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Anonymous #1

emotions
    #19008618 - 10/21/13 01:41 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

let me start by saying i was a heroin addict for the last 5 years. last year marked my struggle to get clean, and i have been clean for over 6 months. so i spent the last part of my life shutting my emotions off and being numb to the world.
since i have been clean, the emotions have come back with a vengeance.  in a way its amazing because i feel alive again. last year, while getting clean. also marked the end of a longterm relationship and i am still left a bit psychologically and emotionally damaged from what happend with my ex as well as my life as a doper. its total PTSD

im so emotionally sensitive its pathetic. im totally frail. im not used to feeling all these things. sometimes i dont feel like im ready for another relationship but alas. being me and not knowing how to function single. i am in another relationship. i tried to help it but this person made me fall for them. you cant control these things.

at this time i just feel so vulnerable. i am feeling to much. the love is beautiful i can deal with the way that makes me feel. its just the pain.. the pain that i can feel at the drop of a pin that just consumes everything. its not the other persons fault really. its all me. its like i am so totally emotionally immature and a bit insecure at that.

i am self conscious about being over emotional now. i dont want this to be the downfall of my relationship because i really do love this person and want to have a future with them so i hold back alot and it just eats away at me.
i dont usually write anon. but ive been a bit self conscious about expressing my feelings lately and i dont have many people i can talk to about it so ive been coming here for input. it is my conclusion that im probably not ready for a relationship yet but i get terribly lonely so easy and lonliness has been my nemesis all my life. my thoughts are poison. i am my own worse enemy. when will i learn to stop sabotaging myself?

now im in for the lock i just wish there was some way to deal with all this emotion besides sticking a needle in my arm to shut them off which has been the only way i am familiar with. i dont plan on going back to that just sometimes i wish i couldnt feel anymore its so overwhelming.

anyway, thanx for reading. any response will help


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Anonymous #2

Re: emotions [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19008639 - 10/21/13 01:45 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

hey man, well done, getting off the dope is hard. Better to be sensitive to emotions than not to feel them at all. I'm sure that you will get back to normal over the course of time, this is all temporary!


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InvisiblezZZz
jesus
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
Re: emotions [Re: Anonymous #2]
    #19008723 - 10/21/13 02:06 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

shit man i was just thinking about that not even an hour ago. i am too fucking sensitive. one little thing, and it doesn't even mean shit, but yet its like a fucking needle in my heart. im trying to work it out, as soon i find something ill let you know man. stay up B.


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Anonymous #1

Re: emotions [Re: zZZz]
    #19008874 - 10/21/13 02:45 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

thank you for the responses its good not to feel so alone in this matter. when i woke up this morning i had the strongest urges to use that ive had in this last year just to kill my emotions for a while. its really hard for me to express this issue because i want to be stronger than that. but i told some ppl that care for me and they are going to keep me under lock and key today. the feelings have passed for the most part and my emotions have subsided. for now. i know they will be back. this could always be "the calm before the storm" but ill take any peace i can get.


my thoughts exactly
Quote:

zZZz said:
one little thing, and it doesn't even mean shit, but yet its like a fucking needle in my heart.




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Anonymous #3

Re: emotions [Re: Anonymous #1]
    #19008914 - 10/21/13 02:54 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

a few months from now youll be fine. its better now then a few months from now you start. once a few months pass you'll feel alot better and more functional. just go through with it even if you find yourself starin at the wall all day who gives a fuck its better then whats happening right now thats how you need to view it. eventually youll build off your prevailing good feelings and you'll keep getting more and more, feelings you sort of don't know exist anymore, you'll find yourself hangin out with people who don't shoot up, n bein a better part of the community you live in. people will notice.


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Anonymous #4

Re: emotions [Re: Anonymous #3]
    #19009542 - 10/21/13 05:24 PM (10 years, 4 months ago)

you know i went to a therapist and she told me i was a overly sensitive person... which i believe, although i am capable of fighting if you push me to my limits and everytime i do defend myself i do in a strong but calm matter letting them know how things will go if they pursist. the other person with the ego usually sits down and shuts the fuck up n then i look like the man. im more laid back then most people i know. all in all, this 'directing hate inwards' and this sensitivity towards everything goes away when drugs go away, drugs 'keep you mentally stuck' as in you cannot process something correctly like a pain/trauma when the drug your doing acts also as a depressant/stimulant increasing these negative feelings towards thoughts... drugs are for people who do them in moderation and live already happy lives, even then they have the potential to fuck shit up. you'll see your thinking patterns now because non existant with time, just wait, its time that is essential above all else, theres not a overnight fix, although in actuality every night is healing you more n more. it will hit you months from now what a difference it was to quit.


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