you feel like you're sort of cheating or not giving your man your full attention, or what's the problem with you thinking of said ex? It's not like you're screwing him or anything.
I do feel like I'm cheating. Emotionally. I am not screwing him; however, today, I almost let that happen... i'm a bad girlfriend
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No day but today

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Spacerific
- - - >


Registered: 10/13/12
Posts: 4,923
Last seen: 8 years, 10 months
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Re: I'm just a huge mess [Re: Kittybear]
#19014303 - 10/22/13 03:43 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Kittybear said:
Quote:
Spacerific said:
Is there a problem for you, do you feel like you're sort of cheating or not giving your man your full attention, or what's the problem with you thinking of said ex? It's not like you're screwing him or anything.
I do feel like I'm cheating. Emotionally. I am not screwing him; however, today, I almost let that happen... i'm a bad girlfriend 
So what exactly is going on there? You're SEEING this guy? Is he homeless but comes over for lunch or how does that work? Where does a homeless guy even fuck a woman, location-wise? 
Your boyfriend is probably just having a good time, sounds pretty chill. Most men, when compared to the desperate dangerous homeless ex, will fall short in terms of enthusiasm.
Say you know about the ovulation and attraction to other men thing? Should be required reading for all women no exception, but so many either don't know or act like they didn't, thus sleeping around much more than they'd like, then go wtf was I doing, I have a good man at home etc. You know that whole deal?
-------------------- Blessed are your eyes because they see, and your ears because they hear.
For truly, I say to you, many prophets and righteous people longed to see what you see, and did not see it, and to hear what you hear, and did not hear it. - Matthew 13:16
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Kittybear
Distroyed



Registered: 06/12/12
Posts: 178
Loc: Kansas, USA
Last seen: 9 years, 7 months
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Re: I'm just a huge mess [Re: Spacerific]
#19014386 - 10/22/13 04:00 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Yes yes I know this. This is the first time in a while that I've actually seen him in person. We talk off and on here and there. We just went for a walk, down a trail. and things just got really intense. It started off fine, he told me about his fiance and a few of the stupid things that he's done "because of me". but then he started to tell me something that I would be fucking INSANE to believe, but I think I might believe him...it's hard to say too much without giving away his identity,
I don't want to cheat on my boyfriend. And I don't really want to break up with him.
I think I just need a nice hard smack in the face.
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No day but today

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zappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
Loc: Fractallife's gym
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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Re: I'm just a huge mess [Re: Kittybear]
#19014503 - 10/22/13 04:30 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Quote:
Kittybear said:
You'd think he'd no longer be relevant to me, right? A part of me feels responsible for making sure that he's not going to kill himself or get himself killed. He needs someone to look out for him.
It could be my desire to help that keeps me here.
Get over this. Sometimes a drowning man drags his rescuer down into the depths with him. Homeless by choice? Fuck that. Sounds like a world class flake. If he needs taking care of it is somebody else's turn. You fulfilled your sentence. Move on. Ditch him completely. If necessary move a thousand miles away. Never see him again on purpose.
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zappaisgod
horrid asshole


Registered: 02/11/04
Posts: 81,741
Loc: Fractallife's gym
Last seen: 7 years, 8 months
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Re: I'm just a huge mess [Re: Kittybear]
#19014509 - 10/22/13 04:31 PM (10 years, 4 months ago) |
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Was that hard enough? Because I can do better if you like.
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