Just did 5 grams of shrooms and a dose of ayahuasca equal to about 4 grams rue and about 9 grams MHRB. Dosed while watching the drugs inc marathon to try to learn WHY people do drugs and cannot quit. Took them at about 8:30 or so. One thing that was scary is that I could see into the souls of the people in the shows. The show with the tweeker that tried to shoot meth in the bathroom was so f-ed up! The guy wanted to hide so bad to shoot up, and I was thinking to myself, if you want it that bad, just stick f'ing syringe in and get it over with already! Seeing the addicts was incredibly sad, as all they have to do to end the misery, is face the fears of the pain of withdrawal, and let go of the lies the drugs provide. I even tried to understand the cops side of it, and found a huge error in the way they operate. It seems that for some it's a cat and mouse game and power trip, for others it's all about the money and they are as bad, if not worse than the drug dealers, but there were a few that realized the effort was an exercise in futility. The problem is that they are blaming the drugs for the addictions and ills of society, but the real cause of the problem is the people believing the lies of comfort, power, escape, protection, and false knowledge that the drugs provide.
It occurred to me they are indeed just drugs, be able to let them go and you can enjoy them, but choose to surrender to the drug as your salvation and it becomes a cruel and sadistic personal god. I prayed for those poor tortured souls that whatever god was listening would have mercy on them. I look at the clock, WOW! It's only 2-1/2 hours into my trip!
After this revelation, i started tripping Balls. At once i was abruptly being sent, without warning, into DMT hyperspace as if i hit the pipe hard! It felt like I died over, and over, and over, again and again being tortured like Prometheus and somehow didn't care this torture was happening to me. I felt, in a word, DAMNED. Imprisoned, inside a prison without bars or walls, alone, helpless. Forever lost without even a hope of a possibility to ever be free from it. No release, no parole, or second chance ever, or ever again for me. Then I thought- So what if I am now dead, it's just this body, and the illusion of physical death that died with it. Quite a strange feeling of knowing you are dead and damned.
So be it- I OD'd due to the Syrian rue causing a serotonin crisis that blew out a vessel in my head. My God, i'm having a stroke! I can't move anymore, and my whole body feels numb. Not this way, what have I done to deserve this! Family, friends, everything GONE, no turning back I am dead. No, worse, I am in Hell! I saw beings that looked a lot like very colorful Chinese dragons. They kept telling me i'm having a stroke and am dying, just let go and accept your fate. I knew if i somehow survived, i would be a vegetable at best. I'd rather die completely, let go of my body, and simply cease to exist entirely than have this fate. I just let them devour me. During this, the heat was incredible. It felt like I was on fire being burned as if crucified upon a detonating atomic bomb, yet just didn't care what happened to me anymore. It felt as if i was watching it happen in a movie observing it, yet at the same time something inside was screaming in unspeakable agony. It finally stopped screaming. No longer in my body, i noticed i was one of them, I am a Dragon, a very colorful, beautiful dragon. What else i saw, I cannot describe. It is as it is, all that is is so.
The truth is that we are all divine, yet are also not a god if we take a form- the revelation that form is finite, and existence is infinite. I see Her before me, the darkness that gives meaning to the light- the Mother Divine. I looked into her eyes and saw myself, in all forms i could be, as if she wanted me to pick one. It all became clear. All that suffers upon death is that which is the pride of being, experiencing, and knowing. Knowing is not understanding. They that surrender and serve self over others, cease to be, those who serve others above their self, they continue as long as they continue to be serving others. I understand, I am free, I choose to die in the name of God for all that is Her Divine Love.
Suddenly I am back in my body, not a dragon, just my mundane human body with a dragon's soul. It is 4:44 in the morning. It takes several more hours to get back to baseline around noon.
FWIW, I noticed that something tells me it's time to trip, out of the blue. What was weird is that I tripped on a similar dose a month or so ago and didn't even get a buzz beyond the energetic high of the syrian rue in the aya?! The main reason that I tripped with so high a dose was a test to see if the shrooms had lost their magic.
I understand, I get it, finally. You don't do these drugs, they do you!
-------------------- "Love one another." "To Love is to know me." "Love is the Law, Love under Will." "In Compassion, all sorrows end." Regardless of the Master, the message is the same- Choose love and you shall live, Choose Fear and you shall die. Help bring peace to this Earth: Love one another, and serve others before yourself.
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