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OfflineUberDeepName
Zang!
Male


Registered: 04/15/07
Posts: 748
Loc: do not write in this spac...
Last seen: 9 years, 3 months
I'm Hurting
    #19002300 - 10/20/13 12:47 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Been married almost 8 years... Ups and downs, strikes and gutters.... Just found out a couple months ago, a midst a ton of intense experiences with my children and moving and all.... my wife has been having some emotional affair...

She says it never got physical... but she says the other party was talking about wanting to move in and shit....

Sounds pretty serious to me...

What do y'all think?

I hate sharing shit... but this is messed up... Trying to make good decisions.

Any advice or open ears would be cool....


--------------------
"Call on God, but row away from the rocks"- Hunter S. Thompson


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OfflineCpt.Crunch
Humanitarian


Registered: 08/09/13
Posts: 353
Last seen: 9 years, 6 months
Re: I'm Hurting [Re: UberDeepName]
    #19002315 - 10/20/13 12:52 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

My advice is don't be a push over.

If you see a that man don't back down. She's your wife not his.

She messed up by the way.


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InvisibleDudits
Tao


Registered: 09/16/13
Posts: 233
Loc: West coast
Re: I'm Hurting [Re: UberDeepName]
    #19002324 - 10/20/13 12:56 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

That is tough man, 8 years is a long time plus you've got kids. Talk it out, fight it out I dunno. Its hard to give advice without knowing the person. What do you think? Do you think it's salvageable? Could your forgive her?


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OfflineUberDeepName
Zang!
Male


Registered: 04/15/07
Posts: 748
Loc: do not write in this spac...
Last seen: 9 years, 3 months
Re: I'm Hurting [Re: Cpt.Crunch]
    #19002325 - 10/20/13 12:56 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Thanks dude. She was lying to the guy, said we were separated. I am wondering if I should ask this guy if they met... physically... I'm pretty sure he will lie... if he says no, I wont believe it. But I don't believe my wife either.


--------------------
"Call on God, but row away from the rocks"- Hunter S. Thompson


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OfflineUberDeepName
Zang!
Male


Registered: 04/15/07
Posts: 748
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Last seen: 9 years, 3 months
Re: I'm Hurting [Re: Dudits]
    #19002332 - 10/20/13 01:00 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

saviorsam said:
That is tough man, 8 years is a long time plus you've got kids. Talk it out, fight it out I dunno. Its hard to give advice without knowing the person. What do you think? Do you think it's salvageable? Could your forgive her?




I could, if she would show a commitment to change. She is a facebook and chatroom addict... she is addicted to electronic validation. I met her in a chatroom... same place she met this guy... full circle I guess...


--------------------
"Call on God, but row away from the rocks"- Hunter S. Thompson


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InvisibleDudits
Tao


Registered: 09/16/13
Posts: 233
Loc: West coast
Re: I'm Hurting [Re: UberDeepName]
    #19002342 - 10/20/13 01:02 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Follow your heart not your ego, and always remember pride is alot easier to swallow than regret. People can change if they want to.


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OfflineSoulidarity
With Your Halo Slippin . . .
 User Gallery


Registered: 07/15/12
Posts: 17,617
Loc: Atlantis Flag
Last seen: 8 years, 1 month
Re: I'm Hurting [Re: UberDeepName]
    #19002380 - 10/20/13 01:16 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

i think emotional cheating is really just looking for support. i mean if she went and saw a shrink or a psychiatrist, thats technically emotionally cheating, but you wouldn't be mad at that. as long as she never got his p in her v then i think your good


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R.I.P. WoodRuss67, Todcasil, TheMerryIguana, The Rompus, Lord Senate.
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OfflineCpt.Crunch
Humanitarian


Registered: 08/09/13
Posts: 353
Last seen: 9 years, 6 months
Re: I'm Hurting [Re: Soulidarity]
    #19002390 - 10/20/13 01:24 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

OP, I'm sorry about this, this is probably devastating to you.

Stay strong, remember life goes on. There's plenty of fish in the sea if worst comes to worst.


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OfflineUberDeepName
Zang!
Male


Registered: 04/15/07
Posts: 748
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Re: I'm Hurting [Re: Cpt.Crunch]
    #19002402 - 10/20/13 01:32 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Awesome, I appreciate the responses. That's how I feel of course. As long as she didn't fuck the dude. I'm cool. But I just dunno if I can believe her when she says she didn't. She lied multiple times about who it was until I busted her beyond deniability. I don't think she would ever admit it if she did. She's strong willed. As long as she doesn't admit it, she won't have to take accountability for it. I am tempted to ask the guy, but Im pretty sure he would lie also.

My question is... how could someone want to live with, move in with her two kids from another man... and all that, without ever meeting her in person... let alone getting some awesome sex.... which she could easily provide? Should I ask the guy?


--------------------
"Call on God, but row away from the rocks"- Hunter S. Thompson


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OfflineCpt.Crunch
Humanitarian


Registered: 08/09/13
Posts: 353
Last seen: 9 years, 6 months
Re: I'm Hurting [Re: UberDeepName]
    #19002414 - 10/20/13 01:39 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

My question is... how could someone want to live with, move in with her two kids from another man... and all that, without ever meeting her in person... let alone getting some awesome sex.... which she could easily provide? Should I ask the guy?





Not only should you ask the guy.

You should warn the guy to not do anything stupid.

Remember, this is YOUR wife we're talking about. You have every right to be mad, and stand your ground.

Don't let some dude steal 8 years from you without a fight.


Edited by Cpt.Crunch (10/20/13 01:39 AM)


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OfflineLoveYourLife
MDMA


Registered: 08/05/09
Posts: 2,076
Loc: Cincinnati
Last seen: 9 years, 6 months
Re: I'm Hurting [Re: UberDeepName]
    #19002416 - 10/20/13 01:39 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Emotional cheating is honestly worse than physical cheating in my opinion.  Physical can be purely superficial attraction without emotion involved. But emotional means that her feelings are likely not completely there for you anymore. Or minimally that she is having second thoughts about whether she wants to be with you.

Sorry to put it in a harsh manner like that. It's probably not what you wanna hear, but it's true.


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
Re: I'm Hurting [Re: Cpt.Crunch]
    #19002554 - 10/20/13 02:50 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Cpt.Crunch said:
If you see a that man don't back down. She's your wife not his.



Right. Interesting to view another person as property. How does this sound: his wife is an autonomous person who decided to commit to OP, and vice versa? If your relationship comes to the point that it'll only work as long as one seriously regards the other as his/her property, then you're way past the point of being fucked anyway.

Quote:

She messed up by the way.



Yeah, but you'd be surprised how many people mess up in that way. Actually, in really long-term relationships (say, 10+ years), the chance of either person really falling in love with someone else is very close to 100%. Marriage doesn't cancel out the tendency of human beings to do that once in a while, and when it happens, they get sucked into a process of emotional bonding really easily. Using that universal mechanism/tendency to blame your partner sounds pretty lame to me. It's something you have to deal with; playing the blame game rarely helps.


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InvisiblezZZz
jesus
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
Re: I'm Hurting [Re: koraks]
    #19002588 - 10/20/13 03:11 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Actually, in really long-term relationships (say, 10+ years), the chance of either person really falling in love with someone else is very close to 100%




that's a bold statement


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
Re: I'm Hurting [Re: zZZz]
    #19002683 - 10/20/13 04:31 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Truth hurts. Deal with it.


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InvisiblezZZz
jesus
I'm a teapot User Gallery

Registered: 12/28/07
Posts: 33,478
Re: I'm Hurting [Re: koraks]
    #19002705 - 10/20/13 05:02 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

that is also a bold statement. :snub: it's true in a sense that it does happen, but 100% chance it's going to happen within all long term relationships?..that's where i draw the line.


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Invisiblekoraks
Registered: 06/02/03
Posts: 26,672
Re: I'm Hurting [Re: zZZz]
    #19002719 - 10/20/13 05:08 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

I said 'very close to 100%'. I still stand behind that. I'm not aware of any marriage in my social circle that if you look deeply enough into it, still has both partners being completely emotionally and physically loyal to each other over the entire course of their relationship. The fact that you often don't see that it happens, doesn't mean it doesn't happen.


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InvisibleAbsolem0918
the wise fool
Male


Registered: 02/15/12
Posts: 2,209
Re: I'm Hurting [Re: UberDeepName]
    #19003053 - 10/20/13 08:48 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

dont take this the wrong way im serious. i know this shit is tough, but you said your kids are moving out? so the only reason you would have to stay with your wife is if you truly believe you can spend the rest of your life with this woman. if there is any reason to believe you cant, you have a decision to make.

personally, i would leave her. on good terms if possible. and enjoy the rest of my life. hope you figure it out man.


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OfflineShortknight
Male


Registered: 02/25/13
Posts: 2,164
Last seen: 6 years, 5 months
Re: I'm Hurting [Re: Absolem0918]
    #19003496 - 10/20/13 11:34 AM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Fight for her! Show the love:heart:

Shorty:peace:


--------------------
Did I say it too loud? Big heart? Or a little misleading!:musicnote:


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OfflineJesusIsLord
Jesus freak


Registered: 08/10/12
Posts: 8,061
Last seen: 8 years, 8 months
Re: I'm Hurting [Re: Shortknight]
    #19003676 - 10/20/13 12:19 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

1. Sign over all your assets to your parents or most trusted person you know of so she cannot confiscate it if/when you get divorced.
2. Move out/kick her out
3. File for divorce, or not, moving out is close enough as long as she can't collect on your assets.
4. Enjoy the rest of your life without a bloodsucking succubus. :raveface:


--------------------


And I will bring you out from the people, and will gather you out of the countries wherein ye are scattered, with a mighty hand, and with a stretched out arm, and with fury poured out.


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OfflineUberDeepName
Zang!
Male


Registered: 04/15/07
Posts: 748
Loc: do not write in this spac...
Last seen: 9 years, 3 months
Re: I'm Hurting [Re: Shortknight]
    #19010725 - 10/21/13 09:12 PM (10 years, 3 months ago)

Quote:

Shortknight said:
Fight for her! Show the love:heart:

Shorty:peace:





No No, Kids are not moving out. They are 7(My Son), and 3 (My daughter). We are all still living together in the same house. My wife has committed herself to me and only me so she says. She has also cut off all contact with this guy, so she says. Theres alot more story... just didn't feel like sharing it all....

My wife says they never met.... I haven't talked to the guy, but I called his phone and left some messages... I saw an email after that between my wife and him... Apparently he thought we were seperated... my wife lied to him... he got pissed and told my wife never to contact him again...He's enganged now..

So I busted them long after it had already ended... but she contacted him again on the phone via text... thats how I found out.

I also contacted his Fiance and let her know what I found out... and also I told the guy I was gonna come see him face to face... down the road...

Since then I have calmed down... My only problem is wanting to know if they fucked. If they did, it's over... if not... Then I can forgive... I am no angel and I have contacted my ex-girl a couple times... but in reaction to fucked up things I discovered about my wife.

We have had problems for a while...

I will answer any questions you want.

The deal is... this guy supposedely wanted to move in with my wife and marry her and live with my kids....so my wife says. My wife says when he started talking that shit... she said that aint gonna gappen, and then they stopped talking.

Why would he talk about moving in and marriage if he had never met her face to face, or slept with her... seems kinda like bullshit.

Now if they had met and fucked... she would have rocked his world, and then it would make sense why he would want to marry her.

Understand? So is my wife full of shit> Should I ask this guy? Will he lie? Will it matter what he says? Will I beleive him?


--------------------
"Call on God, but row away from the rocks"- Hunter S. Thompson


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